ARGH!!!!
Tonight, for the first time, rehearsal was pretty productive. Act 3 feels really good and a few of us were able to fill holes that were in there before. It was amazing. I scared the crap out of people doing Hermia. I was a vixen...it was amazing. Fiona loved it, Jessica loved it, the director loved it, all the actors were laughing hysterically while watching.
So why do I feel so upset about this? Let me tell you...I have done 90% of the work for Hermia. I have blocked and fixed all the scenes with people and delved into the character that the director wants and I have nailed it. I am good...and yet...everything I have worked on, everything I have come up with for the character...I have to TEACH to SOMEONE ELSE. I only get to do the show 3 times...I am very thankful for those three times, but with all the work I have done...it feels like a slap in the face. I can't get too excited about it because I am not the principal...I am the fucking understudy.
The principal was sick for a week and is currently out of town for a week. So all the actors get to accustom themselves to my style and how I do things, and then Amy will come in...and she will change it all because she has a completely different out look on the character which, frankly, has been BORING to watch.
But what can I do except bite my tongue and do my job? It kinda hurts to be honest. I am past anger...I am really sad about all this and it takes away from the thrill of knowing how good this feels.
If I was just doing the part of the understudy, following what the principals had figured out, it wouldn't be as hard. I'd know that my place was to just make things flow for everyone else. But I have blocked this. I have created this character. Ugh...I am just...sad...
That being said...Midsummer opens in a few weeks...Come to the Saturday matinee's. June 13, 20 and 27 at 2pm in San Jose. If you want to come to one of the other shows when I'm a fairy, fine...but please come back and watch me do Hermia.
So why do I feel so upset about this? Let me tell you...I have done 90% of the work for Hermia. I have blocked and fixed all the scenes with people and delved into the character that the director wants and I have nailed it. I am good...and yet...everything I have worked on, everything I have come up with for the character...I have to TEACH to SOMEONE ELSE. I only get to do the show 3 times...I am very thankful for those three times, but with all the work I have done...it feels like a slap in the face. I can't get too excited about it because I am not the principal...I am the fucking understudy.
The principal was sick for a week and is currently out of town for a week. So all the actors get to accustom themselves to my style and how I do things, and then Amy will come in...and she will change it all because she has a completely different out look on the character which, frankly, has been BORING to watch.
But what can I do except bite my tongue and do my job? It kinda hurts to be honest. I am past anger...I am really sad about all this and it takes away from the thrill of knowing how good this feels.
If I was just doing the part of the understudy, following what the principals had figured out, it wouldn't be as hard. I'd know that my place was to just make things flow for everyone else. But I have blocked this. I have created this character. Ugh...I am just...sad...
That being said...Midsummer opens in a few weeks...Come to the Saturday matinee's. June 13, 20 and 27 at 2pm in San Jose. If you want to come to one of the other shows when I'm a fairy, fine...but please come back and watch me do Hermia.