[PRINCETON] Necessary Talk

[sexyinscrubs]

Who: Isabel & Pat
Where: Princeton Plainsboro Teaching Hospital
Follows: THIS and THIS______________________________________

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[isabelowens]

Izzy had left as soon as she could, not even telling James that she was headed to Princeton. It was Pat that had asked her to go, but it probably wouldn't have stopped his questions. Cameron was here. Harri was here. His unborn son was here by default

[sexyinscrubs]

Pat gave her a small smile and nodded. "Better than I was, apparently," he told her. He was speaking a little slower than normal, and the slight slur to his words couldn't be avoided, but even that had improved over the last couple of days. Getting back on his feet was a process, though, and he had been in this place enough to know not to rush it or try to do too much too quickly.

He gestured to the empty seats beside the bed and carefully put the magazine aside so he didn't lose his grip on it. "Thanks for coming, please sit down. I know it was a long drive, but I really appreciate it. I know it can't be easy for you."

[isabelowens]

Izzy ran her fingers through her hair as her lips twisted into a wry smile. "The drive's never bothered me. I didn't have a problem with it before when me and Cameron were--I still don't have a problem with the drive. You're welcome, anyway. Who wants easy anyway, huh?"

[sexyinscrubs]

Pat tilted his head just slightly with a wry smile. "I wouldn't mind it, actually," he admitted, only half joking. "I don't remember what easy is."

He adjusted the blanket around his stomach and then sighed softly. "I won't inflict you with painful small talk, darling. I think it would be better for both of us if I just get to the point. I know that Cameron... doesn't have any intentions of stepping up to the plate as a father. I think he's too hurt to even try and he's lying in the comfort zone of trying to convince himself you aren't pregnant by him. But I just wanted to say that I don't have any intentions of following his decision. They're my nieces or nephews, and I want to be involved in their lives."

[isabelowens]

"Yeah, I think I have a vague memory of it. It's probably just one of those things. You remember it as good, but it really just sucks," she replied with a slight laugh.

Izzy's lips formed a thin line at hearing Cameron was still trying to deny he was the father of her kids. "Of course he's their father. There wasn't anyone else." Iz took a deep breath, and reached out to hold Pat's hand lightly. "I didn't have plans on shutting you out. Just so you know. You're his other half. Their uncle."

[sexyinscrubs]

Pat bit down on his lip and then cleared his throat. "There was enough of someone else to fuel his doubts, darling. Sometimes that is all it takes. He thinks he was nothing more than just a rebound fling to you, that because of James, he never was going to mean anything more to you. As much as I hate to admit it, even if you could hand over DNA results to him right now, I don't think that would even be enough for him to want to stay in the country and be a father to the babies. He wants to go home, and doesn't want anything more to do with you, I'm sorry. It doesn't matter that he had any part in getting you pregnant, he thinks you now have everything you want with James, including the ability to be a family with him to your own children

[isabelowens]

Izzy's green eyes locked with Pat's gaze. "I loved him. I did. I just... when James started to niggle away at me again, I didn't think it was fair on Cameron. Don't you think I hated him having those doubts? Then if I was doubting it all myself... We're not together. Not at the moment. His mind is on Harri and his kid. I can't blame him. We didn't want to flaunt anything... and it's funny, you know. In a way that makes me a total bitch. I'm supposed to have done this all to be with James, and yet I think our minds are elsewhere. We still haven't really given ourselves a chance. Maybe it really is just too late. As much as we did love each other, and thought we still did... we'd moved on without realising." Izzy shrugged. It wasn't even something she'd shared with James himself, but she found herself needing to talk to someone. It probably should have been Ali, but Ali had her mind on more important things. "I don't know. I'm sorry. My head's a mess, and Cameron's suffered for it. I never did want to hurt him. I wanted him to be the

[sexyinscrubs]

Pat gave his head a small shake. "It wasn't fair, no. But nothing about love is plain black and white. If it was, none of us would be willing to risk going crazy over it. We wouldn't have the likes of our Lachie jumping in front of bullets, or me running off an getting hitched without my identical twin. It can make you nuts, but it's worth it. I know it probably feels like everyone is going to hate you for what happened, but time will mould things. The shit is still dripping off the fans, and it might do for a wee while yet. Our Riley and Beth, a very similar situation to what you're experiencing. They tried to give things a second chance, but they realised things had shifted and they weren't the same anymore. But they had to try, or they would never have known. Riley's experiences had changed him too much, and there was no getting the past back, but they could remain friends because of coming to the realisation together. Now they're happy with other people

[isabelowens]

"I'm glad someone understands," Isabel murmured quietly. And she was. There was an instant sense of relief at listening to Pat. He just understood everything so clearly, and could verbalise it a lot better than she could. She took his hand again, and looked at him. "Even if me and James doesn't work out, Cameron can't even look at me, or talk to me. He can't be anywhere near me let alone the babies. If I wanted a second chance with your brother, I'm never going to get it. I know I won't. Why the fuck would he ever take me back? I've given him nothing."

[sexyinscrubs]

Pat watched her quietly for a few brief moments. "You're having doubts about the second chance with James," he realised. "You wouldn't be contemplating things like whether Cam would take you back if you weren't. And that's okay, too. Despite outward appearance and his dating history, Cam isn't all jock and strap. He's a wonderful guy, and I think he's going to make someone an awesome husband one day. He doesn't think so, but he has a deep-seated caring streak. That is what I'm hoping he'll be able to find again down the track when he's not hurting so much. You need to understand that right now, he's incapable of thinking clearly. He doesn't know his arse from his face. Whatever he does right now, he just needs to do it. As much as I don't want to admit it, going back to England probably is what he needs, unless something changes soon. Which it might, you know. He might meet someone, he might have a change of heart and want to stick close to us all here instead. As for any of the what-ifs or hows that might come down the track... you

[isabelowens]

Iz could only nod, still stunned by Pat being able to just know exactly what she was thinking and feeling. She was having doubts, she couldn't help it. None of how they'd gone about it had done anyone any good, and they hadn't been able to be together to reinforce their decision physically. "I don't want to hurt him again. I really don't, but I understand. I'd protect my sisters with my life. Well, Fiona. I was happy... now I don't know."

[ooc: it's okay! i understand completely. i'm used to being thrown in the junk mail ;)]

[sexyinscrubs]

Pat watched her quietly, the soft beeps of the machines the only soft filling the room in the interim. He wet his lips and adjusted the tube of the oxygen line around his ear. "Have you considered the possibility that maybe your love for James is just a fear of losing him again? That maybe your heart thinks if you hang onto him physically, passionately, romantically, he won't leave you again?" He tilted his head just a little. "Because I think you still love Cam, but your fear has choked you up so much that it was easier to clutch to the familiar past. To the tiny glimmer of hope that James is going to be all you need to stop the hurt you felt in losing him. But in the explosion of emotions, you haven't stopped to think how you actually feel deep down losing the man who babies you are carrying," he said softly, pointing to her belly where a bump was just becoming visble the way she was sitting. "Because you're still punishing yourself for hurting him how you did. So, stop for a minute and think, then answer me one question. How do you

[isabelowens]

Izzy splayed her fingers over her stomach and resisted the urge to cry. Something Pat had said was threatening to reduce her into a pile of blubbery tears, but she refused to sit here and cry. She held Pat's gaze as she did as he asked, thinking about how she felt losing Cameron. The hole in her heart that she assumed was because of James felt different, like it had changed shape.

Her face crumpled, and a few tears escaped. She'd fucked up big time and she knew it. "Empty," she answered quietly. "It hurts, Pat. It hurts so fucking much. But it's done. I have to try with James, or I've just hurt Cam for no reason."

[sexyinscrubs]

Pat picked up the box of tissues from beside his bed, slowly sitting forward so he could make sure they were in her easy reach. A small, helpless sigh escaped him as he watched her. "Why do I just get this feeling James might be feeling the same way about Harri? I don't doubt that when you had sex with James, all those old feelings and the secure loving comfort was there. That is what happens when you have sex with someone you love. But back in the harsh light of day where reality is at play, and other people beyond that small intimate bubble you have together are involved, it's not the same. I don't doubt for a second that you are always going to need James, to be near him, to love him. At the end of the day, that's just a given. It's not disimilar to having an identical twin. It's that connection to someone that no one else can give you. But it's also not marriage... and it's not foresaking all others. You and James just might need to remain together emotionally, but be in relationships with other people who simply just understand

[isabelowens]

"How is Cameron supposed to ever understand when he still thinks James is the father of the twins?" Iz asked as she grabbed up a tissue. "They're Cameron's! I didn't fucking sleep with James until that stupid day in Princeton. Fuck. Would you take back someone that did this to you? No, you wouldn't. I've lost him, Pat."

She rubbed her fingers against her forehead, and shifted in the chair as a wave of despair crashed through her. "And if I'm honest... I don't want James losing Harri and his son. He shouldn't have to."