quicksand
I am once again sinking into an extreme form of exhaustion--I'm not there yet, but I am definitely on the way. Why is schoolwork always so overwhelming? I have to write a paper about kingship in Shakespeare for Monday. I have a presentation in Spanish on Thursday. (My group assigned me the sub-topic of "The history of Miami and Why Cubans chose to settle there.") I just want to curl up in bed with a novel and popcorn. And maybe a cookie.
So far today I have not spent any money on food. Allelulia. I brought a bag full of stuffs to munch on throughout the day, and so far it's working. The only thing is that I forgot a spoon for my yogurt. I still haven't figured out how to eat yogurt w/o a spoon.
*WARNING: Angsty, bitter complaining ahead*
To keep this from being a boring blog I could talk about my bitterness involving some aspects of my family life. Mommy, Daddy, and Sasha went out of town for a long weekend, coming home Sunday. Sunday they took Elisa and myself out to dinner at Moe's, then we walked the dog, then I did homework, then I went to bed. Monday I spent the entire day Out of the House: school, volunteering, dinner w/Antoinette, and a seminar at school.
On my way home, Sasha called me to tell me that Daddy was angry that I "hadn't done anything useful (for the house) while they were out of town" and since I had left my Planet Smoothie cup in the sink to soak, if it wasn't clean by this morning he was going to throw it away. (It's one of those huge $7 Planet Smoothie cups that gets you a discount on smoothies.) In a moment of kindness, Sasha washed it for me behind his back, and let me know to keep my cup hidden.So, in a nutshell, Daddy decided I didn't do my share, found something I actually hadn't done because of being too busy, and tried to punish me for not being an asset to the household.
Maybe this is still boring, but I need to vent it out of my system because it sometimes just pushes me over the edge. I did so much stuff "for the house," as Daddy says, while they were gone. Like cleaning the cat litter, taking out trash, doing some dishes, doing loads of laundry, sweeping, bringing in the mail, feeding the animals, letting the dog out and in, watering the plants. The things I didn't do, I had trusted Elisa to do (I even asked her to do some of them), but she didn't because she went to Brittlyn's house instead.And I'm not complaining that she didn't do anything (or am I?), I'm just really peeved at Daddy for pushing all this stuff on me.
That's really what it is. This continual power struggle between me and Daddy. When they left for NC on Thursday morning, he left dirty breakfast dishes on the table. He didn't even move them to the sink! But if I leave something unwashed, he threatens to throw it away? It makes me so mad when he does this. And it's a periodic thing, too. Apparently I need periodic reminders of just what a burden I am on the family.
Anyway, to bring my vent to a close, I have decided that next time they go out of town and I don't, I am not staying at home. I will camp out in Eustis with Antoinette, which is essentially going out of town too, and leave the house to Elisa or hired help. That way anything "wrong" with the house upon their return won't be my fault. And yes, I know this is me acting really immature and juvenile. And I don't care right now. I feel like I am not the only immature and juvenile person in this situation. And Daddy's goading really, really gets to me after a while. I can't take it, and I won't anymore. And Elisa, if you happen to be reading this, it really doesn't have anything to do with you, and I'm not trying to blame/insult you or anything. It is a Daddy/Jeca binary struggle, and I know you think it's stupid, but that won't solve it either.
*deep breath*
I feel a little bit better now that I have a paragraph of angst out of my way.
I have tutoring tonight and then Gilmore Girls with Heather and maybe Kyle. And hopefully tomorrow will be a more laid-back day. I'm tired of always feeling so wound
So far today I have not spent any money on food. Allelulia. I brought a bag full of stuffs to munch on throughout the day, and so far it's working. The only thing is that I forgot a spoon for my yogurt. I still haven't figured out how to eat yogurt w/o a spoon.
*WARNING: Angsty, bitter complaining ahead*
To keep this from being a boring blog I could talk about my bitterness involving some aspects of my family life. Mommy, Daddy, and Sasha went out of town for a long weekend, coming home Sunday. Sunday they took Elisa and myself out to dinner at Moe's, then we walked the dog, then I did homework, then I went to bed. Monday I spent the entire day Out of the House: school, volunteering, dinner w/Antoinette, and a seminar at school.
On my way home, Sasha called me to tell me that Daddy was angry that I "hadn't done anything useful (for the house) while they were out of town" and since I had left my Planet Smoothie cup in the sink to soak, if it wasn't clean by this morning he was going to throw it away. (It's one of those huge $7 Planet Smoothie cups that gets you a discount on smoothies.) In a moment of kindness, Sasha washed it for me behind his back, and let me know to keep my cup hidden.So, in a nutshell, Daddy decided I didn't do my share, found something I actually hadn't done because of being too busy, and tried to punish me for not being an asset to the household.
Maybe this is still boring, but I need to vent it out of my system because it sometimes just pushes me over the edge. I did so much stuff "for the house," as Daddy says, while they were gone. Like cleaning the cat litter, taking out trash, doing some dishes, doing loads of laundry, sweeping, bringing in the mail, feeding the animals, letting the dog out and in, watering the plants. The things I didn't do, I had trusted Elisa to do (I even asked her to do some of them), but she didn't because she went to Brittlyn's house instead.And I'm not complaining that she didn't do anything (or am I?), I'm just really peeved at Daddy for pushing all this stuff on me.
That's really what it is. This continual power struggle between me and Daddy. When they left for NC on Thursday morning, he left dirty breakfast dishes on the table. He didn't even move them to the sink! But if I leave something unwashed, he threatens to throw it away? It makes me so mad when he does this. And it's a periodic thing, too. Apparently I need periodic reminders of just what a burden I am on the family.
Anyway, to bring my vent to a close, I have decided that next time they go out of town and I don't, I am not staying at home. I will camp out in Eustis with Antoinette, which is essentially going out of town too, and leave the house to Elisa or hired help. That way anything "wrong" with the house upon their return won't be my fault. And yes, I know this is me acting really immature and juvenile. And I don't care right now. I feel like I am not the only immature and juvenile person in this situation. And Daddy's goading really, really gets to me after a while. I can't take it, and I won't anymore. And Elisa, if you happen to be reading this, it really doesn't have anything to do with you, and I'm not trying to blame/insult you or anything. It is a Daddy/Jeca binary struggle, and I know you think it's stupid, but that won't solve it either.
*deep breath*
I feel a little bit better now that I have a paragraph of angst out of my way.
I have tutoring tonight and then Gilmore Girls with Heather and maybe Kyle. And hopefully tomorrow will be a more laid-back day. I'm tired of always feeling so wound