you know, a disillusioned and dilusional mind can find signs and connections in almost any thing. even if there is no connection at all. Sometimes when i look back on things you haad said while we were together, or things that happened, i think all sorts a things. an example is that shortly after i left you, i found some pictures on line. they were of a girl posing nude, in a small room like an office, bed room, or dorm room. there was a desk, a chair, and a blue carpet. it was labeled Teacher, and although the face was cut off, the girls body looked just like you, even with long brown hair in a ponytail. made me think, was this taken so soon after we broke up? was she chaeting on me before hand? when you went with your friend to that'art photographer' and removed your top to pose nude with your friend, what realy happened? was it just a cover, claiming that it was for your friend? did you lie to me about how far you went? and why didnt you call me like you promised? or answer your phone when i called you? you knew i was worried sick, so what really happened?? so many things like that run through my mind...it drives me insane
I know that that girl wasnt you, and that you wouldn't have lied to me. But thoughts like that just keep pervaiding my thoughts. And to tell you the truth, I would still love you even if they were true. I would do anything for you, I would willingly, freely, and without hesitation, give my life for you. Even now. Your mother once accused me of seeing you through rose colored glass. I dont think that that is at all true. I have always loved every part of you, practically worshiped you. But I was always aware of your flaws too. before, i loved you despite them. but now, i have found that i actually love your flaws as well as the rest of you. even because of them. I find i miss your odd quarks which used to frusterate me so much. I miss your tendancies which used to make me agrivated, and i even miss when you used to stomp on my toes, or try to knee me in the groin, just to see the expression on my face. i miss you sitting there, reading a book, i miss you laughing at me while i try to hang a picture. I miss everything, love everything, and will always hold those memories close to my heart, as memories of the happiest times of my life, with the one person who made my life a good life.
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