this time of year...

Nov 19, 2005 14:36

when everything takes a little more effort.
when my mind wanders to places that make me start to choke in a rushed effort not to cry because i'm sitting in the middle of a presentation in class.
when i start to remember again how things have changed forever.
when i see changes in myself that aren't really seen by anyone else because those who would have noticed are changing in the same ways.
when falling to sleep is a little harder and my dreams are more vivid and completely bizarre.
when i wake up in the middle of the night and pray that i've been trapped in an extensive dream for the last 2 and a half years.
when i expect people not to possibly even begin to understand the state of mind i find myself in, so i don't talk about it.
but also a time when i find myself telling stories that make people a little uncomfortable.

time does help. but it never goes away. and this time of year, memories become fresh, the will to have just one more day, one hour, one minute controls all other rational thoughts.

and no one can make any of that go away.
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