[bleach] Oneliners Part 3
Title: Oneliners, part 3
Author: Raptorix
Series: Bleach
Characters: Lots
Rating: Goes from G all the way up to R
Warning: Lots of crack...
Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach. Kubo does. I just write his characters in crackyness.
For shinigamikender
GIN/KIRA + BOOBS!
Gin had to admit, getting Kira to wear that stuffed bra (filled with a bouncy gel-like substance that simulated real boobs wonderfully) under his clothes was rather amusing.
URAHARA/ISHIDA + PANTIES!!!!!!
Ishida had no clue what possessed him to come seeking training and advice from Urahara, but here he was, in the middle of one of Urahara's hair brained training routines that involved... panties.
Uryuu wasn't sure which he should be angriest at. That he allowed himself to be trained by a shinigami... or that he was now wearing silky-soft women's panties.
KEIGO/RYUUKEN + BUTTSEX!!
Ryuuken woke from a terrible dream that he had just been uke to a young man that attended classes with Uryuu. A very unattractive and spastic friend with an abnormal possession of (just a little) reiatsu. Keigo was the boy's name, Ryuuken recalled.
Ryuuken then realized how detailed this terrible nightmare had been. The beings of his nightmares usually never had names and such detailed background information included with them.
Then Ryuuken looked next to him in his bed.
And screamed.
For yukisuzu
ShinjiXHiyori + Clouds
Shinji glanced skyward out of boredom, observing the vague shapes that the clouds above him.
"That cloud looks like a monkey." Shinji lazily commented aloud.
Hiyori expertly flung a sandal straight at Shinji's head, furious.
"DON'T COMPARE ME TO A DAMN CLOUD!" she hollered straight in Shinji's face.
Shinji had to wipe a few drops off spit off his bruised nose after she stomped off
For sephtastic_sama
Urahara x Aizen. + tea
"Thank you for inviting me over for tea, Aizen-sama." Urahara beamed. "I've never had a teatime naked before~! It's rather lovely~!"
For tsukishine
Grimmjaw/Urquiola + um, no
The moment Grimmjaw discovered he had a fandom on the internet, he instantly went researching. But yet, to his horror, he found something he really didn't want to see.
Countless fanfictions, fanarts, and doujins featuring him and Urquiola involved in gay sex.
Grimmjaw was no longer interested to see how many people admired him on the internet.
Kensei/Lisa + stop peeking!
After Kensei's turn was over to grapple with the hollowfying Ichigo, Lisa made sure to give him a swift kick to the balls.
"What... was that for?!" Kensei gasped and writhed in pain.
"I can tell you peeked when I did that helicopter kick earlier. STOP PEEKING." Lisa gave him one last kick to the head and stalked off.
Ichigo, ShinjiHiyori, KenseiLisa + violence
After the hollow ordeal was over, Ichigo felt a bit grateful that he had not seen the violent smexing going on between Shinji and Hiyori. Not to mention the equally violent smex Kensei and Lisa were having.
Ichigo somewhat hoped that being a vaizored didn't mean he'd have violent sex as well. With Rukia.
Ishida, Sado, Ichigo + too close
Ishida, Chad, and Ichigo all fell down some stairs after rushing a little too fast to get down to the floor below. After many cursings, grunts of pain, and thankfully no broken bones, the three young men found themselves in a pile together.
"Someone's hand is a little too close to my crotch, can you move it please?" Ishida did his best to squirm out of the boy pile.
For kino_scythe
Ryuuken/Soi - lust
Soi Fong could say she had never lusted after a single man in her life before.
But Ishida Ryuuken had stirred feelings in Soi Fong that she had never experienced before. He made her lust for an opportunity to explore these feelings further with the man.
Byakuya/Kiyone - innocence
Kiyone felt like she was about to die of happiness as she cuddled close to Byakuya in their bed. He had finally honored her fondest dreams and made off with her innocence that night.
Lisa/Hiyori - kiss
"The hell is wrong with you?! No way in hell am I going to kiss another girl! And definitely not Lisa!" Hiyori hollered at Shinji, who had offered the suggestion.
Lisa sat there, apparently ignoring them all, immersed in her hentai manga.
Shinji/Hiyori - learn
Shinji knew better that Hiyori would never learn to be ladylike. But he did hope that one day she would learn of his feelings for her.
Shinji/Hiyori/Kensei - touch
"Oh HELL no!" Hiyori screeched. She had found on the internet someone who had drawn art depicting her having a threesome with Shinji and Kensei.
"I would never touch those freaks with a ten-foot pole! Blargh!"
Shinji/Hiyori - swim
"I'm bored. Let's go swimming." Shinji noticed the rising temperature on a nearby thermometer.
"ABSOLUTELY NOT!" Hiyori smacked her sheathed sword against Shinji's back, "With you, we'll end up going skinny dipping!"
Ryuuken/Soi - blush
Ryuuken was always apprehensive about taking Soi Fong out in public on dates. She was prone to complimenting him (and much more), and he could never resist blushing when she did that.
Ryuuken/Soi/Yumi - mine
"I understand why you would want Miss Soi Fong back," Ryuuken glared at Yumichika, who had approached the couple claiming that Soi Fong was his. "But she is a grown woman and can make her own decisions as to who she wants to be with."
Ryuuken got an extra ass-grope of appreciation from Soi Fong for saying that.
Bya/Kiyone - sweets
Kiyone had to admit, that if she was to chose between her sweets stash and Byakuya-taichou, she would take Byakuya in an instant. He was sweeter and more fulfilling than any of her sweets could be.
Bya/Kiyone/Uki - share
Ukitake never expected that he was going to have to share his fourth-seater's admiration and loyalty with another captain.
Bya/Kiyone - love
Byakuya's love was so formal, gentle, and orderly. Kiyone's love was playful, kinky, and ever so spontaneous.
Uki/Kiyone - mine
"The way you spend so much time over there, I wonder if you're my fourth-seater or his." Ukitake chuckled at Kiyone as she was about to slip out to rendezvous with the Sixth Captain again.
Urahara/Soi - simple kiss
Soi Fong threw another package of merchandise towards Urahara's head, furious.
"I'm sorry you feel that way about a simple kiss, Soi Fong-chan~!" Urahara dodged as she continued to disrupt his store and fling merchandise at him.
Bya/Kiyone - rice cracker
Kiyone gently pushed the rice cracker into Byakuya's mouth, giggling at his surprised look.
"I can't let you leave without eating something! Now chew!"
Bya/Kiyone/Uki - cry no more
Byakuya, Kiyone, and Ukitake were the crowd favorites when the three of them sang out on stage the popular boy band song of the time, 'Cry No More' by some silly-named group from the Real World.
Bya/Kiyone/Uki - marriage
Ukitake did his best to fill in as the father of the bride during Byakuya and Kiyone's wedding.
Bya/Kiyone - tears
Byakuya admired Kiyone for her ceaseless courage to show tears outwardly in public, something he had never been able to accomplish.
Uki/Kiyone/Sentarou - love
Ukitake loved his third and fourth seaters like they were his children. The entirety of the 13th division was like a big family to him, and he loved them all.
For kaeru_chan
Kira/Yuzu; meeting the family
When Yuzu was around 18, she decided to have her family meet her new boyfriend: Kira Izuru.
Karin thought he was the wimpiest thing she had ever seen. Ichigo was furious that she was dating Ichimaru Gin's former vice-captain. Isshin fretted that a shinigami was going to whisk his precious daughter away to the Soul Society and never return with her.
Yuzu knew her family would love him.
For nightkat01
Byakuya/Nanao + grapes
"Is that all you got?" Nanao frowned when she finally got Byakuya naked. "I was hoping you'd have a bigger set of grapes."
For mellfromva
Hanatarou/Keigo + uke
It was rather difficult to figure out who was going to be the uke, as both were usually uke in most other cases.
So, to decide, they played a round of rock paper scissors. Keigo lost. Hanatarou got to be the seme, to his shock.
Author: Raptorix
Series: Bleach
Characters: Lots
Rating: Goes from G all the way up to R
Warning: Lots of crack...
Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach. Kubo does. I just write his characters in crackyness.
For shinigamikender
GIN/KIRA + BOOBS!
Gin had to admit, getting Kira to wear that stuffed bra (filled with a bouncy gel-like substance that simulated real boobs wonderfully) under his clothes was rather amusing.
URAHARA/ISHIDA + PANTIES!!!!!!
Ishida had no clue what possessed him to come seeking training and advice from Urahara, but here he was, in the middle of one of Urahara's hair brained training routines that involved... panties.
Uryuu wasn't sure which he should be angriest at. That he allowed himself to be trained by a shinigami... or that he was now wearing silky-soft women's panties.
KEIGO/RYUUKEN + BUTTSEX!!
Ryuuken woke from a terrible dream that he had just been uke to a young man that attended classes with Uryuu. A very unattractive and spastic friend with an abnormal possession of (just a little) reiatsu. Keigo was the boy's name, Ryuuken recalled.
Ryuuken then realized how detailed this terrible nightmare had been. The beings of his nightmares usually never had names and such detailed background information included with them.
Then Ryuuken looked next to him in his bed.
And screamed.
For yukisuzu
ShinjiXHiyori + Clouds
Shinji glanced skyward out of boredom, observing the vague shapes that the clouds above him.
"That cloud looks like a monkey." Shinji lazily commented aloud.
Hiyori expertly flung a sandal straight at Shinji's head, furious.
"DON'T COMPARE ME TO A DAMN CLOUD!" she hollered straight in Shinji's face.
Shinji had to wipe a few drops off spit off his bruised nose after she stomped off
For sephtastic_sama
Urahara x Aizen. + tea
"Thank you for inviting me over for tea, Aizen-sama." Urahara beamed. "I've never had a teatime naked before~! It's rather lovely~!"
For tsukishine
Grimmjaw/Urquiola + um, no
The moment Grimmjaw discovered he had a fandom on the internet, he instantly went researching. But yet, to his horror, he found something he really didn't want to see.
Countless fanfictions, fanarts, and doujins featuring him and Urquiola involved in gay sex.
Grimmjaw was no longer interested to see how many people admired him on the internet.
Kensei/Lisa + stop peeking!
After Kensei's turn was over to grapple with the hollowfying Ichigo, Lisa made sure to give him a swift kick to the balls.
"What... was that for?!" Kensei gasped and writhed in pain.
"I can tell you peeked when I did that helicopter kick earlier. STOP PEEKING." Lisa gave him one last kick to the head and stalked off.
Ichigo, ShinjiHiyori, KenseiLisa + violence
After the hollow ordeal was over, Ichigo felt a bit grateful that he had not seen the violent smexing going on between Shinji and Hiyori. Not to mention the equally violent smex Kensei and Lisa were having.
Ichigo somewhat hoped that being a vaizored didn't mean he'd have violent sex as well. With Rukia.
Ishida, Sado, Ichigo + too close
Ishida, Chad, and Ichigo all fell down some stairs after rushing a little too fast to get down to the floor below. After many cursings, grunts of pain, and thankfully no broken bones, the three young men found themselves in a pile together.
"Someone's hand is a little too close to my crotch, can you move it please?" Ishida did his best to squirm out of the boy pile.
For kino_scythe
Ryuuken/Soi - lust
Soi Fong could say she had never lusted after a single man in her life before.
But Ishida Ryuuken had stirred feelings in Soi Fong that she had never experienced before. He made her lust for an opportunity to explore these feelings further with the man.
Byakuya/Kiyone - innocence
Kiyone felt like she was about to die of happiness as she cuddled close to Byakuya in their bed. He had finally honored her fondest dreams and made off with her innocence that night.
Lisa/Hiyori - kiss
"The hell is wrong with you?! No way in hell am I going to kiss another girl! And definitely not Lisa!" Hiyori hollered at Shinji, who had offered the suggestion.
Lisa sat there, apparently ignoring them all, immersed in her hentai manga.
Shinji/Hiyori - learn
Shinji knew better that Hiyori would never learn to be ladylike. But he did hope that one day she would learn of his feelings for her.
Shinji/Hiyori/Kensei - touch
"Oh HELL no!" Hiyori screeched. She had found on the internet someone who had drawn art depicting her having a threesome with Shinji and Kensei.
"I would never touch those freaks with a ten-foot pole! Blargh!"
Shinji/Hiyori - swim
"I'm bored. Let's go swimming." Shinji noticed the rising temperature on a nearby thermometer.
"ABSOLUTELY NOT!" Hiyori smacked her sheathed sword against Shinji's back, "With you, we'll end up going skinny dipping!"
Ryuuken/Soi - blush
Ryuuken was always apprehensive about taking Soi Fong out in public on dates. She was prone to complimenting him (and much more), and he could never resist blushing when she did that.
Ryuuken/Soi/Yumi - mine
"I understand why you would want Miss Soi Fong back," Ryuuken glared at Yumichika, who had approached the couple claiming that Soi Fong was his. "But she is a grown woman and can make her own decisions as to who she wants to be with."
Ryuuken got an extra ass-grope of appreciation from Soi Fong for saying that.
Bya/Kiyone - sweets
Kiyone had to admit, that if she was to chose between her sweets stash and Byakuya-taichou, she would take Byakuya in an instant. He was sweeter and more fulfilling than any of her sweets could be.
Bya/Kiyone/Uki - share
Ukitake never expected that he was going to have to share his fourth-seater's admiration and loyalty with another captain.
Bya/Kiyone - love
Byakuya's love was so formal, gentle, and orderly. Kiyone's love was playful, kinky, and ever so spontaneous.
Uki/Kiyone - mine
"The way you spend so much time over there, I wonder if you're my fourth-seater or his." Ukitake chuckled at Kiyone as she was about to slip out to rendezvous with the Sixth Captain again.
Urahara/Soi - simple kiss
Soi Fong threw another package of merchandise towards Urahara's head, furious.
"I'm sorry you feel that way about a simple kiss, Soi Fong-chan~!" Urahara dodged as she continued to disrupt his store and fling merchandise at him.
Bya/Kiyone - rice cracker
Kiyone gently pushed the rice cracker into Byakuya's mouth, giggling at his surprised look.
"I can't let you leave without eating something! Now chew!"
Bya/Kiyone/Uki - cry no more
Byakuya, Kiyone, and Ukitake were the crowd favorites when the three of them sang out on stage the popular boy band song of the time, 'Cry No More' by some silly-named group from the Real World.
Bya/Kiyone/Uki - marriage
Ukitake did his best to fill in as the father of the bride during Byakuya and Kiyone's wedding.
Bya/Kiyone - tears
Byakuya admired Kiyone for her ceaseless courage to show tears outwardly in public, something he had never been able to accomplish.
Uki/Kiyone/Sentarou - love
Ukitake loved his third and fourth seaters like they were his children. The entirety of the 13th division was like a big family to him, and he loved them all.
For kaeru_chan
Kira/Yuzu; meeting the family
When Yuzu was around 18, she decided to have her family meet her new boyfriend: Kira Izuru.
Karin thought he was the wimpiest thing she had ever seen. Ichigo was furious that she was dating Ichimaru Gin's former vice-captain. Isshin fretted that a shinigami was going to whisk his precious daughter away to the Soul Society and never return with her.
Yuzu knew her family would love him.
For nightkat01
Byakuya/Nanao + grapes
"Is that all you got?" Nanao frowned when she finally got Byakuya naked. "I was hoping you'd have a bigger set of grapes."
For mellfromva
Hanatarou/Keigo + uke
It was rather difficult to figure out who was going to be the uke, as both were usually uke in most other cases.
So, to decide, they played a round of rock paper scissors. Keigo lost. Hanatarou got to be the seme, to his shock.