[Princeton] Babies-R-Us (RP LOG)
Who: Iz & Cameron
Where: Baby store, Princeton
When: Last weekend
Follows: Before THIS & THIS
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Cameron had never been more relieved than last Monday when they finally took the cast off his leg. Sure, it was in favour for a heavy knee brace that he was going to need to wear for sometime yet, especially during physiotherapy, but it had almost been as good as sex. Almost. He was still reliant on crutches until his therapy gave him some more mobility, which sucked, but he was used to it now. Today was the first time he had seen Izzy in over a week. Before, Cam had been hitching a ride into New York with Aiden some days to stay with Izzy, and she was coming to Princeton on her days off. It worked well, and he was surprised how easy it was to actually pull it all off. But this week, Aiden had come down with some freaky flu bug, so Cameron didn't have the luxury of his usual transport, and Izzy got tied up with a case that meant she couldn't get away when she had planned.
It was nice to see her again after so long, but something seemed off. She hadn't said all that much to him since she got to Princeton, and now they were in - of all places - a baby store. He leaned on his crutches in one of the many aisles in Babies-R-Us and tugged on the sleeve of a little blue rabbit jumpsuit. He wondered if he should get something for RJ, but he knew Lachlan had a complex about hats with ears on his son. "So, um... why are we here again and not getting hot and sweaty in some bed somewhere?"
Iz blinked, turning around like she'd only just remembered that Cameron was there. She felt horrible, realising that her attention was split after not seeing Cameron in a week. It had killed her to be away from him, more than she'd thought possible. It just showed her how much he was coming to mean to her. She stepped in close to him, still holding a stuffed giraffe. Her green eyes fixed on him and she gave him an apologetic smile. "Ali's pregnant again, and the way I've been feeling lately, I'm kind of scared that if we do get hot and sweaty in a bed somewhere, my motives aren't going to be totally pure. And not in the fun kinky way."
Cameron's eyes went from the stuffed giraffe up to her face. He reached out and tweaked the toy's nose, wondering if RJ would like something like that, even if it was actually bigger than him. "I'm not following. What's sex got to do with Ali expecting again? Is she okay? I take it that wasn't a planned move for her and her fiance?" he guessed. He raised his eyebrows, something dawning on him. "Wow, you realise both your best friends are pregnant. Well, James isn't, but he is peripherally, if you get what I mean."
Izzy nodded as she let out a tired sigh. "Yeah, I do. And truthfully I was hoping I'd be pregnant by now. I love kids, I've always wanted kids... I just keep fucking up the part where I'm supposed to have a husband, or partner to give me the kids. I know I'm not quite up to the point where it's a now, or never thing, but I want kids. I want to be a mother... I've been an aunt for so long, and I love being an aunt, I just... I want my own kids." She shrugged as she hugged the giraffe to her body. "Seeing James get Harri pregnant, then Ali get pregnant again just makes me want it more. I'm happy for them, don't get me wrong. I just would like to experience it for myself."
Cameron wasn't sure whether she was actually hitting him up for sperm by this point. "I... uh..." he stammered, hand going back to grip his crutches. "I hear being pregnant really sucks," was all he could think of to say. He wanted to offer something to make her feel better, but her friends were starting families and he guess he understood that she might be clucky. Then he thought of Pat and Aiden, and how hard their situation was. He knew Pat wanted kids deep down, but wouldn't visit the subject. Then there was the brief, very brief, moment there where Cameron himself may have been a sperm donor for Tara and Lachlan, but that wasn't something he ever really mentioned to anyone.
"You just have to look at Ali to know it sucks, but she's a great mom," Iz replied, already turning around to start walking up the aisle slowly. She still had the giraffe in her arms, not sure if she actually wanted to part with it to give to Ali for the new baby. She might just wind up buying it for herself if she didn't accidentally shop lift it from holding it so tight. "All the pain's meant to be worth it those first few moments you get to hold your baby." She let out a slow breath and turned a little to look back at Cameron. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to spring this on you. I'm not asking you for sperm, either. I know it's practical, even if we're getting pretty good at the dating and distance. It'll be different once you're back in London, and who knows if you'll still want me around, let alone some kid. I'm just being stupid. Blame hanging around pregnant women. I'll be okay."
Cameron was frowning a little at her, trying to wrap his head around it. "I'm not trying to indicate it's bad that you want a kid. Not at all. In fact, you would probably have to be a cold-hearted bitch not to be affected by what's happening to your friends. I mean, you love your goddaughter, and your nieces and nephews. Then there is your ex, who you probably never thought would choose to have kids over his work, and he's getting a baby too. Maybe on some small level I get it. I love spending time with RJ, and I-" He stopped, thinking his words over before he said them. "I really do believe that if someone wants a kid, they should be able to have one. That's something I understand really well."
Iz raised her eyebrows as she looked at him. "It's not like I can pick a kid up while we're here. That's kidnapping. And I don't want to do the whole Brangelina thing and adopt a billion African kids." Izzy wet her lips as she looked down at the giraffe. "I've waited this long, what's a few more years? It's probably because Ali's all hormonal and newly pregnant and whatever. I've never been this bad before. Maybe I'm just getting period, and instead of getting cranky I'm getting ridiculously clucky?"
"Well, I don't really know much about that side of things," Cameron said with a laugh. "And I've never really been the clucky sort, even if I love kids. I just always thought Pat would do the hard work and I could be the fun Uncle, but that's... I don't think it's going to happen. Unforeseen circumstances intervened. They have a way of doing that when you least expect them. Maybe if you hang out with your friend, she might manage to turn you right off?" he joked.
"Maybe," Izzy conceded as she smiled a little. She came back over to Cameron, and raised the giraffe so the stuffed animal's face was in his line of sight, and she moved it as she spoke. "I haven't freaked you out totally, have I? Are you going to start wearing three condoms just in case I entrap you? You can still be a fun uncle to RJ, and I'm sure James woudn't mind if you borrowed his kid. Plus you and Jamie get on pretty well."
Cameron smirked. "Bugger that. I still want the blood to flow." He leaned to the side so he could peer at her around the giraffe. "It's not the same, even if they are sweet kids. Considering the topic came up, I should probably tell you that I was nearly a sperm donor once."
Both Izzy's head, and the giraffe's tilted as she looked at him. She'd been smirking, relieved that Cameron wasn't about to suit up with three condoms when they did have sex again. "For Pat?"
Cameron shook his head slowly. "No, but yes, sort of. Not in the sense of it. It was for Tara and Lachlan. They were considering sperm donors, but Tara didn't want a stranger. Pat offered, but Lachlan was so messed up in his head after the shooting, he panicked that Pat wouldn't be able to handle seeing his biological kid in the care of someone else every single day. I was in England, and had no plans to move to the States, so I stepped in for Pat. Only, it was too painful for Tara and Lachlan. The subject came up too soon after his infertility diagnosis and it was really upsetting, so the subject was dropped. It was only a couple of months later we heard RJ was on his way. I just didn't want you to think I was a total numb nut when it came to kids."
Iz frowned. "Why would I think you're a total numb nut? I've never thought that. You're great with kids. I just don't want you thinking I'm trying to strap you down, and force you to knock me up. I'm not asking you to knock me up. I'm just a little clucky, that's all. And for the record, I think it's an amazing thing that you did offering to be a donor like that."
"Some people are just meant to be parents. If only I could convince my stubborn other half that he is just as worthy," Cameron said with a small sigh. He looked at her for a few moments as he thought things over in his head. "Is that giraffe for you or Ali?" he finally asked her.
"He is worthy. I think Harri's still sad she had her uterus occupied before she could hand it over to Aiden, and Pat." Iz looked down at the giraffe, and pressed her lips together. "Me?"
Cameron shook his head. "Even if she offered it, Pat would have said no." He pressed his lips together for a moment. "You can see that I'm not really a viable option, right? I live in England and you would just be stuck here with a kid on your own once I go back to the game. All assuming I can."
Iz nodded slowly as she looked up at him. "I know, but then we're back to the whole whether you and me are viable, period. We've made Princeton and New York work, so why not England and New York? I'm not a stranger to London, or travelling. It's not perfect, but what is? It's just what we're meant to be. We'll be the except to the distance rule. I don't want to give you up. But I'm still not asking for kids right now... Unless you're actually thinking about, but the distance is stopping you."
Cameron looked at her uncertainly and exhaled heavily. "The distance is a pretty damn huge thing to be stopping me. The relationship and dealing with it is one thing, but this is talking bringing a little person into the mix with feelings and emotions," he pointed out. "And I know they have emotions because I was there when Tara tried to take the microphone lead out of Riley's mouth and he screamed the place down."
Iz hugged the giraffe again, her nose nuzzled into the soft fur. She was still trying to turn it over in her mind, seeing if there was a way she could convince Cameron otherwise. "So if distance wasn't an issue you'd... you'd want a baby with me?"
If Cameron didn't have a grip on the crutches, he would be rubbing his temples. "It is an issue, love," he told her with an apologetic edge in his tone. "England's my home. And while..." He paused, looking down at the lino. "While I would probably consider moving here now in any other circumstance, I can't. I have signed a contract for at least another three years with Liverpool. Football is all I know. It already tears my heart out to be away from my twin. How the hell could I deal with that and being away from my kid? And we haven't been together for very long. You know, I would love to be able to help you have a kid when you want one so much, but I don't think logistically I'm the right one for the job."
"It's okay," Izzy told him. She let go of the giraffe enough to slip her arm around his waist and hug them both. "You being a footballer is part of who you are, and I don't want to interfere with that. You have a contract and I don't want to interfere with that, either. And hey, three years isn't necessarily that long. If we're together, we can talk about it again." She looked up at him, a smile tugging at her lips. "I can still keep the giraffe, right?"
Cameron looked at her with worry. "Are you going to be okay? I mean, Ali's got a wee one, and another on the way, and then your ex has one coming too. On this side of the fence, we have Riley and Evie expecting twins. And I think maybe this is why Aiden has been acting strangely the last few days," he realised, watching her closely. "I just can't even imagine what it would be like to want a kid badly and not be able to get one. I've never wanted them before."
Iz shrugged, but she couldn't help the tears that were started to form, or the lump in her throat she had a feeling would take hours to disappear. "I'll be fine, Preston. Nothing a few bags of M&Ms won't fix. Besides, I've only just got back to work, not to mention I can't make a relationship work, so why should I be left in charge of a kid? I'm lucky my plants keep growing. Seriously, it's cool. I'll be okay. I'm just meant to be the awesome Aunty. Like your side's Tab. Only a Fed, and not a rockstar."
Cameron looked at her for a few moments. "If you can't manage to make a relationship work, why are we even here?" he asked her quietly. If she wanted to have a pity party, that was fine, but if that was how she felt, he would rather know now.
"Because I love you," she replied, trying to shake the pity and the sudden drop in her mood. Maybe her period was coming. James would just love that. He always hated her PMS days. "Because you're the one that makes me want to put everything into it to make this work, to make this the one. It's not an effort with you - and I mean that in the best way possible - I don't spend hours angsting over us. I don't spend hours imagining what ifs, or wishing things were different. You take me as I am, and you make me happy. All the driving doesn't phase me because at the end of the day, I still get to see you. I get to wake up to you the next morning, even if it's a ridiculously early hour. I still get your arms around me, and I still get the hot sex when we feel like it. If I had to jump a plane, and I will have to jump a plane, it's not going to bother me either. It's just going to take getting used to."
Cameron realised the conversation was making him feel tired. It was out of the blue, and it was deep. Not that there was anything wrong with that, but to have something thrown up that he hadn't ever considered before was draining. And it was also draining because he knew deep down in his gut this wasn't something he was going to be able to talk to Pat about to try and work through it when he talked to Pat about everything. For some reason that made him feel abruptly and achingly lonely and his own face showed an unreadable emotion as he swallowed and cleared his throat. "It's all still... unconventional. Not that there is anything wrong with that, but do you want to bring a kid into it? I mean... it's a baby. A real proper baby."
Izzy rest her head on his shoulder, the giraffe falling to her side as she finally stopped hugging that and focused on Cameron. She wasn't sure she could talk to Ali, or James about this. If she had to talk to either of them, it would be Ali. But she didn't want to make Ali feel like shit for being pregnant again when she should be happy. Hearing her best friend was pregnant would have to be a mood killer. Then with James there was still the fact that at one stage, she had wanted his baby. It would be beyond awkward. "A baby that we would love, and care about, and do the best we could. Just like any other parent. Look, it was a thing. I'm sorry I dropped it on you. I really am."
There was an awful lot of baby shit in the store, Cameron realised. "I just don't..." He began and shook his head. "Are you buying anything here?" he ended up asking, everything else stuffing itself in his brain and refusing to actually make any sense. He felt a little pressured, but that wasn't her fault. It was just so bloody sudden, and it wasn't like she was just talking about what restaurant they should have dinner in that night. He just couldn't shake the feeling she was doing this because everyone else had accidentally landed face first in the baby thing and it just scared the shit out of him. He loved kids and loved babies, but other people's babies. And it wasn't like none of his team mates had families, because they did. But their wives lived at home, in England, in Liverpool or nearby.
Iz looked down at the giraffe, suddenly feeling nauseus. She gave a shake of her head as she set it down, not even caring that it wasn't anywhere near its original home. She disengaged herself from Cameron so he could use his crutches, and tucked her dark hair behind her ears before she wrapped her arms around her body and started to walk out slowly. She was still planning on spending the rest of the day with him, but now she just felt like she'd pissed all over their happiness. It had started as a good day, and now it just felt like it wasn't going to end as one. Damn her for picking a baby store. Why didn't she just get Ali a tub of Ben & Jerry's?
Where: Baby store, Princeton
When: Last weekend
Follows: Before THIS & THIS
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Cameron had never been more relieved than last Monday when they finally took the cast off his leg. Sure, it was in favour for a heavy knee brace that he was going to need to wear for sometime yet, especially during physiotherapy, but it had almost been as good as sex. Almost. He was still reliant on crutches until his therapy gave him some more mobility, which sucked, but he was used to it now. Today was the first time he had seen Izzy in over a week. Before, Cam had been hitching a ride into New York with Aiden some days to stay with Izzy, and she was coming to Princeton on her days off. It worked well, and he was surprised how easy it was to actually pull it all off. But this week, Aiden had come down with some freaky flu bug, so Cameron didn't have the luxury of his usual transport, and Izzy got tied up with a case that meant she couldn't get away when she had planned.
It was nice to see her again after so long, but something seemed off. She hadn't said all that much to him since she got to Princeton, and now they were in - of all places - a baby store. He leaned on his crutches in one of the many aisles in Babies-R-Us and tugged on the sleeve of a little blue rabbit jumpsuit. He wondered if he should get something for RJ, but he knew Lachlan had a complex about hats with ears on his son. "So, um... why are we here again and not getting hot and sweaty in some bed somewhere?"
Iz blinked, turning around like she'd only just remembered that Cameron was there. She felt horrible, realising that her attention was split after not seeing Cameron in a week. It had killed her to be away from him, more than she'd thought possible. It just showed her how much he was coming to mean to her. She stepped in close to him, still holding a stuffed giraffe. Her green eyes fixed on him and she gave him an apologetic smile. "Ali's pregnant again, and the way I've been feeling lately, I'm kind of scared that if we do get hot and sweaty in a bed somewhere, my motives aren't going to be totally pure. And not in the fun kinky way."
Cameron's eyes went from the stuffed giraffe up to her face. He reached out and tweaked the toy's nose, wondering if RJ would like something like that, even if it was actually bigger than him. "I'm not following. What's sex got to do with Ali expecting again? Is she okay? I take it that wasn't a planned move for her and her fiance?" he guessed. He raised his eyebrows, something dawning on him. "Wow, you realise both your best friends are pregnant. Well, James isn't, but he is peripherally, if you get what I mean."
Izzy nodded as she let out a tired sigh. "Yeah, I do. And truthfully I was hoping I'd be pregnant by now. I love kids, I've always wanted kids... I just keep fucking up the part where I'm supposed to have a husband, or partner to give me the kids. I know I'm not quite up to the point where it's a now, or never thing, but I want kids. I want to be a mother... I've been an aunt for so long, and I love being an aunt, I just... I want my own kids." She shrugged as she hugged the giraffe to her body. "Seeing James get Harri pregnant, then Ali get pregnant again just makes me want it more. I'm happy for them, don't get me wrong. I just would like to experience it for myself."
Cameron wasn't sure whether she was actually hitting him up for sperm by this point. "I... uh..." he stammered, hand going back to grip his crutches. "I hear being pregnant really sucks," was all he could think of to say. He wanted to offer something to make her feel better, but her friends were starting families and he guess he understood that she might be clucky. Then he thought of Pat and Aiden, and how hard their situation was. He knew Pat wanted kids deep down, but wouldn't visit the subject. Then there was the brief, very brief, moment there where Cameron himself may have been a sperm donor for Tara and Lachlan, but that wasn't something he ever really mentioned to anyone.
"You just have to look at Ali to know it sucks, but she's a great mom," Iz replied, already turning around to start walking up the aisle slowly. She still had the giraffe in her arms, not sure if she actually wanted to part with it to give to Ali for the new baby. She might just wind up buying it for herself if she didn't accidentally shop lift it from holding it so tight. "All the pain's meant to be worth it those first few moments you get to hold your baby." She let out a slow breath and turned a little to look back at Cameron. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to spring this on you. I'm not asking you for sperm, either. I know it's practical, even if we're getting pretty good at the dating and distance. It'll be different once you're back in London, and who knows if you'll still want me around, let alone some kid. I'm just being stupid. Blame hanging around pregnant women. I'll be okay."
Cameron was frowning a little at her, trying to wrap his head around it. "I'm not trying to indicate it's bad that you want a kid. Not at all. In fact, you would probably have to be a cold-hearted bitch not to be affected by what's happening to your friends. I mean, you love your goddaughter, and your nieces and nephews. Then there is your ex, who you probably never thought would choose to have kids over his work, and he's getting a baby too. Maybe on some small level I get it. I love spending time with RJ, and I-" He stopped, thinking his words over before he said them. "I really do believe that if someone wants a kid, they should be able to have one. That's something I understand really well."
Iz raised her eyebrows as she looked at him. "It's not like I can pick a kid up while we're here. That's kidnapping. And I don't want to do the whole Brangelina thing and adopt a billion African kids." Izzy wet her lips as she looked down at the giraffe. "I've waited this long, what's a few more years? It's probably because Ali's all hormonal and newly pregnant and whatever. I've never been this bad before. Maybe I'm just getting period, and instead of getting cranky I'm getting ridiculously clucky?"
"Well, I don't really know much about that side of things," Cameron said with a laugh. "And I've never really been the clucky sort, even if I love kids. I just always thought Pat would do the hard work and I could be the fun Uncle, but that's... I don't think it's going to happen. Unforeseen circumstances intervened. They have a way of doing that when you least expect them. Maybe if you hang out with your friend, she might manage to turn you right off?" he joked.
"Maybe," Izzy conceded as she smiled a little. She came back over to Cameron, and raised the giraffe so the stuffed animal's face was in his line of sight, and she moved it as she spoke. "I haven't freaked you out totally, have I? Are you going to start wearing three condoms just in case I entrap you? You can still be a fun uncle to RJ, and I'm sure James woudn't mind if you borrowed his kid. Plus you and Jamie get on pretty well."
Cameron smirked. "Bugger that. I still want the blood to flow." He leaned to the side so he could peer at her around the giraffe. "It's not the same, even if they are sweet kids. Considering the topic came up, I should probably tell you that I was nearly a sperm donor once."
Both Izzy's head, and the giraffe's tilted as she looked at him. She'd been smirking, relieved that Cameron wasn't about to suit up with three condoms when they did have sex again. "For Pat?"
Cameron shook his head slowly. "No, but yes, sort of. Not in the sense of it. It was for Tara and Lachlan. They were considering sperm donors, but Tara didn't want a stranger. Pat offered, but Lachlan was so messed up in his head after the shooting, he panicked that Pat wouldn't be able to handle seeing his biological kid in the care of someone else every single day. I was in England, and had no plans to move to the States, so I stepped in for Pat. Only, it was too painful for Tara and Lachlan. The subject came up too soon after his infertility diagnosis and it was really upsetting, so the subject was dropped. It was only a couple of months later we heard RJ was on his way. I just didn't want you to think I was a total numb nut when it came to kids."
Iz frowned. "Why would I think you're a total numb nut? I've never thought that. You're great with kids. I just don't want you thinking I'm trying to strap you down, and force you to knock me up. I'm not asking you to knock me up. I'm just a little clucky, that's all. And for the record, I think it's an amazing thing that you did offering to be a donor like that."
"Some people are just meant to be parents. If only I could convince my stubborn other half that he is just as worthy," Cameron said with a small sigh. He looked at her for a few moments as he thought things over in his head. "Is that giraffe for you or Ali?" he finally asked her.
"He is worthy. I think Harri's still sad she had her uterus occupied before she could hand it over to Aiden, and Pat." Iz looked down at the giraffe, and pressed her lips together. "Me?"
Cameron shook his head. "Even if she offered it, Pat would have said no." He pressed his lips together for a moment. "You can see that I'm not really a viable option, right? I live in England and you would just be stuck here with a kid on your own once I go back to the game. All assuming I can."
Iz nodded slowly as she looked up at him. "I know, but then we're back to the whole whether you and me are viable, period. We've made Princeton and New York work, so why not England and New York? I'm not a stranger to London, or travelling. It's not perfect, but what is? It's just what we're meant to be. We'll be the except to the distance rule. I don't want to give you up. But I'm still not asking for kids right now... Unless you're actually thinking about, but the distance is stopping you."
Cameron looked at her uncertainly and exhaled heavily. "The distance is a pretty damn huge thing to be stopping me. The relationship and dealing with it is one thing, but this is talking bringing a little person into the mix with feelings and emotions," he pointed out. "And I know they have emotions because I was there when Tara tried to take the microphone lead out of Riley's mouth and he screamed the place down."
Iz hugged the giraffe again, her nose nuzzled into the soft fur. She was still trying to turn it over in her mind, seeing if there was a way she could convince Cameron otherwise. "So if distance wasn't an issue you'd... you'd want a baby with me?"
If Cameron didn't have a grip on the crutches, he would be rubbing his temples. "It is an issue, love," he told her with an apologetic edge in his tone. "England's my home. And while..." He paused, looking down at the lino. "While I would probably consider moving here now in any other circumstance, I can't. I have signed a contract for at least another three years with Liverpool. Football is all I know. It already tears my heart out to be away from my twin. How the hell could I deal with that and being away from my kid? And we haven't been together for very long. You know, I would love to be able to help you have a kid when you want one so much, but I don't think logistically I'm the right one for the job."
"It's okay," Izzy told him. She let go of the giraffe enough to slip her arm around his waist and hug them both. "You being a footballer is part of who you are, and I don't want to interfere with that. You have a contract and I don't want to interfere with that, either. And hey, three years isn't necessarily that long. If we're together, we can talk about it again." She looked up at him, a smile tugging at her lips. "I can still keep the giraffe, right?"
Cameron looked at her with worry. "Are you going to be okay? I mean, Ali's got a wee one, and another on the way, and then your ex has one coming too. On this side of the fence, we have Riley and Evie expecting twins. And I think maybe this is why Aiden has been acting strangely the last few days," he realised, watching her closely. "I just can't even imagine what it would be like to want a kid badly and not be able to get one. I've never wanted them before."
Iz shrugged, but she couldn't help the tears that were started to form, or the lump in her throat she had a feeling would take hours to disappear. "I'll be fine, Preston. Nothing a few bags of M&Ms won't fix. Besides, I've only just got back to work, not to mention I can't make a relationship work, so why should I be left in charge of a kid? I'm lucky my plants keep growing. Seriously, it's cool. I'll be okay. I'm just meant to be the awesome Aunty. Like your side's Tab. Only a Fed, and not a rockstar."
Cameron looked at her for a few moments. "If you can't manage to make a relationship work, why are we even here?" he asked her quietly. If she wanted to have a pity party, that was fine, but if that was how she felt, he would rather know now.
"Because I love you," she replied, trying to shake the pity and the sudden drop in her mood. Maybe her period was coming. James would just love that. He always hated her PMS days. "Because you're the one that makes me want to put everything into it to make this work, to make this the one. It's not an effort with you - and I mean that in the best way possible - I don't spend hours angsting over us. I don't spend hours imagining what ifs, or wishing things were different. You take me as I am, and you make me happy. All the driving doesn't phase me because at the end of the day, I still get to see you. I get to wake up to you the next morning, even if it's a ridiculously early hour. I still get your arms around me, and I still get the hot sex when we feel like it. If I had to jump a plane, and I will have to jump a plane, it's not going to bother me either. It's just going to take getting used to."
Cameron realised the conversation was making him feel tired. It was out of the blue, and it was deep. Not that there was anything wrong with that, but to have something thrown up that he hadn't ever considered before was draining. And it was also draining because he knew deep down in his gut this wasn't something he was going to be able to talk to Pat about to try and work through it when he talked to Pat about everything. For some reason that made him feel abruptly and achingly lonely and his own face showed an unreadable emotion as he swallowed and cleared his throat. "It's all still... unconventional. Not that there is anything wrong with that, but do you want to bring a kid into it? I mean... it's a baby. A real proper baby."
Izzy rest her head on his shoulder, the giraffe falling to her side as she finally stopped hugging that and focused on Cameron. She wasn't sure she could talk to Ali, or James about this. If she had to talk to either of them, it would be Ali. But she didn't want to make Ali feel like shit for being pregnant again when she should be happy. Hearing her best friend was pregnant would have to be a mood killer. Then with James there was still the fact that at one stage, she had wanted his baby. It would be beyond awkward. "A baby that we would love, and care about, and do the best we could. Just like any other parent. Look, it was a thing. I'm sorry I dropped it on you. I really am."
There was an awful lot of baby shit in the store, Cameron realised. "I just don't..." He began and shook his head. "Are you buying anything here?" he ended up asking, everything else stuffing itself in his brain and refusing to actually make any sense. He felt a little pressured, but that wasn't her fault. It was just so bloody sudden, and it wasn't like she was just talking about what restaurant they should have dinner in that night. He just couldn't shake the feeling she was doing this because everyone else had accidentally landed face first in the baby thing and it just scared the shit out of him. He loved kids and loved babies, but other people's babies. And it wasn't like none of his team mates had families, because they did. But their wives lived at home, in England, in Liverpool or nearby.
Iz looked down at the giraffe, suddenly feeling nauseus. She gave a shake of her head as she set it down, not even caring that it wasn't anywhere near its original home. She disengaged herself from Cameron so he could use his crutches, and tucked her dark hair behind her ears before she wrapped her arms around her body and started to walk out slowly. She was still planning on spending the rest of the day with him, but now she just felt like she'd pissed all over their happiness. It had started as a good day, and now it just felt like it wasn't going to end as one. Damn her for picking a baby store. Why didn't she just get Ali a tub of Ben & Jerry's?