Retrograded Memories
It’s three weeks down Jongin’s graduation when he’d first met him -- wide eyes and holding onto a bouquet of flowers as he sauntered down the walkway. They bump into each other like it’s a sappy drama scene, and Jongin realizes that it’s more than electrifying when the guy in a pink tee and purple apron introduces himself as Kyungsoo.
Jongin doesn’t forget about the name for life.
-
He’s twenty-four now, working in the white-collar workforce -- something he had never imagined himself to be in back when he was eighteen. Brutal working conditions and people using crooked means to climb up that social ladder, and Jongin wonders why his parents were always in such bad mood whenever they’d returned home from work.
He would get scolded and beaten with a cane if his academics weren’t up to par, and his elder sister would always be the one to supply him with an unlimited source of medical cream. Jongin wasn’t sure if Yoojung had gone through the same treatment when she was younger, but he was pretty sure that Kyungsoo appeared on his doorstep one day, notifying them that a rose bouquet was sent for Kim Yoojung.
Jongin doesn’t miss the slight smile when Kyungsoo tells him, my name is Kyungsoo, and Jongin tells him, I know.
-
Jongin has made it a habit to tap his feet whenever he was in the elevator, maybe it’ll sense his impatience and hurry a little more. It’s more than a little complex when he sees Kyungsoo standing in front of the elevator door when it opens -- holding onto a bouquet of spider lilies and a stuffed bear in the corner. Both their breaths hitch when they notice the other, and Jongin bashfully smiles, holding the door open for Kyungsoo, and at the very same time, asking him if he was free for lunch. Kyungsoo laughs, and reminds Jongin that it’s three in the afternoon, but doesn’t forget to mention that his shift at the flower shop ends at six in the evening.
They exchange numbers, and Jongin vaguely remembers seeing the familiar digits somewhere. He puts it into the back of his mind, nonetheless. It’s more than coincidence if they keep meeting this way, he tells himself. Maybe it was the years of solitary loneliness that had gotten into him and causing him to actually believe in fate, but Jongin thinks it’s too much of a good chance to miss. He’s been alone ever since high school, and that one kiss shared with Sehun was done in a drunken stupor to be called an actual kiss. It was in a stupid frat party hosted by their high school senior in college, and Krystal had just broken up with Sehun for wanting to bring their relationship to a further level.
He says it’s stupid for thinking that Kyungsoo looked way too familiar, but Kyungsoo does. Jongin shrugs it off and thinks he’s probably just a little too head over heels for that guy in a pink tee. Although what bugs him, is that the guy down at procurement sends a wink over at him, and tells him it’s a good way to spice up his life. Jongin doesn’t get the insinuation behind his words, and prefers to smile it off instead, refusing to let anyone ruin his good mood.
Jongin finds himself waiting for five-thirty to come, so he could leave this hellhole and off to the flower shop. It’s not too far down the coffee house he’s used to go, but decides that Kyungsoo would prefer actual food for dinner rather than coffee and cake.
He’s apologetic when he spots Kyungsoo waiting in front of the flower shop; it was already closed by then, but he’s actually not all that sorry when he sees the way Kyungsoo tucks the stray hair behind his ear, large eyes blinking and a subtle smile present when Jongin was spotted.
“My boss decided it would be fun to throw more work at me.” He says through choppy breaths, hand starting to ache from the handle of his briefcase.
“It’s okay, you’re only…” Kyungsoo glances down at his watch before looking back up at Jongin. “Forty minutes late.”
Jongin’s laughing out of embarrassment, but he loves how Kyungsoo slings an arm into his, as though they’ve known each other for quite some time.
-
“So, Jongin.” Kyungsoo starts, placing his chopsticks atop of the rice bowl. “What do you work as?”
“I’m an officer in charge of the contracts department for the company. I don’t do much though, since I’m rather new to the job and my boss doesn’t really trust me enough to handle the bigger clients.”
“Oh.”
And all of a sudden, Jongin finds himself stammering as he tries to explain how insignificant his job is in the company, but he skips out on mentioning that his father was the owner of his company.
“I was never too good with my studies, so all I got was a lousy job like this.” Jongin says, picking up a slice of pajeon and stuffing it into his mouth. “How I wish I could rewind time and go back into the past.”
“Yeah.” And Jongin thinks he hears Kyungsoo muttering something, but he lets it slide.
'How I wish I could rewind time too.'
-
He walks Kyungsoo back, insisting that it was too late for him to return by himself, and earns himself a peck on the cheek. Jongin doesn’t mind that it was merely their first meeting, and they were so awfully close to each other, because it felt so right. It’s wrong to say, but there was a sense of déjà vu as he walked himself back from Kyungsoo’s house back home.
And he remembers that he has never told Kyungsoo of his name.
-
Their second date goes a little smoother, where a carnival was being held. They took rides and made memories, with Kyungsoo taking different polaroids of them together. Jongin asks him why polaroids, and why are you taking so many of them?
“We’ve got so much more time to spend together anyways.”
Kyungsoo only looks away, smiling sadly and telling him: “Polaroids are nice,” and this time, Jongin was absolutely sure he’d heard Kyungsoo mumbling under his breath.
‘If only our memories lasted forever for you.’
-
It’s three months later when Jongin finds a box filled with polaroids -- of him, Kyungsoo, and the different pictures they took together that Jongin had never knew about existed. He looks through each of them, and he doesn’t understand why he’s unable to comprehend what was this all about.
Three months with Kyungsoo and he’s sure that they’ve never been to Canada together before. He dials for Kyungsoo, asking him to come over for something. It’s as confusing as things get, because Kyungsoo was sobbing, and repeating ‘no’ before composing himself and hanging up. It’s much more puzzling when he arrives with a photo album, puffy eyes and quivering lips. Kyungsoo walks in without an invite (by now, their relationship was more than mutual permissions and silent promises), and towards the spare room in Jongin’s house. He starts pulling out the different polaroids in the album and placing it into the box, expressionless as he pulls out a newspaper article at the end of the file, unfolding it and placing it on the floor.
Jongin could hardly see a thing from his position, but he briefly focuses on the words and refuses to go any nearer.
‘Korean nationals involved in a serious bus accident in Vancouver, Canada. Seven dead, twelve severely wounded and two left unharmed.’
“You had stopped breathing then, but the doctors up in Vancouver had managed to bring you back to life.” Kyungsoo uttered, wiping the fingerprint stains on the polaroid they had taken just moments before their worst nightmare. “I remember just… They told me you were gone, and I couldn’t believe it -- you told me we were going to marry in the autumn and that you wouldn’t ever leave me. But barely a minute later, the nurses said you were alive, but was under intensive care and couldn’t accept any visitors at the time.”
Jongin could hardly breathe as he tried to take in all the information, unable to get what Kyungsoo was saying.
He had died?
He had revived?
…
He was going to marry Kyungsoo?
...
“I flew back to Korea first, waiting for the Canadian authority to send you back once your condition was more stable. I waited and waited, Jongin. And after a week, you were finally back…” Kyungsoo’s tears were falling once again, but Jongin could not find the same courage in him to pull him into an embrace -- afraid of what was to come -- afraid of the truth. “No words could express the joy within me when I saw you rousing in that horrible hospital room, but the first words you told me was, ‘who are you?’”
“What a cruel joke life had played, returning me the man I love, but without the memories of our relationship.”
-
It’s three days after Yoojung’s birthday when their doorbell sounds, Jongin walking to the door and opening it. He lets out a gasp when a pretty boy with wide eyes and soft-looking lips awaits outside, telling him that there’s a flower delivery meant for Yoojung.
Jongin thinks it’s a familiar name when he introduces himself as Kyungsoo, and that he’s saved himself a whole of time as Kyungsoo slid a paper with his phone number into his hands. But what he doesn’t understand, are the words below the digits.
‘It’s all over again.’
-
kadi for no reason. more of a long drabble? I had this urge to write Kaisoo the moment I woke up, and i stared into the ceiling.