Spartacus Impressions: Sacramentum Gladiatorum
The opening Sex/Death dream was disturbingly hot, the best kind in my book. I'm always impressed with things that can make me feel the slightest bit uncomfortable/disquieted because it's frankly hard to do.
Oh, Lucy Lawless, I see you still have many skills. Or rather, your slaves do. Where can you get servants specializing in foreplay? I need to look into that.
I am also amused that your character's name is Lucretzia. I'm gonna call you Lucy. You look good in green, and your hair is much better this time around. I think it was just that first wig I really hated.
Batiatus: I've tried, but I just can't take you seriously as a Roman, let alone a gladiator owner guy. Maybe it would help if you were to attend Four Weddings and a Funeral. And O, you have money problems. The plot thickens.
I don't care what era you're in: A high school locker room is a high school locker room.
I like how casual you are about nudity, Spartacus. It's a more realisitc view of what humans are and how they interact. That's my official reason anyway. At this point I had to pause the episode, because I came to the conclusion that Spartacus was meant to be watched while eating chocolate cream filled Lil Debbie Snack Cakes. I will be prepared in advance next time.
Blood and Sand thing: Nice way to introduce the title, but Top Gladiator Man reminds me too much of a certain someone...
And then with the sex metaphors: Now matter what era you're in, its guaranteed that learning a new sport is at some point going to involve the word "cock."
On another note, you always know something really awesome or really lame is going to happen after someone says "A demonstration perhaps."
I'm still trying to decide which this was.
And then OMG LUCY IS GETTING HER THANG ON WITH GLADIATOR MAN. THE MUSIC TELLS ME SO. No offense Batiatus, but he's much more her speed.
Check out the eyebrow.
Skipping ahead:
I think I just met Brooke's (still don't know her character's name) husband - I know she's someone's wife and has a son. EXCITEMENT.
Ok, really top dog gladiators? Don't you have any thing better to do than act like high school bullies? But I guess you were necessary for Spartacus to meet the Man Who Knows How To Get Things.
Craig Time!: This time I did indeed watch for the thighs, but I just got kneecaps. I have realized that I have to stop wanting/expecting you to be Darken Rahl. But you know, good on you, Craig Parker. You were given a character that could have been played very similarly, but you have done something completely different. Glaber is much tighter wound than Darken, and much less controlled. Though the thigh ribbon thing is something Darken might have done.
Mrs. Glaber: Oh you are a snobby bitch but I think I kind of flove you. Oh, your face when you said "Animals". You are so jonesing for some gladiators.
"Proper is a word made by men who would seek to enslave us with it." - Yes. You go Lucy. Please tell me that at some point you will hit someone. Preferably while telling them how much they suck. Oh, Luce, you don't have any babies? Side note: I wonder if it's your problem, or old Batty's? Another twist to the tale!
I think you need to have fight sex with Mrs. Glaber. It seems necessary. I get a real Importance of Being Earnest vibe from you guys.
Sparty, you were more interesting this go round, especially your conversation with Batiatus. I do however, find you to be sort of a repeat of the struggling hero who wants his love. You are Everyman. I'm not sure if it's good or bad yet, it just is.
Oooh... Sparty you dun messed with Luce's boy toy. You should probably start sleeping with your hands cupped over anything you don't want to lose.
Interesting vow you pledged to Master Rahl Batiatus at the end.
Conclusion: I like how everyone has a selfish motivation. These people are real. They make no bones about killing, about doing whatever necessary to get what they want. It's a more honest depiction of what humans really are. We pretend to be so civilized now... but we aren't.
It is interesting though, that Spartacus is always going on about "killing them all" but then he's visibly upset when he uh oh kills someone in high school training camp.
Craig Sightings:1
Brooke Sightings: 1/2