(no subject)
Last night I went to border with sue (bryans mom) and there was a live band called Sibling waters. They were awesome..The singer, theresa, her father was there. Video taping it and he smiled the entire time..He just stared at his daughter and looked so proud. He has probably heard her sing the same song about 10 billion times and he looked like it was his first time. The weird part was..he looked EXACTLY, i mean E-X-A-C-T-L-Y like my dad. When i saw him for the first time, I had to look again because I really thought he was my dad. Anyways I started to get teary eyes, he saw me and...smiled at me. My fathers smile.
I miss him so much. I miss his laugh, hes rough hands...his stand, the way he walked...his cologne, sunday breakfasts..This is bull shit, the man I loved So so...so much, the man who my fucking hero, my protector,defender..Just left. All I ever wanted was for him to come back. To just pull his head out of his ass and come back. Now that he is back...Im 3000 miles away. I gave up on him. I believed in this peice of shit upstairs in his room, smoking and controlling my mom. I gave up on my father, in hope of gaining another. I know, I KNOW that this isnt my fault but it still hurts..I still kick myself in my ass. I still dream about him. I still cry for him. I still close my eyes and see him....I wanted so bad for that man to be him. For him to be playing some april fools on me. For him to come hold me and laugh.
I miss you. Happy Birthday.