Anxiety Tingle
I woke up this morning feeling a tingle of anxiety, but I wasn’t sure why. After an hour+ of Yoga X, the tingle was still there but I was more centered in spite of said tingle. I went through my normal morning with my kids. I wrote a check to the school, dealt with an EMO outburst from my daughter over the kids’ reward charts, inspected shoes and outfits to make sure they were both properly attired and we headed out the door to start our day!!
I had just started to get settled in my work day when I realized what day it is. October 1, 2012. The 2 year anniversary of the day my life was forever changed. I felt the anxiety rise as images and sounds, voices from that day flooded my mind. My face began to burn as the image of 1,000 tears streaming down my daughter’s face crossed my mind. The image of my sons panicked face, too little to understand why his sister and his mommy couldn’t stop crying, too little to understand the police officers in and out of our home, too little to understand the fear and panic that filled the air around him.
Suddenly my mind started filling with images of the last several weeks, months even. Playing chess with my son. Brushing my daughter’s hair. I heard our laughter as I tickle them out of bed in the mornings. I thought of the “high fives” and “good jobs” we pass around as we support each other in everything we do. I thought about the sugar sprinkles all over the floor from decorating sugar cookies a few weeks ago. Our laughter as we bagged up yard debris yesterday. Conversations we've had. All of the “group hugs” and “I love yous”. I looked at my desk to the adorable tea mug my amazing children made for me. I took a deep breath and I exhaled as the anxiety dissipated.
I love my life now. I love our life. I love all of the angels who supported me and my children through such a dark time, who kept telling me and believing that I was stronger than I thought I was, and I love that they were right! I love that despite the tingle of anxiety I felt this morning, I looked forward to my day. I love the fact that the events of this day shaped me, molded me, forever changed me, but they do not define me.
"Our lives are not determined by what happens to us but by how we react to what happens..."
I had just started to get settled in my work day when I realized what day it is. October 1, 2012. The 2 year anniversary of the day my life was forever changed. I felt the anxiety rise as images and sounds, voices from that day flooded my mind. My face began to burn as the image of 1,000 tears streaming down my daughter’s face crossed my mind. The image of my sons panicked face, too little to understand why his sister and his mommy couldn’t stop crying, too little to understand the police officers in and out of our home, too little to understand the fear and panic that filled the air around him.
Suddenly my mind started filling with images of the last several weeks, months even. Playing chess with my son. Brushing my daughter’s hair. I heard our laughter as I tickle them out of bed in the mornings. I thought of the “high fives” and “good jobs” we pass around as we support each other in everything we do. I thought about the sugar sprinkles all over the floor from decorating sugar cookies a few weeks ago. Our laughter as we bagged up yard debris yesterday. Conversations we've had. All of the “group hugs” and “I love yous”. I looked at my desk to the adorable tea mug my amazing children made for me. I took a deep breath and I exhaled as the anxiety dissipated.
I love my life now. I love our life. I love all of the angels who supported me and my children through such a dark time, who kept telling me and believing that I was stronger than I thought I was, and I love that they were right! I love that despite the tingle of anxiety I felt this morning, I looked forward to my day. I love the fact that the events of this day shaped me, molded me, forever changed me, but they do not define me.
"Our lives are not determined by what happens to us but by how we react to what happens..."