(no subject)
tonight was fun!!
was supposed to go to shaunas but i didnt end up going. so jill julia and shauna marie came on over =)
so we went to get ice cream, but didnt want to wal kall the way around, so hopped the fence, some of us had a little bit of difficulty haha!
had to go all the way to the gas station because the store is stupid!
came back to jump the fence when randoms started yelling at us!
telling us they were calling the cops.
shit, we ran like mad!!
it was hilarious though..
oh boy, wont be hopping that fence for a while.
went swimming and gossiped a bit..
and that was our night basically.
we barely did anything, but i had fun =)
(erie fest pics can be found on sarahs lj for anyone who wants to see them.. username: bloodyromance83)
i havent decided whether im ready to go back to school yet.
i mean, im excited, and it just seems right to be going back.
but i wont be able to shake the feeling of summer.
the care-free feeling of freedom.
honestly, this summer has definitely been the best one so far, and its almost gone.
the exciting feeling of school will wear off soon, once the homework and projects begin.
i remember after christmas break we began our summer countdown.
thats not even half way through the year.
oh man, i wish there was such a thing as an endless summer.
i love the summer weather more than anything.
but i like to see the seasons change, but it gets old after a while, you know?
next summer im pretty sure im going to camp for a little bit.
this christmas break im going to new york for new years eve.
but i also want to go skiing.
ive never been before and i really want to learn, whether its nothing special or not, i just want the experience.
then in grade 11 i might be going to school in toronto =S..
oh man, so much for the further future, but not too much for the closer future.
i really want to go to a psychic.
a lot of people who ive talked to whove went to one said theyve been right.
im just curious, to see how some things will turn out..
i dont know if i believe in that stuff though.
i know i believe in astrology.
i was reading this book and it was scary how similar i am to my sign.
ahh, ive trailed off..
im so nervous about my future.
im always looking ahead, and barely living in the moment. (god, that sounds cheesy)
im always concerned about my university years actually.
im nervous about where ill go to school, and what ill study.
i seriously have no idea what i want to do with my life.
i wanna be an actress, and we all know thats gonna happen! *thumbs down*
i love writing, but i can never focus on what i want to write about, i always get carried away.
i love taking pictures, but i dont know if id want to be a photographer.
i dont care, but id love to be in the industry.
just to be involved with fame and stuff.
i dont care how glamourous it may or may not be, i would love to just be apart of it all..
ugh, i wish i didnt have so many aspirations for myself.
im afraid im only going to end up failing myself.
im afraid of failing.
like, at life.
im not even joking, im afraid of going nowhere in life, and only disappointing myself.
im also afraid of dying.
i mean, whats beyond life?
its not like i can find out before i get there.
i want to do everything i can with my life before i have to leave.
i mean, we all think of death as far away, but we dont know how far away it really is..
i cant think of what i would want my life to be passed 25.
do i want to get married?
do i want children?
i dont know if i want children.
im afraid im going to mess it up, and be a terrible parent,
only to make that child a screwed up parent, and then the pattern continues.
im also afraid of losing everyone whos close to me.
like my parents.
they smoke like chimneys, and i wish they wouldnt.
my mom was almost diagnosed with emphsima, and i lost it.
i was crying hysterically.
i dont know what id do without my mom.
i had the option to go to chicago with my dad and adrain, but i refused to go without my mom.
god, i feel for those who dont have a mother, im so dependant on my own, i cant imagine what its like without one.
and my brothers and my dad.
as much as i complain, id be a wreck without them.
to have someone then to lose them isnt something to cope with easily..
and my grandparents.
time is winding down, and i know they wont be around for a long time..
god, it took my months to get over my nonnas death.
i dont even know who id turn to during a death in my family.
i would be so needy for someone to be with me, i never want to be alone.
i dont know if i have anyone who would just sit with me for hours at a time, talking with me about my deepest thoughts, and listen to me cry.
and as riidiculous as this sounds, im going to be such a mess when we lose that dog.
i love my dog, i cant imagine what id do without her, and to think she wont be here for a long time, scares me.
i lost myself during the movie "My Dog Skip"
oh my god, im pathetic..
as selfish as i sound, i want everyone to out-live me, so i dont have to go through the pain of losing them.
everytime the phone rings i get scared.
i dont know who it could be..
im afraid its someone calling to say,
"i hate to be the one telling you this, but ____ died"
i dont think i can ever shake the fear of dying or losing someone to death.
ive stared death in the face once or twice, the only thing i thought was,
"to all those in my life, i love you"
come to think of it, that might be our main reason to be here,
to find and be with the people who we love, and who love us.
...just a thought.
later days xoxo
love, alicia
was supposed to go to shaunas but i didnt end up going. so jill julia and shauna marie came on over =)
so we went to get ice cream, but didnt want to wal kall the way around, so hopped the fence, some of us had a little bit of difficulty haha!
had to go all the way to the gas station because the store is stupid!
came back to jump the fence when randoms started yelling at us!
telling us they were calling the cops.
shit, we ran like mad!!
it was hilarious though..
oh boy, wont be hopping that fence for a while.
went swimming and gossiped a bit..
and that was our night basically.
we barely did anything, but i had fun =)
(erie fest pics can be found on sarahs lj for anyone who wants to see them.. username: bloodyromance83)
i havent decided whether im ready to go back to school yet.
i mean, im excited, and it just seems right to be going back.
but i wont be able to shake the feeling of summer.
the care-free feeling of freedom.
honestly, this summer has definitely been the best one so far, and its almost gone.
the exciting feeling of school will wear off soon, once the homework and projects begin.
i remember after christmas break we began our summer countdown.
thats not even half way through the year.
oh man, i wish there was such a thing as an endless summer.
i love the summer weather more than anything.
but i like to see the seasons change, but it gets old after a while, you know?
next summer im pretty sure im going to camp for a little bit.
this christmas break im going to new york for new years eve.
but i also want to go skiing.
ive never been before and i really want to learn, whether its nothing special or not, i just want the experience.
then in grade 11 i might be going to school in toronto =S..
oh man, so much for the further future, but not too much for the closer future.
i really want to go to a psychic.
a lot of people who ive talked to whove went to one said theyve been right.
im just curious, to see how some things will turn out..
i dont know if i believe in that stuff though.
i know i believe in astrology.
i was reading this book and it was scary how similar i am to my sign.
ahh, ive trailed off..
im so nervous about my future.
im always looking ahead, and barely living in the moment. (god, that sounds cheesy)
im always concerned about my university years actually.
im nervous about where ill go to school, and what ill study.
i seriously have no idea what i want to do with my life.
i wanna be an actress, and we all know thats gonna happen! *thumbs down*
i love writing, but i can never focus on what i want to write about, i always get carried away.
i love taking pictures, but i dont know if id want to be a photographer.
i dont care, but id love to be in the industry.
just to be involved with fame and stuff.
i dont care how glamourous it may or may not be, i would love to just be apart of it all..
ugh, i wish i didnt have so many aspirations for myself.
im afraid im only going to end up failing myself.
im afraid of failing.
like, at life.
im not even joking, im afraid of going nowhere in life, and only disappointing myself.
im also afraid of dying.
i mean, whats beyond life?
its not like i can find out before i get there.
i want to do everything i can with my life before i have to leave.
i mean, we all think of death as far away, but we dont know how far away it really is..
i cant think of what i would want my life to be passed 25.
do i want to get married?
do i want children?
i dont know if i want children.
im afraid im going to mess it up, and be a terrible parent,
only to make that child a screwed up parent, and then the pattern continues.
im also afraid of losing everyone whos close to me.
like my parents.
they smoke like chimneys, and i wish they wouldnt.
my mom was almost diagnosed with emphsima, and i lost it.
i was crying hysterically.
i dont know what id do without my mom.
i had the option to go to chicago with my dad and adrain, but i refused to go without my mom.
god, i feel for those who dont have a mother, im so dependant on my own, i cant imagine what its like without one.
and my brothers and my dad.
as much as i complain, id be a wreck without them.
to have someone then to lose them isnt something to cope with easily..
and my grandparents.
time is winding down, and i know they wont be around for a long time..
god, it took my months to get over my nonnas death.
i dont even know who id turn to during a death in my family.
i would be so needy for someone to be with me, i never want to be alone.
i dont know if i have anyone who would just sit with me for hours at a time, talking with me about my deepest thoughts, and listen to me cry.
and as riidiculous as this sounds, im going to be such a mess when we lose that dog.
i love my dog, i cant imagine what id do without her, and to think she wont be here for a long time, scares me.
i lost myself during the movie "My Dog Skip"
oh my god, im pathetic..
as selfish as i sound, i want everyone to out-live me, so i dont have to go through the pain of losing them.
everytime the phone rings i get scared.
i dont know who it could be..
im afraid its someone calling to say,
"i hate to be the one telling you this, but ____ died"
i dont think i can ever shake the fear of dying or losing someone to death.
ive stared death in the face once or twice, the only thing i thought was,
"to all those in my life, i love you"
come to think of it, that might be our main reason to be here,
to find and be with the people who we love, and who love us.
...just a thought.
later days xoxo
love, alicia