Is it ever enough?
As the house grew quiet and my breathing slowed to a steady pace, my lids became heavy. The phone was still attached to my ear as he remarked,"look at what you're doing to me". Through eight months of back-and-forth hesitation and frustration I wondered if he even realized the situation at hand. From the beginning my heart still pounds at events I can't forgive. Well maybe that's my own fault but I can't help thinking that I have nothing to do with this. "What about me?" I reply urgently, yet trying to hush the sounds echoing from these walls so as not to disturb the rhythm of the night. Over and over I made an honest effort to forgive and forget and at this point, eight months later, I don't see any other roads to take. I punished him. I made him feel the urgency and longing for this relationship that I felt when he put me in that dark hole. But is it ever enough? Can I move away from doing this to him when clearly he's the one in pain? Am I no better than him? My thoughts ran wild and I fell into a deep meditative incoherence and suddenly, the phone went bbbbbbbbbbbeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeppppppppppp.