I found these and I thought you should know...
103 Facts about Chuck Norris...
1. Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg.
2. Chuck Norris Does not sleep. He waits.
3. Chuck Norris clogs the toilet when he pisses.
4. Chuck Norris’ cowboy boots are made from real cowboys.
5. If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down.
6. Chuck Norris does not go hunting. Chuck Norris goes killing.
7. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks the closet for Chuck Norris.
8. Chuck Norris sleeps with a nightlight because the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
9. Chuck Norris once visited The Virgin Islands. They are now called The Islands.
10. Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.
11. The quickest way to a man’s heart is with Chuck Norris’ fist.
12. Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
13. If at first you don’t succeed, you are obviously not Chuck Norris.
14. Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse…horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
15. Chuck Norris can eat a Rubix Cube and poop it out solved.
16. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
17. When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay. It is because he has run out of women.
18. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
19. Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.
20. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.
21. While filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly thereafter the farm animal sprang back to life. After a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris then roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.
22. Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
23. Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
24. Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't fuck with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.
25. Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
26. Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
27. There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.
28. Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.
29. To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and acquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.
30. Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.
31. Chuck Norris once lined up to kick the winning field goal of a high school football game. When the football went flat, he persuaded the referees to let him kick the field goal with a 3 month old child. Chuck roundhouse kicked the baby 60 yards through the uprights and then proceeded to bang every girl in the stadium.
32. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
33. The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.
34. Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
35. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
36. When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.
37. Chuck Norris has recently changed his middle name to "Fucking."
38. There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
39. When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.
40. Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is
injected with five times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilizer. This
is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to
lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.
41. Chuck Norris once tried to sue Burger King after they refused to
put razor wire in his Whopper Jr., insisting that that actually is "his" way.
42. Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
43. Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
44. It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
45. Chuck Norris doesn't play god. Playing is for children.
46. Chuck Norris has never won an Academy Award for acting... because he's not acting.
47. Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
48. When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.
49. If you can see CHUCK NORRIS, CHUCK NORRRIS can see you. If you can't see him, you may be seconds away from death.
50. Chuck Norris once took 30 sleeping pills, all that made him do was blink.
51. Chuck Norris counted to infinity. Twice.
52. There is no theory of evolution, just the animals Chuck allows to live.
53. The universe IS expanding. Everyone is running away from Chuck Norris.
54. Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so that he gets the pleasure.
55. Although it is not common knowledge, there are actually three sides to the Force: the light side, the dark side, and Chuck Norris.
56. Scientists used to believe that diamond was the world's hardest substance. But then they met Chuck Norris, who gave them a roundhouse kick to the face so hard and with so much heat and pressure that the scientists turned into artificial Chuck Norris.
57. God offered Chuck Norris the gift to fly, which he swiftly declined for super strength roundhouse ability.
58. When Chuck Norris was denied a Bacon McMuffin at McDonalds because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a KFC.
59. Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heartburn.
60. A duck's quack does not echo. Chuck Norris is solely responsible for this phenomenon. When asked why he will simply stare at you, grimly.
61. Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye.
62. Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Ever.
63. Chuck Norris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
64. Chuck Norris doesn't need to swallow when eating food.
65. If Superman and The Flash were to race to the edge of space you know who would win? Chuck Norris.
66. Chuck Norris invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse kicks. So next time Chuck Norris is kicking your ass, don't be offended or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat.
67. Chuck Norris went looking for a bar but couldn't find one. He walked to a vacant lot and sat there. Sure enough within an hour an a half someone constructed a bar around him. He then ordered a shot, drank it, and then burned the place to the ground. Chuck Norris yelled over the roar of the flames, "Always leave things the way you found 'em!"
68. One time while sparring with Wolverine, Chuck Norris accidentally lost his left testicle. You might be familiar with it to this very day by its technical term: Jupiter.
69. Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.
70. Chuck Norris is Luke Skywalker's real father.
71. Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will simply change the actual spelling of it.
72. Before science was invented it was once believed that autumn occurred when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked every tree in existence.
73. In the original pilot for Star Trek Next Generation, Chuck Norris can be seen powering the USS Enterprise warp drive with his roundhouse kicks.
74. When the Hulk gets mad, he becomes Chuck Norris.
75. God made people with asses just so Chuck Norris would have something to kick.
76. Chuck Norris's parents once went to the doctor's office to try to have him aborted. Chuck Norris was the only survivor.
77. Chuck Norris doesn’t change light bulbs….he just scares the dark away.
78. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a midget and it burst into 25 gold coins.
79. Chuck Norris can make a woman climax simply pointing at her and saying, "Booyah.”
80. Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter.
81. Chuck Norris actually died in 1994 but The Grim Reaper doesn’t have the balls to tell him.
82. Chuck Norris went to a Burger King and ordered a Big Mac and got it.
83. Chuck Norris always has sex on the first date. Always.
84. Chuck Norris requires only one roundhouse kick to reach the center of a Tootsie Pop.
85. Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry; the man ate a fucking Indian.
86. Did you know Chuck Norris can kill you in one second....47 times?
87. Jesus may be able to walk on water... but Chuck Norris can swim through land.
88. Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
89. Chuck Norris does not shave. Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks himself in the face because the only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.
90. Chuck Norris symbolizes the quantum theory of superposition, which says an object can be in two places or more at once. He can be in your sister and girlfriend at the same time.
91. An ounce of Chuck Norris' dandruff has a street value equivalent to ten kilos off pure uncut Columbine cocaine.
92. Chuck Norris' bowel movements are collected and used as fuel in nuclear reactors.
93. Although Chuck Norris was born without a sense of fear, much like dogs and bees, he has the ability to smell it in others and it makes him aroused.
94. Though God made the world in seven days, Chuck Norris could have done it in four. With just one roundhouse kick.
95. Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
96. Chuck Norris can kill you with every object in your room... including the room itself.
97. In the back of the Guinness Book of World Records it states: “Chuck Norris holds all records. These are simply the people who got the closest.”
98. Chuck Norris doesn't go looking for orgy’s; orgy’s go looking for Chuck Norris.
99. When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he's not pushing himself up…he's really pushing the earth down.
100. Chuck Norris was once walking down a main city street and got an erection, There were no survivors
101. According to einsteins theory of relativity Chuck Norris can technically roundhouse kick you yesterday.
102.The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.
103. Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills People.
1. Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg.
2. Chuck Norris Does not sleep. He waits.
3. Chuck Norris clogs the toilet when he pisses.
4. Chuck Norris’ cowboy boots are made from real cowboys.
5. If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down.
6. Chuck Norris does not go hunting. Chuck Norris goes killing.
7. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks the closet for Chuck Norris.
8. Chuck Norris sleeps with a nightlight because the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
9. Chuck Norris once visited The Virgin Islands. They are now called The Islands.
10. Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.
11. The quickest way to a man’s heart is with Chuck Norris’ fist.
12. Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
13. If at first you don’t succeed, you are obviously not Chuck Norris.
14. Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse…horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
15. Chuck Norris can eat a Rubix Cube and poop it out solved.
16. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
17. When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay. It is because he has run out of women.
18. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
19. Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.
20. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.
21. While filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly thereafter the farm animal sprang back to life. After a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris then roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.
22. Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
23. Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
24. Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't fuck with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.
25. Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
26. Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
27. There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.
28. Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.
29. To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and acquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.
30. Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.
31. Chuck Norris once lined up to kick the winning field goal of a high school football game. When the football went flat, he persuaded the referees to let him kick the field goal with a 3 month old child. Chuck roundhouse kicked the baby 60 yards through the uprights and then proceeded to bang every girl in the stadium.
32. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
33. The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.
34. Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
35. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
36. When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.
37. Chuck Norris has recently changed his middle name to "Fucking."
38. There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
39. When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.
40. Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is
injected with five times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilizer. This
is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to
lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.
41. Chuck Norris once tried to sue Burger King after they refused to
put razor wire in his Whopper Jr., insisting that that actually is "his" way.
42. Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
43. Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
44. It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
45. Chuck Norris doesn't play god. Playing is for children.
46. Chuck Norris has never won an Academy Award for acting... because he's not acting.
47. Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
48. When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.
49. If you can see CHUCK NORRIS, CHUCK NORRRIS can see you. If you can't see him, you may be seconds away from death.
50. Chuck Norris once took 30 sleeping pills, all that made him do was blink.
51. Chuck Norris counted to infinity. Twice.
52. There is no theory of evolution, just the animals Chuck allows to live.
53. The universe IS expanding. Everyone is running away from Chuck Norris.
54. Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so that he gets the pleasure.
55. Although it is not common knowledge, there are actually three sides to the Force: the light side, the dark side, and Chuck Norris.
56. Scientists used to believe that diamond was the world's hardest substance. But then they met Chuck Norris, who gave them a roundhouse kick to the face so hard and with so much heat and pressure that the scientists turned into artificial Chuck Norris.
57. God offered Chuck Norris the gift to fly, which he swiftly declined for super strength roundhouse ability.
58. When Chuck Norris was denied a Bacon McMuffin at McDonalds because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a KFC.
59. Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heartburn.
60. A duck's quack does not echo. Chuck Norris is solely responsible for this phenomenon. When asked why he will simply stare at you, grimly.
61. Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye.
62. Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Ever.
63. Chuck Norris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
64. Chuck Norris doesn't need to swallow when eating food.
65. If Superman and The Flash were to race to the edge of space you know who would win? Chuck Norris.
66. Chuck Norris invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse kicks. So next time Chuck Norris is kicking your ass, don't be offended or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat.
67. Chuck Norris went looking for a bar but couldn't find one. He walked to a vacant lot and sat there. Sure enough within an hour an a half someone constructed a bar around him. He then ordered a shot, drank it, and then burned the place to the ground. Chuck Norris yelled over the roar of the flames, "Always leave things the way you found 'em!"
68. One time while sparring with Wolverine, Chuck Norris accidentally lost his left testicle. You might be familiar with it to this very day by its technical term: Jupiter.
69. Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.
70. Chuck Norris is Luke Skywalker's real father.
71. Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will simply change the actual spelling of it.
72. Before science was invented it was once believed that autumn occurred when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked every tree in existence.
73. In the original pilot for Star Trek Next Generation, Chuck Norris can be seen powering the USS Enterprise warp drive with his roundhouse kicks.
74. When the Hulk gets mad, he becomes Chuck Norris.
75. God made people with asses just so Chuck Norris would have something to kick.
76. Chuck Norris's parents once went to the doctor's office to try to have him aborted. Chuck Norris was the only survivor.
77. Chuck Norris doesn’t change light bulbs….he just scares the dark away.
78. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a midget and it burst into 25 gold coins.
79. Chuck Norris can make a woman climax simply pointing at her and saying, "Booyah.”
80. Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter.
81. Chuck Norris actually died in 1994 but The Grim Reaper doesn’t have the balls to tell him.
82. Chuck Norris went to a Burger King and ordered a Big Mac and got it.
83. Chuck Norris always has sex on the first date. Always.
84. Chuck Norris requires only one roundhouse kick to reach the center of a Tootsie Pop.
85. Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry; the man ate a fucking Indian.
86. Did you know Chuck Norris can kill you in one second....47 times?
87. Jesus may be able to walk on water... but Chuck Norris can swim through land.
88. Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
89. Chuck Norris does not shave. Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks himself in the face because the only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.
90. Chuck Norris symbolizes the quantum theory of superposition, which says an object can be in two places or more at once. He can be in your sister and girlfriend at the same time.
91. An ounce of Chuck Norris' dandruff has a street value equivalent to ten kilos off pure uncut Columbine cocaine.
92. Chuck Norris' bowel movements are collected and used as fuel in nuclear reactors.
93. Although Chuck Norris was born without a sense of fear, much like dogs and bees, he has the ability to smell it in others and it makes him aroused.
94. Though God made the world in seven days, Chuck Norris could have done it in four. With just one roundhouse kick.
95. Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
96. Chuck Norris can kill you with every object in your room... including the room itself.
97. In the back of the Guinness Book of World Records it states: “Chuck Norris holds all records. These are simply the people who got the closest.”
98. Chuck Norris doesn't go looking for orgy’s; orgy’s go looking for Chuck Norris.
99. When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he's not pushing himself up…he's really pushing the earth down.
100. Chuck Norris was once walking down a main city street and got an erection, There were no survivors
101. According to einsteins theory of relativity Chuck Norris can technically roundhouse kick you yesterday.
102.The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.
103. Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills People.