;: She acts like summer and walks like rain, reminds me that there's time to change :;
Read: Ignore this entry.
Going on MSN last night was a bad idea. Yar, I went on. At 3am. I couldn't sleep. Stayed on for an hour and a half. It was so... blah, and it's my fault, in all honesty. I was just so emo. *hates self* And-and.... ARRGGHHH. Nick was being nice to me and all I kept thinking was that I wanted to stop because when he went on to saying such things, I kept thinking that I didn't deserve his love and stuff and in the end, I just wait. It's been a battle, y'know... indeed, I've only had three relationships but I've learnt something throughout them. That they all liked/loved me for my happiness, not for who I am, which saddened me a lot. Especially with the first. Even now it happens, people get crushes on me for my happiness, not for me. I feel like that anyway. But ehh... not to say Nick never did like me for my happiness ('cause he did), but now... it's... changed...? In a way I never thought it was possible. I just find it hard to believe that I am finally loved for who I really am, happy or sad, and such... So near, yet so far for if things continue like this, there's little chance.
Anyway... Dan-kun said I could talk to my LJ friends but I can't talk to them... and he's right. As always. He is right, why should I be here? It's... unfair?
Last night proved I wasn't really ready for it all.
~Qex
Going on MSN last night was a bad idea. Yar, I went on. At 3am. I couldn't sleep. Stayed on for an hour and a half. It was so... blah, and it's my fault, in all honesty. I was just so emo. *hates self* And-and.... ARRGGHHH. Nick was being nice to me and all I kept thinking was that I wanted to stop because when he went on to saying such things, I kept thinking that I didn't deserve his love and stuff and in the end, I just wait. It's been a battle, y'know... indeed, I've only had three relationships but I've learnt something throughout them. That they all liked/loved me for my happiness, not for who I am, which saddened me a lot. Especially with the first. Even now it happens, people get crushes on me for my happiness, not for me. I feel like that anyway. But ehh... not to say Nick never did like me for my happiness ('cause he did), but now... it's... changed...? In a way I never thought it was possible. I just find it hard to believe that I am finally loved for who I really am, happy or sad, and such... So near, yet so far for if things continue like this, there's little chance.
Anyway... Dan-kun said I could talk to my LJ friends but I can't talk to them... and he's right. As always. He is right, why should I be here? It's... unfair?
Last night proved I wasn't really ready for it all.
~Qex