;: My soul and spirit will go on... for all of eternity :;
So, as I said before, it's cooled down considerably (4-5 degrees lower than it was last night) due to the rain. Maybe my angst was because of the heat. So instead of angsting, I'm sad-angsting, i.e. whining.
I've been feeling... ever so strange today. I was mostly away from the LAME* forums today, as I promised myself and KuroNeko-Sama/Gavin for the sole fact that I had to revise for sciences (which I have done, don't worry). Although we still PM'd each other, an alternative to myself not coming online ('cause like "we rock so hard that concrete shiver in fear"). But every time he mentions me being online soon, I have mixed feelings about it.
For some reason... I feel excited about it, yeah of course I do, but also a li'l scared, I'm not sure why. Well, not scared-scared but more nervous in a way? Maybe it'll be a disappointing welcome back, maybe it'll be one of the funnest conversations I've had for ages, who knows? But why do I hold myself and others to such expectations? When I last did that, I ended up to be so disappointed I couldn't even talk to those I cared about most properly. Who I was 6 months ago would have hated me doing that and would have... I dunno, bitchslapped who I am now and rant on about savouring each and every moment whilst it lasts. I've always been a believer in not expecting anything so you won't be disappointed (maybe why I tell everyone not to buy me anything for my birthday) but ehh, putting stuff into action is much harder, I guess.
After I felt this mix of feelings, I'm now pretty sad. I'm not sure why. I think these last few days and the last 2ish weeks or so have been pretty hard on me. I've not been able to speak to those I wanted to as properly as I would have done if I had the time to but ah, it doesn't mean I care any less at all and I hope they know that. In all honesty, I hate drifting apart from those I love but it's hard for me personally to let them know that I still think of them, how ever long it has been.
I know it's really pathetic, being sad and angsty over not going online (and not going online for the sheer fact that otherwise I would not revise and I would get a worse grade than if I had gotten if I hadn't revised which I don't want to ever regret), but it's the people. I don't treat my schoolfriends the same because online, it is so much easier to drift away from your friends. A few days of not talking to them turns into a week, a week turns into 2 weeks, 2 weeks turn into a month, two months, four months and before you know it, it's been a year... Then you start to reminisce about how times have changed and you compare yourself now to how you were then, who you were with then, and ahh... it gets to me, I guess? I don't know, maybe I think too much.
Sometimes I criticise those who thing too much... what does that make of myself then? A hypocrite? Perhaps... All I know now is that... I've missed them for so long and... to just think... I'll be able to do what I want in... not even a day... in the space of a few hours. For some reason, that touches me and I want to cry. But no... not tears of sadness... Tears of happiness.
One more time to escape from all this madness
One more time to be set free from all this sadness
And one last time to be the one who understands
My soul and my spirit will go on, for all of eternity
~Dragonforce - My Spirit Will Go On
~Eternal Xia-hime
I've been feeling... ever so strange today. I was mostly away from the LAME* forums today, as I promised myself and KuroNeko-Sama/Gavin for the sole fact that I had to revise for sciences (which I have done, don't worry). Although we still PM'd each other, an alternative to myself not coming online ('cause like "we rock so hard that concrete shiver in fear"). But every time he mentions me being online soon, I have mixed feelings about it.
For some reason... I feel excited about it, yeah of course I do, but also a li'l scared, I'm not sure why. Well, not scared-scared but more nervous in a way? Maybe it'll be a disappointing welcome back, maybe it'll be one of the funnest conversations I've had for ages, who knows? But why do I hold myself and others to such expectations? When I last did that, I ended up to be so disappointed I couldn't even talk to those I cared about most properly. Who I was 6 months ago would have hated me doing that and would have... I dunno, bitchslapped who I am now and rant on about savouring each and every moment whilst it lasts. I've always been a believer in not expecting anything so you won't be disappointed (maybe why I tell everyone not to buy me anything for my birthday) but ehh, putting stuff into action is much harder, I guess.
After I felt this mix of feelings, I'm now pretty sad. I'm not sure why. I think these last few days and the last 2ish weeks or so have been pretty hard on me. I've not been able to speak to those I wanted to as properly as I would have done if I had the time to but ah, it doesn't mean I care any less at all and I hope they know that. In all honesty, I hate drifting apart from those I love but it's hard for me personally to let them know that I still think of them, how ever long it has been.
I know it's really pathetic, being sad and angsty over not going online (and not going online for the sheer fact that otherwise I would not revise and I would get a worse grade than if I had gotten if I hadn't revised which I don't want to ever regret), but it's the people. I don't treat my schoolfriends the same because online, it is so much easier to drift away from your friends. A few days of not talking to them turns into a week, a week turns into 2 weeks, 2 weeks turn into a month, two months, four months and before you know it, it's been a year... Then you start to reminisce about how times have changed and you compare yourself now to how you were then, who you were with then, and ahh... it gets to me, I guess? I don't know, maybe I think too much.
Sometimes I criticise those who thing too much... what does that make of myself then? A hypocrite? Perhaps... All I know now is that... I've missed them for so long and... to just think... I'll be able to do what I want in... not even a day... in the space of a few hours. For some reason, that touches me and I want to cry. But no... not tears of sadness... Tears of happiness.
One more time to escape from all this madness
One more time to be set free from all this sadness
And one last time to be the one who understands
My soul and my spirit will go on, for all of eternity
~Dragonforce - My Spirit Will Go On
~Eternal Xia-hime