(no subject)
Just read Fatma’s “MS goodbye sort of entry” and me being the optimistic me, would say:
Hey babes & guys in the 43rd exco (if they happen to randomly read my blog), most of us, DID our utmost but there will always be that, “oh shucks, they could have been done better”. Nevertheless, the most important thing, is about learning - about ourselves and purposes in life. MS need not necessary be THE THING in your life, it might just be a stepping stone towards something better. I for one am grateful to have known and worked with wonderful and talented individuals. Things in life are never easy and will never be the way we want it to be, that is what makes all imperfections seem perfect. So here is to “painful pleasures”, salute to us!
Actually, days towards AGM, I was around the mood of indifference to gladness, not because MS meant nothing… just that, like Fatma, I felt that more could have been done, why were we so cautious and afraid? Why are we always contemplating on the unnecessary details and never had a clear vision of what we should have been? Why do we care too much about what others think? It is so frustrating.
I felt trapped actually for the whole term but I never really showed my true sentiments because, despite my childishness and weirdness… I was a given a role, it is not a perfect role, so I have to bear with the sucky bits. I could have chosen to MIA and run off, but I did not. I was made to be a reliable and committed person you see. False pretences became a habit after years of practice, a smile shading a frown sort of thing. Hmm… you do forget your true feelings after a while… for the greater good perhaps.
My last few weeks in MS was spent being pissed with the progress of the syura, anxious over who to fill up the exco position, disappointment when I got negative feedbacks about the exco and simply tired. I was quite ashamed at myself for not being as assertive as I used to be but being assertive itself takes a whole lot of energy.
Still am wondering why my mind went completely blank when hakim asked me to be part of the sharing session... I suppose, it is not easy to sum up one year of happiness, tireness, insecurities and analness into a 2 minute speech. I would have sound superficial (I am not saying the others who shared are superficial btw...it simply is hard to be suddenly inspired at the click of a finger).
But I suppose one will need to step back and look at the whole picture and not get too emotionally biased. MS was not that bad after all, it was an experience. We had our silly moments, filled with laughter, bitching sessions and jokes. Friendships were forged…
“When the sun shines, we will shine together”…
And we did.
Look back with no regrets.
c'est la vie.