Secret Smoke [New York]

[isabelowens]

Who: Iz & Marc
Where: Izzy's Hotel
When: Early Sunday morning
Follows: THIS______________________________________

Comments

[agentfraser]

Marc had his dark hair pulled back at the nape of his neck again, and this time he had tied a red and black bandana over it, and had green contacts in with fake - but trendy - reading glasses on. Black jeans with a grey t-shirt and leather jacket completed the look, leaving him seeming more like a college student than a mafia boss this time.

The bar was empty at this late hour, thankfully. He had mostly slipped through the night unnoticed to get here, too. He smiled slightly when he saw Izzy in one of the back, dim booths and slid into it beside her. He proferred a fresh packet of cigarettes and lighter, as per his promise. "Fancy meeting you here."

[isabelowens]

"You've got my eyes," Iz smirked as she picked up the packet and took out one of the cigarettes. She let it rest between her lips briefly before picking up the lighter. "Maybe I should have said my room, but you'd still have to look like that, wouldn't you?"

She lit the cigarette, and savoured the first intake of smoke. She knew she shouldn't enjoy it, but she did. It was that first drag that was just like nothing else. Besides, James was here. Everything felt better when she was with him. She held out the cigarette for him to take.

There were many days up on top of the FBI building that she remembered sharing a cigarette with him, and they all came flooding back with such clarity. "I know I said I missed you, but it just doesn't feel like that really conveys how much."

[agentfraser]

Marc took the cigarette, nodding slowly. She put it to her lips and inhaled, watching her as he did. "I figured you'd appreciate something a bit different to how you first saw me. I know it's confronting. It still freaks Ali out. The last thing I want is you both looking at me and never seeing me again," he told her quietly.

He handed the cigarette back and linked his fingers around her other hand. "Maybe not, but I never expected the whole distant thing to heal over night. It's fucked up, I know. But here we are..."

[isabelowens]

Iz looked down at their hands as she inhaled, a small smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. "Yeah, Ali mentioned some of those strong reactions she'd had. I still know it's you, though. I've always been able to see through any disguise you put on. Even if I don't know what it's going to be."

She bumped her shoulder lightly against his, hands still linked. "Yes, here we are... I'm sorry for dragging you out, but it seemed like a pretty good solution at the time. I've missed this. You and me sharing a smoke... You and me just being together. Even without the romantic stuff. Just us, you know?"

[agentfraser]

Marc laugh softly. "I broke her. Seriously. She leaks now. We need to work on fixing that before she snots on any more of my expensive shirts." He wet his lips and just held her gaze for a few moments. "That's why I could never completely walk away from you in my mind."

"It's alright. I was up anyway. Already got a few things happening to try and get you to see your bloke in England. I'm just waiting on some call backs." He nodded. "Just us. I never thought I'd have it again. I thought I was strong enough to pull this all off, but I was fucking deluded. Every day, more of me just started to fall apart."

[isabelowens]

"We can do just about anything we put our minds to," Iz replied with a soft laugh of her own as she passed the cigarette. "Because I know you inside and out? You know me just as well, Marc." It was the first time she'd really used his new name. It felt strange on her tongue. She didn't like it.

She squeezed his hand. "I can't thank you enough for this. And he's really not my bloke yet... I don't even know if this is going to wind up being all for nothing. He might not even want me there. I just... I don't know. Something in me snapped." She rest her head on his shoulder. "I didn't think I'd ever have it again either... And now I just... I can't ignore it. I have to keep seeing you. It's like a compulsion. Too many days together at the Bureau. That's our trouble."

[agentfraser]

Marc shifted a little awkwardly in his seat at hearing her say the name. He took the cigarette back with a small scrunch of his nose. It was weird. Everything was weird all of a sudden. Surreal. "Yeah, exactly. I've had no one who knows me. Ali comes very close, but she's been so screwed up in her head I didn't want to lay anything more on her. Not to mention the fucked up accident her paramedic had. She doesn't need it. I guess I've been keeping her at arms length to try and protect her, then keeping the baby at arms length too because I'm scared to bond with her. I look at the kid and..." He shook his head, letting out a heavy breath. "But no matter what, when I walked away, I never stopped thinking about you. I just tried to keep everything at the back of my head and heart so it didn't kill me

[isabelowens]

Isabel saw the shift in his seat and rest her head in her other hand. "I don't like calling you that," she admitted. "But I don't know what else I'm supposed to call you in public. I don't want to get you in shit, or get me in shit if I keep calling you everything I used to. Except 'loser' because that's just nondescript. I don't want to fuck up and get taken away, or sent away because I'm jeopardizing any of your hard work." She lifted her head up and leaned in close to him again, eyes locked with his. "She's your niece, loser. Jamie is your flesh and blood. Ali is family. I know you want to protect them, but you'll wind up hurting them more by trying to keep your distance

[agentfraser]

"And oh-so affectionate," Marc sniggered, his mind already started to get that exploding feeling. How was he supposed to just go back to his SS life after everything that had happened this weekend? He nodded. "I know. I just didn't know how else to sort it all out. Then I didn't want to step on the paramedic's toes. He knows about me. He knows I'm Jamie's biological uncle and I think that's hard for him knowing. Poor bastard is neither here nor there legally but other than Ali, he's been the only other person in her life since day one."

He swallowed and met her eyes, his own sadder this time. "I promise I won't ever walk away, but I can't promise what I faked won't happen for real one day. Hell, any agent knows that can happen at any time. But I promise, I won't leave you."

[isabelowens]

Izzy pulled back, because if she stayed that close to him she was going to do something she'd regret. She put her hand back in his, still needing some form of contact. "Of course it's fucking affectionate! It is with you and me, anyway." She took the cigarette of him and inhaled before blowing the smoke out slowly through her nose. "He needs to know his position is safe. I loved your brother, but he shouldn't be able to hold Jamie and Ali at ransom, even if he's not actually here. They need security, and they need love, and Andrew can give them that. He really is Jamie's father."

"You know I won't believe it unless I see a body now, right?" Iz asked. "So make sure you don't get blown up. I can't believe it until there's proof. Otherwise I'll just spend my days thinking you're going to come back again."

[agentfraser]

That homesick emotion caught it his throat again and tears were forming in his eyes before he could stop them. He missed his brother. He was quiet at first, needing to try and swallow away the lump in his throat. A couple of tears escaped but he brushed them away roughly with his fingers. "He is," Marc conceded. "He's perfect with her, she knows him. The way her face lights up into this grin when she seems him is... I guess that's one of the perks of parenthood. Your kid just love you. Biological means shit to a baby brain. She just knows who is there to cuddle her when she feels bad or makes her laugh when she's having a bath. The guy should adopt her, as much as that kills me to say. I have nothing against him. He brilliant. It's just... yeah, old water under the bridge and stuff. There was a time I really thought Ali would ultimately end up with Mark. It was deluded, though

[isabelowens]

Iz shifted to wrap her arms around him, and pulled his head down against her shoulder as she let the cigarette rest in the ashtray. She kissed the top of his covered head, and rubbed her hand against his arm. "He's always going to be your brother. No matter what, he will always be your brother. I know it's all fucked up, but I think in a strange way, that it's better for Ali this way. She needed someone that was going to protect her, not hurt her. As much as Mark might have wanted to be that guy, ever since I've known both of them, he's hurt her. There's too much there. Maybe it's like you and me... sex just ruins things." She let out a slow breath and closed her eyes. "I just need to work on not wanting it."

"You better..." Izzy smiled as she started to laugh. "The notion may have entered my head briefly."

[agentfraser]

Marc nodded and then laughed softly. "How screwed up are we all? Seriously. I try to think about it all and I just start to get a migraine. I close my eyes to try and sleep and it all comes rushing into my mind. I just... if we fucked, it would be a domino effect of shit, as much as... yeah, I get it," he mumbled.

"Just as soon as I figure out who the fuck I am, I'll make an appointment with the nearest tattoo place," he promised.

[isabelowens]

"I know... It's just residual feelings is all. We just need to find a way to resolve them that doesn't involve fucking. And it'd be too much temptation if I asked you to sleep with me tonight, right? As in actual sleep. No funny business." She looked at him, pressing her lips together as she tried not to fidget.

[agentfraser]

Marc was quite, wetting his lips before he shook his head. "No, I'd really like that," he admitted quietly.

[isabelowens]

Iz gave a nod before she started to nudge him out of the booth as she stubbed the cigarette out. "Come on then, loser. Let's see if we can't manage some self control, and a decent night's sleep."