Daylight Fading 1/?
Again, not beta'd, rough draft. If I do actually finish it, I'll polish it up.
See the prologue for pertinent info. Feedback and constructive criticism welcome.
February 2003
Llanview
Natalie sat on a snow covered rock, tears silently rolling down her cheeks. Today was Cristian’s funeral and Carlotta had barred her from attending the service, blaming her for her son’s death and furiously cursing her name in Spanish.
Viki and Jessica had offered to stay at Llanfair with her instead of attending if Carlotta insisted on being so unreasonable but Natalie had told them to go anyway. In a way, Carlotta was right to blame her. As her “new” brother Joey hadn’t been quite as close to Cristian as their mother and sister had been, he’d decided that he’d stay and keep Natalie company. When he’d gone to the kitchen to make them some tea, Natalie had quietly slipped out the front door, without her coat, not caring that it was freezing out.
She had slowly walked past St. Jude’s on her way to the quarry, pausing to watch the mourners file into the church. She knew that she wasn’t the only person whose heart was breaking. She supposed that Jen Rappaport was doing a great deal of grieving too; after all, in less than six months she had not only lost a baby but the man she was in love with to another woman and then to Death. The lengths that she had went to trying to keep Natalie and Cristian apart -- working with Mitch Laurence -- Jen must have loved him. Natalie couldn’t blame her -- not completely, not after all she had done herself to try to get Seth back. Taking a deep breath, she had resumed her walk to the quarry.
She stared down at the gold band adorning her left ring finger and suddenly remembered that the last time she had been at the quarry was with Cristian, the evening after she’d married Mitch. Mitch. This was where she and Mitch had first met, where many of their meetings had taken place.
This had been the place she’d gone for solace, for peace of mind, for a good cry. Now it was tainted with memories of Mitch.
Trembling, Natalie stood and stared into the dark crevice below. She had never realized it before but the quarry was a dark place. A source of pain for the young adults of Llanview. All the college students knew that it was where Al and Jen’s indiscretion had taken place followed by Cristian and Al’s fight over Jen that had left Al temporarily paralyzed.
Her eyes moved to the wedding ring and she pulled it from her finger. Taking a step back, she raised her arm over the mouth of the crevice, the entrance to Hell, she thought, and dropped the ring.
Al had needed peace and quiet and complete solitude; somewhere to think. The public library and entire campus of Llanview University were out since they only served as constant reminders that he was still struggling -- and failing -- to bring up his dismal grades. He’d go to the Angel Square Diner but it was closed in observance of Cristian’s funeral. Hallowed Grounds would be full of the normal caffeine addicts. There was one other place he could think of….
Glancing out his dorm room window at the dull gray sky, he had made up his mind to bundle up and brave the cold.
It started flurrying shortly before Al arrived to the quarry. As he descended the rocks he was surprised to see that someone was there. Someone with red hair. Natalie Buchanan. For a brief moment he wondered why she was there and not at Cristian’s funeral then remembered that she had been barred from attending. Everyone knew. It was a hot topic in the student union.
“I heard from someone who heard it from that chubby girl who works at the diner that Mrs. Vega blew up at Natalie the other day. Blamed her for Cristian’s death and told her that she wasn‘t allowed anywhere near the funeral. And, you know, it is her fault. God, can you believe it? A guy as hot as he was is dead and it’s all because of some piece of trash.”
“I know. She so wasn’t worth it. His mom was totally right for telling her off. She probably didn’t even love him. I mean, she did go off and marry that creepy old guy. Ew.”
He was about to turn around and leave when she saw her stand up and noticed that she wasn’t wearing a coat as cold as it was. Hell, it didn’t even look like she had on more than one layer of clothing. He walked forward a few steps, watching her carefully as she stood close to the edge of the rocks. He wondered if she was capable of doing anything as melodramatic as flinging herself over the edge. He considered saying something but there was the chance that he’d startle her and she’d loose her balance and fall, then he’d be responsible for her death.
He felt a twinge of guilt. It wasn’t something he’d dwelt on but when it all came down to it, he felt that he was responsible for some of Natalie’s pain and he felt bad about it.
Blinded by his obsession with Jen, he had taken every opportunity to kick Natalie when she was down and had played on her insecurities. Too late he’d seen Jen’s true colors after he’d unwittingly helped her in her cruel scheme to keep Natalie and Cristian apart, thereby making Natalie an easy target, beautifully vulnerable, for Mitch Laurence. The last thing he wanted to do was leave and hear later that Natalie had killed herself and he hadn’t done anything to stop her.
Resolute, he sighed before approaching her. He stopped a few feet behind her. Not knowing what to say, he said the first thing that came to mind, “You trying to freeze to death?”
He really needed to work on thinking before speaking.
Natalie glanced at him over her shoulder, her eyes red and puffy, her face tear-streaked, her voice hollow sounding, “What do you care? Don’t you think the world would be better off without me in it?”
Al winced. True, she’d never been one of his favorite people and he hadn’t wished her the best but he had never wished her dead -- unhappy and out of his life, yes, but not dead. Falling into the habit of speaking bluntly that had developed between them the previous winter, he spoke, “Well, I used to think that a lot of people would be better off if you’d never set foot in Llanview, all you did was hurt people, but, uh, I don’t want you dead.”
Natalie didn’t respond, opting to stare blankly ahead. Maybe he would leave her alone if she ignored him.
After a couple of minutes of silence, Al exhaled, watching his breath rise. “You know, you cold easily catch pneumonia out here. It is below freezing.” He waited for her to say something sarcastic. To snap at him. She always did.
Natalie remained silent. She’d come here for solitude. She didn’t want to deal with any pitying looks or vicious smirks.
He placed his hands in his pockets. If she’d move away from the opening of the crevice or just leave then he could stop bothering her. Not that he really thought that she was going to kill herself. That just wasn’t Natalie. The Natalie he knew would normally lash out, jump into a fight, or rub up against the nearest warm male body when she was upset. But then again, she wasn’t acting like the Natalie he knew. It was unnerving.
“Look, Natalie, I’m just trying to help you here.”
She turned to face him, “Help me what, Al? Feel worse than I already do? Sorry to disappoint you but there’s nothing you can do or say to hurt me any more, so just be satisfied in knowing that I am completely miserable and leave. Me. Alone.”
“I can’t do that.”
“Why not?”
Al shrugged, “I’m worried about you.”
She looked at him in disbelief, “Since when do you even care? The last I checked, you still hated me for ruining your non-existent relationship with Jen.”
Al looked down, watching the snow sticking to the rocks. If not for the repercussions of all he’d done to preserve his non-existent relationship with Jen, Cristian might still be alive and he wouldn’t be standing outside in the cold trying to make sure that Natalie wasn’t about to do something stupid.
He inhaled. “I don’t hate you. And I’m not trying to make you feel worse.”
“Then go away.”
“No.”
Natalie shook her head then turned back around and resumed her silence. She didn’t feel like she had a fight in her.
Al looked around. As his eyes rested on Natalie’s back, he realized that she was shivering. If he could selflessly save the life of the girl who had done her best to punish him for loving her to the point of obsession, then he could be chivalrous to the girl who had once blackmailed him only to stab him in the back. He took off his coat and draped it over Natalie’s shoulders, mumbling, “It’s too cold out here.”
Natalie looked down at the bulky coat, “Great, so now you can freeze out here and I can be blamed for that?” Turning, she shrugged the coat off and held it out to him, “I don‘t think so.”
Al took a step back, not accepting his coat back, “It’s not your fault that Cristian’s dead.”
She dropped the coat to the ground as the tears welled up in her eyes, “Yes, it is. It is my fault. It’s my fault that Mitch is back in my mom’s life. It’s my fault that he’s able to hurt her. It’s my fault that Mitch kidnapped Blair. He wanted me. Cristian was trying to rescue me when Todd shot him. He left the hospital so that he could find me. He died…because of me. It is my fault. Everything is my fault, okay? I’m trash, I’m toxic waste. I told Cristian that and he didn’t believe me and look where he ended up. Everyone would have been better off if I’d just left when Jen asked me to, then Cristian would still be alive, and Jen probably wouldn’t have lost their baby--”
“It wasn’t--,” Al started, catching himself. Natalie was on edge enough as it was, telling her the truth about Jen’s baby would only upset her more. “It wasn’t your fault. I mean, it’s not like you knew he was Mitch Laurence…did you?”
“No!”
“So it’s not your fault.”
Natalie stared at him, increasing perplexed by his behavior. A look of suspicion passed through her eyes as she narrowed them, “What do you want from me? Why are you here?”
“I wanted to be alone.”
“Well, as you had to have seen when you got here, I was already here, so why didn’t you just leave? Why are you still here?”
Al sighed, “I feel bad about what happened. I wanted to tell you that I’m sorry.”
There was no malicious gleam in his eyes, no taunting in his voice, not the slightest hint of a smirk on his lips.
Natalie blinked. “You’re--you’re not trying to rub Cristian’s death in my face? Or any of this mess with Mitch?”
He shook his head, “No.”
She let out a mirthless chuckle and looked away from him, “Nothing makes sense anymore, you know that? You should be telling what a very bad girl I am for stealing Jen’s boyfriend and getting him killed and accusing me of really wanting to hurt my mom and Jessica by marrying Mitch not doing whatever the hell it is that you’re doing!”
“Things change.”
Natalie threw an icy glare at Al, “Stop pretending to give a damn!”
“I’m not pretending!”
“What changed?”
His eyes shifted away from hers. It wasn’t a question Al was prepared to answer. If he was honest about his feelings of guilt then she’d want to know why and then he’d have to confess everything, including that he had tried to frame Natalie for arson. He wasn’t ready to come clean about that.
Luckily, he wouldn’t have to just yet.
From the other side of the quarry a voice called out, “Natty!”
Natalie looked in the direction that the voice had come from, “Rex?”
Al let out a sigh of relief and backed away from Natalie.
Rex scrambled around a tree and made his way over to them, “Natty!” He hugged her, “Thank God you’re all right.”
“Rex, what are you doing here?”
He stepped back and inspected her appearance, wanting to make sure that she was indeed all right, barely glancing at Al, “Your other brother the reverend, started making phone calls when he realized you weren’t at Llanfair. I said that I’d drive around. I know you like to come here sometimes so this was my second stop.”
“Second?”
Rex’s eyes went from Natalie to Al, who avoided his inquisitive gaze, to Al’s coat on the ground to Natalie again, “Ah, yeah, I peeked in at St. Jude’s to see if you were hiding in back somewhere. Natalie, why don’t you have a coat on?”
“I didn’t bother. I hadn’t really planned on being out so long. I had just wanted some fresh air. Didn’t plan on wandering around or anything,” she lied.
Rex nodded. He looked at Al’s coat again and unzipped his own, taking it off and gently placing it around Natalie. He lowered his voice and jerked his head in Al’s direction, “He wasn’t giving you a hard time, was he?”
“No.”
“Are you sure?”
Natalie gave him a look that said ‘Hey, I’m the older sibling and I can take care of myself, remember?’, “Yes.”
Rex seemed to accept this and looked at Al, “Hey.”
Al looked at him, “Hey.”
Rex put his arm around Natalie, “Come on, let’s get you back to Llanfair before your mom and your uncle the Commissioner send out a search party.”
Natalie nodded, “’Kay.”
Al watched Rex help Natalie up the rocks. When they disappeared from his field of vision, he walked over to his coat and picked it up. He shook the flurries off and pulled it on. He had just had a civilized conversation with Natalie Buchanan for the first time in a long while. He’d tried to make her feel better. Even if it was a long shot, he had possibly stopped her from trying to kill herself.
So why didn’t he feel any less guilty about the part he’d played in the events that had led up to Cristian’s death?
To be continued...
And looky, I made a non-Lusty icon:
See the prologue for pertinent info. Feedback and constructive criticism welcome.
February 2003
Llanview
Natalie sat on a snow covered rock, tears silently rolling down her cheeks. Today was Cristian’s funeral and Carlotta had barred her from attending the service, blaming her for her son’s death and furiously cursing her name in Spanish.
Viki and Jessica had offered to stay at Llanfair with her instead of attending if Carlotta insisted on being so unreasonable but Natalie had told them to go anyway. In a way, Carlotta was right to blame her. As her “new” brother Joey hadn’t been quite as close to Cristian as their mother and sister had been, he’d decided that he’d stay and keep Natalie company. When he’d gone to the kitchen to make them some tea, Natalie had quietly slipped out the front door, without her coat, not caring that it was freezing out.
She had slowly walked past St. Jude’s on her way to the quarry, pausing to watch the mourners file into the church. She knew that she wasn’t the only person whose heart was breaking. She supposed that Jen Rappaport was doing a great deal of grieving too; after all, in less than six months she had not only lost a baby but the man she was in love with to another woman and then to Death. The lengths that she had went to trying to keep Natalie and Cristian apart -- working with Mitch Laurence -- Jen must have loved him. Natalie couldn’t blame her -- not completely, not after all she had done herself to try to get Seth back. Taking a deep breath, she had resumed her walk to the quarry.
She stared down at the gold band adorning her left ring finger and suddenly remembered that the last time she had been at the quarry was with Cristian, the evening after she’d married Mitch. Mitch. This was where she and Mitch had first met, where many of their meetings had taken place.
This had been the place she’d gone for solace, for peace of mind, for a good cry. Now it was tainted with memories of Mitch.
Trembling, Natalie stood and stared into the dark crevice below. She had never realized it before but the quarry was a dark place. A source of pain for the young adults of Llanview. All the college students knew that it was where Al and Jen’s indiscretion had taken place followed by Cristian and Al’s fight over Jen that had left Al temporarily paralyzed.
Her eyes moved to the wedding ring and she pulled it from her finger. Taking a step back, she raised her arm over the mouth of the crevice, the entrance to Hell, she thought, and dropped the ring.
Al had needed peace and quiet and complete solitude; somewhere to think. The public library and entire campus of Llanview University were out since they only served as constant reminders that he was still struggling -- and failing -- to bring up his dismal grades. He’d go to the Angel Square Diner but it was closed in observance of Cristian’s funeral. Hallowed Grounds would be full of the normal caffeine addicts. There was one other place he could think of….
Glancing out his dorm room window at the dull gray sky, he had made up his mind to bundle up and brave the cold.
It started flurrying shortly before Al arrived to the quarry. As he descended the rocks he was surprised to see that someone was there. Someone with red hair. Natalie Buchanan. For a brief moment he wondered why she was there and not at Cristian’s funeral then remembered that she had been barred from attending. Everyone knew. It was a hot topic in the student union.
“I heard from someone who heard it from that chubby girl who works at the diner that Mrs. Vega blew up at Natalie the other day. Blamed her for Cristian’s death and told her that she wasn‘t allowed anywhere near the funeral. And, you know, it is her fault. God, can you believe it? A guy as hot as he was is dead and it’s all because of some piece of trash.”
“I know. She so wasn’t worth it. His mom was totally right for telling her off. She probably didn’t even love him. I mean, she did go off and marry that creepy old guy. Ew.”
He was about to turn around and leave when she saw her stand up and noticed that she wasn’t wearing a coat as cold as it was. Hell, it didn’t even look like she had on more than one layer of clothing. He walked forward a few steps, watching her carefully as she stood close to the edge of the rocks. He wondered if she was capable of doing anything as melodramatic as flinging herself over the edge. He considered saying something but there was the chance that he’d startle her and she’d loose her balance and fall, then he’d be responsible for her death.
He felt a twinge of guilt. It wasn’t something he’d dwelt on but when it all came down to it, he felt that he was responsible for some of Natalie’s pain and he felt bad about it.
Blinded by his obsession with Jen, he had taken every opportunity to kick Natalie when she was down and had played on her insecurities. Too late he’d seen Jen’s true colors after he’d unwittingly helped her in her cruel scheme to keep Natalie and Cristian apart, thereby making Natalie an easy target, beautifully vulnerable, for Mitch Laurence. The last thing he wanted to do was leave and hear later that Natalie had killed herself and he hadn’t done anything to stop her.
Resolute, he sighed before approaching her. He stopped a few feet behind her. Not knowing what to say, he said the first thing that came to mind, “You trying to freeze to death?”
He really needed to work on thinking before speaking.
Natalie glanced at him over her shoulder, her eyes red and puffy, her face tear-streaked, her voice hollow sounding, “What do you care? Don’t you think the world would be better off without me in it?”
Al winced. True, she’d never been one of his favorite people and he hadn’t wished her the best but he had never wished her dead -- unhappy and out of his life, yes, but not dead. Falling into the habit of speaking bluntly that had developed between them the previous winter, he spoke, “Well, I used to think that a lot of people would be better off if you’d never set foot in Llanview, all you did was hurt people, but, uh, I don’t want you dead.”
Natalie didn’t respond, opting to stare blankly ahead. Maybe he would leave her alone if she ignored him.
After a couple of minutes of silence, Al exhaled, watching his breath rise. “You know, you cold easily catch pneumonia out here. It is below freezing.” He waited for her to say something sarcastic. To snap at him. She always did.
Natalie remained silent. She’d come here for solitude. She didn’t want to deal with any pitying looks or vicious smirks.
He placed his hands in his pockets. If she’d move away from the opening of the crevice or just leave then he could stop bothering her. Not that he really thought that she was going to kill herself. That just wasn’t Natalie. The Natalie he knew would normally lash out, jump into a fight, or rub up against the nearest warm male body when she was upset. But then again, she wasn’t acting like the Natalie he knew. It was unnerving.
“Look, Natalie, I’m just trying to help you here.”
She turned to face him, “Help me what, Al? Feel worse than I already do? Sorry to disappoint you but there’s nothing you can do or say to hurt me any more, so just be satisfied in knowing that I am completely miserable and leave. Me. Alone.”
“I can’t do that.”
“Why not?”
Al shrugged, “I’m worried about you.”
She looked at him in disbelief, “Since when do you even care? The last I checked, you still hated me for ruining your non-existent relationship with Jen.”
Al looked down, watching the snow sticking to the rocks. If not for the repercussions of all he’d done to preserve his non-existent relationship with Jen, Cristian might still be alive and he wouldn’t be standing outside in the cold trying to make sure that Natalie wasn’t about to do something stupid.
He inhaled. “I don’t hate you. And I’m not trying to make you feel worse.”
“Then go away.”
“No.”
Natalie shook her head then turned back around and resumed her silence. She didn’t feel like she had a fight in her.
Al looked around. As his eyes rested on Natalie’s back, he realized that she was shivering. If he could selflessly save the life of the girl who had done her best to punish him for loving her to the point of obsession, then he could be chivalrous to the girl who had once blackmailed him only to stab him in the back. He took off his coat and draped it over Natalie’s shoulders, mumbling, “It’s too cold out here.”
Natalie looked down at the bulky coat, “Great, so now you can freeze out here and I can be blamed for that?” Turning, she shrugged the coat off and held it out to him, “I don‘t think so.”
Al took a step back, not accepting his coat back, “It’s not your fault that Cristian’s dead.”
She dropped the coat to the ground as the tears welled up in her eyes, “Yes, it is. It is my fault. It’s my fault that Mitch is back in my mom’s life. It’s my fault that he’s able to hurt her. It’s my fault that Mitch kidnapped Blair. He wanted me. Cristian was trying to rescue me when Todd shot him. He left the hospital so that he could find me. He died…because of me. It is my fault. Everything is my fault, okay? I’m trash, I’m toxic waste. I told Cristian that and he didn’t believe me and look where he ended up. Everyone would have been better off if I’d just left when Jen asked me to, then Cristian would still be alive, and Jen probably wouldn’t have lost their baby--”
“It wasn’t--,” Al started, catching himself. Natalie was on edge enough as it was, telling her the truth about Jen’s baby would only upset her more. “It wasn’t your fault. I mean, it’s not like you knew he was Mitch Laurence…did you?”
“No!”
“So it’s not your fault.”
Natalie stared at him, increasing perplexed by his behavior. A look of suspicion passed through her eyes as she narrowed them, “What do you want from me? Why are you here?”
“I wanted to be alone.”
“Well, as you had to have seen when you got here, I was already here, so why didn’t you just leave? Why are you still here?”
Al sighed, “I feel bad about what happened. I wanted to tell you that I’m sorry.”
There was no malicious gleam in his eyes, no taunting in his voice, not the slightest hint of a smirk on his lips.
Natalie blinked. “You’re--you’re not trying to rub Cristian’s death in my face? Or any of this mess with Mitch?”
He shook his head, “No.”
She let out a mirthless chuckle and looked away from him, “Nothing makes sense anymore, you know that? You should be telling what a very bad girl I am for stealing Jen’s boyfriend and getting him killed and accusing me of really wanting to hurt my mom and Jessica by marrying Mitch not doing whatever the hell it is that you’re doing!”
“Things change.”
Natalie threw an icy glare at Al, “Stop pretending to give a damn!”
“I’m not pretending!”
“What changed?”
His eyes shifted away from hers. It wasn’t a question Al was prepared to answer. If he was honest about his feelings of guilt then she’d want to know why and then he’d have to confess everything, including that he had tried to frame Natalie for arson. He wasn’t ready to come clean about that.
Luckily, he wouldn’t have to just yet.
From the other side of the quarry a voice called out, “Natty!”
Natalie looked in the direction that the voice had come from, “Rex?”
Al let out a sigh of relief and backed away from Natalie.
Rex scrambled around a tree and made his way over to them, “Natty!” He hugged her, “Thank God you’re all right.”
“Rex, what are you doing here?”
He stepped back and inspected her appearance, wanting to make sure that she was indeed all right, barely glancing at Al, “Your other brother the reverend, started making phone calls when he realized you weren’t at Llanfair. I said that I’d drive around. I know you like to come here sometimes so this was my second stop.”
“Second?”
Rex’s eyes went from Natalie to Al, who avoided his inquisitive gaze, to Al’s coat on the ground to Natalie again, “Ah, yeah, I peeked in at St. Jude’s to see if you were hiding in back somewhere. Natalie, why don’t you have a coat on?”
“I didn’t bother. I hadn’t really planned on being out so long. I had just wanted some fresh air. Didn’t plan on wandering around or anything,” she lied.
Rex nodded. He looked at Al’s coat again and unzipped his own, taking it off and gently placing it around Natalie. He lowered his voice and jerked his head in Al’s direction, “He wasn’t giving you a hard time, was he?”
“No.”
“Are you sure?”
Natalie gave him a look that said ‘Hey, I’m the older sibling and I can take care of myself, remember?’, “Yes.”
Rex seemed to accept this and looked at Al, “Hey.”
Al looked at him, “Hey.”
Rex put his arm around Natalie, “Come on, let’s get you back to Llanfair before your mom and your uncle the Commissioner send out a search party.”
Natalie nodded, “’Kay.”
Al watched Rex help Natalie up the rocks. When they disappeared from his field of vision, he walked over to his coat and picked it up. He shook the flurries off and pulled it on. He had just had a civilized conversation with Natalie Buchanan for the first time in a long while. He’d tried to make her feel better. Even if it was a long shot, he had possibly stopped her from trying to kill herself.
So why didn’t he feel any less guilty about the part he’d played in the events that had led up to Cristian’s death?
To be continued...
And looky, I made a non-Lusty icon: