Damnation
I am damn scared that I'm going to fuck up my semester already. I have been trying for a long time today to work on some stupid thing for law, but have been horribly unsuccessful. Its pissing me off cause I can't fully sit down and type up nearly as much stuff as the teacher is asking for. I don't talk to anyone in my class because they aren't the type of people that I would usually associate myself with, and I feel wierd being older than the people in the class room. All I could ask for is one person in that class that I talk to on a regular basis. Both there and in English. I miss knowing at least a few people in my classes. I feel so fucking horrible, like I have slowed down my life. I try to make and effort to do well and say I want to, but I always end up doing nothing. I don't get it. Maybe the parentals (Rancic, Mike) are right.... Maybe I do have no motivation and are lazy. I still haven't practiced like shit all for my jazz audition for Humber. I just don't know what I really want to do with my life. Everyone at school is so young and I just feel horribly out of place. I would honestly feel much better if I was at nightschool. I would feel better knowing at least that I wasn't still at Streetsville.
It seems like all I do these days is start sentences with "I wish" and "Remember". It's like I have nothing to look forward to in the future. I don't think that I will get into anywhere that I applied. I think I might be fucked for this jazz thing too because I can't get my shit together to learn the material. I think what will end up being my ideal lifestyle will be just living in this house the rest of my life until I die, or my parents die and just sit in this room and play my damn guitar day in and out, thinking about making a band but never actually doing it. It makes me sad to think about it, but I believe that is what will probably end up happening. I might turn into a Jesse Lock, but without all of the vices. But really, who knows about that either? I could very well become a crack head or something grand like that. I find myself shaking my head about what I have done with my life constantly. Maybe I have blown this way out of proportion in writing, but I think that I really will fail at life. My parents are going to back off more with buggin me about stuff, but I honestly might just tell them to continue to bug me. I really don't know what to think anymore. blah blah blah teenage angst. blah blah linkinparkparentsmadteendrinkinglivejournalsademofaggot. Alright maybe omit that last sentence.
I am fucked for school.
It seems like all I do these days is start sentences with "I wish" and "Remember". It's like I have nothing to look forward to in the future. I don't think that I will get into anywhere that I applied. I think I might be fucked for this jazz thing too because I can't get my shit together to learn the material. I think what will end up being my ideal lifestyle will be just living in this house the rest of my life until I die, or my parents die and just sit in this room and play my damn guitar day in and out, thinking about making a band but never actually doing it. It makes me sad to think about it, but I believe that is what will probably end up happening. I might turn into a Jesse Lock, but without all of the vices. But really, who knows about that either? I could very well become a crack head or something grand like that. I find myself shaking my head about what I have done with my life constantly. Maybe I have blown this way out of proportion in writing, but I think that I really will fail at life. My parents are going to back off more with buggin me about stuff, but I honestly might just tell them to continue to bug me. I really don't know what to think anymore. blah blah blah teenage angst. blah blah linkinparkparentsmadteendrinkinglivejournalsademofaggot. Alright maybe omit that last sentence.
I am fucked for school.