Movie Theatre Annoyances
I often imagine myself taking action against people like the ones outlined below (splashing a large cup of pop at them and their iPhone/BlackBerry, etc.), but never go beyond giving them dirty looks or asking them to be quiet. What's one thing you've done to a theatre idiot and have been proud of? Is there anything else that people do at the movies to annoy you?
1. People who talk on the phone during a movie. No explanation needed. Just show some class and leave the theatre for a couple of minutes if you need to talk on the phone - you're not at home and other people are trying to make out the dialogue in the movie.
Although this is the probably most annoying things a person could do, they are becoming a little more rare - but they're being replaced with the idiots in #2 below.
2. Texting on the phone during the movie. In many ways, this is even worse than talking on the phone. These people have to be checking their messages every five minutes, while holding up their piece of shit iPhone/BlackBerry to the annoyance of everyone else as a glaring beacon in the darkness; an irritating flashlight in our faces. SHUT THE FUCKING THING OFF. You idiots seem oblivious to how bright and annoying your phones are, and you lack the attention span to deserve being in a movie theatre.
3. People who put their feet up against the back of someone else's chair. No explanation needed. Stop being assholes, you chair-kickers.
4. People who feel the inexplicable need to describe something that just happened in the movie, or repeat a line that they thought was funny - as if their companion is blind, deaf, stupid or has the attention span of someone who needs to be checking their phone for messages every five minutes. "Hahahaha! He just stepped on a piece of glass! Hahaha! That's so funny!" Please, do us all a favour; shut up or get out - and I won't have to taser you in the throat.
5. People who bring their children to a movie and let them run rampant in the theatre, running around and stomping up and down the stairs. Learn how to control your children, or just don't bring them. People who somehow get extremely young children into violent or gory R movies make me angry as well.
6. Drooling Neanderthal Bag Crumplers - Generally, I really don't understand why people seem to have a problem when it comes to reaching their hand into a bag of popcorn during a movie without FUCKING DESTROYING IT. Is their arm broken? Are they drunk? Or do they just lack the basic dexterity of an evolved primate to be able to perform this simple action without disturbing everyone else? And when they finally do manage to get their hand inside the bag, they end up scuffling through the popcorn as if they're looking for one piece of popcorn in particular - like a pig scraping through the dirt for truffles.
The DNBCs are also more likely to chew with their mouths open.
1. People who talk on the phone during a movie. No explanation needed. Just show some class and leave the theatre for a couple of minutes if you need to talk on the phone - you're not at home and other people are trying to make out the dialogue in the movie.
Although this is the probably most annoying things a person could do, they are becoming a little more rare - but they're being replaced with the idiots in #2 below.
2. Texting on the phone during the movie. In many ways, this is even worse than talking on the phone. These people have to be checking their messages every five minutes, while holding up their piece of shit iPhone/BlackBerry to the annoyance of everyone else as a glaring beacon in the darkness; an irritating flashlight in our faces. SHUT THE FUCKING THING OFF. You idiots seem oblivious to how bright and annoying your phones are, and you lack the attention span to deserve being in a movie theatre.
3. People who put their feet up against the back of someone else's chair. No explanation needed. Stop being assholes, you chair-kickers.
4. People who feel the inexplicable need to describe something that just happened in the movie, or repeat a line that they thought was funny - as if their companion is blind, deaf, stupid or has the attention span of someone who needs to be checking their phone for messages every five minutes. "Hahahaha! He just stepped on a piece of glass! Hahaha! That's so funny!" Please, do us all a favour; shut up or get out - and I won't have to taser you in the throat.
5. People who bring their children to a movie and let them run rampant in the theatre, running around and stomping up and down the stairs. Learn how to control your children, or just don't bring them. People who somehow get extremely young children into violent or gory R movies make me angry as well.
6. Drooling Neanderthal Bag Crumplers - Generally, I really don't understand why people seem to have a problem when it comes to reaching their hand into a bag of popcorn during a movie without FUCKING DESTROYING IT. Is their arm broken? Are they drunk? Or do they just lack the basic dexterity of an evolved primate to be able to perform this simple action without disturbing everyone else? And when they finally do manage to get their hand inside the bag, they end up scuffling through the popcorn as if they're looking for one piece of popcorn in particular - like a pig scraping through the dirt for truffles.
The DNBCs are also more likely to chew with their mouths open.