my first "fender bender"
Yeah, so not the greatest day of my life. Quite stressful and scary actually. I got into my first "accident" on my way to school today. Here's what happened....
As many of u know, I have my nanas convertible right now cuz MY car is sitting in my lawn broken. I went on the highway to school today, just like any other day. Listening to Zeppelin, and pretty chilled out. As I got onto rt.24 the highway was alot more crowded I noticed, so I stayed about a car's length behind the car in front of me. Suddenly, the car 2 cars ahead of me stopped short because of a backup due to a huge accident ahead-setting off a chain reaction. To make a long story short, the car in front of me stopped short, I reacted too late, stopped short, nanas crappy breaks slid, and I hit the car's bumper in front of me. I PANICKED. I didnt know what to do as the car pulled off into the breakdown lane (mind u this accident was very minor but i've NEVER crashed)...the two lanes on either side of me were backed up with traffic as well, so by the time I realized I shouldve pulled over too, there was no way I'd be able to, safely. So without knowing, lost in my panic, I actually ended up leaving "the scene of the accident". The traffic continued slowly down the highway as my mind raced. "I JUST HIT SOMEONE" ...I couldnt believe it. I felt sooo bad and started getting scared-"what i they took my plate number?" etc etc....I called my mum-she didnt pick up. Called aunty dawne-she talked to me & calmed me down. She told me to call the state police & report what happened so that if the driver DID report me, they would know i did not flee the scene intentionally. Basically, I claimed responsibility, as scared as I was. The officer told me he'd call me if he got any reports from the other driver, and as of now, has not yet. So I'm hoping, considering there was like no damage to my or her car, that she simply decides NOT to charge anything. Nevertheless I'm still REALLY scared and believe me the ride home from school was nerve racking. I drove SO slow & carefully, I was so shaken. And I still am. I'm gunna start being so much more careful cuz that just really shook me up.
My mum suggested I only use nanas car to go to school & work until mine gets fixed, too...which fucks up my life temporarily. Basically, I cant go anywhere else really for fun unless I get a ride. And though I see where she's coming from, it still screws me over. I probably wont be able to see Chris tommorro night, and I wasnt able to see Jess today (which sucks too cuz weve been trying HARD lately to do sumthing together). Basically, life's gunna be very much more complicated for a bit...so this sucks. I dunno, I'm still trying not to freak out. There's nohing I can do now...I took the necessary actions after the accident, so I'm hoping all goes alright. But ugh...
So, understandably, i'm not in the most pleasant of moods right now. I need to talk to lauren & she's off with Whitcomb, so that sucks even more. I feel like I cant relax right now. I'm analyzing every single thing from the angle that I hit the car at, to feeling fat cuz im stressed (i get really hard on myself about my looks when im stressed),to what the hell I'm feeling about dealing with my dad lately (weve been bumping heads over the car issue & him not getting around to fixing mine & we NEVER like even disagree). My mum was being nice to me, then randomnly told me "you're too tough on the kids" really abruptly. Well guess what? I think she's too fuckinn EASY on them. And everyone from aunty dawne to lauren would agree. Truly, as dumb as it sounds, I just wanna get outta here for awhile and go to Disney. Or at least go sit down and read some Harry Potter. Anything to relieve this stress. Mum was right, me & max are so alike. We dont like to face the real, harsh world. We're afraid of it. And I'm admitting it right now. I'm very afraid of the real world. The minute a real world struggle/problem comes at me, I usually start crying. I can be tough as hell, but I am SO sensitive deep down. The littlest shit irks me & can drive me mad for days & even weeks on end. I'm just kinda glad that I'm experiencing all the shit I am now, at such a young age. This way I'm learning. All of this (and every other horrible thing I've dealt with this past year) is preparing me for greater things. I think by the time I get out in the big world (Europe, for me) I'm gunna be so ready. So tough. So smart. I try and see everything as a learning experience-or else why would life throw us so many curve balls? And this isn't just about some little fender bender, or stress of everyday life. This is about major life changes: people coming & going abruptly in your life (as i've seen), the greatest things happening when you least expect them, and the shittiest things happening when you just cant take it anymore. I've been to all of these places and so many more. Life has fucked me over completely and then again, life has brought me great things I never thought I'd have. When something great leaves you, something else replaces it. That's something else I've noticed. You just hafta keep your optimism. Cuz from what I've seen, life will lift you up when your ready to give up....
There's good news though. If just a tiny bit..Laurens taking me to see the Strokes for my 18th bday with Chris & whitcomb!
As many of u know, I have my nanas convertible right now cuz MY car is sitting in my lawn broken. I went on the highway to school today, just like any other day. Listening to Zeppelin, and pretty chilled out. As I got onto rt.24 the highway was alot more crowded I noticed, so I stayed about a car's length behind the car in front of me. Suddenly, the car 2 cars ahead of me stopped short because of a backup due to a huge accident ahead-setting off a chain reaction. To make a long story short, the car in front of me stopped short, I reacted too late, stopped short, nanas crappy breaks slid, and I hit the car's bumper in front of me. I PANICKED. I didnt know what to do as the car pulled off into the breakdown lane (mind u this accident was very minor but i've NEVER crashed)...the two lanes on either side of me were backed up with traffic as well, so by the time I realized I shouldve pulled over too, there was no way I'd be able to, safely. So without knowing, lost in my panic, I actually ended up leaving "the scene of the accident". The traffic continued slowly down the highway as my mind raced. "I JUST HIT SOMEONE" ...I couldnt believe it. I felt sooo bad and started getting scared-"what i they took my plate number?" etc etc....I called my mum-she didnt pick up. Called aunty dawne-she talked to me & calmed me down. She told me to call the state police & report what happened so that if the driver DID report me, they would know i did not flee the scene intentionally. Basically, I claimed responsibility, as scared as I was. The officer told me he'd call me if he got any reports from the other driver, and as of now, has not yet. So I'm hoping, considering there was like no damage to my or her car, that she simply decides NOT to charge anything. Nevertheless I'm still REALLY scared and believe me the ride home from school was nerve racking. I drove SO slow & carefully, I was so shaken. And I still am. I'm gunna start being so much more careful cuz that just really shook me up.
My mum suggested I only use nanas car to go to school & work until mine gets fixed, too...which fucks up my life temporarily. Basically, I cant go anywhere else really for fun unless I get a ride. And though I see where she's coming from, it still screws me over. I probably wont be able to see Chris tommorro night, and I wasnt able to see Jess today (which sucks too cuz weve been trying HARD lately to do sumthing together). Basically, life's gunna be very much more complicated for a bit...so this sucks. I dunno, I'm still trying not to freak out. There's nohing I can do now...I took the necessary actions after the accident, so I'm hoping all goes alright. But ugh...
So, understandably, i'm not in the most pleasant of moods right now. I need to talk to lauren & she's off with Whitcomb, so that sucks even more. I feel like I cant relax right now. I'm analyzing every single thing from the angle that I hit the car at, to feeling fat cuz im stressed (i get really hard on myself about my looks when im stressed),to what the hell I'm feeling about dealing with my dad lately (weve been bumping heads over the car issue & him not getting around to fixing mine & we NEVER like even disagree). My mum was being nice to me, then randomnly told me "you're too tough on the kids" really abruptly. Well guess what? I think she's too fuckinn EASY on them. And everyone from aunty dawne to lauren would agree. Truly, as dumb as it sounds, I just wanna get outta here for awhile and go to Disney. Or at least go sit down and read some Harry Potter. Anything to relieve this stress. Mum was right, me & max are so alike. We dont like to face the real, harsh world. We're afraid of it. And I'm admitting it right now. I'm very afraid of the real world. The minute a real world struggle/problem comes at me, I usually start crying. I can be tough as hell, but I am SO sensitive deep down. The littlest shit irks me & can drive me mad for days & even weeks on end. I'm just kinda glad that I'm experiencing all the shit I am now, at such a young age. This way I'm learning. All of this (and every other horrible thing I've dealt with this past year) is preparing me for greater things. I think by the time I get out in the big world (Europe, for me) I'm gunna be so ready. So tough. So smart. I try and see everything as a learning experience-or else why would life throw us so many curve balls? And this isn't just about some little fender bender, or stress of everyday life. This is about major life changes: people coming & going abruptly in your life (as i've seen), the greatest things happening when you least expect them, and the shittiest things happening when you just cant take it anymore. I've been to all of these places and so many more. Life has fucked me over completely and then again, life has brought me great things I never thought I'd have. When something great leaves you, something else replaces it. That's something else I've noticed. You just hafta keep your optimism. Cuz from what I've seen, life will lift you up when your ready to give up....
There's good news though. If just a tiny bit..Laurens taking me to see the Strokes for my 18th bday with Chris & whitcomb!