I Need You to Know
Title: " I Need You to Know "
Author: Pamala
Characters: Alex and Pam Mahone
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: I know they're not mine. I'm old and tired so, PTB,
please don't slap me around for playing with your toys.
Summary: Pam travels a long way in hopes of telling Alex what he needs to know
Authors notes: This is completely the fault of those yummy season three promo
pictures. I had no say or choice in the matter.
He was a murderer
A good man turned cold blooded killer for reasons she'd never completely understand.
He'd slipped down a hole into the darkness without ever once reaching out to her for help.
He was a mere shadow of the man he once was.
He was lost...
... hopeless.
For all that he was he was still the man she loved.
While the crime that closed the door and threw away the key was a lie the punishment it brought on was to his mind real, deserved and accepted with quiet resignation for all the things that he had done.
She knew him well enough to know he'd believe he was paying the price ...
....that he believed was where he belonged.
He'd told her to forget him but that was more than she was willing to do.
Leaving her child safely in his grandmothers loving arms she'd traveled great distances to reach out to him trapped in the sweltering pits of Hell called Sona.
While hopeless dreams of pressing her body to his ... being wrapped safely in his strong arms ... whispering she still loved him against his ear as he drove into her with the passion and abandon of their youth flooded her head Pam stood silent searching for a glimpse of him at the fences surrounding the prison yard.
She stood there with a patience she never knew possible...
.... waiting and watching for the one she now understood she'd never really forget.
As the sun moved slowly upward, over her head and eventually down into the West she stood silent waiting for hours on end.
Her eyes searching the landscape over and over yet never finding what she'd come for it soon becomes painfully clear that holding him ... touching him ... even seeing his face was never going to happen.
Her head telling her with each passing hour it's hopeless...
... her heart, urging tired finger to hold fast to the metal keeping them apart, refuses to listen.
If losing him the first time tore a hole in her heart walking away now would most certainly leave it in shredded tatters on the ground at her feet.
Just a moment longer... just a few more minutes of hope.
A full day of clinging to the chain link fence wishing passes her by before she was willing to turn away.
She'd lost him.
But then again she knew he was lost before she ever boarded the plane for Panama.
She'd come for him with dreams -- dreams are dreams and nothing more -- of so much more than was ever going to be possible hoping realistically for nothing more than one last chance to tell him she loved him.
She needed to say it...
... knew in her heart it was the one something he needed to hear.
A last chance... that one last hope fades away quickly as the sun slips down to meet the horizon.
Turning to walk away, the taste of Panama dust lingering on her tongue as sweat from the midday Panamanian sun begin drying on her skin, she hears a soft familiar voice calling her name across the distance.
" PAM! Go home, Pam. PLEASE!.... GO! Leave here ... go home and take care of our son. Take care of my -- never let him doubt that I loved him, Pam -- little boy. "
Standing at a fence two layers beyond the one holding her in place he looks broken and healed all at the same time as he mouths the words *thank you* to her as she shouts, before turning to walk away...
"You need to know.... I need you to know.... I love you, Alex "
Author: Pamala
Characters: Alex and Pam Mahone
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: I know they're not mine. I'm old and tired so, PTB,
please don't slap me around for playing with your toys.
Summary: Pam travels a long way in hopes of telling Alex what he needs to know
Authors notes: This is completely the fault of those yummy season three promo
pictures. I had no say or choice in the matter.
He was a murderer
A good man turned cold blooded killer for reasons she'd never completely understand.
He'd slipped down a hole into the darkness without ever once reaching out to her for help.
He was a mere shadow of the man he once was.
He was lost...
... hopeless.
For all that he was he was still the man she loved.
While the crime that closed the door and threw away the key was a lie the punishment it brought on was to his mind real, deserved and accepted with quiet resignation for all the things that he had done.
She knew him well enough to know he'd believe he was paying the price ...
....that he believed was where he belonged.
He'd told her to forget him but that was more than she was willing to do.
Leaving her child safely in his grandmothers loving arms she'd traveled great distances to reach out to him trapped in the sweltering pits of Hell called Sona.
While hopeless dreams of pressing her body to his ... being wrapped safely in his strong arms ... whispering she still loved him against his ear as he drove into her with the passion and abandon of their youth flooded her head Pam stood silent searching for a glimpse of him at the fences surrounding the prison yard.
She stood there with a patience she never knew possible...
.... waiting and watching for the one she now understood she'd never really forget.
As the sun moved slowly upward, over her head and eventually down into the West she stood silent waiting for hours on end.
Her eyes searching the landscape over and over yet never finding what she'd come for it soon becomes painfully clear that holding him ... touching him ... even seeing his face was never going to happen.
Her head telling her with each passing hour it's hopeless...
... her heart, urging tired finger to hold fast to the metal keeping them apart, refuses to listen.
If losing him the first time tore a hole in her heart walking away now would most certainly leave it in shredded tatters on the ground at her feet.
Just a moment longer... just a few more minutes of hope.
A full day of clinging to the chain link fence wishing passes her by before she was willing to turn away.
She'd lost him.
But then again she knew he was lost before she ever boarded the plane for Panama.
She'd come for him with dreams -- dreams are dreams and nothing more -- of so much more than was ever going to be possible hoping realistically for nothing more than one last chance to tell him she loved him.
She needed to say it...
... knew in her heart it was the one something he needed to hear.
A last chance... that one last hope fades away quickly as the sun slips down to meet the horizon.
Turning to walk away, the taste of Panama dust lingering on her tongue as sweat from the midday Panamanian sun begin drying on her skin, she hears a soft familiar voice calling her name across the distance.
" PAM! Go home, Pam. PLEASE!.... GO! Leave here ... go home and take care of our son. Take care of my -- never let him doubt that I loved him, Pam -- little boy. "
Standing at a fence two layers beyond the one holding her in place he looks broken and healed all at the same time as he mouths the words *thank you* to her as she shouts, before turning to walk away...
"You need to know.... I need you to know.... I love you, Alex "