[NYC] Tests

[drcampbell]

Who: Aiden & Lachlan
Where: The Bondi, New York City
When: Wednesday evening
Follows: THIS and THIS______________________________________

Comments

[drcampbell]

Lachlan had to tread a little carefully here. The last thing he wanted to do was caused waves in Pat and Aiden's marriage, but Pat hadn't told Aiden about Tara's surrogacy offer for some reason Lachlan was still not privy to. Unfortunately, with all the dramas bubbling around them of late, Lachlan hadn't had a lot of time to lock Pat into a deep heart-to-heart about it. He should have, though. He realised now he should have made the effort, and he would ASAP. But for now, that side of the issue couldn't be broached.

"I remember the few months after the doctors told me I couldnae have bairns. It felt like everyone in a ten mile radius was suddenly pregnant or had bairns. I felt like I was going crazy. And I'm nay for a minute suggesting you're going crazy because I was pretty fucked up in the head at that point. I wasnae me. But I do know tight, squeezing ache not unlike nausea that seems to randomly appear in your gut when you think about it." He put his glass down and put the cigarette to his lips again, then tapped the end of it on the ashtray. "It hasnae always be nay Pat's cup of tea. He always wanted the marriage and the family. Hell, he's wanted it longer than I have. Just didnae ever think he would be that lucky in love."

[mrpublicity]

Aiden frowned as he listened closely to Lachlan talk. He didn't miss how the Scottish tone dropped when he started to reference the difficult times he had lived through. He nodded. "You would know. You would know exactly how it feels and on a much larger scale, though. You must have been over the moon to find out Tara was pregnant. I'm glad it didn't stay like that you, man. I don't think I'v'e ever seen a more natural father than you are. Your boy is amazing."

He nodded slowly, swirling the olive back and forth in the clear liquid. "Yeah, Riley said something similar to me about that, and I don't doubt it's true. But it's changed. He doesn't want kids... or doesn't want kids with me. Either way, he doesn't even want to broach the subject. Not that there is any point. Surrogates don't exactly grow on trees, neither do uteruses for gay guys. If only they had a department for them in Tiffanys."

[drcampbell]

Lachlan smiled. "Cheers, buddy. That means a lot. He is amazing. He and Tara are my world and he's the best thing in my life I ever did. Ever will do. But he was a shock. It took quite a while for me to process the fact he really was incubating in Tara's belly and half of me. The sperm wasnae supposed to work. Dinnae even really scientifically know to this day how it happened, and at the time it came with some heartache. A lot of gossip spanned the issue I wasnae the father and Tara had been sleeping around on me. It was hard for us, but amazing all at the same time. I've had many tests since. Nay sperm. Tara and I havenae used birth control since before the shooting. Riley's our wee miracle."

"But if you had a surrogate, you would like to consider having a family with Pat? If he wanted one, of course?" he asked, trying to piece together the puzzle. "How would you feel if it was the MS that was holding him back?"

[mrpublicity]

"Fuck, that's... you mean, no sperm at all? Nothing comes out when you, you know..." Aiden waved his hand. Lachlan was a doctor, he could connect the dots. He shook his head. "That's just... I have no words, man. Really. I can't believe you had to go through that on top of everything else. That must have been such a fucking blow that people were thinking your wife's kid wasn't yours. He is a miracle, and it doesn't matter how it happened. Obviously you and Tara were just meant to be parents at that point. Someone was watching over you." He wasn't religious, but he did believe in things happening for reasons, whether they are good or bad.

He gave a slight shrug of a shoulder. "If if he wanted one, sure. I'm not greedy or anything. One would be amazing. I'm not meaning right now or anything. It would just be nice to know the option was there." His forehead creased in concern as his blue eyes turned seriously to Lachlan's face. "Why would that hold him back with something like wanting kids?" he asked in confusion.

[drcampbell]

Lachlan had to laugh. It wasn't the first time someone had asked him that. "Semen comes out, it just doesnae contain any sperm. The injuries from the shooting and the massive surgeries after it try and save my life, there was a lot of damage to lower right side of my gut, veering into the middle. The bullet was actually lodged closer to my spine, which they couldnae find until they stopped the bleeding at the front. So I had two major surgeries in those hours that followed the actual shooting. The point of entry for the bullet was bad luck. It perforated both the small and large bowel, so they had to fix that. I'm kind of glad I was in a coma after it all because a colostomy bag is nothing pretty. I needed one, though, while I healed. The point of entry also caused massive blood loss, so they were dealing with that. It was probably impossible for their to be nay some complications that followed. And there was. I got something caused Paralytic Ileus, which was a common enough complication post abdominal surgery. Just a blockage type thing, but they had to go back in to correct it. The stomach is dangerously close to the upper mechanics of the reproductive and urinary systems in a man. I crashed during the surgery and nearly died, so there was an error made and it interferred with the parts in there that produce sperm. So, while everything on the outside is in working order now, inside, nay so much. That and I still suffer a lot of pain some days because I have scarring both inside and out of the gut. The inside can maybe be fixed by more surgery with another bowel resection and shit, but I'm im limbo there."

"Burden," he murmured with a small nod. "I'm thinking he's fearing you'll be saddled with all the parental duties and carers duties if he falls really ill. And that's a very very real fear I can completely understand right now."

[mrpublicity]

Aiden's mouth was hanging open a little. He knew about Lachlan's shooting, and the coma, but it had always been secondary information. This was the first time Lachlan had spoken to him directly about it and while Aiden knew it had been an horrific time, he hadn't realise the enormity it was. Or why Lachlan been infertile following it. Now it all made sense. He reflexively put his hand on Lachlan's back, rubbing it softly before going back to his drink. "Is that why you sometimes just feel sick? I've seen you holding your side. You were doing it the other day in Princeton. So, with the sperm thing, and RJ, you just got lucky once? Maybe you could get lucky again down the track?" He paused, connecting the dots in his mind. "You don't want the surgery because you're worried about more complications and how much they will impact on Tara and RJ."

He just stared, unable to process the suggestion at first. "I... um..." he stammered. He hadn't thought about that and he suddenly felt like a gigantic prick of a husband. "But w-we'd just deal. We've got an amazing family, and... why should that be a reason for him not to become a dad when he's clearly made for it, just like you are? Hell, he's clearly made to be a mom!"

[drcampbell]

Lachlan rested his elbow on the bar and rubbed his fingers across his hairline. He was okay to talk about it all, but it still hurt, and still felt like it was crushing his heart to think about it. "Aye, like Pat, I can just have bad days. Some days I cannae eat certain foods, others I'm wondering which end to aim at the toilet first. Mostly, I'm pretty good. It's just like a twisting ache I get, not disimilar to when I had appendicitis. Tara and I know how to deal with it, and sometimes that's just curling up in bed together with a hot water bottle on my gut. These days, we curl up with the bairn too." He cleared his throat and stubbed his spent cigarette out in the ashtray. "I got Tara pregnant the first time we had sex after the shooting. First time I tried Viagra. They think it was just one of those things because it had been so long. One lingering, determined little fucker or something. Isnae anything there anymore." He glanced at Aiden, a sweep of pain crossing his face. "Riley was a twin. An identical twin. One sperm gave us two, but the twin didnae make it. Tara miscarried around the four month mark. We didnae know, of course. She had one ultrasound really early in the piece where the twins werenae visible, and was due her second just before she miscarried. We thought we were losing just one bairn and it was horrible because we knew it was our only chance. That's why he's our miracle. He survived it. Tara spent weeks and weeks on bed rest following it, but it was worth it. We've just had... a whole lot of shit in our life. It's been harder to dig through than I would ever have thought." He put a hand up and caught a couple of stray tears with his fingers, clearing his throat again with a tiny laugh. "Sorry."

"You shocked him when you stuck around. You shocked him when you wanted to take care of him. Man, I'm surprised he didnae have a heart attack when you proposed to him. He has adjusted and slowly come to terms with knowing you arenae going anywhere and love him for who he is, but this isnae something he factored in, I dinnae think. Before he was diagnosed, he wanted kids and a family, now he doesnae. I'm nay saying this is the issue, but I think at the very least, it's going through his mind somewhere. He is okay with everything until someone asks him if he wants kids himself, then he shuts down and backs out of the conversation. Probably giving you the picture he doesnae want them at all. I dinnae think it's that. I think it's because he wants them that he shuts down for the reason he doesnae think he can have them. Shouldnae have them."

[mrpublicity]

"Hey, it's okay, man," Aiden assured him and reached for some napkins from the cannister across the bar. "How are you even still sane? I'm surprised you're even upright. But I'm glad you're talking to me about it. I more than understand now the barrier with your music and performing. I know you were fearful of the crowds in the Karaoke comp, and fearful of being in the spotlight, but it makes a lot more sense now. And it's been, what, a year and a half since you were shot? That's nothing. You astound me how far you've come in that short time. I won't push you with anything to do with the band. You just need to let me know how you're coping with it all so I know what direction things are going. Even the conditions you were talking to me about the other day make more sense now. If you aren't up to anything, I'll work solely with Tab. You're a pretty fucking special guy, Lachlan. You give a guy confidence to get through his own shit."

He put his hand up and tugged softly on his lower lip. "You think he really does want a family, but thinks it will be too much to take on if he gets sick?" he murmured, trying to understand the situation. Of course, it made sense. It made sense too that Lachlan was more observant of Pat's thoughts and feelings. He had known Pat for many years. Aiden was still learning. "Do you think it is? Would be too much, I mean? I just worry about him and I fuss over him when he's sick. And yeah, the bad days it can really bad and exhausting. But I just... what am I supposed to do here? Do I talk to him? I think we could be okay, though, you know? I never thought I would cope with something like nursing a sick partner, but I did and we're as strong as ever now."

[drcampbell]

It was Lachlan's turn to shrug a little. "I've got two reasons at home to stay sane for. Two that keep me sane just by being my world. It isnae really that I dinnae want to or cannae talk about any of this. I can. I just dinnae want to drown anyone in it. It's complicated, as you can see. A lot of things all rolled into one very large heartache. But it isnae so heavy these days. I'm happy. I'm ecstatic. I have a beautiful and wonderful family. I'm a husband, I'm a daddy, I have a great home in a great town, a great car, great friends, my music. But you dinnae ever forget the memories, you know? It's always all still there at the back of my mind, and a lot of it has given me a lot of fears. I was basically fearless before. But I wouldnae go back. I would do it all over again, too, for Tara and Riley."

"Talk to him," he advised quietly, holding Aiden's gaze. "You need to talk. I know it sounds cliche, but it isnae. Take it from someone who has experience in not talking to someone in bad situations. I tried to break up with Tara when I found out I was infertile. I was a prick, but I wanted her to have al I didnae think I could give her so I was trying to set her free. But I should have talked to her, and seen we were on the same page really before I hurt her. I cannae tell you if it would be too much, buddy. I cannae. That's something you need to decide with Pat and Pat alone. But talk to him, tell him you're upset that he's avoiding the subject and tell him you always saw yourself with bairns. You're allowed to do that, you know. He's your husband. It's okay to admit you're grieving about something. And that's what you're doing, you know. Under the surface, you're grieving for something you always yearned for."

[mrpublicity]

"God forbid, man. No way, okay? We're going to keep you safe. I just want you to know, though, if you ever need anything, whatever it is, you can call me, yeah? If I can help, I will," Aiden promised with a nod for emphasis.

He nodded and picked his drink up to sip it. "I'll talk to him," he agreed quietly. "I guess I've just been guilty of brooding on it. Haven't really talked about it to anyone, so I thank you for dragging it out of me. I do appreciate it."

[drcampbell]

Lachlan nodded with a wry smile as he took his smokes out again. "Thank you, and knowing my track record, I'll probably more than take you up on that, buddy. I appreciate it."

He slipped a smoke from the pack and tapped it on the side of the box. "No BFF chats with Harri? Nay that I can talk. I havenae had a close talk with Pat for a wee while, and I will. I promise. After you talk to him."

[mrpublicity]

The question almost made Aiden ask for a smoke himself and he hadn't had one since his unrepressed teen years behind the janitor's shed. He shook his head. "No, I haven't. It feels... awkward, sort of. She's had a whole lot of shit going on with her other half, I'm surprised she even knows his name. But talking to her about wanting kids and surrogacy, and Pat's thing with not wanting them..." He shrugged. "I don't know. The answer is just a no, I haven't talk to her about it. I haven't talked to her about much but her other half lately, which is how it should be. Other times, we just sit and say nothing while she watched him sleep."

[drcampbell]

"You miss her," Lachlan noted with a small smile. He patted Aiden on the back. "I know I'm nay much of a consolation prize, but I'll keep you company for the night. You get drunk and I'll drive you home, make sure you're safe and sound. Maybe you just need to relax a wee bit."

[mrpublicity]

Aiden held up his Martini glass. "Sounds like a plan. Just dump me on the sofa and I won't wake anyone, then. Any tips on avoiding a hangover?" he asked, amused.

[drcampbell]

Lachlan waved the barman over to get in the next round. The cigarette was hanging from the corner of his lips as he took his wallet out. "Aye. Dinnae fight the inevitable, buddy. If you wake up with a fuck of a hangover, you know it's been a pisser of a night. And you have your own personal nurse, so dinnae be bitching and drink up. My shout."