PIRATES OF THE CARRIBEAN: DEAD MAN'S CHEST [review]
Okay, I am, like, the biggest fan of these movies. I have to say, I was not the biggest pirate fan before Johnny Depp became one. I hated Captain Hook. I know, hard to believe, but it's true. Then came Jack, Captain Jack Sparrow, the most fantastic Pirate that will ever grace the screen. And only Johnny Depp could put on eyeliner and make it sexy along with gold teeth, dirty dred locks and his drunken way of walking. I just have to say that I cannot wait until the third one is out! [By the way, according to everywhere the third installment of the franchise will be called 'AT WORLD'S END').
SPOILERS AHEAD
Okay, so that Kracken thing bugged me out. I hate squid! I hate everything about it, I hate the octopus in the little mermaid, I hate calamari and everything else about squid and octopus. So it figures that Davy Jones is like half octopus, part crab and just the tiniest drop of human. Then there's the Kracken, the biggest squid in existance (I'm pretty sure that's the legend). Of course I didn't know what a Kracken was and you won't be expected to know either... Mr. Gibbs, the resident narrator for all things in Pirate Legend, will explain it all to you. I also, officially, hate Norrington. At first I was like "Poor Commodore Norrington, he lost everything. Now he's just this drunkard, depressed about his failure." Then he went and tried to fuck with my heroes. Not only that, in the end he got what he wanted. He turned the heart over to that Cutler dude, gave him exactly what he wanted (actually, he wanted Jack's compass) and got a full royal pardon for letting Jack Sparrow go in the first place.
I thought the whole cannibal thing was hilarious, with Jack seasoning himself and Will and the other pirates in that big ball-cage thingy. The two guys from the first one showing up and joining the crew without meaning to. Sadly they left that poor dog, the dog from the first one, with the keys. Will was there looking for Jack to get the compass for Cutler. Both he and Elizabeth had been arrested right before their wedding (in, like, the very first scenes of the movie) and Elizabeth (to his knowledge) was in jail. It was either Will get the compass and they get a royal pardon or the two of them get hung. So he sets out looking for Jack, hitting up Tortuga first and then what seems like every other port in the sea. Jack began the show by breaking out of a coffin and paddling back to the pearl. He seemed rather scared of something and commanded his crew to find them land, any land, it didn't matter. So they come on to an island and the next we see of them is when Will finds them. Will shows up, tied to a pole and learns that the cannibals have decided that Jack is a god. They put Will with the other crew in big, giant hanging sphere-like cages and hang them in a ravine. While the cannibals prepare to eat Jack (releasing the god from his human prison) they escape. Jack escapes as well and runs to the ship. (This is when they leave the dog) Jack tells them to go to sea but to keep to the shallows. Will explains things to Jack and he tells Will that he'll help him save Elizabeth if he helps him.
Of course Elizabeth has already been broken out of prison by her prissy father. Who has such little faith in Will that he breaks her out of prison, plans to send her to England with a note to the king. He instructs her to forget about Port Royal and to forget Will, he's never coming back and there's nothing left for her here. Elizabeth finds her way onto a ship, gets them to go where she wants through a series of trickery and finds Jack. She saves Norrington in a sword fight, and helps him up after he's been thrown into the pig pen. (by the way, even though I hate him, the scruffiness looks good on him!) Elizabeth tells Jack that she is going with him to find the man she loves. Of course by this point Jack has abandoned Will, and his soul, to Davy Jones. Will also meets up with his father there, who helps him as much as he can to get the key from Davy Jones.
Eventually they all end up on the same island and the three men start a three-way sword fight over the key. This is where that giant wheel comes in. During the fight, Elizabeth must fight alongside two other pirates (the very same two that captured her in the first) against Davy Jones' seacreature crew. Jack eventually breaks away from the fight with the key. He opens the chest and takes the heart, putting it in his jar of dirt. Norrington then finds the pardon papers and steals the heart.
Elizabeth has her big kiss with Jack, now fondly referred to as the kiss of death, and chains him to the ship in order for her and Will and the other crew members to get away. The Kracken, after Will helped them all fight it off twice was coming back for the ship and they all got into the last lifeboat. Unfortunately Will saw this kiss and assumed that she was in love with Jack instead of him. What he doesn't see is the click of the chain around his wrist. He doesn't hear her tell him that she knows the Kracken is after him, not them, and she can't let him put them in danger. Jack then calls her a pirate. What doesn't help her case though is that when she gets into the boat Will asks where Jack is and she tells them that he's staying. Her stunned, guilty expression is taken out of context and Will assumes the worse, throwing hurt and angry looks at her ever 10 seconds.
I still can't believe that Jack dies, but he goes out like a hero would, running into the Kracken with his brandished sword. Too bad he didn't do it of his own free will. Of course, you don't really think Jack is dead since Tia Dalma (which by the way, she already knew who Will was the first time we saw her. she told him that he has an air of destiny about him) said that if they want him back they'll have to sail to the end of the world to find him. She said this after a toast in Jack's honor, in which everyone but Will had something nice to say, in fact Will didn't say anything. This seemed to shock Elizabeth a little bit, maybe she almost realized that her little manipulating kiss with Jack may have been seen by him. Will also only accepts the challenge of finding Jack after Elizabeth says that she wil, leading us to believe that he either wants to kill Jack himself or will still do anything for Elizabeth. I like the part with Barbossa, who comes back from the dead to help everyone sail the waters, to find Jack. He comes down the stairs, eating an apple. A better ending than if they would have ended with Jack's death.
If you've heard about after credits, don't stay. They aren't worth it. It's not like the Matrix wear you get this sneak peak at the third movie. And it's not like the last Xmen movie when you learn that Prof. X isn't dead after all. All it is, is that dog is sitting on Jack's throne and the Cannibals are building a fire. It's less than 30 seconds and you'll be wondering why you sat through 10 minutes of credits for it.
Here is the imdb site for this movie:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0383574/