hair crisis and such...
so im thinking of dying my hair back to brown. but i dunno. i started dying my hair blonde when i was 16, so its been 8 years since i have had my original brown hair. i cant decide. i found a really pretty brown color, its a light golden brown, so it has lots of golden tones to it. i was thinking i would dye my hair this brown color and then let my natural hair grow out and then later on when its grown out a bit, i would do the blonde streaks in it, like chunky ones or lots of thin ones. but i dunno. i cant picture myself with brown hair anymore. i dont think i would look exactly like i did when i was 15 with brown hair than i would now since im so much older. RJ likes my blonde hair, he thinks i should keep it this way. my mom doesnt know, everyone else doesnt know. and i just dont know. i think im ugly now as it is but then im scared that i will look even uglier with brown hair and that no one else will like it either. i cant decide and i dont wanna touch up my blonde roots just yet if im thinking of maybe going back to being a brunette. i mean, if i dont like it brown, i cant really go back to blonde that quickly cuz it would fuck up my hair BAD. i hate having mismatched eyebrows-lol.
work is cutting hours. i only get to stay til 6pm 2 times this week. i got to stay last night and i get to stay Friday, all the other nights i have to leave at 5pm. so it sucks. only 3 people out of 14 will get to stay til 6, so we are on a rotation schedule. i wish they would let us stay til 5:30 then i wouldnt be lsoing as much money. then on Friday mornings i dont have to go in anymore, so Friday mornings i get to sleep in. eh i will miss the money and there goes any hope now of being able to get a new car. i like this job though and i like that it is SO damn close. so overall i will still be making more money than i was at Holy Trinity last year so i cant complain too much. but now im scared to spend money cuz my car insurance is due next month.
so last night my mom told me she was tired of hearing me say im fat and ugly, well to me that just says shes tired of me. being fat and ugly and thinking it all the time is part of me. its all i have ever known since i was 5 years old. yeah all this stuff started that young. sad. so now i really dont wanna eat. im scared of eating, im scared im fat and ugly and eating will make it worse. i hate living my life in fear but thats basically what i do. yesterday and today just havent been good days for me. i just feel so sad. last night i was crying.
work is cutting hours. i only get to stay til 6pm 2 times this week. i got to stay last night and i get to stay Friday, all the other nights i have to leave at 5pm. so it sucks. only 3 people out of 14 will get to stay til 6, so we are on a rotation schedule. i wish they would let us stay til 5:30 then i wouldnt be lsoing as much money. then on Friday mornings i dont have to go in anymore, so Friday mornings i get to sleep in. eh i will miss the money and there goes any hope now of being able to get a new car. i like this job though and i like that it is SO damn close. so overall i will still be making more money than i was at Holy Trinity last year so i cant complain too much. but now im scared to spend money cuz my car insurance is due next month.
so last night my mom told me she was tired of hearing me say im fat and ugly, well to me that just says shes tired of me. being fat and ugly and thinking it all the time is part of me. its all i have ever known since i was 5 years old. yeah all this stuff started that young. sad. so now i really dont wanna eat. im scared of eating, im scared im fat and ugly and eating will make it worse. i hate living my life in fear but thats basically what i do. yesterday and today just havent been good days for me. i just feel so sad. last night i was crying.