Escape from It All
Life is sucking again big-time. Where is that damn reset button?
J. and I fled the house last night to go and see 'Taken'. I won't spoil it but to say,
Mr. Neeson can be quite the startling action 'hero' (I remembered this a little bit from 'Batman Begins' but it was nice to be reminded), and it was good escapism fare.
The reason we left the house? The phone rang constantly with news of the following:
-A good friend of the family, one of my parents' next door neighbours, was diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor, and was told she has 3 months to live.
-My aunt, who suffered rheumatic fever as a child and has had numerous heart operations due to lasting complications, had her surgeon deny her the latest operation *on the day of the surgery*, saying she was 'too high risk'.
-My eldest nephew has decided he does not want to return home after the end of the school year, and asked if he could come and live with us. He is 17 and angry at the world, still grieving the loss of his father; he has refused to set foot in church or attend any sort of service since his father's passing this past fall. He is currently at a Lutheran boarding school 30 miles from here, and 65 miles from home. He wants to get a summer job in here in Columbia.
-His mother, my sister-in-law, blames us for 'putting the idea into his head'. She has had a problem with me since her husband's illness and suggestions I made about his care, so I become the scapegoat for pretty much anything. She thinks he will drop out of school, get his girlfriend pregnant, and all things out of his normal character.
J. and I spent part of last night talking to the nephew. As much as it hurts to say, we really cannot have him here full-time. I work two jobs with wacky hours, and my husband's schedule keeps him from being home in the evenings. We feel we can't provide him with anything other than a roof over his head, and worry that we cannot provide what he needs (emotionally, spiritually, financially) at this point in time. In talking to him we found out a major issue is he doesn't want to return to the house and all he associates with it. (His father spent his last weeks at home under palliative care, and died there). I didn't want to guilt-trip him, but I wanted to make sure he understood all that 'moving out' entails, not just for him but for everyone. I raised the point of his younger brother, who idolizes him: what will happen to him if the brother he looks up to leaves home? (I tell you, it is a sad state of affairs when an agnostic is called upon to give spiritual help to someone who until recently has been steadfast in his faith. I don't have any answers myself, and I truly relate to his anger at God. Is that why he talks to us instead of his mother who takes much comfort in her faith?)
I'm taking him to see the next 'Underworld' movie tonight. I think the poor kid needs to
have a little fun. I also may have another option for him: I spoke to his school this morning
(jumped through many hoops but in the end the school counselor bumped me up the chain of bureaucracy) and they say they do have students stay there during the summer, they simply need
to pay dorm fees for those two months. he could conceivably stay there and work a summer job here as he has his own vehicule, and visit us when time permits. The one thing he lacks is the permission of a parent or guardian. I think I can enlist the help of my other sisiter-in-law to back me up on this: that it would be better to have him at school (where the counselor says he will be watched now that they know more about the situation... his mother hadn't told them he was threatening to leave home) than have him leave home and possibly disappear. I'm sure I'll get an earful about how I am butting in again but this time it's worth it;
he and his mother need to sit down with someone like the school counselor and talk some of these things out or their family is not going to make it.
J. and I fled the house last night to go and see 'Taken'. I won't spoil it but to say,
Mr. Neeson can be quite the startling action 'hero' (I remembered this a little bit from 'Batman Begins' but it was nice to be reminded), and it was good escapism fare.
The reason we left the house? The phone rang constantly with news of the following:
-A good friend of the family, one of my parents' next door neighbours, was diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor, and was told she has 3 months to live.
-My aunt, who suffered rheumatic fever as a child and has had numerous heart operations due to lasting complications, had her surgeon deny her the latest operation *on the day of the surgery*, saying she was 'too high risk'.
-My eldest nephew has decided he does not want to return home after the end of the school year, and asked if he could come and live with us. He is 17 and angry at the world, still grieving the loss of his father; he has refused to set foot in church or attend any sort of service since his father's passing this past fall. He is currently at a Lutheran boarding school 30 miles from here, and 65 miles from home. He wants to get a summer job in here in Columbia.
-His mother, my sister-in-law, blames us for 'putting the idea into his head'. She has had a problem with me since her husband's illness and suggestions I made about his care, so I become the scapegoat for pretty much anything. She thinks he will drop out of school, get his girlfriend pregnant, and all things out of his normal character.
J. and I spent part of last night talking to the nephew. As much as it hurts to say, we really cannot have him here full-time. I work two jobs with wacky hours, and my husband's schedule keeps him from being home in the evenings. We feel we can't provide him with anything other than a roof over his head, and worry that we cannot provide what he needs (emotionally, spiritually, financially) at this point in time. In talking to him we found out a major issue is he doesn't want to return to the house and all he associates with it. (His father spent his last weeks at home under palliative care, and died there). I didn't want to guilt-trip him, but I wanted to make sure he understood all that 'moving out' entails, not just for him but for everyone. I raised the point of his younger brother, who idolizes him: what will happen to him if the brother he looks up to leaves home? (I tell you, it is a sad state of affairs when an agnostic is called upon to give spiritual help to someone who until recently has been steadfast in his faith. I don't have any answers myself, and I truly relate to his anger at God. Is that why he talks to us instead of his mother who takes much comfort in her faith?)
I'm taking him to see the next 'Underworld' movie tonight. I think the poor kid needs to
have a little fun. I also may have another option for him: I spoke to his school this morning
(jumped through many hoops but in the end the school counselor bumped me up the chain of bureaucracy) and they say they do have students stay there during the summer, they simply need
to pay dorm fees for those two months. he could conceivably stay there and work a summer job here as he has his own vehicule, and visit us when time permits. The one thing he lacks is the permission of a parent or guardian. I think I can enlist the help of my other sisiter-in-law to back me up on this: that it would be better to have him at school (where the counselor says he will be watched now that they know more about the situation... his mother hadn't told them he was threatening to leave home) than have him leave home and possibly disappear. I'm sure I'll get an earful about how I am butting in again but this time it's worth it;
he and his mother need to sit down with someone like the school counselor and talk some of these things out or their family is not going to make it.