(no subject)
The email I wrote to her. Comment if you want. Tell me if it was a good email lol. Nah, just comment!
Laura,
I am really at a loss for words right now. I really am. First off, I want to tell you that I really appreciate you writing this email. You were the bigger person. Little things like that make me think maybe you do care. Like you said in the beginning of your email, this is in no way meant to be rude. You explained yourself so now I feel I need to explain myself. So if I do say something that you take offensively, I just need you to know that it wasnt my intention. OK here we go......
On my birthday----I honestly don't remember getting in a huge fight with you that night. I remember being upset that you had promised you'd do something with me and you didn't or something like that but I honestly don't remember telling you that you were a bad friend. I never said that to you. Every time we get into these fights I never tell you that you are a bad friend. I tell you straight up why I am upset and what I think you did wrong and why I feel that way. Just like you said how your explanations seem pointless to tell me because I won't believe you, well, in a way I feel the same way. I feel that every time I tell you that I'm upset or tell you why or whatever you automatically think I'm out to get you. Also, I feel those conversations were pointless because you repeatedly broke promises over and over again after we've had them. But you know what? I told you anyway. I told you because if I didn't it would have bothered me for days. I told you because I needed to get it out, whether you'd actually care or not was irrelevant, because from my point of view, you probably wouldn't care.
Now I'm going to get to the whole walking across the street thing or you meeting me at the fence or whatever. OK First of all, I know I wanted to come over. I wanted to spend time with my best friend, so kill me. You don't need to stress that it was me who wanted to come over- I know that. I've known that A LOT of times that I came over. But stupid me just keeps coming over, even when I feel like I'm not wanted. I wanted to come over, yes. I didn't ask you to meet me half way. I simply asked you to go out to your fence and wait for me. I was going to walk all the way through the schoolyard and there were all these hold ups on my street at the time. Excuse my sarcasm right here because it's the only way I know how to express myself---God forbid you walk the 2 steps to the back yard to watch me walk through. So what if Kasey can get a gun to her head? Even though I'm in my backyard and can run right in my house if anything were to happen. I just don't feel like walking the 2 steps to the backyard-I'd rather risk it. Ok the sarcasm is done. You know how that makes me feel? I don't mean to be rude but it makes me feel like all you care about is yourself sometimes. I hate saying that because it sounds so mean but that was the nicest way I could put it.
I'm going to add something else in this email that you said the other day. Well 2 things actually. You said "I am by no means lucky."-----My jaw honestly dropped when you said that. Even I would never say that and I've had it rough-everyone has. But trust me, you are more lucky than you will ever know. I work with children who are 3 years old and have seen or heard more than we ever will in a lifetime. I've seen neglected children. Just think of William.. by the age of 3 he had been abused, saw his mother screaming in handcuffs, came to preschool with shorts and no shoes on in the winter. I mean--really. We both have 2 parents who are TOGETHER who care about us. My mother had cancer- a terminal illness, I suffered from, and still do suffer from separation anxiety. But NEVER NEVER would I say that I am unlucky. My mother-unlike many others-survived that cancer and for that alone I consider myself SO lucky. I am not trying to preach here. I just wanted you to know that when you said that I was in shock and I wanted you to know why.
Now-about me nagging--I'm sorry you're other friends don't care that you let them down. I'm sorry they don't mind being walked all over, but I do.
We have had so many good times and I love you so much and I know people make mistakes and I can accept that. But when these mistakes cause me to get hurt over and over again and I feel like the other person isn't trying then I can't take it. You said in your email that you will try harder. That is all I ask. You can't do anything else. As long as you try, it means you are trying to change your ways, and it shows me you do care. Honestly Lau, this sounds so corny, but I'm afraid to see what life is like without you. You've been such a huge part of my life for so long and it's like I don't know anything else other than running across the street when I'm bored. So honestly, in a way, I can't stop being friends with you. I can't. Our friendship means so much to me and I have had some of the best times of my life with you even when we are just sitting around, and I'm not ready to let that go.
Oh! I never mentioned the second thing you said the other night that made me almost shit my pants. --"the best advice I can give you is to not trust me anymore".----are you serious????????? This one got me even more than the first one. Do you really believe a friendship can last without trust? Did you really believe I could go on being your friend when I questioned everything you said or everytime you'd tell me we;d do something later? Because, in my opinion, friendship revolves around trust. In fact, every relationship does. Without trust, there is nothing.
In your email you mention my "nagging" and how I make you feel bad about yourself a lot. Am i really that bad a person? Because that's what you make me feel like. You ask why I feel guilty everytime I tell you I'm mad at you. This is exactly why. It is because you try to turn the story around to make me look like the dickhead. I don't "nag" you to make you feel bad about yourself. Maybe it's about me. Seriously, maybe I "nag" you because I am sick and tired of getting screwed over day after day. Maybe I "nag" you to make you a better person? How can you ever tell? And if your friends let you let them down like that? Shame on them. I am younger and even I know when I am being stepped all over.
That's all I am going to write for now because my fingers are tired. lol. I didn't mean to write a frigin novel but I just had some things i needed to say. Thanks again for writing that email. I'm gonna end this email on a better note and let you know that whatever happens, whether we are friends or not, I will ALWAYS be here for you and I will ALWAYS care about you because you make me who I am.
Write back, Kasey
Laura,
I am really at a loss for words right now. I really am. First off, I want to tell you that I really appreciate you writing this email. You were the bigger person. Little things like that make me think maybe you do care. Like you said in the beginning of your email, this is in no way meant to be rude. You explained yourself so now I feel I need to explain myself. So if I do say something that you take offensively, I just need you to know that it wasnt my intention. OK here we go......
On my birthday----I honestly don't remember getting in a huge fight with you that night. I remember being upset that you had promised you'd do something with me and you didn't or something like that but I honestly don't remember telling you that you were a bad friend. I never said that to you. Every time we get into these fights I never tell you that you are a bad friend. I tell you straight up why I am upset and what I think you did wrong and why I feel that way. Just like you said how your explanations seem pointless to tell me because I won't believe you, well, in a way I feel the same way. I feel that every time I tell you that I'm upset or tell you why or whatever you automatically think I'm out to get you. Also, I feel those conversations were pointless because you repeatedly broke promises over and over again after we've had them. But you know what? I told you anyway. I told you because if I didn't it would have bothered me for days. I told you because I needed to get it out, whether you'd actually care or not was irrelevant, because from my point of view, you probably wouldn't care.
Now I'm going to get to the whole walking across the street thing or you meeting me at the fence or whatever. OK First of all, I know I wanted to come over. I wanted to spend time with my best friend, so kill me. You don't need to stress that it was me who wanted to come over- I know that. I've known that A LOT of times that I came over. But stupid me just keeps coming over, even when I feel like I'm not wanted. I wanted to come over, yes. I didn't ask you to meet me half way. I simply asked you to go out to your fence and wait for me. I was going to walk all the way through the schoolyard and there were all these hold ups on my street at the time. Excuse my sarcasm right here because it's the only way I know how to express myself---God forbid you walk the 2 steps to the back yard to watch me walk through. So what if Kasey can get a gun to her head? Even though I'm in my backyard and can run right in my house if anything were to happen. I just don't feel like walking the 2 steps to the backyard-I'd rather risk it. Ok the sarcasm is done. You know how that makes me feel? I don't mean to be rude but it makes me feel like all you care about is yourself sometimes. I hate saying that because it sounds so mean but that was the nicest way I could put it.
I'm going to add something else in this email that you said the other day. Well 2 things actually. You said "I am by no means lucky."-----My jaw honestly dropped when you said that. Even I would never say that and I've had it rough-everyone has. But trust me, you are more lucky than you will ever know. I work with children who are 3 years old and have seen or heard more than we ever will in a lifetime. I've seen neglected children. Just think of William.. by the age of 3 he had been abused, saw his mother screaming in handcuffs, came to preschool with shorts and no shoes on in the winter. I mean--really. We both have 2 parents who are TOGETHER who care about us. My mother had cancer- a terminal illness, I suffered from, and still do suffer from separation anxiety. But NEVER NEVER would I say that I am unlucky. My mother-unlike many others-survived that cancer and for that alone I consider myself SO lucky. I am not trying to preach here. I just wanted you to know that when you said that I was in shock and I wanted you to know why.
Now-about me nagging--I'm sorry you're other friends don't care that you let them down. I'm sorry they don't mind being walked all over, but I do.
We have had so many good times and I love you so much and I know people make mistakes and I can accept that. But when these mistakes cause me to get hurt over and over again and I feel like the other person isn't trying then I can't take it. You said in your email that you will try harder. That is all I ask. You can't do anything else. As long as you try, it means you are trying to change your ways, and it shows me you do care. Honestly Lau, this sounds so corny, but I'm afraid to see what life is like without you. You've been such a huge part of my life for so long and it's like I don't know anything else other than running across the street when I'm bored. So honestly, in a way, I can't stop being friends with you. I can't. Our friendship means so much to me and I have had some of the best times of my life with you even when we are just sitting around, and I'm not ready to let that go.
Oh! I never mentioned the second thing you said the other night that made me almost shit my pants. --"the best advice I can give you is to not trust me anymore".----are you serious????????? This one got me even more than the first one. Do you really believe a friendship can last without trust? Did you really believe I could go on being your friend when I questioned everything you said or everytime you'd tell me we;d do something later? Because, in my opinion, friendship revolves around trust. In fact, every relationship does. Without trust, there is nothing.
In your email you mention my "nagging" and how I make you feel bad about yourself a lot. Am i really that bad a person? Because that's what you make me feel like. You ask why I feel guilty everytime I tell you I'm mad at you. This is exactly why. It is because you try to turn the story around to make me look like the dickhead. I don't "nag" you to make you feel bad about yourself. Maybe it's about me. Seriously, maybe I "nag" you because I am sick and tired of getting screwed over day after day. Maybe I "nag" you to make you a better person? How can you ever tell? And if your friends let you let them down like that? Shame on them. I am younger and even I know when I am being stepped all over.
That's all I am going to write for now because my fingers are tired. lol. I didn't mean to write a frigin novel but I just had some things i needed to say. Thanks again for writing that email. I'm gonna end this email on a better note and let you know that whatever happens, whether we are friends or not, I will ALWAYS be here for you and I will ALWAYS care about you because you make me who I am.
Write back, Kasey