I hear journals are great places to vent your feelings...
I kind of need to vent because I'm having one of those "I'm really upset and no one seems to understand me" moments.
In nine days I will be heading off to Israel. I never asked to go, and in fact I've never wanted to go. Every year at my temple, the incoming juniors go to Israel with a huge nationwide group. I've known this since I was little, and I've never really felt excited for it like my classmates did. When my brother's turn to go came, it was not a safe time for Israel, so he never got the chance.
Now it's my turn and not only am I not interested in going, I actually really, really, reallyyyy don't want to go. Everyone keeps saying how much fun I'll have, and what a great experience it is, or what a great opportunity it is, and while I'm sure all of this is true, I still have absolutely no interest in going. A great deal of the time I'll be there will be filled with hiking, camping, and other "outdoorsy" (as I call it) stuff. Not only is that stuff not my cup of tea, but it's stuff I really don't enjoy. I'm vain. I don't enjoy getting dirty and not being able to take a shower or wash my face while I'm in the Negev Desert for five days with no running water. But hey, I'll be making life long friends and memories that will last a life time. Great consolation, right?
To add to my melodrama, my parents never gave me a choice. I was never asked if I wanted to go, or if this was how I wanted to spend one of my last summers home. When the time came to start discussing the trip at temple, there were no discussions in my house. It was more like "yes, Margaret is going to Israel." I was never given the opportunity to look at programs to take me to Greece (the one place I've wanted to go to for years), or to look into that amazing journalism summer program at Northwestern (the major I want at the college I want).
I'm an extremely stubborn person, this I know, and I can't stand the fact that I never got the choice. That's probably the part that angers me most. Not the Israel part, but the part where it was decided that Margaret would have absolutely no say in how she is spending her summer.
There's a lot more on my mind about the subject, and I really could write for days, but I don't know if it's worth it. I've been giving my parents shit about it lately and making witty remarks, that even impress me. While it makes me feel better, I'm not positive they deserve it. It's not worth it at this point. There's no point in upsetting them now, because either way...I'm still leaving to Israel on June 18th.
Congratulations parents, I forfeit.
In nine days I will be heading off to Israel. I never asked to go, and in fact I've never wanted to go. Every year at my temple, the incoming juniors go to Israel with a huge nationwide group. I've known this since I was little, and I've never really felt excited for it like my classmates did. When my brother's turn to go came, it was not a safe time for Israel, so he never got the chance.
Now it's my turn and not only am I not interested in going, I actually really, really, reallyyyy don't want to go. Everyone keeps saying how much fun I'll have, and what a great experience it is, or what a great opportunity it is, and while I'm sure all of this is true, I still have absolutely no interest in going. A great deal of the time I'll be there will be filled with hiking, camping, and other "outdoorsy" (as I call it) stuff. Not only is that stuff not my cup of tea, but it's stuff I really don't enjoy. I'm vain. I don't enjoy getting dirty and not being able to take a shower or wash my face while I'm in the Negev Desert for five days with no running water. But hey, I'll be making life long friends and memories that will last a life time. Great consolation, right?
To add to my melodrama, my parents never gave me a choice. I was never asked if I wanted to go, or if this was how I wanted to spend one of my last summers home. When the time came to start discussing the trip at temple, there were no discussions in my house. It was more like "yes, Margaret is going to Israel." I was never given the opportunity to look at programs to take me to Greece (the one place I've wanted to go to for years), or to look into that amazing journalism summer program at Northwestern (the major I want at the college I want).
I'm an extremely stubborn person, this I know, and I can't stand the fact that I never got the choice. That's probably the part that angers me most. Not the Israel part, but the part where it was decided that Margaret would have absolutely no say in how she is spending her summer.
There's a lot more on my mind about the subject, and I really could write for days, but I don't know if it's worth it. I've been giving my parents shit about it lately and making witty remarks, that even impress me. While it makes me feel better, I'm not positive they deserve it. It's not worth it at this point. There's no point in upsetting them now, because either way...I'm still leaving to Israel on June 18th.
Congratulations parents, I forfeit.