Rendezvous
TITLE: Rendezvous
AUTHOR: happywriter06
CHARACTERS: Sara Tancredi, Michael Scofield in chapter 4 (+ Lincon Burrows and LJ Burrows in chapters 1-2)
CATEGORY: Gen, AU
RATING: PG-13 (overall R)
SUMMARY: In this chapter, Michael and Sara put their cards on the table.
This is after Sara met up with Michael, Lincoln, and LJ in NM.
NOTES: I don't own PB.
CHAPTER 4 - Pillow Talk
Sara reaches across him to turn on the bedside lamp. He flinches under her touch. He realizes now that since her arrival they have not touched.
“So talk,” she says resting herself against the headboard.
“Our mom died when I was 11 and Linc was 15, almost 16. We had no one to take us in. Our father was long gone and no long lost relatives showed up. The State emancipated Linc. He became my legal guardian. He dropped out of high school and started working. Construction when the weather was good. Odd jobs when it wasn’t.
“He made sure I always ate even if he hadn’t eaten. Sometimes I wouldn’t eat all my food even though I was hungry so he could eat. He would say, ‘I’m not hungry but I’ll eat so it doesn’t go to waste.’ He always made sure I was up and ready for school. Always made sure I did my homework. Always made sure I had clean clothes. He always made sure I was taken care of. Things weren’t great but they were good. We were happy most of the time just being together.
“I tried to do what I could to take care of him. I never got into trouble. I did well in school. I helped out around the house. It wasn’t enough. He needed more than I could give. He started drinking, smoking pot, and committing petty crimes. He broke up with Veronica. Had LJ, the best thing to come out of his self-destruction. By the time I went to college, we were barely speaking.”
“He abandoned you.”
“What?”
“Linc told me once that you’ve been abandoned your whole life. Your dad, your mom - not on purpose of course - and him.”
“I didn’t recognize him during that time.”
“He pushed you away for your own good.”
“Maybe.”
“No maybe. I’m sure he did. Ask him.”
“Maybe.”
“No maybe, ask.”
“Linc isn’t much of a talker.”
“Linc isn’t the man he was three years ago.” Michael does not respond, mulling over her words. It was true in some ways and not in others. “Sorry, didn’t mean to interrupt.”
“That’s ok. We drifted in and out of each other’s lives. He mostly only called when he needed something from me. Bail money. A place to stay. To ask me about LJ. Right before this whole thing, he called me because he locked himself out. When I gave him his key, I told him he was a screw-up and I was tired of being his big brother.”
Sara turns her head and can see that Michael is trying very hard to hold it together. She finds his hand and intertwines their fingers.
“I was such a jerk. He’d been my big brother and never complained and I couldn’t do the same for him.”
“You shouldn’t be mad at yourself.”
He turns to look at her. “Why not? I was selfish. I wanted him to be Linc, the Linc he had always been up until the drinking and drugs.”
“That’s understandable. You looked up to him. He was your savior.”
“So I had to return the favor. I found out from V that I got to have the American dream because Linc borrowed some money from some shady guys. He could have kept the money for the both of us. He didn’t. He gave it all to me. Said it was my heritance. He sacrificed his future for me. When we were kids that was ok. Not when I was 18 and he didn’t owe me anything anymore.
“I couldn’t let him die. I studied everything and everyone involved. I couldn’t leave anything to chance.” He looks at her and expects her to pull her hand away. Instead her grip gets tighter.
“Can I ask you a question?”
“Sure.”
“How did you get my yearbook?”
“Local library. They have old yearbooks from the area high schools.”
“Now that’s just wrong. Anybody can see what you looked like in high school.”
“You had a cute senior picture.”
“Really?” Yes, I am a 13 year-old girl, she thinks to herself as she feels her cheeks get warmer. “Thanks. Sorry. Continue.”
“Ok. Um, I was saying I couldn’t leave anything to chance. Nothing. If I did, I couldn’t go in there and tell him to have faith if I didn’t have faith myself that every base was covered.
“I knew people would get hurt but I couldn’t get bogged down with that knowledge. I hoped to minimize the damage as much as possible. I had to be committed or else my brother, the only family I have except for LJ, would die. I couldn’t prevent my father or my mother from leaving but I could do this. I did it.
“That’s why I never told you even when I realized I wanted to be in the infirmary rather than needed to be in there.”
“And how exactly did you fake the diabetes?”
“Pugnac. I took it…OW!” He rubs the spot on his shoulder where she punched him. Mental note, never make her mad enough to hit you.
She is staring straight ahead with her arms folded across her chest. “You better pray that what you did doesn’t come back to bite you in the ass. The long term effects of Pugnac aren’t known and who the hell knows the long term effects of what you did.” She is really mad. There is an edge to her voice that in a way he finds appealing. It means she cares.
“Continuing. At first I had a purpose in flirting. Then it became just flirting. It was a bonus that it was going to help the plan. Am I explaining it right? Do you understand?”
“I think so. How did you lose your toes?”
“Abruzzi cut them off with garden shears.” She winces.
“I’m afraid to ask about the burn.”
“During one of my late night excursions around the prison I backed into a stream pipe wearing a guard’s uniform one of the cons in laundry got for me.”
“So Geary got fired because of you?”
“That might be the one thing I don’t feel guilty about. Well, that and the kick to the head I gave Bellick.”
She turns around no longer angry. She’s almost giddy. “Lord forgive me but tell me all the details.”
“There’s nothing to tell really. He started talking about you and out of nowhere my foot found his head.”
“What did he say?”
“Nothing.”
“Tell me.”
“It’s not important.”
“When did this happen?”
“Before I made that phone call to you.”
“So Bellick was the impetus for you to call me? Wow!”
“Never thought about it like that.”
“What about the cut above your eye?”
“Banged my head into my cell door. On purpose. OW! Quit it!”
“Sorry. I’m not even going to ask how you got that cut on your arm.”
“Better that you don’t.”
“What about the kiss?”
“I needed the keys. There was no other way. I planned to kiss you to get them. It was wrong to use our feelings that way.”
“Our feelings?”
“Yes, our. Anyway, the kiss made me change my mind. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t taint that moment. Not even for Lincoln. I asked you to wait because in that moment I wished I was just a bank robber who fell for the prison doctor and would be out in two and a half years for good behavior and we could start over.”
“Why did you trust me to leave the door open then but not before?”
“It was never about trust. It was about never wanting you to know, to be involved, to carry that burden. I wanted you to stay innocent. That changed when you found out about the keys. I asked you out of desperation.”
“So desperate you didn’t tell me about the other cons?”
“Yes.”
“You didn’t trust me with that information?”
“I couldn’t ask you to let the others out.”
“I might have.”
“Don’t say that.”
She changes her position in bed so that she is facing him. “Why not? We are being honest here, right?”
“Right.”
“Well, I don’t know that I wouldn’t have left it open anyway. I don’t know that if you hadn’t just asked me for the keys, I wouldn’t have just given them to you. I don’t a lot of things when it comes to you.”
He leans forward, closing the distance between them. “Then why are you here?” She looks at him as if to say, “You’re not that dense.” He swallows. “I mean other than for obvious reasons.”
“You mean if my father hadn’t been killed and someone tried to kill me, would I have come?” He nods his head. “I don’t know. I’m here because these are the cards I’ve been dealt. I know why you did it. I understand. I forgive you. But despite how easy things have gone since I stepped off that bus, there’s anger, sadness, confusion. It’s cliché but there is a battle between my heart and my mind right now.”
“Since you’re being honest, the overdose…”
“Was it about you?”
“Yeah.”
“Yes.” He leans back having gotten the answer he dreaded. “And about Lincoln, my father, me.” She straddles him. He looks up at her in surprise. “I’m going to tell you something and I want you to really listen.”
“Okay.”
“Don’t you ever, ever, ever feel guilty from this day forward about my overdose. You can’t and I won’t let you take responsibility for it.”
“But…”
“But nothing. You’re not listening. I’m an addict. I’ve been an addict for a long time now. Every time I fell of the wagon I told myself it was always someone else’s fault. It never was. It was always about me dealing with things the wrong way.”
“You don’t have to say this to make me feel better about how I hurt you.”
“I’m not. Well, I am in the sense that there is no need for you to feel responsible for what happened. There’s no need for you to carry any guilt over this. The other stuff? You need a professional.” He looks away as if contemplating her words. She doesn’t know what she expects him to say in response to that suggestion. “I know about Dr. Brighton.”
He shoots her a look of surprise, anger, embarrassment. “How?” his voice low and controlled.
“I went to speak with him about you.”
“What did he tell you?”
“Your self-worth issues. Your need to help. Your LLI.” He starts to get up so Sara falls to the side. He is pacing the floor. Sara sits back on her legs. “Don’t be upset.”
“You had no right.”
“I had every right as your doctor.”
“Sara, don’t bullshit me. You weren’t treating my head.”
“Fair enough. But in my defense I came across the information accidentally.” His back is to her. “There’s nothing to be embarrassed about. At least you’re not a drug addict.”
He turns around. “That’s not funny.”
“It was to me. Come here and sit down.” He doesn’t move. “Please?”
He sits down with his back to her. She wraps her hands around him and gently pushes him back to lean against her. He does not resist. “You’re not crazy.”
“How come I did all that I did? If that’s not crazy…”
“Ok, that was crazy but not that kind of crazy.”