Scary
Yet again its been some time since I updated. I completed my radiotherapy on September 15th 2005 and as promised the immediate weeks following were possibly the worst.
At my worst point I had lost 4 stones in weight and despite gaining my tastebuds back eventually, I know things will never be the same.
I recently looked at a picture of myself taken on my birthday on September 24th and could only describe myself as aomething close to the living dead!
It was one of the worst days of the entire experience. By this stage I had lost my voice and had to communicate by writing things down. I had mustered the little bit of energy I had to make it to M & S for mum's 70th about 5 days before and that had pretty much taken it out of me.
Even when the worst symptoms started to wane new unexplained symptoms took their place. I became dizzy and weak and lost my appetite - but seemed to make enough of an improvement to start thinking about returning to work in November.
However within a week or two the dizzy spells accompanied by the lack of appetite returned. At first we put it down to a possible infection but despite a couple of visits to the GP and a dose of antibiotics followed by iron medicine when he thought I was anaemic, I seemed to be getting weaker and worse.
Dad finally said he couldn't sit back watching me waste away and drove me to A & E one Sunday afternoon. Some 8 hours later following blood tests and x-rays they could find nothing obvious and sent me home with more antibiotics.
Eventually, I began to make an improvement over the next couple of weeks and I personally put it down to my mum's home made soups and porridge (God bless her)...and I won't rule out the visit to the chinese herbalist...alternative healing has its place.
I am finally back at work, having started travelling in at the beginning of December following a six and a half month absence. It felt a little scary I can tell you but the support from my work colleagues has been great and I am even back studying. Can't be bad... Still around to see Andy turn the big 4 0 on Saturday!!
I must be honest the thing that inspired me to finally pull my finger out and update my journal was firstly hearing the Head and Neck Cancer Research Trust mentioned on daytime TV this week, a basic google search on it hasn't revealed much, I guess because it is such a rare form of cancer and not enough is known about it.
I also read about John Diamond, husband of Nigella Lawson and his fight with throat cancer and seeing a picture of him wearing the mask and reading his words as he talks of misery, depression and the interminable waiting game.
He survived four years from diagnosis and this is a second recurrence for me, not to sound depressing but the odds are not so good and I can but wait and hope the news following my CT scan is good. A temporary reprieve is better than none... Let's hope I'min that 30% margin.
I know Andy sent me a link to an article before my operation, I'll have to search my email archives to find it as well as possibly investing in John Diamond's book called "Because cowards get cancer too". I don't consider myself a coward, but I'm certainly no hero and I finally know what my dad means when he says there is no point being afraid of dying... its the living and surviving that's the hard work!
And whilst most people won't get to read this I have to just say a big thank you to all the people who have supported me through this traumatic time and those who continue to do so... especially my parents and three very special sistas...
Christmas is coming and I look forward to getting my life back on track no matter what the future holds and to show I mean business I am currently adopting my own form of Feng Shui to my bedroom and home office, decluttering and making room for new ideas and hopefully new and different experiences
Ciao for now!
At my worst point I had lost 4 stones in weight and despite gaining my tastebuds back eventually, I know things will never be the same.
I recently looked at a picture of myself taken on my birthday on September 24th and could only describe myself as aomething close to the living dead!
It was one of the worst days of the entire experience. By this stage I had lost my voice and had to communicate by writing things down. I had mustered the little bit of energy I had to make it to M & S for mum's 70th about 5 days before and that had pretty much taken it out of me.
Even when the worst symptoms started to wane new unexplained symptoms took their place. I became dizzy and weak and lost my appetite - but seemed to make enough of an improvement to start thinking about returning to work in November.
However within a week or two the dizzy spells accompanied by the lack of appetite returned. At first we put it down to a possible infection but despite a couple of visits to the GP and a dose of antibiotics followed by iron medicine when he thought I was anaemic, I seemed to be getting weaker and worse.
Dad finally said he couldn't sit back watching me waste away and drove me to A & E one Sunday afternoon. Some 8 hours later following blood tests and x-rays they could find nothing obvious and sent me home with more antibiotics.
Eventually, I began to make an improvement over the next couple of weeks and I personally put it down to my mum's home made soups and porridge (God bless her)...and I won't rule out the visit to the chinese herbalist...alternative healing has its place.
I am finally back at work, having started travelling in at the beginning of December following a six and a half month absence. It felt a little scary I can tell you but the support from my work colleagues has been great and I am even back studying. Can't be bad... Still around to see Andy turn the big 4 0 on Saturday!!
I must be honest the thing that inspired me to finally pull my finger out and update my journal was firstly hearing the Head and Neck Cancer Research Trust mentioned on daytime TV this week, a basic google search on it hasn't revealed much, I guess because it is such a rare form of cancer and not enough is known about it.
I also read about John Diamond, husband of Nigella Lawson and his fight with throat cancer and seeing a picture of him wearing the mask and reading his words as he talks of misery, depression and the interminable waiting game.
He survived four years from diagnosis and this is a second recurrence for me, not to sound depressing but the odds are not so good and I can but wait and hope the news following my CT scan is good. A temporary reprieve is better than none... Let's hope I'min that 30% margin.
I know Andy sent me a link to an article before my operation, I'll have to search my email archives to find it as well as possibly investing in John Diamond's book called "Because cowards get cancer too". I don't consider myself a coward, but I'm certainly no hero and I finally know what my dad means when he says there is no point being afraid of dying... its the living and surviving that's the hard work!
And whilst most people won't get to read this I have to just say a big thank you to all the people who have supported me through this traumatic time and those who continue to do so... especially my parents and three very special sistas...
Christmas is coming and I look forward to getting my life back on track no matter what the future holds and to show I mean business I am currently adopting my own form of Feng Shui to my bedroom and home office, decluttering and making room for new ideas and hopefully new and different experiences
Ciao for now!