damage done chapter 2
The second chapter to damage done. This contains themes of drug use and a general air of depression, so I'm going to rate it at PG 15
Mige greeted me at the airport. When I say greeted, I mean he waved distractedly in my direction before ushering me off to baggage claim and then out to the parking lot. It wasn't until we were sitting in his car that he finally spoke.
"It was an overdose," he said it flatly, seemingly with no emotion, but I could tell that under the facade he was breaking apart.
"I know," I replied simply. Mige looked at me curiously, then started the engine. He didn't speak as we pulled onto the main road that would take us to the hospital in Helsinki. Finally, while we were stopped at an intersection, Mige spoke again.
"How did you know? I didn't tell you on the phone,"
"I just knew. He didn't know that I knew, he pretended like depression was his only issue. But I knew," I answered, without taking my eyes off the road in front of us. I waited for accusations of the 'Why didn't you tell anyone?' variety but they didn't come. Mige just sat there, looking at me. Suddenly a look of understanding crossed his face.
"You're in love with him, aren't you?" He asked quietly. I figured denying it would get me nowhere. Besides, I was finished with hiding. I was sick and tired of pretending to be something... else.
"Am I that transparent?" I asked with a grim smile.
"How else would you know about the drugs if he didn't tell you?" Mige asked. I just shrugged.
"I guess I'm observant," was all I said.
"You're also in love with him. Are you planning on telling him if..." he got a pained looked on his face and then corrected himself with, "when he wakes up?"
"He's gonna be okay, Mige. He has to be. It can't be too late, it just can't!" My voice cracked and I didn't know how to hide it. I never cried in front of anyone, but at that moment, all I wanted to do was curl into a ball and cry.
Mige laid an unexpected hand on my knee and squeezed. I looked at his face and realised that he was too choked up himself to speak. I patted the hand that was on my knee in what I hoped was a comforting gesture and he turned it over so that we were holding hands. By the time we pulled in to the hospital parking lot our knuckles were white from holding on so tightly. We had to let go to get out of the car, but as we walked toward the doors, my hand found Mige's again. It offered me a small amount of comfort and I'm sure it was the same for him. I had a feeling like we were headed for imminent doom and that word alone made me think of Ville. I was terrified to see him, yet desperate to see what he had done to himself and to find out why.
We walked into the waiting room hand-in-hand and the general mood was one of despair. I saw Ville's family sitting in one corner, separate from the rest. Burton and Gas were sitting next to each other, not talking, just watching the people go past with un-seeing eyes. Finally my eyes rested on Linde, who was sitting in a chair alone, huddled in on himself. His usually sparkling blue eyes were wide and watery, not to mention blood-shot. The instant Mige saw him he let go of my hand and went straight over to set next to him, slinging an arm around his shoulders. It didn't seem to make any difference. Linde didn't even acknowledge him. Deciding I'd give them a little space I walked over to where Ville's family were sitting, talking quietly to each other. I didn't want to intrude, but I did want them to know that I was here. I cleared my throat when I was close to them to announce my presence. Kari looked up at me but clearly didn't recognise me through his tears. He nudged Anita and when she realised who I was she leapt up to hug me. It bordered on suffocating, but I think we both needed it.
"Brandon!" she exclaimed. For some reason she always insisted on calling me by my given name. I didn't know if she expected me to say something or not, so I settled on rubbing her back lightly.
"I'm so glad you're here," she sobbed, "Ville would be glad too," I stiffened at her chosen words and pulled away to look at her.
"What do you mean by 'would be'?"
"He's in a coma. They don't know if he's going to wake up!" She cried. Her words sent a shockwave of pain right into my chest. It felt like my heart was seizing up. I grabbed my chest and tried to breath as deeply as I could.
"Can I see him?" I asked her. She nodded.
"Soon. The doctor's with him at the moment, but when he comes out we are allowed back in," I nodded my head and she turned back to her husband. I turned around to see how Mige was going with Linde. Nothing had changed. Mige was trying unsuccessfully to get Linde to talk to him, but Linde wasn't even looking at him. I made my way over and sat on the floor directly in front of the distraught blonde man. I took one of his hands in both of mine.
"Linde," I wanted him to look at me, to make sure he was listening. But he ignored me. Either that or he just didn't hear me. I think he was locked up inside his own head.
"Linde, please look at me," again he refused, "Mige could you go and get me some coffee please?" I asked without taking my eyes of the man in front of me. Mige did as I asked. When he handed me a cup of strong black coffee I waved it under Linde's nose, hoping for a reaction. Finally his eyes flickered downwards, slowly coming into focus on my face.
"Bam?" he asked. He seemed confused.
"Yeah, Linde, it's me," I said with a sigh of relief.
"When did you get here?" He asked, still in a slight daze.
"Only a few minutes ago," I replied. He nodded slowly, then eyed the coffee that I was still holding. I handed it to him without a word and he took it thankfully, almost reverently. Feeling pleased with myself, I stood up and moved away. Mige sent me a grateful look before turning back to Linde and talking to him in a hushed voice. I began pacing, needing to burn some energy. I decided I'd go to the coffee machine myself, more to kill time than anything. Just as I had made up my mind, however, the doctor stepped out of Ville's room and was immediately accosted by Ville's parents. The doctor held his hands up for quiet and Anita and Kari backed off a little. He said something in Finnish before walking off down the hallway. I looked to Anita for a translation. She smiled wanly at me.
"He says there's no change. You can go see him now. He's only allowed two at a time," I nodded my head and headed toward the door that would lead me to Ville's room and to the man himself. I stood before the door and braced myself before pushing it open. I closed it behind me and then turned to survey the scene before me.
The sight of Ville lying prone and helpless on a hospital bed with all kinds of tubes and wires and machines attached to him was immediately burned into the back of my eyelids. I inched closer, my brain not willing to process what I was seeing. The love of my life, usually so full of... wisdom, opinions, emotion, life... appeared completely lifeless. I sat in the chair beside the bed and reached out a hand to touch Ville's face. The second my skin made contact with his and got no reaction, I broke down. I cried and cried and cried, gut-wrenching sobs that would eventually make me sick. All I wanted was for him to wake up, to see those green eyes looking at me again, laughing at whatever my latest prank was. But the reality of the situation was all too much and the tears were making me feel light-headed. My vision started to swim and then suddenly the floor was coming up to meet me.
Mige greeted me at the airport. When I say greeted, I mean he waved distractedly in my direction before ushering me off to baggage claim and then out to the parking lot. It wasn't until we were sitting in his car that he finally spoke.
"It was an overdose," he said it flatly, seemingly with no emotion, but I could tell that under the facade he was breaking apart.
"I know," I replied simply. Mige looked at me curiously, then started the engine. He didn't speak as we pulled onto the main road that would take us to the hospital in Helsinki. Finally, while we were stopped at an intersection, Mige spoke again.
"How did you know? I didn't tell you on the phone,"
"I just knew. He didn't know that I knew, he pretended like depression was his only issue. But I knew," I answered, without taking my eyes off the road in front of us. I waited for accusations of the 'Why didn't you tell anyone?' variety but they didn't come. Mige just sat there, looking at me. Suddenly a look of understanding crossed his face.
"You're in love with him, aren't you?" He asked quietly. I figured denying it would get me nowhere. Besides, I was finished with hiding. I was sick and tired of pretending to be something... else.
"Am I that transparent?" I asked with a grim smile.
"How else would you know about the drugs if he didn't tell you?" Mige asked. I just shrugged.
"I guess I'm observant," was all I said.
"You're also in love with him. Are you planning on telling him if..." he got a pained looked on his face and then corrected himself with, "when he wakes up?"
"He's gonna be okay, Mige. He has to be. It can't be too late, it just can't!" My voice cracked and I didn't know how to hide it. I never cried in front of anyone, but at that moment, all I wanted to do was curl into a ball and cry.
Mige laid an unexpected hand on my knee and squeezed. I looked at his face and realised that he was too choked up himself to speak. I patted the hand that was on my knee in what I hoped was a comforting gesture and he turned it over so that we were holding hands. By the time we pulled in to the hospital parking lot our knuckles were white from holding on so tightly. We had to let go to get out of the car, but as we walked toward the doors, my hand found Mige's again. It offered me a small amount of comfort and I'm sure it was the same for him. I had a feeling like we were headed for imminent doom and that word alone made me think of Ville. I was terrified to see him, yet desperate to see what he had done to himself and to find out why.
We walked into the waiting room hand-in-hand and the general mood was one of despair. I saw Ville's family sitting in one corner, separate from the rest. Burton and Gas were sitting next to each other, not talking, just watching the people go past with un-seeing eyes. Finally my eyes rested on Linde, who was sitting in a chair alone, huddled in on himself. His usually sparkling blue eyes were wide and watery, not to mention blood-shot. The instant Mige saw him he let go of my hand and went straight over to set next to him, slinging an arm around his shoulders. It didn't seem to make any difference. Linde didn't even acknowledge him. Deciding I'd give them a little space I walked over to where Ville's family were sitting, talking quietly to each other. I didn't want to intrude, but I did want them to know that I was here. I cleared my throat when I was close to them to announce my presence. Kari looked up at me but clearly didn't recognise me through his tears. He nudged Anita and when she realised who I was she leapt up to hug me. It bordered on suffocating, but I think we both needed it.
"Brandon!" she exclaimed. For some reason she always insisted on calling me by my given name. I didn't know if she expected me to say something or not, so I settled on rubbing her back lightly.
"I'm so glad you're here," she sobbed, "Ville would be glad too," I stiffened at her chosen words and pulled away to look at her.
"What do you mean by 'would be'?"
"He's in a coma. They don't know if he's going to wake up!" She cried. Her words sent a shockwave of pain right into my chest. It felt like my heart was seizing up. I grabbed my chest and tried to breath as deeply as I could.
"Can I see him?" I asked her. She nodded.
"Soon. The doctor's with him at the moment, but when he comes out we are allowed back in," I nodded my head and she turned back to her husband. I turned around to see how Mige was going with Linde. Nothing had changed. Mige was trying unsuccessfully to get Linde to talk to him, but Linde wasn't even looking at him. I made my way over and sat on the floor directly in front of the distraught blonde man. I took one of his hands in both of mine.
"Linde," I wanted him to look at me, to make sure he was listening. But he ignored me. Either that or he just didn't hear me. I think he was locked up inside his own head.
"Linde, please look at me," again he refused, "Mige could you go and get me some coffee please?" I asked without taking my eyes of the man in front of me. Mige did as I asked. When he handed me a cup of strong black coffee I waved it under Linde's nose, hoping for a reaction. Finally his eyes flickered downwards, slowly coming into focus on my face.
"Bam?" he asked. He seemed confused.
"Yeah, Linde, it's me," I said with a sigh of relief.
"When did you get here?" He asked, still in a slight daze.
"Only a few minutes ago," I replied. He nodded slowly, then eyed the coffee that I was still holding. I handed it to him without a word and he took it thankfully, almost reverently. Feeling pleased with myself, I stood up and moved away. Mige sent me a grateful look before turning back to Linde and talking to him in a hushed voice. I began pacing, needing to burn some energy. I decided I'd go to the coffee machine myself, more to kill time than anything. Just as I had made up my mind, however, the doctor stepped out of Ville's room and was immediately accosted by Ville's parents. The doctor held his hands up for quiet and Anita and Kari backed off a little. He said something in Finnish before walking off down the hallway. I looked to Anita for a translation. She smiled wanly at me.
"He says there's no change. You can go see him now. He's only allowed two at a time," I nodded my head and headed toward the door that would lead me to Ville's room and to the man himself. I stood before the door and braced myself before pushing it open. I closed it behind me and then turned to survey the scene before me.
The sight of Ville lying prone and helpless on a hospital bed with all kinds of tubes and wires and machines attached to him was immediately burned into the back of my eyelids. I inched closer, my brain not willing to process what I was seeing. The love of my life, usually so full of... wisdom, opinions, emotion, life... appeared completely lifeless. I sat in the chair beside the bed and reached out a hand to touch Ville's face. The second my skin made contact with his and got no reaction, I broke down. I cried and cried and cried, gut-wrenching sobs that would eventually make me sick. All I wanted was for him to wake up, to see those green eyes looking at me again, laughing at whatever my latest prank was. But the reality of the situation was all too much and the tears were making me feel light-headed. My vision started to swim and then suddenly the floor was coming up to meet me.