Sorry for myself letter
My life is on stand-by. Well actually it is just starting to go again. I am so sick of living according to other people's ideal teenage behavior. Compared to what a lot of people my age have done or are doing I am a "good kid". Now I say " " because I know that I have been doing some fucked up shit lately.
1. stabbing friends in the back
2. harder drugs than the green
3. cheated *kiss*
4. no job
5. no remorse
What the hell is that. You would think that a person whom fell in love would have so many happy thoughts and want to always smile...well at least that is what I pictured. Now I want to kill myself more than ever. What am I thinking....Im 18 years old...I have no right falling in love when I cant even get a car, to keep a job, to make money, to further my education, to get a good job when I am older, to live a good life so I can then fall in love and be in love because I can afford it!! GOD!!
Then this Sarah things is really bothering me. I may say and act like it doesn't but right now I am declaring for everyone I MISS SARAH...yes and I will continue missing Sarah for the rest of my days...until I get over it. She was my first real friend...MY BAD THOUGH...There's #1.
I tried cocaine...the drug I almost defriend Sarah because of. I know and have seen what it does to people. WHY IN THE HELL would I have been so stupid, such a hyprocrite. #2.
I was with Dan for a month on 4-20 then on 4-21 I got all fucked up and kissed Dave...it was only a kiss but after Dan found out and I decided I didn't want the relationship to continue I kept hanging out with Dave for 2 days. Leading me to realize that I am just a bitch, but I came to my senses...or maybe drifted farther away from them. So we are back together...and I am really trying. #3.
When Dan and I got together I lost my job because of a stupid drug that starts with a Z. I don't even want to say because they are so stupid to take...I mean I know everyone knows what I am talking about but that word just makes me ill. Still no job, because I have to transportation and once again Tonya Nadine Warren is the weakest link. #4.
Now with #5 it goes to everything because when I get out of this mood I will be back to Tonya, not caring that I hurt Sarah and lost a great friend. Not caring that I have an addiction to running from life. Not caring about Dan the way and good girlfriend would because I am so selfish. Not having a car, money or job because of my rediculous ways...what the hell am I living for.
I live at my Uncle's house because I lost my dad's respect, lost my boyfriends respect and I am sure one way or another I will lose Ron's respect because I am a bia. I don't deserve any of the good things in my life...I really hope karma comes back and kicks me in the ass because maybe that is what I need.
I just want so much more for myself...but I don't think that will happen. So I will probably feel sorry for myself and go back to my miserable ways because thats what I have made for myself. This is my bed, so now I must go lay in it. I wish it was a waterbed and I would just drowned. What are you waiting for...someone kill me already! I have nothing to live for, no one to be alive and foresee...wicked wicked girl.
1. stabbing friends in the back
2. harder drugs than the green
3. cheated *kiss*
4. no job
5. no remorse
What the hell is that. You would think that a person whom fell in love would have so many happy thoughts and want to always smile...well at least that is what I pictured. Now I want to kill myself more than ever. What am I thinking....Im 18 years old...I have no right falling in love when I cant even get a car, to keep a job, to make money, to further my education, to get a good job when I am older, to live a good life so I can then fall in love and be in love because I can afford it!! GOD!!
Then this Sarah things is really bothering me. I may say and act like it doesn't but right now I am declaring for everyone I MISS SARAH...yes and I will continue missing Sarah for the rest of my days...until I get over it. She was my first real friend...MY BAD THOUGH...There's #1.
I tried cocaine...the drug I almost defriend Sarah because of. I know and have seen what it does to people. WHY IN THE HELL would I have been so stupid, such a hyprocrite. #2.
I was with Dan for a month on 4-20 then on 4-21 I got all fucked up and kissed Dave...it was only a kiss but after Dan found out and I decided I didn't want the relationship to continue I kept hanging out with Dave for 2 days. Leading me to realize that I am just a bitch, but I came to my senses...or maybe drifted farther away from them. So we are back together...and I am really trying. #3.
When Dan and I got together I lost my job because of a stupid drug that starts with a Z. I don't even want to say because they are so stupid to take...I mean I know everyone knows what I am talking about but that word just makes me ill. Still no job, because I have to transportation and once again Tonya Nadine Warren is the weakest link. #4.
Now with #5 it goes to everything because when I get out of this mood I will be back to Tonya, not caring that I hurt Sarah and lost a great friend. Not caring that I have an addiction to running from life. Not caring about Dan the way and good girlfriend would because I am so selfish. Not having a car, money or job because of my rediculous ways...what the hell am I living for.
I live at my Uncle's house because I lost my dad's respect, lost my boyfriends respect and I am sure one way or another I will lose Ron's respect because I am a bia. I don't deserve any of the good things in my life...I really hope karma comes back and kicks me in the ass because maybe that is what I need.
I just want so much more for myself...but I don't think that will happen. So I will probably feel sorry for myself and go back to my miserable ways because thats what I have made for myself. This is my bed, so now I must go lay in it. I wish it was a waterbed and I would just drowned. What are you waiting for...someone kill me already! I have nothing to live for, no one to be alive and foresee...wicked wicked girl.