(no subject)
Well..its really sad that no-one comes to our meetings anymore. Oh well the cool people are there everyweek!! So Mollie, Lauren and I love BSB!!! And everyone was getting asked to prom it was crazy with the posters and the pictures. SO......
I noticed tonight that people are really fake and everyoen pretends to liek everyone and no1 is realyl being themselves. Like i knwo that i do it too and i hate it we should be able to talkt to each other and be able to be around every1 together without getting annoyed. People have been changing based on who they are hanging out with and i hate that i cant be with the people that are my friends if they are with certain people b/c they act differently. I jsut wish that we could al be open and honest adn even if the truth hurts you should be able to talk to your friends without them getting mad. I dont know i'm really stressed right now my best friend Sam is moving to AZ and its realyl sad and i'm gunna miss her soooooooo much..i dont know what i'm gunna do with myself. Like last ngiht i went over to her house and we cried and cried because her house doesn't feel like her home anymroe b/c there are always people looking at it to buy it. I think that i need to go out side and scream again (MOLLIE) b/c people are pissing me off.
So on a more romantic note...i found a rose on my kitchen table when i got home today after school and it was form mike and there was a note that said "From Mike: I'm really going to miss you," it was soo sweet to come home to find that sitting on my kitchen table waiting for me for when i got home!!!
Heres the saddest story ever.....
I have a boyfriend who grew up with me.
His name is Jin.
I always thought of him as a friend until last year, when we went to a trip from a club. I found that I fell in
love with him.
Before that trip was over I took a step and confessed my love for him.
And soon we became a pair of lovers, but we loved each other in different ways.
I always concentrated on him only, but by his side, there was so many other girls.
To me, he was the only one, but to him, maybe I was just another girl...
"Jin do you want to go watch a movie?" I asked.
"I can't"
"Why? You need to study at home?" I felt disappointed grabbing me.
"No.. I am going to meet a friend..."
He was always like that.
He met girls in front of me, like it was nothing.
To him, I was just a girlfriend.
The word 'love' only came out from my mouth.
Since I knew him, I had never heard him say 'I Love You' before.
To us, there weren't any anniversaries at all.
He didn't say anything from the first day and it continued till 100 days... 200 days...
Everyday, before we say goodbye, he would just hand me a doll, everyday, without fail. I don't know why...
Then one day...
Me: Um, Jin, I...
Jin: What... don't drag, just say..
Me: I Love You.
Jin: ...you..um, just take this doll and go home.
That was how he ignored my 'three words' and handed me the doll.
Then he disappeared, like he was running away.
The dolls I received from him everyday, filled my room, one by one. There were many...
Then one day came, my 15th year old birthday.
When I got up in the morning, I pictured a party with him, and stranded myself in my room, waiting for his
call.
But... lunch passed, dinner passed... and soon the sky was dark... he still didn't call.
It was already tiring to look at the phone anymore.
2am in the morning, he suddenly called me and woke me from my sleep. He told me to come out of the
house.
Still, I felt joy and I ran out happily.
Me: Jin...
Jin: Here... take this...
Again, he handed me a little doll.
Me: What's this?
Jin: I didn't give it to you yesturday, so I am giving it to you now. I'm going home now bye.
Me: Wait wait! Do you know what today is?
Jin: Today? huh?
I felt so sad, I thought he would remember my birthday.
He turned around and walked away like nothing had happen.
Then I shouted...
"Wait..."
Jin: You have something to say?
Me: Tell me, tell me you love me...
Jin: What?!
Me: Tell me
I put my pathetic self behind and clung on to him.
But he just said simple cold words and left.
"I don't want to say... that I love someone so easily, if you are desperate to hear it, then find someone else."
That was what he said. Then he ran off.
My legs felt numb... and I collapsed to the ground. He didn't want to say it easily...
How could he...
I felt that..
Maybe he is not the right guy for me...
After that day, I stranded myself at home crying, just crying.
He didn't call me, although i was waiting.
He just continued handing me a little doll every morning outside my house.
That's how those dolls piled up in my room... everyday.
After a month, I got myself together and went to school.
But what made the pain resurface was that... I saw him on a street with another girl...
He had a smile on his face, one that he never showed me... as he touched the doll...
I ran straight back home and looked at the dolls in my room, and tears fell...
Why did he give these to me...
Those dolls are probably picked out by some other girls...
In a fit of anger, I threw the dolls around.
Then suddenly, the phone rang. It was him.
He told me to come out to the bus stop outside my house.
I tried to calm myself down and walked to the bus stop.
I kept reminding myself that I am going to forget him, that... it's going to end.
Then he came into my sight, holding a big doll.
Jin: Jo, I thought you were pissed, you really came?
I couldn't help hating him, acting like nothing bad happen and joking around.
Soon, he held out the doll as usual...
Me: I don't need it.
Jin: What... why...
I grabbed the doll from his hands and threw it on the road.
Me: I don't need this doll, I don't need i anymore!! I don't want to see a person like you again!
I spitted out all the words that are inside me. But unlike other days, his eyes very shaking.
"I'm sorry" He apologized in a tiny voice.
He then walked over the road to pick up the doll...
You stupid! Why are you picking up the doll?! Just throw it away!!!
But he ignored me and just went to pick the doll.
Then...
Honk~Honk~
With a loud honk, a big truck was heading towards him.
"Jin! Move! Move away!" I shouted...
But he didn't hear me, he squatted down and picked up the doll.
"Jin, Move!"
HONK~!!
"Boom!" That sound was, so terrifying.
That's how he went away from me.
That's how he wen away without even opening his eyes to say one word to me.
After that day, I had to go through everyday with guiltness and the sadness of losing him...
And after spending two months like a crazy person...
I took out the dolls.
Those were the only gifts he left me since the day we started going out.
I remembered the days I spent with him and started to count the days... when we were in love...
"One...two...three..."
That was how... I started to count the dolls...
"Four hundred and eighty four... four hundren and eighty five..."
It all ended with 485 dolls.
I then started to cry again, with a doll in my arms.
I hugged it tightly, then suddenly...
"I Love You~, I Love You~"
I dropped the dolls, shoked.
"I.....lo...ve...you??"
I picked up the dolls and pressed its stomach.
"I Love You~ I Love You~"
It can't be~
I pressed all the dolls' stomach as it piled on the side.
"I Love You~"
"I Love You~"
"I Love You~"
Those words came out non-stop.
I...Love...You...
Why didn't I realize that...
That his heart was always by my side, protecting me.
Why didn't I realize that he love me this much...
I took out the doll under the bed and pressed it's stomach, that was the last doll, the one that fell on the road.
It had his blood stain on it.
The voice came out, the one that I was missing so much...
"Jo...Do you know what today is? We've been loving each other for 486 days. Do you know what 486 is? I couldn't say I Love You... im I was too shy... If you forgive me and tahe this doll, I will say that I Love You... everyday... till I die... Jo... I love you..."
The tears came flowing out of me. Why? Why? I asked God, why do I only know about all this now?
He can't be by my side, but he loved me until his last minute...
For that... and for that reason... to me... it became courage... to live a beautiful life...
U CAN EITHER REPOST THIS TO SHOW THAT U CARE ABOUT SOMEONE, OR IGNORE IT TO SHOW THAT U DONT CARE FOR ANYONE IN THIS WORLD
well i'm going to scream then to bed!!!
I noticed tonight that people are really fake and everyoen pretends to liek everyone and no1 is realyl being themselves. Like i knwo that i do it too and i hate it we should be able to talkt to each other and be able to be around every1 together without getting annoyed. People have been changing based on who they are hanging out with and i hate that i cant be with the people that are my friends if they are with certain people b/c they act differently. I jsut wish that we could al be open and honest adn even if the truth hurts you should be able to talk to your friends without them getting mad. I dont know i'm really stressed right now my best friend Sam is moving to AZ and its realyl sad and i'm gunna miss her soooooooo much..i dont know what i'm gunna do with myself. Like last ngiht i went over to her house and we cried and cried because her house doesn't feel like her home anymroe b/c there are always people looking at it to buy it. I think that i need to go out side and scream again (MOLLIE) b/c people are pissing me off.
So on a more romantic note...i found a rose on my kitchen table when i got home today after school and it was form mike and there was a note that said "From Mike: I'm really going to miss you," it was soo sweet to come home to find that sitting on my kitchen table waiting for me for when i got home!!!
Heres the saddest story ever.....
I have a boyfriend who grew up with me.
His name is Jin.
I always thought of him as a friend until last year, when we went to a trip from a club. I found that I fell in
love with him.
Before that trip was over I took a step and confessed my love for him.
And soon we became a pair of lovers, but we loved each other in different ways.
I always concentrated on him only, but by his side, there was so many other girls.
To me, he was the only one, but to him, maybe I was just another girl...
"Jin do you want to go watch a movie?" I asked.
"I can't"
"Why? You need to study at home?" I felt disappointed grabbing me.
"No.. I am going to meet a friend..."
He was always like that.
He met girls in front of me, like it was nothing.
To him, I was just a girlfriend.
The word 'love' only came out from my mouth.
Since I knew him, I had never heard him say 'I Love You' before.
To us, there weren't any anniversaries at all.
He didn't say anything from the first day and it continued till 100 days... 200 days...
Everyday, before we say goodbye, he would just hand me a doll, everyday, without fail. I don't know why...
Then one day...
Me: Um, Jin, I...
Jin: What... don't drag, just say..
Me: I Love You.
Jin: ...you..um, just take this doll and go home.
That was how he ignored my 'three words' and handed me the doll.
Then he disappeared, like he was running away.
The dolls I received from him everyday, filled my room, one by one. There were many...
Then one day came, my 15th year old birthday.
When I got up in the morning, I pictured a party with him, and stranded myself in my room, waiting for his
call.
But... lunch passed, dinner passed... and soon the sky was dark... he still didn't call.
It was already tiring to look at the phone anymore.
2am in the morning, he suddenly called me and woke me from my sleep. He told me to come out of the
house.
Still, I felt joy and I ran out happily.
Me: Jin...
Jin: Here... take this...
Again, he handed me a little doll.
Me: What's this?
Jin: I didn't give it to you yesturday, so I am giving it to you now. I'm going home now bye.
Me: Wait wait! Do you know what today is?
Jin: Today? huh?
I felt so sad, I thought he would remember my birthday.
He turned around and walked away like nothing had happen.
Then I shouted...
"Wait..."
Jin: You have something to say?
Me: Tell me, tell me you love me...
Jin: What?!
Me: Tell me
I put my pathetic self behind and clung on to him.
But he just said simple cold words and left.
"I don't want to say... that I love someone so easily, if you are desperate to hear it, then find someone else."
That was what he said. Then he ran off.
My legs felt numb... and I collapsed to the ground. He didn't want to say it easily...
How could he...
I felt that..
Maybe he is not the right guy for me...
After that day, I stranded myself at home crying, just crying.
He didn't call me, although i was waiting.
He just continued handing me a little doll every morning outside my house.
That's how those dolls piled up in my room... everyday.
After a month, I got myself together and went to school.
But what made the pain resurface was that... I saw him on a street with another girl...
He had a smile on his face, one that he never showed me... as he touched the doll...
I ran straight back home and looked at the dolls in my room, and tears fell...
Why did he give these to me...
Those dolls are probably picked out by some other girls...
In a fit of anger, I threw the dolls around.
Then suddenly, the phone rang. It was him.
He told me to come out to the bus stop outside my house.
I tried to calm myself down and walked to the bus stop.
I kept reminding myself that I am going to forget him, that... it's going to end.
Then he came into my sight, holding a big doll.
Jin: Jo, I thought you were pissed, you really came?
I couldn't help hating him, acting like nothing bad happen and joking around.
Soon, he held out the doll as usual...
Me: I don't need it.
Jin: What... why...
I grabbed the doll from his hands and threw it on the road.
Me: I don't need this doll, I don't need i anymore!! I don't want to see a person like you again!
I spitted out all the words that are inside me. But unlike other days, his eyes very shaking.
"I'm sorry" He apologized in a tiny voice.
He then walked over the road to pick up the doll...
You stupid! Why are you picking up the doll?! Just throw it away!!!
But he ignored me and just went to pick the doll.
Then...
Honk~Honk~
With a loud honk, a big truck was heading towards him.
"Jin! Move! Move away!" I shouted...
But he didn't hear me, he squatted down and picked up the doll.
"Jin, Move!"
HONK~!!
"Boom!" That sound was, so terrifying.
That's how he went away from me.
That's how he wen away without even opening his eyes to say one word to me.
After that day, I had to go through everyday with guiltness and the sadness of losing him...
And after spending two months like a crazy person...
I took out the dolls.
Those were the only gifts he left me since the day we started going out.
I remembered the days I spent with him and started to count the days... when we were in love...
"One...two...three..."
That was how... I started to count the dolls...
"Four hundred and eighty four... four hundren and eighty five..."
It all ended with 485 dolls.
I then started to cry again, with a doll in my arms.
I hugged it tightly, then suddenly...
"I Love You~, I Love You~"
I dropped the dolls, shoked.
"I.....lo...ve...you??"
I picked up the dolls and pressed its stomach.
"I Love You~ I Love You~"
It can't be~
I pressed all the dolls' stomach as it piled on the side.
"I Love You~"
"I Love You~"
"I Love You~"
Those words came out non-stop.
I...Love...You...
Why didn't I realize that...
That his heart was always by my side, protecting me.
Why didn't I realize that he love me this much...
I took out the doll under the bed and pressed it's stomach, that was the last doll, the one that fell on the road.
It had his blood stain on it.
The voice came out, the one that I was missing so much...
"Jo...Do you know what today is? We've been loving each other for 486 days. Do you know what 486 is? I couldn't say I Love You... im I was too shy... If you forgive me and tahe this doll, I will say that I Love You... everyday... till I die... Jo... I love you..."
The tears came flowing out of me. Why? Why? I asked God, why do I only know about all this now?
He can't be by my side, but he loved me until his last minute...
For that... and for that reason... to me... it became courage... to live a beautiful life...
U CAN EITHER REPOST THIS TO SHOW THAT U CARE ABOUT SOMEONE, OR IGNORE IT TO SHOW THAT U DONT CARE FOR ANYONE IN THIS WORLD
well i'm going to scream then to bed!!!