6th Episode of Game of Thrones: A Golden Crown
Ok, I actually couldn't wait and went ahead and watched all the episodes, but I typed up all my recaps as I went so I'd just have to go back and add gifs. So. Here's my episode 6 recap as I first typed it:
Oh man the show is really getting crazy. I can't even. Be warned this recap is mostly incoherent flailing. No really.
Let's get right to it, shall we?
OH MAN THIS EPISODE. My face is just frozen in expressions of WHAT IS THIS FUCKERY. Because. SO MANY AWESOME THINGS ARE HAPPENING AND I CAN'T EVEN FIND THE ADJECTIVES. IT'S JUST. AMAZING FUCKERY.
So we open with Neddy, and Mommy Lannister is all pissed he took the Imp AS SHE SHOULD BE, but you gotta hand it to Neddy, sticking up for his lady. You know he knows Mommy Stark is being stupid, but he protects her anyway.
And then Bob the Beggar King slaps Mommy Lannister, and she's all epic about it, and then he regrets it, and I just don't know how I feel. Bob admits it wasn't kingly, so he knows he kind of sucks. But at the same time, I'm really disappointed in him, because if nothing else, he seemed like a jovial guy despite all his other failings. Now he just. Meh. Bob has actually become one of the most interesting characters to me really. There's this shadow of the man he was hanging over him at all times, sharply contrasted with the man he is. It's like there's the Great Robert Baratheon... and then Bob the Beggar King ate him.
And then we go to Dany, and her dragon egg, and HOLY SHIT, EPIPHANY. She can't be hurt by fire because she's got dragon blood, right? AM I RIGHT? I am so totally right! And then I kind of flailed, because remember in one of the earlier episodes when she gets in that steaming bath, and the maid is all U WILL BURN URSELF, and then she's like NAH IT'S COOL. Shut up. I get excited by continuity.
I'm sure you can see how this image is relevant
And then here we go again with the three eyed crow and Falling Boy, whose name I have finally learned is Bran. But. I like to call him Falling Boy. JUST FOLLOW THE CROW ALREADY, LET'S SEE WHAT THAT'S ALL ABOUT.
But then d'awww he's all on his horse and stuff. I've kind of developed a fondness for Robb, which may or may not be because he's ~beautiful~, and Bran is growing on me too.
Ok, so anyway, Ginger Guy (Greyjoy?) is an ass, and needs to calm his shit down. He's really hung up on being a lord and he just rubs me the wrong way.
AND THEN WE GET TO THE WILDLINGS.
WHAT IS THIS? IS THIS WHO I THINK IT IS?
Now we know what REALLY happened to Tonks at the final battle of Hogwarts. Lupin bit her, then she turned into a Wildling and moved to Canada. Yeah that's right, you have to remember the canon from previous recaps to get the jokes.
So then Tonks says to Robby, "Give me my life my lord, and I'm yours." And what I heard was "Give me my life my lord, and I'm yours... SEXUALLY."
Anyone else kind of ship it? Just me? Ok then.
OMG IMPLICIOUS.
I'll admit as much as I love my Impy, I did lol at the dumb dungeon master being all NO GOLD. *whack*
By PFC comics
WHACK AN IMP.
And then we go to Arya and her fencing master, and can I just say I love him? He's the Game of Thrones answer to Inigo Montoya.
If you are with your trouble when fighting happens, more trouble for you.
Am I creepy to kind of future!ship him with Arya? Yeah, I'm probably creepy. BUT COME ON.
There is only one god, and his name is death. And there is only one thing we say to death: Not today.
He is totally the master of the Deathly Hallows.
DANY. WHAT IS THIS CONTINUED AWESOMENESS WITH THIS EPISODE. I JUST CAN'T COPE.
Dany is eating a heart, and I just love the unique culture we get to see here, and the eye sex Dany and Drogo are having. They just say so much without saying anything. And then the prophecy of Rhaego! OH GOD PLEASE LET NOTHING AWFUL HAPPEN TO RHAEGO. I JUST. I REALLY WANT RHAEGO TO BE OK, GUYS, AND I DON'T THINK HE'S GOING TO BE.
I am starting to think that sometimes Jorah is just there to give us exposition.
Like half of his lines are like "Let me explain this Dothraki Fuckery for the audience."
BUT OMG THE STALLION WHO MOUNTS THE WORLD.
A prince rides inside of me!
I love Rhaego, and he's not even born yet. T_T
So many Drogo/Dany issues.
Oh and then Dany's Stupid Brother realizes that the Dothraki love her, and I'm like:
And then Jorah keeps him from taking the eggs, and you know I'm starting to see it. He's not flashy like Drogo, but there's a lot of quiet strength and loyalty there. I'm still firmly TEAM DROGO though.
Who can rule without love, or money, or fear? <-Awesome.
And then Dany's Stupid Brother called Jorah on eyeballing DANY and I was like:
Oh oh and then this bit:
Jorah: My oath means everything to me.
Viserys: And yet here you stand.
Jorah: And yet here I stand.
SO MUCH ~MEANING.
Yeah I can't even make sense about this episode.
AND THEN WE GO BACK TO THE IMP SLKDFJSLDKFJS.
And when Impy tried to explain how possession is sometimes an abstract concept, I flailed, because I'm a law student, and it took me back to my first year property law class where I was all CONSTRUCTIVE CONTROL. WUT.
And then Impy sweet talks the guard and I don't even have much to say, because I forgot to take notes because I was watching the screen like:
And then OMG TYRION YOU SCOUNDREL I LOVE YOU. UNF. His whole mocking speech, and he's a vile man, and he "made the bald man cry" into the turtle soup and his sister ate it, and he hopes she did! I just.
And then he demanded Trial by Combat, and for a second I thought he was going to fight himself and I was like:
And then I thought maybe he had a right to choose his opponent, and he was gonna choose the crazy breast feeding 6 year old, and I was like:
And then the little brat screamed about making the bad man fly, and I was like:
And then that guy volunteered to be his champion and I was like:
SERIOUSLY YOU GUYS. I DID NOT BREATHE DURING THIS WHOLE SEGMENT WITH THE NEGOTIATING AND THE FIGHTING.
And then we have Sansa being very typically teenaged and mean to her nurse, and then Psycho Prince comes in to sweet talk her, and I THINK HE'S UP TO SOMETHING.
His mouth moves, but it's his mother's words that come out. I am actually starting to really enjoy him though, not in a I like him way, but every time he's on screen, I'm like:
I'll never disrespect you again. I'll never be cruel to you again.
I'm taking bets on how long that's going to last. Any takers? No? I'll give you good odds, come on!
And then there's Ros (amazing I can't remember a lot of the major players names, but Ros I learned like the first episode she was in) and Ginger Jackass. And he needs to see her vag one more time. Wow, desperate dude. That reminded me of this commercial:
HAIL TO THE V.
Ahhhhhh and Neddy has realized all of the royal children are double Lannister bbs following Sansa's rather dramatic speech. And you know, I've realized Sansa -has- to be a bit stupid in places to further the story, so. I forgive her a little. But no really, Sansa. Go be a Cullen.
OMG AND THEN. DANY'S STUPID BROTHER. That was just. Phenomenally stupid. But you have to give it to the actor, he does the transition from drunk, enraged idiot to the smiley "Oh ok" really well. And Khal Drogo started speaking English and I was like:
You know, I wasn't really surprised that Viserys died, to be honest. He's been pushing it for a long time. And how badass, and noble in a way, that Dany watches. And I can't blame Drogo, for all that he killed Dany's brother in front of her, because he was protecting his wife and kid, and you can see from how he touches and looks at Dany afterward that he was afraid of losing them. But man I was so terrified he was gonna stab Dany in the gut, because I just have this horrible sense of foreboding surrounding Rhaego, and I SO BADLY want it to be ok. DANY/DROGO FOREVER.
Fire cannot kill a dragon.
In conclusion: THIS EPISODE IS OFF THE CHAIN, MAN. FAVORITE EPISODE SO FAR.
Oh man the show is really getting crazy. I can't even. Be warned this recap is mostly incoherent flailing. No really.
Let's get right to it, shall we?
OH MAN THIS EPISODE. My face is just frozen in expressions of WHAT IS THIS FUCKERY. Because. SO MANY AWESOME THINGS ARE HAPPENING AND I CAN'T EVEN FIND THE ADJECTIVES. IT'S JUST. AMAZING FUCKERY.
So we open with Neddy, and Mommy Lannister is all pissed he took the Imp AS SHE SHOULD BE, but you gotta hand it to Neddy, sticking up for his lady. You know he knows Mommy Stark is being stupid, but he protects her anyway.
And then Bob the Beggar King slaps Mommy Lannister, and she's all epic about it, and then he regrets it, and I just don't know how I feel. Bob admits it wasn't kingly, so he knows he kind of sucks. But at the same time, I'm really disappointed in him, because if nothing else, he seemed like a jovial guy despite all his other failings. Now he just. Meh. Bob has actually become one of the most interesting characters to me really. There's this shadow of the man he was hanging over him at all times, sharply contrasted with the man he is. It's like there's the Great Robert Baratheon... and then Bob the Beggar King ate him.
And then we go to Dany, and her dragon egg, and HOLY SHIT, EPIPHANY. She can't be hurt by fire because she's got dragon blood, right? AM I RIGHT? I am so totally right! And then I kind of flailed, because remember in one of the earlier episodes when she gets in that steaming bath, and the maid is all U WILL BURN URSELF, and then she's like NAH IT'S COOL. Shut up. I get excited by continuity.
I'm sure you can see how this image is relevant
And then here we go again with the three eyed crow and Falling Boy, whose name I have finally learned is Bran. But. I like to call him Falling Boy. JUST FOLLOW THE CROW ALREADY, LET'S SEE WHAT THAT'S ALL ABOUT.
But then d'awww he's all on his horse and stuff. I've kind of developed a fondness for Robb, which may or may not be because he's ~beautiful~, and Bran is growing on me too.
Ok, so anyway, Ginger Guy (Greyjoy?) is an ass, and needs to calm his shit down. He's really hung up on being a lord and he just rubs me the wrong way.
AND THEN WE GET TO THE WILDLINGS.
WHAT IS THIS? IS THIS WHO I THINK IT IS?
Now we know what REALLY happened to Tonks at the final battle of Hogwarts. Lupin bit her, then she turned into a Wildling and moved to Canada. Yeah that's right, you have to remember the canon from previous recaps to get the jokes.
So then Tonks says to Robby, "Give me my life my lord, and I'm yours." And what I heard was "Give me my life my lord, and I'm yours... SEXUALLY."
Anyone else kind of ship it? Just me? Ok then.
OMG IMPLICIOUS.
I'll admit as much as I love my Impy, I did lol at the dumb dungeon master being all NO GOLD. *whack*
By PFC comics
WHACK AN IMP.
And then we go to Arya and her fencing master, and can I just say I love him? He's the Game of Thrones answer to Inigo Montoya.
If you are with your trouble when fighting happens, more trouble for you.
Am I creepy to kind of future!ship him with Arya? Yeah, I'm probably creepy. BUT COME ON.
There is only one god, and his name is death. And there is only one thing we say to death: Not today.
He is totally the master of the Deathly Hallows.
DANY. WHAT IS THIS CONTINUED AWESOMENESS WITH THIS EPISODE. I JUST CAN'T COPE.
Dany is eating a heart, and I just love the unique culture we get to see here, and the eye sex Dany and Drogo are having. They just say so much without saying anything. And then the prophecy of Rhaego! OH GOD PLEASE LET NOTHING AWFUL HAPPEN TO RHAEGO. I JUST. I REALLY WANT RHAEGO TO BE OK, GUYS, AND I DON'T THINK HE'S GOING TO BE.
I am starting to think that sometimes Jorah is just there to give us exposition.
Like half of his lines are like "Let me explain this Dothraki Fuckery for the audience."
BUT OMG THE STALLION WHO MOUNTS THE WORLD.
A prince rides inside of me!
I love Rhaego, and he's not even born yet. T_T
So many Drogo/Dany issues.
Oh and then Dany's Stupid Brother realizes that the Dothraki love her, and I'm like:
And then Jorah keeps him from taking the eggs, and you know I'm starting to see it. He's not flashy like Drogo, but there's a lot of quiet strength and loyalty there. I'm still firmly TEAM DROGO though.
Who can rule without love, or money, or fear? <-Awesome.
And then Dany's Stupid Brother called Jorah on eyeballing DANY and I was like:
Oh oh and then this bit:
Jorah: My oath means everything to me.
Viserys: And yet here you stand.
Jorah: And yet here I stand.
SO MUCH ~MEANING.
Yeah I can't even make sense about this episode.
AND THEN WE GO BACK TO THE IMP SLKDFJSLDKFJS.
And when Impy tried to explain how possession is sometimes an abstract concept, I flailed, because I'm a law student, and it took me back to my first year property law class where I was all CONSTRUCTIVE CONTROL. WUT.
And then Impy sweet talks the guard and I don't even have much to say, because I forgot to take notes because I was watching the screen like:
And then OMG TYRION YOU SCOUNDREL I LOVE YOU. UNF. His whole mocking speech, and he's a vile man, and he "made the bald man cry" into the turtle soup and his sister ate it, and he hopes she did! I just.
And then he demanded Trial by Combat, and for a second I thought he was going to fight himself and I was like:
And then I thought maybe he had a right to choose his opponent, and he was gonna choose the crazy breast feeding 6 year old, and I was like:
And then the little brat screamed about making the bad man fly, and I was like:
And then that guy volunteered to be his champion and I was like:
SERIOUSLY YOU GUYS. I DID NOT BREATHE DURING THIS WHOLE SEGMENT WITH THE NEGOTIATING AND THE FIGHTING.
And then we have Sansa being very typically teenaged and mean to her nurse, and then Psycho Prince comes in to sweet talk her, and I THINK HE'S UP TO SOMETHING.
His mouth moves, but it's his mother's words that come out. I am actually starting to really enjoy him though, not in a I like him way, but every time he's on screen, I'm like:
I'll never disrespect you again. I'll never be cruel to you again.
I'm taking bets on how long that's going to last. Any takers? No? I'll give you good odds, come on!
And then there's Ros (amazing I can't remember a lot of the major players names, but Ros I learned like the first episode she was in) and Ginger Jackass. And he needs to see her vag one more time. Wow, desperate dude. That reminded me of this commercial:
Click to viewHAIL TO THE V.
Ahhhhhh and Neddy has realized all of the royal children are double Lannister bbs following Sansa's rather dramatic speech. And you know, I've realized Sansa -has- to be a bit stupid in places to further the story, so. I forgive her a little. But no really, Sansa. Go be a Cullen.
OMG AND THEN. DANY'S STUPID BROTHER. That was just. Phenomenally stupid. But you have to give it to the actor, he does the transition from drunk, enraged idiot to the smiley "Oh ok" really well. And Khal Drogo started speaking English and I was like:
You know, I wasn't really surprised that Viserys died, to be honest. He's been pushing it for a long time. And how badass, and noble in a way, that Dany watches. And I can't blame Drogo, for all that he killed Dany's brother in front of her, because he was protecting his wife and kid, and you can see from how he touches and looks at Dany afterward that he was afraid of losing them. But man I was so terrified he was gonna stab Dany in the gut, because I just have this horrible sense of foreboding surrounding Rhaego, and I SO BADLY want it to be ok. DANY/DROGO FOREVER.
Fire cannot kill a dragon.
In conclusion: THIS EPISODE IS OFF THE CHAIN, MAN. FAVORITE EPISODE SO FAR.