makin' little to nooo sense
It's not that i don't understand why i'm doing these things, i understand why but i hate it. I don't have clarity on much in life because i always wonder or think about the fact that everything we believe to be true could be a lie. "The life we live calls for lies! STRICTLY LIES!!"? I'm doing these things, these little things to try and relieve the pressure. I eat, i excessively drink water, smoke, write to pass the time, and get high to pass the time. Not that i know exactly what i want or what i need to make me happy, but if i know anything i know what DOESN'T make me happy & a lot of the things i partake in lately don't particularly please me. Prozac doesn't make me happy and neither do pain killers, they don't even kill the pain (not sure if they ever did) but now they just help pass the time, relieve the pressure. I know what i want to be and i know what i have the potential to be but it seems theres a lot of people like me in the world, the ones who just can't get by, life is just too hard. I'm never emotionally, physically, or mentally stable for too long of periods. It comes in bouts where i'm relatively emotion-less, which is great, and i'm physically well, but that leaves. It seems like it comes and goess too quickly that i don't even take it in, i forget, when i'm sick, i forget what it feels like to be well. I completely forget. I don't remember what it feels like to be a physically healthy person, and then as soon as i'm better, it happens too subtle - so i don't even notice. And i go on and i totally forget what it feels like to be a sick person, like i remember MYSELF actually being ill, but i don't really remember what it feels like. Well i'm not feeling it at the time. And before i know it i'm sick again lol.