Sealife Stuck in a Countertop
So today was a really good day. My friend Adele, who I know from Brazil and is now an au pair in California, has been visiting all week and it's been great. We've gone to Disney, malls, and ICE! at Gaylord Palms. Today we went to the Beach, along with Antoinette and my entire family (we had to take two cars). It was a lot of fun, even tho we weren't there as long as Beach trips normally last. Adele, Antoinette, and I walked to a bar so Antoinette could get fries, and the bar had an acrylic countertop with dead sealife in it. Like little skeletons of shells, seahorses, starfish, and crabs. Forever stuck and preserved inside a see-through countertop on which countless people eat and drink. Interesting. Antoinette thinks they were found dead and then preserved, so at least no one ran around killing animals to make this bar. And maybe that description of the morbid bar doesn't show it, but we had a fun day.
After we got home, Antoinette and I decided to take Brian's Christmas presents to his house since we hadn't been able to get a hold of him. The three of us had tentative plans to exchange gifts today, but we tried to finalize them all week and Brian's phone always went to voicemail. So we figured we'd go over there and, if he was there, surprise him with his gifts, or, if he wasn't there, we'd at least leave his presents so he'd get them sooner than later. Afterall, Christmas was a week ago.
He wasn't there. His dad eventually answered the door and said he'd make sure Brian gets his presents. He said Brian was out playing Magic with friends. At least that's what I'm pretty sure he said. When I got home my daddy said the Orlando Magic was playing a game, and maybe Brian was there. Whichever. Brian, if you're reading this, I hope you're having/you had fun doing whatever it was. And I hope you like your presents.
Pretty much anyone who could be reading this already knows something about the Brian Situation. For some reason, it's been bothering me these last few days. Maybe because it's the holidays, I don't know. But not seeing Brian as often has kind of made me feel lonely-ish. Because I have fun when he's around. And then on the drive home tonight after dropping off his presents, I wondered about things. Like why he wouldn't mention that he was going to play Magic. Not that it's technically any of my business. But an "Oh, sorry, we can't do presents on Saturday because I'm playing Magic with people" might have been nice. It actually doesn't bother me so much that he's out having fun. What bothers me is I sort of feel like our friendship might be diminishing. I hope it's not. But what if Brian doesn't feel we (the three of us being we) have enough to hold us together as friends? What if he feels like he's got to move on from us because he's at a different point in his life, because he's done with school and he's starting a career and we're still lagging behind? Or what if he feels that we don't have anything to offer?
I know playing what if is a horrible way to spend the evening, but it's a game that consumes me over and over again.
For example, I got on my computer, which has been very slow to start up lately for some unknown reason (and no, I don't have a virus), so if any computer gurus have any suggestions, leave comments below. Anyway, I logged onto AIM, which took forever to fully load, but I noticed that an old friend of mine was online that never is anymore, so I decided to IM him. By the time my computer had stopped spazzing long enough for me to IM him, he logged off. Now here's the what if. Did he log off because he was done with the computer or did he log off because I logged on and he wanted to avoid a conversation? Yes, this is me being overly analytical. I mean, the most likely answer is that he didn't notice me log on or didn't care. Because he would have to care quite a bit to log off just to avoid me, especially since another one of his friends was logged on. And if he hated me he could easily block me from seeing his screen name. That would be so much easier than logging off whenever I log on. He is just indifferent. Which is fine.
Except that I don't like people being indifferent about me. I think that might be how Brian feels, and how my old friend feels. Which suits them fine. But it just sort of makes me feel just that much more insignificant. Someone who used to care about me doesn't anymore. What's worse is that I care about them, at least somewhat.
So this is me feeling tired, lonely, and unwanted after a wonderful day at the beach with friends and family who do care about me. I guess my New Year's resolution should be to focus more on what I have and less on what I used to have. I need to stop bothering with people who don't bother with me. And lose about 45 pounds. So there, there are my two goals for the new year. Wish me luck. And have a good night. Good night and Good Luck. George Cloony would be proud.
After we got home, Antoinette and I decided to take Brian's Christmas presents to his house since we hadn't been able to get a hold of him. The three of us had tentative plans to exchange gifts today, but we tried to finalize them all week and Brian's phone always went to voicemail. So we figured we'd go over there and, if he was there, surprise him with his gifts, or, if he wasn't there, we'd at least leave his presents so he'd get them sooner than later. Afterall, Christmas was a week ago.
He wasn't there. His dad eventually answered the door and said he'd make sure Brian gets his presents. He said Brian was out playing Magic with friends. At least that's what I'm pretty sure he said. When I got home my daddy said the Orlando Magic was playing a game, and maybe Brian was there. Whichever. Brian, if you're reading this, I hope you're having/you had fun doing whatever it was. And I hope you like your presents.
Pretty much anyone who could be reading this already knows something about the Brian Situation. For some reason, it's been bothering me these last few days. Maybe because it's the holidays, I don't know. But not seeing Brian as often has kind of made me feel lonely-ish. Because I have fun when he's around. And then on the drive home tonight after dropping off his presents, I wondered about things. Like why he wouldn't mention that he was going to play Magic. Not that it's technically any of my business. But an "Oh, sorry, we can't do presents on Saturday because I'm playing Magic with people" might have been nice. It actually doesn't bother me so much that he's out having fun. What bothers me is I sort of feel like our friendship might be diminishing. I hope it's not. But what if Brian doesn't feel we (the three of us being we) have enough to hold us together as friends? What if he feels like he's got to move on from us because he's at a different point in his life, because he's done with school and he's starting a career and we're still lagging behind? Or what if he feels that we don't have anything to offer?
I know playing what if is a horrible way to spend the evening, but it's a game that consumes me over and over again.
For example, I got on my computer, which has been very slow to start up lately for some unknown reason (and no, I don't have a virus), so if any computer gurus have any suggestions, leave comments below. Anyway, I logged onto AIM, which took forever to fully load, but I noticed that an old friend of mine was online that never is anymore, so I decided to IM him. By the time my computer had stopped spazzing long enough for me to IM him, he logged off. Now here's the what if. Did he log off because he was done with the computer or did he log off because I logged on and he wanted to avoid a conversation? Yes, this is me being overly analytical. I mean, the most likely answer is that he didn't notice me log on or didn't care. Because he would have to care quite a bit to log off just to avoid me, especially since another one of his friends was logged on. And if he hated me he could easily block me from seeing his screen name. That would be so much easier than logging off whenever I log on. He is just indifferent. Which is fine.
Except that I don't like people being indifferent about me. I think that might be how Brian feels, and how my old friend feels. Which suits them fine. But it just sort of makes me feel just that much more insignificant. Someone who used to care about me doesn't anymore. What's worse is that I care about them, at least somewhat.
So this is me feeling tired, lonely, and unwanted after a wonderful day at the beach with friends and family who do care about me. I guess my New Year's resolution should be to focus more on what I have and less on what I used to have. I need to stop bothering with people who don't bother with me. And lose about 45 pounds. So there, there are my two goals for the new year. Wish me luck. And have a good night. Good night and Good Luck. George Cloony would be proud.