*waiting*
for him to ask me to be his...
So, Tommy came over last night. We just laid in my bed for hours... his chest hurt from lifting weights so I massaged it for him. In the middle of making out on my bed, I looked at him and asked what we were. Stupid. He said that he just wanted to date for now; because he just got out of a 4 1/2 year relationship only five months ago, and the whole dating thing is new to him. Well, ok. But he said he's over it now. So why isn't he ready to be with me? I mean, if he's with me, then he won't have to worry about the whole dating thing, right? I guess it just hurts, cuz I want to know that we have something before he moves next week. Maybe I'm selfish and maybe I'm going to fast, but I can't take it anymore. For the past 3 years, if I haven't been alone, I've been dating. I'm so sick of it. Vic and TJ were nothing but losers. They used me and abused me and they were the furthest thing from boyfriends that anyone could imagine. After spilling everything to Tommy, I felt better. But I think I scared him. I told him why I slept with those two assholes, and how much I regret it. I started crying and he felt bad. Great. I start crying - that never scares any guys away.
I'm not gonna see him today, or tomorrow. Well, he said maybe tomorrow after he gets done playing poker down the street... and maybe Sunday, after him and his cousin look at their new apartment.
I'm scared.
So, Tommy came over last night. We just laid in my bed for hours... his chest hurt from lifting weights so I massaged it for him. In the middle of making out on my bed, I looked at him and asked what we were. Stupid. He said that he just wanted to date for now; because he just got out of a 4 1/2 year relationship only five months ago, and the whole dating thing is new to him. Well, ok. But he said he's over it now. So why isn't he ready to be with me? I mean, if he's with me, then he won't have to worry about the whole dating thing, right? I guess it just hurts, cuz I want to know that we have something before he moves next week. Maybe I'm selfish and maybe I'm going to fast, but I can't take it anymore. For the past 3 years, if I haven't been alone, I've been dating. I'm so sick of it. Vic and TJ were nothing but losers. They used me and abused me and they were the furthest thing from boyfriends that anyone could imagine. After spilling everything to Tommy, I felt better. But I think I scared him. I told him why I slept with those two assholes, and how much I regret it. I started crying and he felt bad. Great. I start crying - that never scares any guys away.
I'm not gonna see him today, or tomorrow. Well, he said maybe tomorrow after he gets done playing poker down the street... and maybe Sunday, after him and his cousin look at their new apartment.
I'm scared.