Focus on: Parenting
Submitted for consideration, from a friend's note on Facebook, Helicopter Parents and the Rising Counter CultureParenting is perhaps the most sacred duty any human being can take upon themselves. When producing a new human life into this world or assuming full responsibility for one, the stakes are about as high as they can get. Yet at times the
( Read more... )
My mom's default was that every risk was unacceptable, and this turned me into an anxious kid who was afraid to make any choice for fear of some unknown terrible consequence. So that is where I am coming from here. If I look overprotective from the outside, it's because I know my kid hasn't learned to make good judgments about that particular thing on their own (for example, I NEVER EVER EVER took the boys to the beach when they were little - I know my kids, they would be off in opposite directions in a flash, and completely unmanageably unsafe.)
On the other hand, if I look underprotective, it's because I know my kid and I know they are capable of making good decisions in that situation (for example, my very tiny 14-month-old was capable of climbing the playground equipment. All of it. And I felt that hovering too close would tell him I didn't trust his ability to climb confidently, when I did. So I held back, and I cannot tell you how many other moms swooped in to "save" him and glare at me...grr!! I know my kid, and he was capable, and needed space to prove it to himself.)
Sometimes I probably look like I'm way hovering when I cajole my 11 year old into eating. What you don't see is that he has hypoglycemia and still has a hard time reading his body's need for food, and that if he doesn't eat the right kind of food at the right times, he crashes (= lashes out violently and/or collapses in tears). I'm helping him learn how to manage this, but it's still something he's working on, and he needs my support.
It probably looks like I'm underparenting when I say that I'm okay with my kids not doing academic work until they are ready. "Ready" means my oldest only just got to that point. But I am totally in touch with their learning levels and styles, and I'm managing their learning as needed to make sure they have the skills and experience to keep up with their peers.
I think it's inappropriate to make snap judgments about people's parenting because there is always more under the surface than you can see. Which is why I really dislike these "good parent/bad parent" articles. If in your gut you know you are tuned into and meeting your child's needs (and balancing that with your own), you're a good parent, and that inner knowledge is way more valuable than comparing yourself to someone else's ideas in an article.
Reply
Leave a comment