wow
so. This sucks, I want to talk to you and I secretly really hope that you care enough to be looking all over the internet for some sign of me, because I know that that's what I am doing. Searching desperately for some sign that you care. I can't believe you did this to me and I know it's not that big a deal, but how can I ever trust you again. Why on earth do you even want to try to get back together in the first place. Did we not just finish having this conversation not two days ago that you want out but you're afraid. Why can't I be enough for you. Why do you have to go looking for love from some idiot sixteen year old? Why can't me telling you how beautiful you are and how much you mean to me and how wonderful you are and how you mean the world to me be enough for you to realize that you're the most important thing in the world to me. I LOVE you. I love you so much and you don't even know what that is. I am convinced that I will never find anyone who I can love as much as I love you but that's not enough for you. Why did you have to lie to me? Why, not 24 hours out of this relationship the first time did you go looking for someone to hold you that was not me? If you didn't want him to fuck you then why did you go to him? Why didn't you respond to emily or jackie any of the other friends that you had to go to. You chose to go to some slut fuck head who can't even love you like I do and why? I LOVE YOU! I can't believe it, but I do. Why is this so hard? It's ridiculous that I'm making this public in the hopes that you'll find it and read it and call me even if it's four o'clock in the morning because I want you to love me. But I don't think you can. I want you to, and I think you want too, but why don't you know how. I don't blame you. I don't blame anyone. All I can feel is this tremendous hole somewhere in the middle of me convincing me that there is a connection between mind body and soul. I know it's silly, but before there was you, I didn't think I could ever love anyone. Now that you're gone, I don't think I can ever love anyone ever again, and the worst part is, I hope I'm right. Maybe it's just the overdramatic opera singer in me but I've told you many times, I can't feel weak emotions. i love you. I love you so much it hurts. why can't you love me?