"You may say that I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one..."
Have you ever had one of those moments of deep introspection, where you feel the need to write down every thought your brain cooks up in that moment of absolute truth and perfect harmony?
And then you struggle to jot down into words, what your mind and heart are feeling, and come up absolutley lacking?
Yet, you still did it... you wrote it all down, in whatever form it took?
This is that.
I am a dreamer. I am a romantic, idealistic, naive, trusting, clairvoyant dreamer.
I believe deeply that there is a God, and I believe deeply that He will provide for me....
But deeper than that, I believe that He will teach me to provide for myself....
Recently, I layed in my bed and cried myself to sleep, and I prayed and prayed and prayed.
I prayed that God would help me with a person struggle in my life. That He would either remove the "problem" entirely from my thoughts, or would (and this is what I truly wanted) selfishly solve the problem for me.
I begged and pleaded and promised to go to church and be a Good Girl (tm) and all that stuff you do when you want God to do something for you =) and fell asleep with tears drying on my cheeks.
The next morning, I woke up with a song stuck in my head. Firmly planted there. I was nowhere near anything that would have played this song, and it was a song I hadn't heard in weeks. Out of the middle of some dream, this song was stuck in my head. And it was one of those moments where it's just like one or two lines that repeat over and over again in your brain.... except it was the whole chorus playing over and over again....
"i want to hold you
protect you from all of the things I've already endured
I want to show you
Show you all the things that this life has in store for you
I'll always love you
the way that a father should love his daughter"
I woke up singing it, and it was firmly planted there all day.
Now, at my core, I believe music is the bridge between everything. God can get us a message we can't pick up on our own through music. Now, unless I was reading the memo upside down, I do believe this was God letting me know that He is there, and loves me, and that everything is gonna be okay.
This isn't about God. I know it kinda sounds like it, but it's not. God is just fact for me. The same as the air we breathe, the sights we see, the love we feel, the pain we feel. Fact. That doesn't mean He's fact for you, dear reader, I'm not so silly as to assume that... but for me, He is. And I do believe that He is my guiding light.
Ironically, I'm not really very religious... I can't quote scripture in any form beyond "thou shall not kill."
But I digress.
I made a new friend recently. He's a nice guy. One of the first people I've ever met who seems to have an idealogy similar to mine. One of the first to understand when I say "it doesn't matter what you believe, or he believes, or she believes.... why can't we all just believe whatever we want? Whatever makes us happy? Whatever makes us be the best person we can be?"
I just want to be happy. I want to be happy, and I want to live my life to the fullest that is possible. Living my life to the fullest, is not for me climbing a mountain, or flying into space, or a bunch of big great actions.....
It's the little things.
It's agreeing to go see a movie you've already seen 4 times, because a lonely friend doesn't want to go alone, and seeing them laugh during it.
It's taking 4 hours to play a single game of chess because you get so caught up talking with your opponet, you forget to go.
It's flirting with the boy behind the drive through window, because he looks like he is having a CRAP day.
It's picking out the perfect gift for someone because you know they will LOVE it.
It's getting up at 7am on christmas, after 4 hours of sleep following 36 hours of being awake, because your brother wants to open presents.... and knowing you are working till midnight that night.
It's falling in love with someone and them loving you back equally.
That is happiness. Everything I just said, is the essence of happiness to me.
Your mileage may vary, of course. =)
But that is the beauty of this whole thought process my brain is doing right now.... "Your mileage may vary." should vary.
We are a planet 6 BILLION strong. Every person on this planet has different dreams and goals and ideals.... No two people are exactly the same. We are each snowflakes floating along bumping into one another, each one perfectly unique and amazing and beautiful.
I met a boy this last week.. .same boy who i mentioned above.... He lives thousands and thousands of miles away from me... according to google it is... 8,041 miles from Eugene, OR to Melbourne, Australia.
Yep. Australia.
And that number is as the crow flies. straight shot on a plane.
That's really really far.
Yet, somehow.... these two totally foreign snowflakes managed to meet through a game, a game with hundreds and hundreds of people in it.... totally different time zones, against millions and millions of odds.... if either of us had bounced off something differently, we never would have connected in the first place. What is more ironic yet, is that both of us have things in common... part of which played into our meeting in the first place... but to have the same ideals... such rare ideals in a world full of pragmatism and disbelief... is amazing.
It's a serious testament to something. If one tiny little thing in life had gone differently, I might never have met him, or gotten to talk to him.
Why regret things?
I have decisions in my life, that I regret... but they are few and far between... they are usually pretty big, though, *laugh*
Yet, at the same time, most of the things I regret, were unavoidable realities based on the decisions I don't regret....
I would go back and make the same choice, almost every time.
(I wouldn't have introduced Nathan and Adam, but thats really the only one I can think of.... though that is a BIG one, hehe.)
I am a dreamer, and I ramble. I love life to the fullest that I can, and I believe you should love often. As much as possible. Live life as if this was your last moment.
"You may say that I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one"
And then you struggle to jot down into words, what your mind and heart are feeling, and come up absolutley lacking?
Yet, you still did it... you wrote it all down, in whatever form it took?
This is that.
I am a dreamer. I am a romantic, idealistic, naive, trusting, clairvoyant dreamer.
I believe deeply that there is a God, and I believe deeply that He will provide for me....
But deeper than that, I believe that He will teach me to provide for myself....
Recently, I layed in my bed and cried myself to sleep, and I prayed and prayed and prayed.
I prayed that God would help me with a person struggle in my life. That He would either remove the "problem" entirely from my thoughts, or would (and this is what I truly wanted) selfishly solve the problem for me.
I begged and pleaded and promised to go to church and be a Good Girl (tm) and all that stuff you do when you want God to do something for you =) and fell asleep with tears drying on my cheeks.
The next morning, I woke up with a song stuck in my head. Firmly planted there. I was nowhere near anything that would have played this song, and it was a song I hadn't heard in weeks. Out of the middle of some dream, this song was stuck in my head. And it was one of those moments where it's just like one or two lines that repeat over and over again in your brain.... except it was the whole chorus playing over and over again....
"i want to hold you
protect you from all of the things I've already endured
I want to show you
Show you all the things that this life has in store for you
I'll always love you
the way that a father should love his daughter"
I woke up singing it, and it was firmly planted there all day.
Now, at my core, I believe music is the bridge between everything. God can get us a message we can't pick up on our own through music. Now, unless I was reading the memo upside down, I do believe this was God letting me know that He is there, and loves me, and that everything is gonna be okay.
This isn't about God. I know it kinda sounds like it, but it's not. God is just fact for me. The same as the air we breathe, the sights we see, the love we feel, the pain we feel. Fact. That doesn't mean He's fact for you, dear reader, I'm not so silly as to assume that... but for me, He is. And I do believe that He is my guiding light.
Ironically, I'm not really very religious... I can't quote scripture in any form beyond "thou shall not kill."
But I digress.
I made a new friend recently. He's a nice guy. One of the first people I've ever met who seems to have an idealogy similar to mine. One of the first to understand when I say "it doesn't matter what you believe, or he believes, or she believes.... why can't we all just believe whatever we want? Whatever makes us happy? Whatever makes us be the best person we can be?"
I just want to be happy. I want to be happy, and I want to live my life to the fullest that is possible. Living my life to the fullest, is not for me climbing a mountain, or flying into space, or a bunch of big great actions.....
It's the little things.
It's agreeing to go see a movie you've already seen 4 times, because a lonely friend doesn't want to go alone, and seeing them laugh during it.
It's taking 4 hours to play a single game of chess because you get so caught up talking with your opponet, you forget to go.
It's flirting with the boy behind the drive through window, because he looks like he is having a CRAP day.
It's picking out the perfect gift for someone because you know they will LOVE it.
It's getting up at 7am on christmas, after 4 hours of sleep following 36 hours of being awake, because your brother wants to open presents.... and knowing you are working till midnight that night.
It's falling in love with someone and them loving you back equally.
That is happiness. Everything I just said, is the essence of happiness to me.
Your mileage may vary, of course. =)
But that is the beauty of this whole thought process my brain is doing right now.... "Your mileage may vary." should vary.
We are a planet 6 BILLION strong. Every person on this planet has different dreams and goals and ideals.... No two people are exactly the same. We are each snowflakes floating along bumping into one another, each one perfectly unique and amazing and beautiful.
I met a boy this last week.. .same boy who i mentioned above.... He lives thousands and thousands of miles away from me... according to google it is... 8,041 miles from Eugene, OR to Melbourne, Australia.
Yep. Australia.
And that number is as the crow flies. straight shot on a plane.
That's really really far.
Yet, somehow.... these two totally foreign snowflakes managed to meet through a game, a game with hundreds and hundreds of people in it.... totally different time zones, against millions and millions of odds.... if either of us had bounced off something differently, we never would have connected in the first place. What is more ironic yet, is that both of us have things in common... part of which played into our meeting in the first place... but to have the same ideals... such rare ideals in a world full of pragmatism and disbelief... is amazing.
It's a serious testament to something. If one tiny little thing in life had gone differently, I might never have met him, or gotten to talk to him.
Why regret things?
I have decisions in my life, that I regret... but they are few and far between... they are usually pretty big, though, *laugh*
Yet, at the same time, most of the things I regret, were unavoidable realities based on the decisions I don't regret....
I would go back and make the same choice, almost every time.
(I wouldn't have introduced Nathan and Adam, but thats really the only one I can think of.... though that is a BIG one, hehe.)
I am a dreamer, and I ramble. I love life to the fullest that I can, and I believe you should love often. As much as possible. Live life as if this was your last moment.
"You may say that I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one"