(no subject)
The feeling of tiredness is sweeping through my bones, and I'm starting to feel the sense of getting run down and mundane in the mind. Lately, I lie on my bed and think about time that has already gone past, and no longer look forward to the future that comes to me. The changes that have occurred lately have affected me too much for me not to care about the fact that I am crying, the fact that I feel so lost and sometime or the other, completely alone.
First of all, Drummah Jen...dear,I like you alot. you've made one mistake in your life on Tomorrows Nobody. Everybody still likes you and there is no problems anymore. Please don't hide away forever so I can't talk to you. I'll message you on myspace sometime, unless you have a problem with me and don't want to talk anymore.
Knowing that I am human, I know I make mistakes frequently and some of them have been disasterous towards my own livelihood and happiness, and affected how others view me in a sense. But my train of thought is, "if they don't care about me after my mistake that I have tried to fix so many times, why do I still care about them? Do I have time to care that much anymore?". The answer is I don't know anymore. I do care about the people, a lot, but in some of these situations I'm not even sure what I did because the path of conversation stopped flowing immediately after, and sometimes it wasn't my mistake at all.
In this year, I have lost three good friends I have cried over, and tried to fix the situation so much that some of the time, the original hurt is blurred and obscured by my mistakes of fixing it.
Jesse, whatever I did to you.. I'm sorry. But you know and I know now that a good friendship petered to an end immediately after I sent you an angry myspace message.There were other factors, of course, but both of us had fault and I was sad to see you leave. I held you in high regard, one of my best friends... you were a wonderful, funny friend who brought me joy whenever we talked. I just wanted you to know I cherished your friendship and always will with memories.
If anybody else has a problem with me, my person or the way I am tell me by commenting, or in an IM or myspace message. Tell me all my problems, for everybody to see, so they know what a horrible bitch i've been to all of you all of the time. Tell them I don't listen, I'm unreasonable, I'm too clingy, I love you people too much, I take friendship too seriously, I hurt you all the time, I'm depressing to be around, whatever you like. I'm sick of holding on to people that want to be let go, so don't be nice to me anymore if you don't want to be friends with me. Go to some fucking trouble and tell me why, then de-friend me because thats the proper, considerate way of doing things like that.
But on the other hand, I thank the friends I hope I'll have forever. Rei (me and you will be roomates someday, you are really my first and best friend in the entire world and I adore you, my sister I never had), Marianne (insert Nigel Thornberry accent and pounce smooch, your clothing style is always fab, adored you from the day I met you), Amy (my lesbian bride, my wonderful friend who I can count on forever, my sister I never had) , Conrado ( I still owe you hookah and pancakes, always someone I can talk to when I have a problem, just find it so easy to be mates with you), David (honkey brother,my comfort zone), Sean (music whiz and general cherished music geek friend), Kris(fortune cookie,lovekins,pop-tart,my little muffin mix, luff FABULOUS),Moe-Chan (Xenon you know I'm gay for you), J ( Always will be my best friend, i'll never give up on you no matter what or how much happens)..... I hope you know you're cherished by me. I'd do anything for you people.
But I'm lost, and it's getting to me. So if you want to stop the ride with me, just let me know nicely and if you're lucky enough people will hate me so I'd put a bullet in my head and it can be done with quickly and easily. No sense in timewasting now, is there?
First of all, Drummah Jen...dear,I like you alot. you've made one mistake in your life on Tomorrows Nobody. Everybody still likes you and there is no problems anymore. Please don't hide away forever so I can't talk to you. I'll message you on myspace sometime, unless you have a problem with me and don't want to talk anymore.
Knowing that I am human, I know I make mistakes frequently and some of them have been disasterous towards my own livelihood and happiness, and affected how others view me in a sense. But my train of thought is, "if they don't care about me after my mistake that I have tried to fix so many times, why do I still care about them? Do I have time to care that much anymore?". The answer is I don't know anymore. I do care about the people, a lot, but in some of these situations I'm not even sure what I did because the path of conversation stopped flowing immediately after, and sometimes it wasn't my mistake at all.
In this year, I have lost three good friends I have cried over, and tried to fix the situation so much that some of the time, the original hurt is blurred and obscured by my mistakes of fixing it.
Jesse, whatever I did to you.. I'm sorry. But you know and I know now that a good friendship petered to an end immediately after I sent you an angry myspace message.There were other factors, of course, but both of us had fault and I was sad to see you leave. I held you in high regard, one of my best friends... you were a wonderful, funny friend who brought me joy whenever we talked. I just wanted you to know I cherished your friendship and always will with memories.
If anybody else has a problem with me, my person or the way I am tell me by commenting, or in an IM or myspace message. Tell me all my problems, for everybody to see, so they know what a horrible bitch i've been to all of you all of the time. Tell them I don't listen, I'm unreasonable, I'm too clingy, I love you people too much, I take friendship too seriously, I hurt you all the time, I'm depressing to be around, whatever you like. I'm sick of holding on to people that want to be let go, so don't be nice to me anymore if you don't want to be friends with me. Go to some fucking trouble and tell me why, then de-friend me because thats the proper, considerate way of doing things like that.
But on the other hand, I thank the friends I hope I'll have forever. Rei (me and you will be roomates someday, you are really my first and best friend in the entire world and I adore you, my sister I never had), Marianne (insert Nigel Thornberry accent and pounce smooch, your clothing style is always fab, adored you from the day I met you), Amy (my lesbian bride, my wonderful friend who I can count on forever, my sister I never had) , Conrado ( I still owe you hookah and pancakes, always someone I can talk to when I have a problem, just find it so easy to be mates with you), David (honkey brother,my comfort zone), Sean (music whiz and general cherished music geek friend), Kris(fortune cookie,lovekins,pop-tart,my little muffin mix, luff FABULOUS),Moe-Chan (Xenon you know I'm gay for you), J ( Always will be my best friend, i'll never give up on you no matter what or how much happens)..... I hope you know you're cherished by me. I'd do anything for you people.
But I'm lost, and it's getting to me. So if you want to stop the ride with me, just let me know nicely and if you're lucky enough people will hate me so I'd put a bullet in my head and it can be done with quickly and easily. No sense in timewasting now, is there?