#050: // Some of us are reaching for stardust, some of us are digging for gold... //
ICT mock exam went okay I suppose, as was the rest of the day. At lunchtime, we sold glow bracelets which went down a treat (sold them all).
I should be going to pawsaldo's sister's partay but have to ask parents still. ^^; Daa... *ponder*
Not long until Auchi so a quiet weekend ahead of me.
Hmm, on emoSpace, I saw a bulletin which was pretty pointless. Someone named couples they knew irl and sorted them into groups in which they thought were genuine and which they thought were fake. No one *really* has the right to say whether a relationship is fake or not. Plus, how do they determine whether a relationship is 'fake' or not? What makes it so 'fake'? I wasn't on the list, by the way (obviously), but still, I didn't find any point in the post. Just causes drama llamas, in my opinion. And at the end was "all <18 relationships are fake apart from those listed above" which was just stupid. I'm sorry but a lot of >18 year olds have flings and one-off's too which technically are 'fake' relationships. Baaah.
>> Keke, awesome <<
I feel so rejected today. Eheh. It's as if life plans for my closest friends to become distant from me. First it was me taking time off due to being too busy, and I tried really hard to be there for them online and now it's them doing so. These days I find myself about to write a LJ entry and going, "... what the hell am I doing here..", thus the shorter school entries.
There was a time, believe it or not, I liked loved school. It's a shame I can't say the same anymore. There was even a time when those at school were like my closest friends ever and I'd share my whole world with them. Now my personal life keeps right away from school and I don't let anyone get close to 'me', but who they think is 'me'. Yeah, I am afraid of getting too close to others... but only because it's hurt me in the past. Although... there are some where they've continuously become close to me but even though I do feel hurt on the way, I still am as close to them. It doesn't make sense...
Oh yeah... I wish I was more... 'normal'? Urgh. I feel so odd. I really don't belong here. Not even online. On the Sentosha Fansubs forum, I really don't fit in. Every single post I make, I seem odd to them. Really really odd. I don't act any different there than I do on other forums. I'm only on there to support wickio's group. But how am I supposed to do that when I don't fit in? And today, I was being myself and in front of me, my friend was asked by this person whether I was 'mentally retarded' or not. It did hurt but I didn't show it and I just wished I was... 'normal', whatever 'normal' is. Fact is, I can't do 'normal'. I can only be myself. Being 'normal' means changing myself, and changing myself means being untrue to myself. So... I just wish... I was... accepted.
I need a -real- hug. XD But not a sympathy hug. Just a spur-of-the-moment type hug. Just to feel accepted. Ooo, it's like Primary School all over again. Only I have friends. I just feel really... distant, ignored, rejected, replicated (is that even a word?), even more ignored and even more distant.
Some of us stand in the spotlight
Waiting for a round of applause
When the people go home you're left all alone
To face the sadness behind closed doors
~Sandi Thom - Superman
~Miko
I should be going to pawsaldo's sister's partay but have to ask parents still. ^^; Daa... *ponder*
Not long until Auchi so a quiet weekend ahead of me.
Hmm, on emoSpace, I saw a bulletin which was pretty pointless. Someone named couples they knew irl and sorted them into groups in which they thought were genuine and which they thought were fake. No one *really* has the right to say whether a relationship is fake or not. Plus, how do they determine whether a relationship is 'fake' or not? What makes it so 'fake'? I wasn't on the list, by the way (obviously), but still, I didn't find any point in the post. Just causes drama llamas, in my opinion. And at the end was "all <18 relationships are fake apart from those listed above" which was just stupid. I'm sorry but a lot of >18 year olds have flings and one-off's too which technically are 'fake' relationships. Baaah.
>> Keke, awesome <<
I feel so rejected today. Eheh. It's as if life plans for my closest friends to become distant from me. First it was me taking time off due to being too busy, and I tried really hard to be there for them online and now it's them doing so. These days I find myself about to write a LJ entry and going, "... what the hell am I doing here..", thus the shorter school entries.
There was a time, believe it or not, I liked loved school. It's a shame I can't say the same anymore. There was even a time when those at school were like my closest friends ever and I'd share my whole world with them. Now my personal life keeps right away from school and I don't let anyone get close to 'me', but who they think is 'me'. Yeah, I am afraid of getting too close to others... but only because it's hurt me in the past. Although... there are some where they've continuously become close to me but even though I do feel hurt on the way, I still am as close to them. It doesn't make sense...
Oh yeah... I wish I was more... 'normal'? Urgh. I feel so odd. I really don't belong here. Not even online. On the Sentosha Fansubs forum, I really don't fit in. Every single post I make, I seem odd to them. Really really odd. I don't act any different there than I do on other forums. I'm only on there to support wickio's group. But how am I supposed to do that when I don't fit in? And today, I was being myself and in front of me, my friend was asked by this person whether I was 'mentally retarded' or not. It did hurt but I didn't show it and I just wished I was... 'normal', whatever 'normal' is. Fact is, I can't do 'normal'. I can only be myself. Being 'normal' means changing myself, and changing myself means being untrue to myself. So... I just wish... I was... accepted.
I need a -real- hug. XD But not a sympathy hug. Just a spur-of-the-moment type hug. Just to feel accepted. Ooo, it's like Primary School all over again. Only I have friends. I just feel really... distant, ignored, rejected, replicated (is that even a word?), even more ignored and even more distant.
Some of us stand in the spotlight
Waiting for a round of applause
When the people go home you're left all alone
To face the sadness behind closed doors
~Sandi Thom - Superman
~Miko