well are you mine? (3/3)
The week dreads slow for Baekhyun. He spends his time either cooped up in his office doing work or would be out amusing Jinah’s desires. His girlfriend agreed on a simple wedding, no grand setting by an expensive private beach, and follows Baekhyun’s decision on getting married on a hotel ballroom. In return though, she wants Baekhyun to let her invite most of her friends to the wedding. He agrees. It’s Jinah’s special day after all. Of course, all the work he is doing is only pretense, an attempt to conceal his disappointment that Chanyeol hadn’t contacted him at all. Baekhyun tried calling to both Chanyeol’s mobile phone and his work number but his calls are always ignored. He thought of visiting the younger but he gets the hint. Chanyeol wants to be alone, so Baekhyun lets him. As day passes he find himself looking forward to the pre-wedding dinner that he initially hates to go, just because he could meet Chanyeol there.
“You two look so cute together!” One of Jinah’s friends, from college he assumes, shrieks when she sees Jinah and him walking past. Beside Jinah, Baekhyun feels under-dressed. The woman is wearing a flowing soft pink dress which falls right above her ankles. Her hair is styled perfectly, Baekhyun remembers Jinah calling from the salon, with her dark brown locks softly curled which falls by her chest. Her accessories are simplistic, a thin diamond bracelet, gifted by her parents as a pre-wedding gift and there, under the bright lights shines the ring Baekhyun proposed Jinah with. Baekhyun wears a simple suit with a flower on the right pocket (pink coloured with match with Jinah’s dress).
The two friends starts talking animatedly while Baekhyun stands behind Jinah, finding nowhere else to go and no one to talk to. His eyes scan the crowd sitting on the round tables, trying to find Chanyeol. For awhile Baekhyun thought Chanyeol would skip the dinner but it’s still a little early, he internally tells himself as he glances at a few of the empty tables, Chanyeol would come. To pass the time Baekhyun decides to join his parents and talk to the guests.
It was Jinah who found Chanyeol first. Baekhyun was talking to one of his father’s closest friends, an old man who has a great sense of humour, when Jinah walked up to him with Chanyeol trailing closely behind her. “Oppa, Chanyeol is here! We should go around and take pictures with the guests.” Despite Jinah, undeniably the most beautiful girl in the ballroom right now, Baekhyun’s eyes strays to Chanyeol behind her. It’s the first time he had seen the younger clad in a suit - he feels himself falling in love with the other again. His hair is neatly combed, put back, unlike the usual slightly curly hair Baekhyun always seen him in. Strapped around his neck is a DSLR.
“Good evening Baekhyun-ssi,” Chanyeol greets him with an indifferent tone. The tone shocked Baekhyun, even when the two is around Jinah Chanyeol never acts cold with him. Is this some kind of act he is putting up because Jinah is with them? Baekhyun doesn’t believe so. Chanyeol is naturally a good-spirited man and always friendly with anyone no matter what.
Baekhyun nods his head, unable to think of a simple reply due to the shock. Jinah pulls Baekhyun’s arm to rush them both towards a group of women, whom Baekhyun guessed are among a few of Jinah’s friends that she had invited. The women squeals seeing the couple side by side, linking arms, while Chanyeol stands a few steps behind waiting for anyone’s order to take their pictures. Baekhyun turns his head around to look at Chanyeol but as soon as he does the other glances his eyes away to the other direction.
“C’mon oppa!” Jinah yells with excitement. Baekhyun turns around to see Jinah already standing in the center among her equally excited friends. Most of them are a blurry memory to Baekhyun. He recognise their faces but couldn’t come up with a name to go with the face. He could only recognise Suhyun, a girl Yixing dated for a few months in college. He feels lonely without Yixing, he had invited his best friend to attend but the other declines. I’m not going to watch you walk around pretending like you’re having the best time of your life. I’d rather boil my eyes with acid, his Chinese friends said patronisingly while on phone but beneath that edgy tone Yixing sounds almost sorry for him.
Baekhyun takes his place right at the center, to Jinah’s right and like a systematic machine Chanyeol walks his way a few feet in front of the group with his camera already already held in front of his face. “Ready Baekhyun-ssi?” Chanyeol’s voice caught Baekhyun’s attention. He looks straight to the photographer but Chanyeol doesn’t seem to show any signs of recognition. It’s like the past weeks were nothing but a dream, a beautiful faraway dream and tonight is Baekhyun’s reality. Baekhyun nods slightly. “Yes, ready.” It took every muscle and every will Baekhyun owns to conjure up a convincing happy smile for the camera.
For an hour at most the couple walks around the ballroom, not missing any of the tables to talk to the guests and take pictures with them. The conversations, the congratulations and the you two look good together’s were all a blur to Baekhyun because all he could think about is how strange Chanyeol is acting tonight. Jinah doesn’t seem to notice how distant Baekhyun is either, too engrossed with the dinner excitements to care. Baekhyun doesn’t feel offended at all. He prefers to see Jinah looking happy. When they were finished with the pictures, Chanyeol walks away from the couple, aimlessly walking around the ballroom and talking to any random guests who greet him. From time to time he looks around the crowd and takes pictures - he is getting paid to photograph every possible moment of the dinner after all.
Baekhyun watches the photographer walks out of the ballroom to a small porch which has a good view of the hotel’s grand garden. Chanyeol closes the white French doors behind him before he pulls out a cigarette from his pocket and lighting it up. Baekhyun looks around the crowd then to Jinah who is talking enthusiastically with her aunts. He weaves his way among the tables to where Chanyeol is.
Chanyeol hears the door clicks open behind him and turns his head around. He is not surprised that Baekhyun had found him among all those people, the older has been staring and looking at him all night. Chanyeol breathes in his cigarette, letting the dulling taste lingers a little in his mouth before puffing it out. Baekhyun stands beside him but Chanyeol casts his eyes to the garden. The bright yellow lights from the ballroom shines to the two of them, casting shadows to the lush green grass making the height difference between them that Chanyeol secretly adores even more obvious. The two remains silent for a few minutes, letting the loud conversations and commotion back inside the ballroom filling in.
“Let’s just end this Baek,” Chanyeol’s voice suddenly breaks the stillness between them. Baekhyun turns his head to Chanyeol, trying to read the younger’s expression but it is still unreadable, just like how he is before. Baekhyun, suddenly emotional and without thinking, tries to reach Chanyeol’s hand but the younger moves away before Baekhyun could. “Let me just- explain myself.” From inside the ballroom it may seem like two men merely having a conversation together. “I like you Baek, I really do but I don’t think I can continue going on like this,” His voice breaks at the end but he clears his throats trying to compose himself. “I think of our future - and I don’t like it. I don’t give a damn what you feel or don’t feel towards Jinah and I try to not be a whiny bitch about this either,” Chanyeol throws away a bud of cigarette off of his fingers to a trashcan and lights up another before speaking again, “but Baek, you can’t just keep me - we, can’t keep being in secret forever. You seem to still be going with this marriage thing. At first I thought, hell, as long as I’m with you I’m okay with anything,” he laughs bitterly, “but after that phone call I realised I couldn’t live like this forever. Hidden and scared of the slightest things, like answering a goddamn phone call, like I’m some fugitive. I left that life years ago.”
Chanyeol doesn’t wait for Baekhyun’s reply and he doesn’t wait for Baekhyun to come to a decision because he had already decided it himself for the both of them. He really does care for Baekhyun but he rather step out of the relationship before both of them gets hurt. He could do just by loving Baekhyun from afar. Chanyeol turns around and it’s the first time the whole night that the younger is looking directly to the other’s eyes. “Be happy for me Baek. Will you promise me that, at least? Just like the picture, remember?” Baekhyun thinks of the Polaroid Chanyeol took of him, you look happy, he remembers Chanyeol said. It seems like a long time ago now even though it has only been a few weeks.
Baekhyun wipe away the tears threatening to fall down and nods. “Promise.” Chanyeol seems to look a little bit calmer already, at least Baekhyun can guarantee that he would try and be happy without him.
✧ ✧ ✧
What Baekhyun is feeling isn’t exactly nervousness, instead deep and utter anxiety. Realisation finally hits him how big of a decision he had done. In just an hour he’ll be legally married to Jinah - having to live with her, expected to have kids with her, a family. At this point Baekhyun couldn’t tell which one is scarier, to admit to his parents that he is gay or having to live a lie the rest of his life. A quiet knock on his door wakes him up from his deep thoughts, Chanyeol peeks his head in. For a moment Baekhyun thinks he is dreaming.
“Baekhyun-ssi,” Again with the indifferent, cold tone that Baekhyun hates, “Can I come in for a moment?” He shows his DSLR indicating that he is going to take a few quick pictures before going outside with the guests again. Baekhyun nods.
The older lets Chanyeol takes pictures while he busies himself with getting himself done. He straightens his white silk bowtie and then smoothes his palms along his black tuxedo. The clicks of Chanyeol’s camera fill in the silence. Through the lens Chanyeol adores the little features of Baekhyun that he loves, silently. The little quirk on his lips when he is focused on something, his dark brown eyes, his dainty fingers that is playing with the cuffs of his suit - Chanyeol absentmindedly took focused pictures of those instead of actually taking pictures of the groom.
“Thanks.” Chanyeol says before he walks out of the room.
The photographer gets ready when he is told that Baekhyun would be standing by the altar at any minute now, signaling the start of the wedding ceremony. Everyone else is already sitting at their respective chairs, excited to the the matrimony about to happen before them. Jinah’s parents are sitting in the front row and her soft-spoken mother already looks like she is about to tear up. There are two empty seats at the front row and Chanyeol assumes they are for Baekhyun’s parents. He wonders where the two are, everybody else is already ready.
A few minutes later Chanyeol hears shouts coming from the back room getting louder and louder. He sees Baekhyun’s father, red-faced with rage walking down the aisle yelling profanities to everyone and anyone. He is absolutely in a fury, charging down towards him and before he knew it, he felt a punch across his face. Chanyeol is practically thrown down to the floor due to the sudden forceful punch. The guests gasp, some even stand up from their seat to see what the commotion is all about. There is a blooming purple bruise on Chanyeol’s right cheek.
“Get up you goddamn sodomite!” Chanyeol hears a voice yelling at him. Those words hurt more than the aching spot in his cheek. The photographer stands up, feeling a burning rage bubbling up to his chest. He swings his clenched fist towards the middle-aged man but a hand grabs his, stopping his action. Chanyeol looks to his left, Baekhyun with fresh tear streaks down his cheeks and a similar red bruise right under his right eye.
Baekhyun regrets telling his father about Chanyeol. He should have just stop after “Appa, I can’t go through with the wedding. I’m gay.” but his father pressed him on, asking him which bastard had turned him into a disgrace, an embarrassment. He mentions Chanyeol, how happy he is with Chanyeol.
“Chanyeol? That fucking photographer outside?” When Baekhyun sees the anger in his father’s eyes he realised that what he said is a bad mistake but it is too late. His father has already stormed out of the room leaving him with his mother. His mother remains quiet throughout.
The old man continues to beat Chanyeol continuously despite Baekhyun’s protests. Baekhyun, with his petite frame, is easily thrown off the fight. When Baekhyun tries to run back to Chanyeol his mother stops him. He cries and cries for his father to stop, it’s not his fault appa, he says again and again but no one heard him. Moments after Jinah comes running towards him, shrieking and yelling about how insensitive he is ‘during my wedding day?!’ he hears Jinah yells. Her stern father could only stand there but Baekhyun could tell how badly the man wants to punch his face, for hurting their daughter, their family pride. Her soft-spoken mother holds Jinah in her arms at the far corner of the ballroom.
His father eventually stops when his mother ordered his brother and a few other men to grab Mr. Byun away from Chanyeol. Baekhyun runs to Chanyeol immediately, ignoring the judging looks from the guests. He examines the younger’s face and knuckles, bleeding and bruised. Baekhyun could only mutter apologies, unable to think of another way to make it up.
Mrs. Byun appears behind her son, surprisingly still calm despite what has happened. “I’ve asked your brother to drive you out of here. Don’t go home Baekhyun. Go somewhere else.” She glances at Chanyeol, “take care of Baekhyun for me. I don’t think I can meet him for awhile.” The sound of Mr. Byun shouting with rage still could be heard. Baekhyun’s mother leads the two out of the ballroom through the crowd (Jinah yells at him again when they passed by her) and straight to his brother’s black Skyline.
Baekhyun couldn’t tell if his brother is angry, disgusted or happy for him. The older brother doesn’t say anything, his eyes straight to the road after Baekhyun tells him to drive to Chanyeol’s apartment, about a thirty minute drive away. Baekhyun is afraid his father or Jinah’s parents would follow them there but Chanyeol’s apartment is the only place he could think of. Chanyeol is resting his head on Baekhyun’s shoulder, trying to lull himself to sleep after a terrifying experience. His thumb circles soothingly on top of Chanyeol’s hand.
“I’m not angry at you for being interested in men Baekhyun-ah,” his brother finally speaks up after twenty minutes inside the car. “I’m disappointed that you had to drag this out until today. You hurt Jinah, you know. You lied to her. For years.”
“I know.” Baekhyun answers dejectedly. “I’m sorry. Tell appa I’m sorry too.” He doesn’t mean to disappoint his father. That was the very reason why he kept his sexuality a secret.
“Appa needs to get over it or risk losing his youngest son.” Baekhyun knows it would take a long time if it ever happened at all, his father is very prideful. “Don’t be sorry for being who you are Baekhyun.” Those were the last words his brother uttered even until he safely reached Chanyeol’s apartment.
✧ ✧ ✧
Baekhyun wakes up in a blurry state thinking that he just had a terrible dream of his wedding. His palms feel the soft sheets under him and only then he starts realising that he is in Chanyeol’s apartment. The memory of the commotion a few hours ago rush into him. He remembers Chanyeol, bruised and bloodied. He then remembers Chanyeol, standing beside him and telling him that he’s leaving. Baekhyun hits panic, thousand thoughts rushing through his mind - ‘Did Chanyeol really left him?’ ‘Is Chanyeol okay?’ - yelling Chanyeol’s name who is nowhere to be seen. Within seconds Chanyeol comes rushing to the bedroom, shirtless, from the kitchen space.
The photographer brings Baekhyun to his embrace, rocking the shaking man in his arms slightly. “I’m here, I’m here,” Chanyeol keeps on repeating to Baekhyun who is trembling with fear. Fear of being lonely. Fear of losing the only person he has. “I’m not going anywhere, don’t worry. I’m here.” The younger kisses the top of Baekhyun’s head caringly.
Baekhyun looks up to Chanyeol’s face and despite the dim-lit room, the only source of light being the streetlight shining outside their window, he could make out the bruises on his face. His left eye is puffed, there is a purple and blue bruise on his right cheekbone and a swollen cut at his bottom lip. His knuckles which is already covered is probably still bruised. Baekhyun sees the bandage across Chanyeol’s shoulder. “Are you okay?” Baekhyun kisses every inch of Chanyeol’s bandaged knuckles.
Chanyeol chuckles seeing how Baekhyun is so worried of him. It makes him feel the butterflies. “I’m alright Baek.”
“What about your shoulder?” Baekhyun runs his hand gently across the white muslin.
“It aches a little. I’ll just go and check with the doctor late in the morning.” Only then did Baekhyun notices it’s already close to morning, Chanyeol’s clock shows 4am. He had been sleeping for ten hours. “I said don’t worry,” Chanyeol says good-heartedly when he sees Baekhyun furrowing his eyebrows in concern. Chanyeol kisses the crinkles on Baekhyun’s forehead away.
Baekhyun hugs Chanyeol, he lets the younger rest his head on his chest. “I couldn’t just leave you that easily.” His fingers run along Chanyeol’s black hair, a familiar feeling rushing through his blood. “I love you, Yeol.”
“I know.” Chanyeol chuckles. Even though he got hurt, he is glad Baekhyun told his parents. “I love you too, Baek.”
It is Baekhyun who leans in for a kiss. He hasn’t seen Chanyeol for weeks; his body yearns for the younger. Chanyeol reciprocates, pushing Baekhyun to lie on his bed while he continues kissing the other. His hand slips between Baekhyun’s white shirt and every inch of skin that Chanyeol touch turns heated. The younger turns his attention to Baekhyun’s jaw, nipping and kissing the soft skin as his palm moves down to caress Baekhyun’s crotch. Chanyeol unbuttons Baekhyun’s shirt, one by one slowly while he kisses the skin that reveals under the white fabric. Baekhyun writhes in pleasure under him, every stroke of Chanyeol’s palm sends jolts along his nerves and every kiss Chanyeol plants burns delightfully on his skin. Once Baekhyun’s shirt is removed Chanyeol crawls down, slowly and teasingly unzips Baekhyun’s pants.
“Channie… Chanyeol, don’t tease…” Baekhyun begs with a soft mewl. Chanyeol ignores Baekhyun’s pleads and continues to slowly remove the older’s pants.
The younger bites Baekhyun’s soft thighs tenderly and sucks the soft flesh between his lips until it is blooming red. Baekhyun bit his lips, trying to calm himself under Chanyeol’s doings. Chanyeol removes Baekhyun’s boxers finally and the older’s hardening cock springs out, curling towards his taut tummy. Chanyeol licks a long stripe on the underside of Baekhyun’s cock before he wraps his lips around the red mushroom head. Chanyeol moves his head down, swallowing Baekhyun’s red leaking cock in one swift motion making the older groan in pleasure. Baekhyun’s dainty fingers weave around Chanyeol’s hair and occasionally gripping the other’s hair with intense surge of pleasure.
Baekhyun moans loudly as he comes in Chanyeol’s mouth and the younger takes in and swallows every drop of Baekhyun, milking the bittersweet substance. The older brings Chanyeol up for a kiss, tasting himself when his tongue collides with Chanyeol’s. Baekhyun wraps his thighs around Chanyeol’s waist when the younger finishes undressing himself. The older bucks his hips upwards, successfully rubbing their hard leaking cocks together. A sinful loud moan slips between Baekhyun’s red lips, bruised from kisses, as Chanyeol runs his thumb across the tip of Baekhyun’s cock while he is two fingers buried deep inside Baekhyun. Despite cumming a few minutes ago Baekhyun is already hard, thick white pre-cum collecting at the tip of his red cock. Chanyeol brushes the pad of his fingers against the soft flesh, hearing Baekhyun moan again due to the strong electric jolt of pleasure.
Chanyeol pushes his cock slowly inside Baekhyun. He groans lowly feeling the raw heat surrounding his cock. Baekhyun tells Chanyeol to go deeper, until the younger is balls deep inside him. Baekhyun notice Chanyeol is wincing in pain, realising by then that Chanyeol is resting on his elbows which hurts his injured shoulder. “We don’t have to do this Yeol. You’re hurting.” Baekhyun says. He couldn’t bear seeing Chanyeol in pain.
“I’m okay.” He groans out. Baekhyun mutters something about him being stubborn and he chuckles lowly. Chanyeol starts to thrust his hips slowly, the trembling wall around his cock making the aching pain on his shoulder subsiding. The thrusts keep a steady and slow pace, torturing Baekhyun in agonising bliss.
“Faster, Chanyeol,” Chanyeol hears Baekhyun begs, eyes tearful with pleasure. So he grabs the back of Baekhyun’s thighs and pistons Baekhyun as how the older requested - faster and harder. The shorter male let out a cry of Chanyeol’s name begging him to don’t stop.
Chanyeol rests his head in the crook of Baekhyun’s neck as he continues to thrust his hips harder. “Shit, ugh. Baek,” he groans out when he feels the wall around his cock becomes tighter, “you feel so good baby. So fucking tight, so right around me.” He manages to growl sensually to Baekhyun’s ear. Baekhyun finally manages to really look at Chanyeol above him, dripping with sweat and breathing hard like he just ran a marathon which turns him on even more. The things the younger would do just to pleasure him.
Baekhyun’s eyes rolls upwards with his head thrown back when he feels a huge rush coming up from the tip of his toes. Chanyeol keeps on hitting his pleasure spot, making his high increase by every thrust. The older let out cries and mewls of ‘Don’t stop. Yeol I’m going to cum’ as Chanyeol pounds into him, his back arches away from the plush bed due to the sudden tide of pleasure. He whispers Chanyeol’s name repeatedly, the only thing he could think of. Baekhyun comes in ropes of white, spurting to his chest, with a loud moan of pleasure. Chanyeol curses as he continues his thrusts, feeling Baekhyun tightening around him as he comes deep inside the older. The photographer almost instant crashes down against Baekhyun, totally exhausted. The petite male hums contently, feeling the warm spurts of cum deep inside him.
The two stays in each other’s arms the rest of the morning, sharing kisses, secrets and love confessions under the sheets. Baekhyun watches the sun rising, indicating a new day and another chance to start afresh. Chanyeol holds Baekhyun in his embrace, he rather watches the golden sunrise reflected from Baekhyun’s dark brown eyes.
✧ ✧ ✧
“Chanyeollie~” Chanyeol hears the joyful ringing of Baekhyun’s voice enters their apartment. He hears the front door closes and footsteps against the polished wooden floor. “Yeol-ah, I’m home!”
Baekhyun has been travelling a lot this year. For three years he had been in the US to study art. At first Baekhyun felt reluctant, because he didn’t want to leave Chanyeol alone not for days or weeks but for months. However after a few weeks of convincing the older finally decides to go. Chanyeol sometimes pays surprise visits to the US, he actually just came back from there two months ago after staying there for five days. The photographer would love to stay with his boyfriend even longer but he also has work to do back in Korea.
Chanyeol regrets missing Baekhyun’s graduation. He would love to see his little Baekhyun in a graduation gown, smiling at him with joy. He would love to kiss Baekhyun right as he walk down with his certificate still fresh in his hands. Monochrome is now a much more popular brand now and Chanyeol is even often called overseas to work for fashion magazines. The old studio is now turning into the photographer’s office, his work station while Monochrome moves to a larger and better place. Chanyeol always say that Baekhyun is his lucky charm, the very reason why his life is turning for good.
Baekhyun sets his luggage and numerous gift bags brought from the US by the front door and proceeds to walk further into the apartment. He sees Chanyeol standing in the living room between a coffee table and a sofa but then notices Yixing standing a few steps behind him. The photographer is wearing casual clothing; comfortable pants and a large graphic tee. Baekhyun grins at the familiar sight, finding that nothing has changed since he left.
“Xing!” Baekhyun exclaims. He misses his best friend too. He called Yixing yesterday, reminding his best friend of his arrival time in Korea and plans to go to lunch as soon as he could. He never guessed his friend would come to his apartment to greet him. Yixing on the other hand is beaming at him, as if he could burst with pure and utter joy.
When Baekhyun is standing close enough to Chanyeol, the younger kneels on one knee then proceeds to take out a dark blue velvet box from his pocket. Baekhyun could only gape in surprise with his eyes open wide. “Baek,” the deep voice Baekhyun absolutely misses hearing in real life makes his eyes red. Chanyeol is the opposite, he is chuckling and smiling in happiness seeing Baekhyun after months of separation. The younger opens the small box, revealing two small silver bands, one slightly larger than the other. Baekhyun’s eyes are becoming blurry with fresh tears.
“Byunbaek,” Chanyeol takes Baekhyun’s trembling hand on his, “Byun Baekhyun.” Baekhyun manages to answer with a weak and shaky yes? “It’s been four years since we’ve met and although that seems like a short time, ever since I laid eyes on you - I know I’ve said this to you before but - I feel like I’ve known you since forever. I want this to be real Baek, as real as it can be.” Chanyeol pulls out a ring from the velvet box. “I’m sorry I can’t plan something much more grand and elaborate as this. You my baby, deserves the very best - but still,” he pauses with a smile, “Byun Baekhyun, with Yixing as our witness, will you marry me?”
Baekhyun weeps as he nods his head and answers yes repetitively, bringing Chanyeol to a long, loving kiss. He thought nothing could come close to perfect as that moment.
✧ ✧ ✧
What is love, really? How does one differentiate love with lust? How do one even recognise love? At the age of seven Baekhyun theorise love as feelings - greater than just a mere ‘like’ - between a man and a woman, like his parents and grandparents. As he reached sixteen he wasn’t so sure anymore. However, at twenty-two he meets Park Chanyeol and finds love - unlearned yet understandable - in him.
←
“You two look so cute together!” One of Jinah’s friends, from college he assumes, shrieks when she sees Jinah and him walking past. Beside Jinah, Baekhyun feels under-dressed. The woman is wearing a flowing soft pink dress which falls right above her ankles. Her hair is styled perfectly, Baekhyun remembers Jinah calling from the salon, with her dark brown locks softly curled which falls by her chest. Her accessories are simplistic, a thin diamond bracelet, gifted by her parents as a pre-wedding gift and there, under the bright lights shines the ring Baekhyun proposed Jinah with. Baekhyun wears a simple suit with a flower on the right pocket (pink coloured with match with Jinah’s dress).
The two friends starts talking animatedly while Baekhyun stands behind Jinah, finding nowhere else to go and no one to talk to. His eyes scan the crowd sitting on the round tables, trying to find Chanyeol. For awhile Baekhyun thought Chanyeol would skip the dinner but it’s still a little early, he internally tells himself as he glances at a few of the empty tables, Chanyeol would come. To pass the time Baekhyun decides to join his parents and talk to the guests.
It was Jinah who found Chanyeol first. Baekhyun was talking to one of his father’s closest friends, an old man who has a great sense of humour, when Jinah walked up to him with Chanyeol trailing closely behind her. “Oppa, Chanyeol is here! We should go around and take pictures with the guests.” Despite Jinah, undeniably the most beautiful girl in the ballroom right now, Baekhyun’s eyes strays to Chanyeol behind her. It’s the first time he had seen the younger clad in a suit - he feels himself falling in love with the other again. His hair is neatly combed, put back, unlike the usual slightly curly hair Baekhyun always seen him in. Strapped around his neck is a DSLR.
“Good evening Baekhyun-ssi,” Chanyeol greets him with an indifferent tone. The tone shocked Baekhyun, even when the two is around Jinah Chanyeol never acts cold with him. Is this some kind of act he is putting up because Jinah is with them? Baekhyun doesn’t believe so. Chanyeol is naturally a good-spirited man and always friendly with anyone no matter what.
Baekhyun nods his head, unable to think of a simple reply due to the shock. Jinah pulls Baekhyun’s arm to rush them both towards a group of women, whom Baekhyun guessed are among a few of Jinah’s friends that she had invited. The women squeals seeing the couple side by side, linking arms, while Chanyeol stands a few steps behind waiting for anyone’s order to take their pictures. Baekhyun turns his head around to look at Chanyeol but as soon as he does the other glances his eyes away to the other direction.
“C’mon oppa!” Jinah yells with excitement. Baekhyun turns around to see Jinah already standing in the center among her equally excited friends. Most of them are a blurry memory to Baekhyun. He recognise their faces but couldn’t come up with a name to go with the face. He could only recognise Suhyun, a girl Yixing dated for a few months in college. He feels lonely without Yixing, he had invited his best friend to attend but the other declines. I’m not going to watch you walk around pretending like you’re having the best time of your life. I’d rather boil my eyes with acid, his Chinese friends said patronisingly while on phone but beneath that edgy tone Yixing sounds almost sorry for him.
Baekhyun takes his place right at the center, to Jinah’s right and like a systematic machine Chanyeol walks his way a few feet in front of the group with his camera already already held in front of his face. “Ready Baekhyun-ssi?” Chanyeol’s voice caught Baekhyun’s attention. He looks straight to the photographer but Chanyeol doesn’t seem to show any signs of recognition. It’s like the past weeks were nothing but a dream, a beautiful faraway dream and tonight is Baekhyun’s reality. Baekhyun nods slightly. “Yes, ready.” It took every muscle and every will Baekhyun owns to conjure up a convincing happy smile for the camera.
For an hour at most the couple walks around the ballroom, not missing any of the tables to talk to the guests and take pictures with them. The conversations, the congratulations and the you two look good together’s were all a blur to Baekhyun because all he could think about is how strange Chanyeol is acting tonight. Jinah doesn’t seem to notice how distant Baekhyun is either, too engrossed with the dinner excitements to care. Baekhyun doesn’t feel offended at all. He prefers to see Jinah looking happy. When they were finished with the pictures, Chanyeol walks away from the couple, aimlessly walking around the ballroom and talking to any random guests who greet him. From time to time he looks around the crowd and takes pictures - he is getting paid to photograph every possible moment of the dinner after all.
Baekhyun watches the photographer walks out of the ballroom to a small porch which has a good view of the hotel’s grand garden. Chanyeol closes the white French doors behind him before he pulls out a cigarette from his pocket and lighting it up. Baekhyun looks around the crowd then to Jinah who is talking enthusiastically with her aunts. He weaves his way among the tables to where Chanyeol is.
Chanyeol hears the door clicks open behind him and turns his head around. He is not surprised that Baekhyun had found him among all those people, the older has been staring and looking at him all night. Chanyeol breathes in his cigarette, letting the dulling taste lingers a little in his mouth before puffing it out. Baekhyun stands beside him but Chanyeol casts his eyes to the garden. The bright yellow lights from the ballroom shines to the two of them, casting shadows to the lush green grass making the height difference between them that Chanyeol secretly adores even more obvious. The two remains silent for a few minutes, letting the loud conversations and commotion back inside the ballroom filling in.
“Let’s just end this Baek,” Chanyeol’s voice suddenly breaks the stillness between them. Baekhyun turns his head to Chanyeol, trying to read the younger’s expression but it is still unreadable, just like how he is before. Baekhyun, suddenly emotional and without thinking, tries to reach Chanyeol’s hand but the younger moves away before Baekhyun could. “Let me just- explain myself.” From inside the ballroom it may seem like two men merely having a conversation together. “I like you Baek, I really do but I don’t think I can continue going on like this,” His voice breaks at the end but he clears his throats trying to compose himself. “I think of our future - and I don’t like it. I don’t give a damn what you feel or don’t feel towards Jinah and I try to not be a whiny bitch about this either,” Chanyeol throws away a bud of cigarette off of his fingers to a trashcan and lights up another before speaking again, “but Baek, you can’t just keep me - we, can’t keep being in secret forever. You seem to still be going with this marriage thing. At first I thought, hell, as long as I’m with you I’m okay with anything,” he laughs bitterly, “but after that phone call I realised I couldn’t live like this forever. Hidden and scared of the slightest things, like answering a goddamn phone call, like I’m some fugitive. I left that life years ago.”
Chanyeol doesn’t wait for Baekhyun’s reply and he doesn’t wait for Baekhyun to come to a decision because he had already decided it himself for the both of them. He really does care for Baekhyun but he rather step out of the relationship before both of them gets hurt. He could do just by loving Baekhyun from afar. Chanyeol turns around and it’s the first time the whole night that the younger is looking directly to the other’s eyes. “Be happy for me Baek. Will you promise me that, at least? Just like the picture, remember?” Baekhyun thinks of the Polaroid Chanyeol took of him, you look happy, he remembers Chanyeol said. It seems like a long time ago now even though it has only been a few weeks.
Baekhyun wipe away the tears threatening to fall down and nods. “Promise.” Chanyeol seems to look a little bit calmer already, at least Baekhyun can guarantee that he would try and be happy without him.
✧ ✧ ✧
What Baekhyun is feeling isn’t exactly nervousness, instead deep and utter anxiety. Realisation finally hits him how big of a decision he had done. In just an hour he’ll be legally married to Jinah - having to live with her, expected to have kids with her, a family. At this point Baekhyun couldn’t tell which one is scarier, to admit to his parents that he is gay or having to live a lie the rest of his life. A quiet knock on his door wakes him up from his deep thoughts, Chanyeol peeks his head in. For a moment Baekhyun thinks he is dreaming.
“Baekhyun-ssi,” Again with the indifferent, cold tone that Baekhyun hates, “Can I come in for a moment?” He shows his DSLR indicating that he is going to take a few quick pictures before going outside with the guests again. Baekhyun nods.
The older lets Chanyeol takes pictures while he busies himself with getting himself done. He straightens his white silk bowtie and then smoothes his palms along his black tuxedo. The clicks of Chanyeol’s camera fill in the silence. Through the lens Chanyeol adores the little features of Baekhyun that he loves, silently. The little quirk on his lips when he is focused on something, his dark brown eyes, his dainty fingers that is playing with the cuffs of his suit - Chanyeol absentmindedly took focused pictures of those instead of actually taking pictures of the groom.
“Thanks.” Chanyeol says before he walks out of the room.
The photographer gets ready when he is told that Baekhyun would be standing by the altar at any minute now, signaling the start of the wedding ceremony. Everyone else is already sitting at their respective chairs, excited to the the matrimony about to happen before them. Jinah’s parents are sitting in the front row and her soft-spoken mother already looks like she is about to tear up. There are two empty seats at the front row and Chanyeol assumes they are for Baekhyun’s parents. He wonders where the two are, everybody else is already ready.
A few minutes later Chanyeol hears shouts coming from the back room getting louder and louder. He sees Baekhyun’s father, red-faced with rage walking down the aisle yelling profanities to everyone and anyone. He is absolutely in a fury, charging down towards him and before he knew it, he felt a punch across his face. Chanyeol is practically thrown down to the floor due to the sudden forceful punch. The guests gasp, some even stand up from their seat to see what the commotion is all about. There is a blooming purple bruise on Chanyeol’s right cheek.
“Get up you goddamn sodomite!” Chanyeol hears a voice yelling at him. Those words hurt more than the aching spot in his cheek. The photographer stands up, feeling a burning rage bubbling up to his chest. He swings his clenched fist towards the middle-aged man but a hand grabs his, stopping his action. Chanyeol looks to his left, Baekhyun with fresh tear streaks down his cheeks and a similar red bruise right under his right eye.
Baekhyun regrets telling his father about Chanyeol. He should have just stop after “Appa, I can’t go through with the wedding. I’m gay.” but his father pressed him on, asking him which bastard had turned him into a disgrace, an embarrassment. He mentions Chanyeol, how happy he is with Chanyeol.
“Chanyeol? That fucking photographer outside?” When Baekhyun sees the anger in his father’s eyes he realised that what he said is a bad mistake but it is too late. His father has already stormed out of the room leaving him with his mother. His mother remains quiet throughout.
The old man continues to beat Chanyeol continuously despite Baekhyun’s protests. Baekhyun, with his petite frame, is easily thrown off the fight. When Baekhyun tries to run back to Chanyeol his mother stops him. He cries and cries for his father to stop, it’s not his fault appa, he says again and again but no one heard him. Moments after Jinah comes running towards him, shrieking and yelling about how insensitive he is ‘during my wedding day?!’ he hears Jinah yells. Her stern father could only stand there but Baekhyun could tell how badly the man wants to punch his face, for hurting their daughter, their family pride. Her soft-spoken mother holds Jinah in her arms at the far corner of the ballroom.
His father eventually stops when his mother ordered his brother and a few other men to grab Mr. Byun away from Chanyeol. Baekhyun runs to Chanyeol immediately, ignoring the judging looks from the guests. He examines the younger’s face and knuckles, bleeding and bruised. Baekhyun could only mutter apologies, unable to think of another way to make it up.
Mrs. Byun appears behind her son, surprisingly still calm despite what has happened. “I’ve asked your brother to drive you out of here. Don’t go home Baekhyun. Go somewhere else.” She glances at Chanyeol, “take care of Baekhyun for me. I don’t think I can meet him for awhile.” The sound of Mr. Byun shouting with rage still could be heard. Baekhyun’s mother leads the two out of the ballroom through the crowd (Jinah yells at him again when they passed by her) and straight to his brother’s black Skyline.
Baekhyun couldn’t tell if his brother is angry, disgusted or happy for him. The older brother doesn’t say anything, his eyes straight to the road after Baekhyun tells him to drive to Chanyeol’s apartment, about a thirty minute drive away. Baekhyun is afraid his father or Jinah’s parents would follow them there but Chanyeol’s apartment is the only place he could think of. Chanyeol is resting his head on Baekhyun’s shoulder, trying to lull himself to sleep after a terrifying experience. His thumb circles soothingly on top of Chanyeol’s hand.
“I’m not angry at you for being interested in men Baekhyun-ah,” his brother finally speaks up after twenty minutes inside the car. “I’m disappointed that you had to drag this out until today. You hurt Jinah, you know. You lied to her. For years.”
“I know.” Baekhyun answers dejectedly. “I’m sorry. Tell appa I’m sorry too.” He doesn’t mean to disappoint his father. That was the very reason why he kept his sexuality a secret.
“Appa needs to get over it or risk losing his youngest son.” Baekhyun knows it would take a long time if it ever happened at all, his father is very prideful. “Don’t be sorry for being who you are Baekhyun.” Those were the last words his brother uttered even until he safely reached Chanyeol’s apartment.
✧ ✧ ✧
Baekhyun wakes up in a blurry state thinking that he just had a terrible dream of his wedding. His palms feel the soft sheets under him and only then he starts realising that he is in Chanyeol’s apartment. The memory of the commotion a few hours ago rush into him. He remembers Chanyeol, bruised and bloodied. He then remembers Chanyeol, standing beside him and telling him that he’s leaving. Baekhyun hits panic, thousand thoughts rushing through his mind - ‘Did Chanyeol really left him?’ ‘Is Chanyeol okay?’ - yelling Chanyeol’s name who is nowhere to be seen. Within seconds Chanyeol comes rushing to the bedroom, shirtless, from the kitchen space.
The photographer brings Baekhyun to his embrace, rocking the shaking man in his arms slightly. “I’m here, I’m here,” Chanyeol keeps on repeating to Baekhyun who is trembling with fear. Fear of being lonely. Fear of losing the only person he has. “I’m not going anywhere, don’t worry. I’m here.” The younger kisses the top of Baekhyun’s head caringly.
Baekhyun looks up to Chanyeol’s face and despite the dim-lit room, the only source of light being the streetlight shining outside their window, he could make out the bruises on his face. His left eye is puffed, there is a purple and blue bruise on his right cheekbone and a swollen cut at his bottom lip. His knuckles which is already covered is probably still bruised. Baekhyun sees the bandage across Chanyeol’s shoulder. “Are you okay?” Baekhyun kisses every inch of Chanyeol’s bandaged knuckles.
Chanyeol chuckles seeing how Baekhyun is so worried of him. It makes him feel the butterflies. “I’m alright Baek.”
“What about your shoulder?” Baekhyun runs his hand gently across the white muslin.
“It aches a little. I’ll just go and check with the doctor late in the morning.” Only then did Baekhyun notices it’s already close to morning, Chanyeol’s clock shows 4am. He had been sleeping for ten hours. “I said don’t worry,” Chanyeol says good-heartedly when he sees Baekhyun furrowing his eyebrows in concern. Chanyeol kisses the crinkles on Baekhyun’s forehead away.
Baekhyun hugs Chanyeol, he lets the younger rest his head on his chest. “I couldn’t just leave you that easily.” His fingers run along Chanyeol’s black hair, a familiar feeling rushing through his blood. “I love you, Yeol.”
“I know.” Chanyeol chuckles. Even though he got hurt, he is glad Baekhyun told his parents. “I love you too, Baek.”
It is Baekhyun who leans in for a kiss. He hasn’t seen Chanyeol for weeks; his body yearns for the younger. Chanyeol reciprocates, pushing Baekhyun to lie on his bed while he continues kissing the other. His hand slips between Baekhyun’s white shirt and every inch of skin that Chanyeol touch turns heated. The younger turns his attention to Baekhyun’s jaw, nipping and kissing the soft skin as his palm moves down to caress Baekhyun’s crotch. Chanyeol unbuttons Baekhyun’s shirt, one by one slowly while he kisses the skin that reveals under the white fabric. Baekhyun writhes in pleasure under him, every stroke of Chanyeol’s palm sends jolts along his nerves and every kiss Chanyeol plants burns delightfully on his skin. Once Baekhyun’s shirt is removed Chanyeol crawls down, slowly and teasingly unzips Baekhyun’s pants.
“Channie… Chanyeol, don’t tease…” Baekhyun begs with a soft mewl. Chanyeol ignores Baekhyun’s pleads and continues to slowly remove the older’s pants.
The younger bites Baekhyun’s soft thighs tenderly and sucks the soft flesh between his lips until it is blooming red. Baekhyun bit his lips, trying to calm himself under Chanyeol’s doings. Chanyeol removes Baekhyun’s boxers finally and the older’s hardening cock springs out, curling towards his taut tummy. Chanyeol licks a long stripe on the underside of Baekhyun’s cock before he wraps his lips around the red mushroom head. Chanyeol moves his head down, swallowing Baekhyun’s red leaking cock in one swift motion making the older groan in pleasure. Baekhyun’s dainty fingers weave around Chanyeol’s hair and occasionally gripping the other’s hair with intense surge of pleasure.
Baekhyun moans loudly as he comes in Chanyeol’s mouth and the younger takes in and swallows every drop of Baekhyun, milking the bittersweet substance. The older brings Chanyeol up for a kiss, tasting himself when his tongue collides with Chanyeol’s. Baekhyun wraps his thighs around Chanyeol’s waist when the younger finishes undressing himself. The older bucks his hips upwards, successfully rubbing their hard leaking cocks together. A sinful loud moan slips between Baekhyun’s red lips, bruised from kisses, as Chanyeol runs his thumb across the tip of Baekhyun’s cock while he is two fingers buried deep inside Baekhyun. Despite cumming a few minutes ago Baekhyun is already hard, thick white pre-cum collecting at the tip of his red cock. Chanyeol brushes the pad of his fingers against the soft flesh, hearing Baekhyun moan again due to the strong electric jolt of pleasure.
Chanyeol pushes his cock slowly inside Baekhyun. He groans lowly feeling the raw heat surrounding his cock. Baekhyun tells Chanyeol to go deeper, until the younger is balls deep inside him. Baekhyun notice Chanyeol is wincing in pain, realising by then that Chanyeol is resting on his elbows which hurts his injured shoulder. “We don’t have to do this Yeol. You’re hurting.” Baekhyun says. He couldn’t bear seeing Chanyeol in pain.
“I’m okay.” He groans out. Baekhyun mutters something about him being stubborn and he chuckles lowly. Chanyeol starts to thrust his hips slowly, the trembling wall around his cock making the aching pain on his shoulder subsiding. The thrusts keep a steady and slow pace, torturing Baekhyun in agonising bliss.
“Faster, Chanyeol,” Chanyeol hears Baekhyun begs, eyes tearful with pleasure. So he grabs the back of Baekhyun’s thighs and pistons Baekhyun as how the older requested - faster and harder. The shorter male let out a cry of Chanyeol’s name begging him to don’t stop.
Chanyeol rests his head in the crook of Baekhyun’s neck as he continues to thrust his hips harder. “Shit, ugh. Baek,” he groans out when he feels the wall around his cock becomes tighter, “you feel so good baby. So fucking tight, so right around me.” He manages to growl sensually to Baekhyun’s ear. Baekhyun finally manages to really look at Chanyeol above him, dripping with sweat and breathing hard like he just ran a marathon which turns him on even more. The things the younger would do just to pleasure him.
Baekhyun’s eyes rolls upwards with his head thrown back when he feels a huge rush coming up from the tip of his toes. Chanyeol keeps on hitting his pleasure spot, making his high increase by every thrust. The older let out cries and mewls of ‘Don’t stop. Yeol I’m going to cum’ as Chanyeol pounds into him, his back arches away from the plush bed due to the sudden tide of pleasure. He whispers Chanyeol’s name repeatedly, the only thing he could think of. Baekhyun comes in ropes of white, spurting to his chest, with a loud moan of pleasure. Chanyeol curses as he continues his thrusts, feeling Baekhyun tightening around him as he comes deep inside the older. The photographer almost instant crashes down against Baekhyun, totally exhausted. The petite male hums contently, feeling the warm spurts of cum deep inside him.
The two stays in each other’s arms the rest of the morning, sharing kisses, secrets and love confessions under the sheets. Baekhyun watches the sun rising, indicating a new day and another chance to start afresh. Chanyeol holds Baekhyun in his embrace, he rather watches the golden sunrise reflected from Baekhyun’s dark brown eyes.
✧ ✧ ✧
“Chanyeollie~” Chanyeol hears the joyful ringing of Baekhyun’s voice enters their apartment. He hears the front door closes and footsteps against the polished wooden floor. “Yeol-ah, I’m home!”
Baekhyun has been travelling a lot this year. For three years he had been in the US to study art. At first Baekhyun felt reluctant, because he didn’t want to leave Chanyeol alone not for days or weeks but for months. However after a few weeks of convincing the older finally decides to go. Chanyeol sometimes pays surprise visits to the US, he actually just came back from there two months ago after staying there for five days. The photographer would love to stay with his boyfriend even longer but he also has work to do back in Korea.
Chanyeol regrets missing Baekhyun’s graduation. He would love to see his little Baekhyun in a graduation gown, smiling at him with joy. He would love to kiss Baekhyun right as he walk down with his certificate still fresh in his hands. Monochrome is now a much more popular brand now and Chanyeol is even often called overseas to work for fashion magazines. The old studio is now turning into the photographer’s office, his work station while Monochrome moves to a larger and better place. Chanyeol always say that Baekhyun is his lucky charm, the very reason why his life is turning for good.
Baekhyun sets his luggage and numerous gift bags brought from the US by the front door and proceeds to walk further into the apartment. He sees Chanyeol standing in the living room between a coffee table and a sofa but then notices Yixing standing a few steps behind him. The photographer is wearing casual clothing; comfortable pants and a large graphic tee. Baekhyun grins at the familiar sight, finding that nothing has changed since he left.
“Xing!” Baekhyun exclaims. He misses his best friend too. He called Yixing yesterday, reminding his best friend of his arrival time in Korea and plans to go to lunch as soon as he could. He never guessed his friend would come to his apartment to greet him. Yixing on the other hand is beaming at him, as if he could burst with pure and utter joy.
When Baekhyun is standing close enough to Chanyeol, the younger kneels on one knee then proceeds to take out a dark blue velvet box from his pocket. Baekhyun could only gape in surprise with his eyes open wide. “Baek,” the deep voice Baekhyun absolutely misses hearing in real life makes his eyes red. Chanyeol is the opposite, he is chuckling and smiling in happiness seeing Baekhyun after months of separation. The younger opens the small box, revealing two small silver bands, one slightly larger than the other. Baekhyun’s eyes are becoming blurry with fresh tears.
“Byunbaek,” Chanyeol takes Baekhyun’s trembling hand on his, “Byun Baekhyun.” Baekhyun manages to answer with a weak and shaky yes? “It’s been four years since we’ve met and although that seems like a short time, ever since I laid eyes on you - I know I’ve said this to you before but - I feel like I’ve known you since forever. I want this to be real Baek, as real as it can be.” Chanyeol pulls out a ring from the velvet box. “I’m sorry I can’t plan something much more grand and elaborate as this. You my baby, deserves the very best - but still,” he pauses with a smile, “Byun Baekhyun, with Yixing as our witness, will you marry me?”
Baekhyun weeps as he nods his head and answers yes repetitively, bringing Chanyeol to a long, loving kiss. He thought nothing could come close to perfect as that moment.
✧ ✧ ✧
What is love, really? How does one differentiate love with lust? How do one even recognise love? At the age of seven Baekhyun theorise love as feelings - greater than just a mere ‘like’ - between a man and a woman, like his parents and grandparents. As he reached sixteen he wasn’t so sure anymore. However, at twenty-two he meets Park Chanyeol and finds love - unlearned yet understandable - in him.
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