(no subject)
Summer is so dumb. i am soooo bored. ive been outta school for a few weeks and ive done nothing. well...i spent my first afternoon off after my final w/ Dustin. no...not my x. a different one. i know him from school. hes gorgeous and hes perfect but of course....im not. so oh well. i shall spend the summer alone. woo for me.
so Chas said he'd get me a laptop. he'd make it all kewl and stuff. think my mom would b ok w/ that? id use my money to pay for it. i really want one....i really do. and i know it would b good for next year. id b able to bring it w/ me places...like school. ahh who cares. im sure i wont get it. i dont get what i want. duh me.....
u know what really suks right now? church. its horrible. mostly cuz of my x. he doesnt like me right not. he doesnt even wanna talk to me ....yet he does. i dont get it. i should just say "LEAVE ME ALONE!" but im nice and i dont. so i have to like hide from him. i have to stay away and make sure i dont get too close cuz i dont want him to talk to me. yeah i still love him and i do miss him...but i know he wouldnt go back out w/ me. so i have to keep him as far away as possible so i dont get all depressed and realize again how much i need him right now. did neone know i kinda want him back? i dont think i did....thats weird. but i do know that me and him being together wouldnt b a good idea. hes mad at me.......im a horrible person sometimes.