(no subject)
so much has happened in a week or so sonce i updated, but i'll leave it for you to decide whether it's good or not.
last weekend i got off work friday, waited around for my check on saturday, went out with brent and got him a cd, reserved my harry potter 4 and howl's moving castle dvds, went over to the army surplus store and got a new patch for my hat (because it was redundant to have a michigan state flag on my hat while i actually reside in michigan) and an army camo shirt.
then i got home and called james, and he wasn't busy after coming back from his first interview he called and requested i come down that evening. at about 5pm i left here with no gas or windshield washer fluid, got to mt. pleasant and got gas, popped the hood and filled the reservior full of liquid. unfortunately the hoses must be broken or something because it still doesn't fire it out. got on the road and realized that the hood wasn't down all the way and could fly up at any minute like in 'tommy boy' so i pulled over in shepherd and fixed it at a stop sign. thought i was getting back on the highway and took a side-a-long road that dead ended near a dirt road, really fixed my hood for sho, took a piss in the parking lot and backtracked to the highway on ramp and finally got to lansing. veronica and james were both there, we tossed out the idea of going out to eat but settled on popeyes, and scrabble at home. the game culminated in a james win. after that we shot out to see AKIMBO at macs bar, which has changed since the heydays of bear vs shark. now it's much darker, much more morose, and the pool tables are partially obscured by a mixing board. we still got to play like 6-8 games including the one that i had to beat some random ock and send him packing, and we shot up to the front for akimbo. they have a new guitarist, rocked ass, but there was hardly anyone there so i basically just holla'd what i know and waited for the end.
we got back to the house and had the bright idea to go out and tag. i'd say we hit about 6-8 spots around town and even made a template that we tried out, but the ice made it bleed and ruined the template. it's safe to say that winter is a bad time for tagging.
back home we hit the hay about 4 am.
woke up and watched some bad anime, went thrifting, james had to go to work for 3 hours, i sat on the couch and watched 'mirrormask', 'the royal tenenbaums' and 'se7en' and james got back. we shot over to marc's house to play poker and i stayed until about 9:15pm. i had to come back to midland because work was poppin up around 6am, so i got home and tried to squeeze in some sleep.
then monday and tuesday i went to frick's after work and shot pool. left early each night. cut to wednesday i worked my balls off pumping out 146 cabinets, and to understand why this is such a big number, we normally pump out 75 a day. so i worked like hell that day. now there are three guys that were the finishers and we were packing cabinets up their ass all day. they got a little overwhelmed, so we went back to help them when things got too busy. today we get there and all three of those guys start building together and try to pack them up our ass but we were keeping the pace and shit started to get heated. i seriously contemplated quitting because it only takes two guys to build and they're trying to fuck us as a team of three when three aren't necessary. i got friday off through spherion so that i can cme up to illinois to bring lauren the truck and pack out the apartment. it's going to be tough.
there ain't much else to say. i'm nearing thirty and so tired and alone. there is no one to hold me, no one to give love to, no one to share with. i entertain myself, i hold myself, i try to love myself. it's not the same. all i can do is try not to reminisce about what i had when i had it. it hurts so much.
i cannot believe lauren left me for such trivial reasons. she says i've changed, she's changed, and it's not working for her anymore. the truth is, i was changing every day to suit her mood, but in a way i never really changed at all. i am fluid in that way. i am an adapter, a nurturer. whatever plans she had that i was standing in the way of would have been so easy to adapt to. she just didn't give me that chance. she HAS changed, that is for sure. i don't recognize her anymore. she is not the girl i married. i can't believe she could just throw away a good marriage so easily. there was nothing really wrong with us, because i WAS loving and kind and nurturing. it was always me that suggested she take up painting again, make friends, get hobbies to take the edge off the downtime. it was always me that tried out new tactics, did things she wanted me to do. i never asked her to do anything that would be a big change, except marry me, and she said 'i do', so she obviously had time to think about it and decide for herself. it's just a big disgrace, an affront to everything i believe in. it's not fair to really love someone and lose them to bullshit reasons. she hasn't really given me any closure, we don't talk like i'd like to, and she's basically like an ostrich with her head in the sand, ignoring that i exist unless it pertains to her. it's selfish. only when business arises do we communicate, and she doens't want to talk to me otherwise, even though she knows i love her and would take her back in a second.
what can you do. she wants to give me up, i know someone is out there that will find me and find in me what they're looking for. so oh well.
last weekend i got off work friday, waited around for my check on saturday, went out with brent and got him a cd, reserved my harry potter 4 and howl's moving castle dvds, went over to the army surplus store and got a new patch for my hat (because it was redundant to have a michigan state flag on my hat while i actually reside in michigan) and an army camo shirt.
then i got home and called james, and he wasn't busy after coming back from his first interview he called and requested i come down that evening. at about 5pm i left here with no gas or windshield washer fluid, got to mt. pleasant and got gas, popped the hood and filled the reservior full of liquid. unfortunately the hoses must be broken or something because it still doesn't fire it out. got on the road and realized that the hood wasn't down all the way and could fly up at any minute like in 'tommy boy' so i pulled over in shepherd and fixed it at a stop sign. thought i was getting back on the highway and took a side-a-long road that dead ended near a dirt road, really fixed my hood for sho, took a piss in the parking lot and backtracked to the highway on ramp and finally got to lansing. veronica and james were both there, we tossed out the idea of going out to eat but settled on popeyes, and scrabble at home. the game culminated in a james win. after that we shot out to see AKIMBO at macs bar, which has changed since the heydays of bear vs shark. now it's much darker, much more morose, and the pool tables are partially obscured by a mixing board. we still got to play like 6-8 games including the one that i had to beat some random ock and send him packing, and we shot up to the front for akimbo. they have a new guitarist, rocked ass, but there was hardly anyone there so i basically just holla'd what i know and waited for the end.
we got back to the house and had the bright idea to go out and tag. i'd say we hit about 6-8 spots around town and even made a template that we tried out, but the ice made it bleed and ruined the template. it's safe to say that winter is a bad time for tagging.
back home we hit the hay about 4 am.
woke up and watched some bad anime, went thrifting, james had to go to work for 3 hours, i sat on the couch and watched 'mirrormask', 'the royal tenenbaums' and 'se7en' and james got back. we shot over to marc's house to play poker and i stayed until about 9:15pm. i had to come back to midland because work was poppin up around 6am, so i got home and tried to squeeze in some sleep.
then monday and tuesday i went to frick's after work and shot pool. left early each night. cut to wednesday i worked my balls off pumping out 146 cabinets, and to understand why this is such a big number, we normally pump out 75 a day. so i worked like hell that day. now there are three guys that were the finishers and we were packing cabinets up their ass all day. they got a little overwhelmed, so we went back to help them when things got too busy. today we get there and all three of those guys start building together and try to pack them up our ass but we were keeping the pace and shit started to get heated. i seriously contemplated quitting because it only takes two guys to build and they're trying to fuck us as a team of three when three aren't necessary. i got friday off through spherion so that i can cme up to illinois to bring lauren the truck and pack out the apartment. it's going to be tough.
there ain't much else to say. i'm nearing thirty and so tired and alone. there is no one to hold me, no one to give love to, no one to share with. i entertain myself, i hold myself, i try to love myself. it's not the same. all i can do is try not to reminisce about what i had when i had it. it hurts so much.
i cannot believe lauren left me for such trivial reasons. she says i've changed, she's changed, and it's not working for her anymore. the truth is, i was changing every day to suit her mood, but in a way i never really changed at all. i am fluid in that way. i am an adapter, a nurturer. whatever plans she had that i was standing in the way of would have been so easy to adapt to. she just didn't give me that chance. she HAS changed, that is for sure. i don't recognize her anymore. she is not the girl i married. i can't believe she could just throw away a good marriage so easily. there was nothing really wrong with us, because i WAS loving and kind and nurturing. it was always me that suggested she take up painting again, make friends, get hobbies to take the edge off the downtime. it was always me that tried out new tactics, did things she wanted me to do. i never asked her to do anything that would be a big change, except marry me, and she said 'i do', so she obviously had time to think about it and decide for herself. it's just a big disgrace, an affront to everything i believe in. it's not fair to really love someone and lose them to bullshit reasons. she hasn't really given me any closure, we don't talk like i'd like to, and she's basically like an ostrich with her head in the sand, ignoring that i exist unless it pertains to her. it's selfish. only when business arises do we communicate, and she doens't want to talk to me otherwise, even though she knows i love her and would take her back in a second.
what can you do. she wants to give me up, i know someone is out there that will find me and find in me what they're looking for. so oh well.