hi cassie. this is lucas. i just had a horrible dream, or night mare about you and something happening to you, and not being able to say goodbye. i know you hate my guts with a passion. i just wish i was diagnosed with bi polar disorder sooner than the having manic episodes, getting restraining orders, and alienting all my friends. I can relate down to smallest iota with you on things getting fucked up and wishing we both knew sooner about our bi polar disorder. my aunt has it and didn't get diagnosed till her early 30s. mines been with me for awhile apparently, and it's just been misdiagnosed as ADHD. I really fucked up our relationship and i regret it and am ashamed on it because i can really keep relationships with people. chase, cassidy or anyone else won't talk to me anymore and it's really heart breaking because i get so goddamn lonely sometimes. I hate having dreams about you, where something happens and we never talk again. I sometimes get so nervous and my aniexty gets so bad because i think all my former friends might die and ill never get to say goodbye. I don't hate anyone, and i don't want to manipulate anyone. I just want love? I love you, and i love everyone, and everything. I just want to cry and say i love you to you, and everyone who's stepped inside my life. I hope you're okay. I hope you can understand my plight on being bi polar. it sucks, but i'm stable, according to my doctor. the abilfy helps, but it causes my arms to shake at night and i feel so restless, but i feel fine, and no aniexty, fear of death, insecurities about my body, sexuality, or anything. it sucks being 19, and being gay. i wish i was straight, and normal, then i would accepted by e veryone and wouldn't be a fucking faggot loser weirdo.
I hope someday we can talk again. Id be willing to take you out to sushi, or coffee. I just want beautiul and smart people in my life again, like you, chase, and cassidy. i miss you, and hope you're okay and happy. I guess thats all i want.
I sometimes listen to the manic street preachers' holy bible LP and think of you.
I hope someday we can talk again. Id be willing to take you out to sushi, or coffee. I just want beautiul and smart people in my life again, like you, chase, and cassidy. i miss you, and hope you're okay and happy. I guess thats all i want.
I sometimes listen to the manic street preachers' holy bible LP and think of you.
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