Social Misery Chapter 16
I just knew that I needed to get away from Tom. I needed to get away. Managing to tear myself from his strong, warm embrace I lock myself away from everything in my last remaining sanctuary.
Looking at the reflection held inside the large wall mirror in front of me I see a seducer; someone who brings about lust and feelings of attraction without even knowing it. The pale skin, black hair, and red lips. Why didn’t I see this before? No wonder Tom is with me. I can only imagine what I make him feel while he is around me all the time.
Ruffling my hair, I realize that I slept with product still in it. The crunchy sound just makes me cringe. I look back at the mirror and am surprised by the tears sliding down my cheeks. I wipe them away wondering when I had even started crying in the first place.
I hurry over to the shower and turn it on as hot as it will go. My briefs are easily shed and tossed into the corner where the hamper is before I edge into the scalding water knowing that I needed the heat.
I just stand in the middle of the shower letting the pounding water rain over me. My skin turns a bright red which I know is bad, but I still feel so dirty. Looking around I grab my sponge and just start scrubbing as hard as I can hoping that if I do it hard enough then the feeling will go away.
~*~*Tom’s POV*~*~
I leave from the bedroom once Bill has been in the bathroom for a little while and go into my room. Knowing before I can be of any help to Bill that I first need to fix myself, I go to the bathroom with all intentions of getting cleaned.
~*~*~Bill’s POV~*~*~
I don’t know how long I stay in the shower but I finally shut off the scalding water and get out, wrapping my very red body in one of my shower robes. Opening the door slowly, I peek through the opening to see that my bedroom is empty.
Letting out a sigh of relief, I turn off the bathroom light before closing the door shut behind me. I don’t bother putting clothes on, decide to just stay in my robe and get back under the covers. I grab the remote for my ihome stereo and click it to a playlist. I close my eyes and just let the music take over.
The soft sounds of the drums beating followed by the strokes of a guitar playing, and gentle lyrics that come in shortly just causes the tears to start leaking from behind my closed eyes. I don’t bother stopping them because I just know this song is close to what I’m feeling and also what I know will soon happen.
Do you wanna know, what I think of you
Do you wanna know
Do you wanna know, if I'm doing OK
Just ask and I'll say
I'll say the words that I've longed to speak
Have kept quiet for some time
I'm sorry, it's just too late
To get it all back, get back what we had
I'm sorry, it's just not right
We both know it wasn't meant to be like
This at all
Do you wanna know, how I feel about you
Do you wanna know,
Do you wanna know, if I'm able to forget
There are times, I wish we'd never met
I'm sorry, it's just too late
To get it all back, get back what we had
I'm sorry, it's just not right
We both know it wasn't meant to be like
this at all
Time won't change this,
change the way I feel
I'm sorry, it's just too late
To get it all back, get back what we had
I'm sorry, it's just not right
We both know it wasn't meant to be like
this at all
I'm sorry, it's just too late
To get it all back, get back what we had
I'm sorry, it's just not right
We both know it wasn't meant to be like
this at all
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I curl up on my self as the song ends and the playlist shuffles, the remote lies nearby as I bury my head underneath a pillow and continue to relive last night as his words become permanently stamped into my mind.
“Bill?” is said softly, jolting me up from the light doze I apparently drifted off into. Looking around, I see Tom standing near my bed with a frown on his face as he watches.
“Wha?” I mumble before shoving my heading back into the pillow, not caring right now what he wants.
“Talk” Tom says simply before crawling over me and positioning himself right beside me, before putting a callused hand on my shoulder. I can feel how rough his hand is through the thin material of the robe.
“Why? You already know what happened. Hell you saw most of it! What point is there to talk about it! I just need to move on and put it behind me….that’s all I can do.” I tell him with a roll of my shoulder to try and get his hand off me.
“Bill….what about you?” He pushes out of his mouth as he grips his hand firmly on my shoulder before rolling me over to where he can now see my tear streaked face. I avoid his eyes, not able to meet his gaze.
“Don’t worry about me.” I mutter to him as I try and roll away from him but he stops me and actually pushes me to where I have to lay flat on my back. He gets up and leans over me, putting both of his hands down on my shoulders.
I was trapped with no where to go and I could tell by looking at him that he wasn’t going to let me up. I know he cares about me. It’s obvious, but I can’t stand knowing what I seem to be doing to him. It’s my fault and there isn’t anything I can do to stop it.
All I can hear in my mind is ‘his’ voice telling me that it’s my fault entirely. I’m the cause for his pain. I’m the cause for his thoughts and feelings towards me.
“What do you want, Tom? I know what I am now and I know there isn’t anything I can do!” I finally yell at him as we just stare at each other with the soft music playing around us. Closing my eyes, I can feel the music more than anything relaxing me while the smell of Tom surrounds me.
“Oh Gott!” I hear him mutter before I feel him placing kisses all over my face. Nothing but small closed lip kisses. I open my eyes, wondering what in the hell he is doing only to be confronted with the look of just soul wrenching sadness reflecting from Tom’s eyes.
“What?” I ask confused as I continue to just lie underneath Tom, knowing he won’t do anything to me.
“Bill…” Tom starts before stopping and licking his lips, I feel his fingers rubbing against my skin as if he is trying to sooth me but all I can do is just look up at him and fight against the tears trying to slip down.
“Nothing ist wrong with you. He is mean and do not disserve you. No one does. You are special, much special.” He finally says and I can’t help but quirk a smile at him as I watch him stop and think a few times over the right words to use. When he finishes and I stop to take in his words, I can’t help but cry and try to struggle against his still heavy weight on top of me.
“Tom, don’t you see? I did that to him! Me! I made him feel like that and see me like that! I should have listened to my mom when she got onto me about my clothes. I feel nice and noticed but that isn’t a good thing it seems.” I scream at him as I start hitting my previously immobilized hands against his firm chest. I wanted him off of me. Wanted him to understand that I am the cause of his own feelings for me; nothing else.
“Bill” He says simply before getting up and off of me. I try to make a run for it but my legs get tangled up in the covers and I feel him grabbing me from behind, pulling me close to him. “Not going no where.” Tom whispers in my ear before nuzzling my neck and placing a small kiss there.
“But Tom, you don’t understand. I’m trying to save you. I don’t want you to become like him because of me. I caused him to be like that!” I exclaim to him in desperation as I continue to feel Tom’s strong arms pulling me as close to his body as is possible due to my robe and his tank top.
“You not make me feel anything, Bill. All me and not no one else control my feelings.” He tells me seriously, with nothing but honesty behind his words. I turn my head around, brush my cheek against his shirt and realize that once again I’ve been crying without even realizing it.
“B-but he said….he told” I try saying but not able to spit the words out right and he stops me by kissing my lips softly, “I do not care. I know me und you.” Tom adds as he brushes some of my hair out of our faces before leaning back down and kissing me again.
This time it’s not a simple brush of lips like in the past. He kisses me hard and licks at my lips, causing me to gasp in surprise as I’ve never felt Tom’s tongue on my mouth before. He seems to take that as an invitation because then his tongue is actually in my mouth, licking every inch. All I can do is maneuver my body around to face him while not breaking this new kiss and holding onto his shoulders. I want to tug on his dreads but he has them pulled back now on top of his head with a headband.
We both seem to just lose ourselves in the kiss, his taste is so invigorating and I love how gentle and soft he holds me. Both of our tongues are now dancing together between us, I try and pull as close as possible but it just never seems to be close enough.
I flick my tongue inside his mouth and my tongue ring must do something because I suddenly hear him moan which surprises me. I pull back from our kiss, surprised more than anything but also to give us some breathing room as we can only breathe each other’s own air for so long.
“Bill?” He asks me with confusion plain on his face as he moves those same pieces of hair out of my face once again before placing a small kiss on the corner of my mouth.
“Hmm?” I ask quietly, the music having long finished, I tighten my hold on his shoulders before wrapping them around his neck causing him to fall upon me as I’m trying to keep us as close as possible.
“None….last night ist not you fault.” He tells me quietly in my ear before kissing that ear and then nuzzling me.
We both continue to just lie like this, silence surround us and the daylight slowly retreating from the ceiling putting the room back into it’s perpetual darkness once more.
I have no clue how long we stay like this with Tom on top of me and my arms looped around his neck keeping him close. I think we both kind of drifted off because the next thing I’m aware of being shaken awake.
Struggling a moment, forgetting where I’m at and just know I’m being held down. Finally taking in my surroundings I realize Tom is still in his position above me and Rosa is standing beside the bed watching the both of us with a small smile on her lips before she strokes my hair that is going in every direction with having being slept on wet.
“Yea?” I ask knowing that Rosa would have only woken me up for something important.
“I’m sorry cachorro but your parents are home and wish to speak with you.” She tells me softly, still stroking my hair and smiling down at me. I just want to shut everything out and curl around Tom but I know if I keep my parents waiting then I’ll never get any peace.
“Alright, thanks Rosa. Tell them I need to get dressed.” I tell her softly, not wanting to wake Tom if I don’t have to.
“Alright. They will be in the formal sitting room waiting for you.” She tells me softly before leaning down and placing a kiss on my forehead, then turning around and walking out my room with the door closing behind her.
I can’t help but let out a sigh before looking up and seeing how peaceful Tom looks sleeping on top of me. My lips curve down into a frown before I nudge him off me, slowly slipping away from him and out of my warm, comfortable bed.
Not really caring what I’ll look like, I just grab a pair of black jeans from my closet and a thin tank top followed by m trusty my beanie to hide the horrible sight of my bed head.
The formal sitting room is rarely ever used. It is decorated in expensive furniture and paintings. I adore expensive things but this room is over the top. Honestly I think mother just gave a decorator a credit card with the instructions to have fun and go expensive. The only time this room has been used is for parties and when mother sees fit to show off for some reason. I just predominately stick to my wing of rooms along with the kitchen and the eating niche. I think Father had the entertainment room decorated with me in mind since it’s one of the few rooms I don’t mind being in for long periods of time.
I open one of the doors to be confronted with my obviously upset mother and father pacing like they were trying to wear a path into the carpet.
“You wanted me?” I ask them quietly as I really don’t have enough energy to put on a big attitude about being woken up.
“You have a lot of explaining to do Bill!” My mother screeches at me with a glare and finger pointed solely on me.
All I can do is just cock my eyebrow at her and place a hand on my hip, I’m not saying anything until I know more of what she is thinking but I can already tell she is fired up about something. It’s not often that I truly see my mother mad. Normally she is just irritated or annoyed. I think it’s one of the few traits we have in common.
“Do you have nothing to say for yourself or that delinquent you’re harboring in our home? For all we know he has stolen right under our nose!” She continues to screech at me once she realized I wasn’t going to say anything. It’s obvious this is going to take a while so I step fully into the room and firmly close the door firmly behind me. I don’t want Rosa or Tom to hear what I’m sure is going to escalate into a shouting match. I just hope I have the energy to deal with this shit storm brewing right in front of me.
“First of all Mother,” I start as I lean against the now closed doors with my arms crossed in front of my chest and my head resting against the high polished wood, “I have absolutely no clue what you are talking about. Secondly, I don’t appreciate Tom being called a delinquent. If I must remind you Mother, you are the one to invite him into this house in the first place.”
It’s true, but I wasn’t going to tell her about what’s going on between us and where I hope it continues to go.
She just snorts before taking a stance I am very familiar with. It’s one I’ve seen every time Mother feels the need to enlighten me on her feelings towards me and my current path in life. I haven’t seen it in a while thankfully, but it’s probably about time for it.
“I got a rather disturbing phone call early this morning from Mr. Rogerstein who claims that Tom physically assaulted him last night after which you both fled the party. He tried to find you, but you were no where to be found.” She tells me with a hysterical note edging in her voice. I glance over to Father who continues to pace in front of the dead fireplace, his hands shoved firmly in his front pockets and eyes focused on the floor.
“And you didn’t notice I was gone from the party last night?” I ask simply, my eyebrow still cocked up and arms still crossed. I wasn’t going to budge until I figured everything out. It’s of no surprise to me that Mr. Rogerstein is trying to put everything on Tom and me but we know the truth.
“I…I just assumed you had rejoined your little group.” She tells me quickly, still not backing down. Usually if I catch her up in the truth then she’ll back down.
“I’m sure, Mother.” I tell her simply with a sharp nod of my head telling her I don’t believe her for a second, but I won’t say anything yet.
“Well? Do you have anything to say for yourself? Mr. Rogerstein is highly upset by this and could jeopardize quite a few future business ventures coming up.” She says sharply with her extended foot now tapping on the one of a kind, very expensive Turkish rug.
I can’t help but laugh, of course business is coming up in this discussion. “Mother, Father” I say as I glance over at Father where he has now stopped his pacing with his attention fully on us now, “Did you bother to ask Mr. Rogertstein why Tom attacked him?” It’s the only question on my mind so I’ve got to give voice to it.
They both just stared at me as if I grew a second head. I can feel my entire body starting to vibrate under their gazes.
“Why should we?” Mother asks sharply as she seems to pull herself back together along with her gaze sharpening.
“I see. Well I’m going back to bed now.” I tell them softly as I wrap my arms around my stomach, as if to keep myself together, before turning my back on them and making my way out of the now suffocating room.
“Bill, wait!” My Father finally says as I’m about to shut the doors shut behind me. I freeze in my motions as this is probably the first time I can ever think of that he actually did anything without Mother’s express permission.
“What?” I ask softly, keeping my eyes down.
‘I just want to crawl back into bed next to Tom and let him make me forget again. His kiss made me feel so clean, I want that again. I can already feel the dirt starting to build up.’
“What caused Tom to attack Mr. Rogerstein?” He asks me softly, putting a firm hand on my now shaking shoulder. It almost appears as if he cares.
Looking up and meeting his gaze, I can see the deep concern as well as the shock. I don’t know why he seems shocked but it’s something I hold onto.
“He….” I start to say but my throat closes up at the mere thought of that night, “Tom was protecting me…..it was not unprovoked. He wouldn’t do that. Tom values life and the beauty of living.” My voice breaks as I try and talk but I can barely push anything out before I feel sobs start to over take me.
“Oh my little Billa!” Father mutters as he gathers me up in his arms. His cologne wraps around me and I feel like a little kid again that just has a bruised knee, “Don’t worry. Now let’s get you back to bed.”
For the first time in my memory, Father picks me up and carries me up the stairs to my bedroom. I don’t think he has ever stepped foot in my wing of rooms since we’ve moved in here a few years ago.
“Um…Father.” I say quietly as he reached for the door knob. Not wanting him to walk in and see Tom sleeping peacefully in my bed. He probably won’t take well to that as I’m not even sure if he is aware of my preferences.
“Yes, son” He simply replies with his hand just resting on the knob, not gripping it to turn anymore.
“I…..” I start to say but then loose my voice, not sure what to really say and not really wanting to lose this right now either. Being wrapped in my Father’s arms and held tight to him as something fragile. This is something I don’t remember ever feeling or experiencing.
“Nothing” I just say in return and just breath in deep to try and keep the smell of him close to me, to try and keep this very second embedded in my memory because in the next second this will probably be taken away from me.
“Alright” He simply says as he places a kiss on my forehead before turning the knob and pushing the door open.
Tom is still sleeping in my bed. He has changed positions to where he is now sleeping on his stomach with his face firmly planted in the pillow I was sleeping on. I can’t help my smile softly at the picture in front of me regardless of Father.
“I…I see” He says simply. I can feel his body stiffen underneath me as he lowers me down to my feet. The fear of what I will find on his face is so strong that I just wrap my arms back around my waist to try and keep everything together.
“Billa,” Father finally says with a hand on my chin, making me look at him. When I do, I just see acceptance and resignation painted firmly across his face. I let out a sigh of relief before I fling my arms around him. It’s one of my few uncontained moments of pure emotion. “You’re my son, Billa. I’ll love you regardless and I’m forever in awe at how strong you are.” He whispers in my ear as he hugs me fiercely to him.
“Bill?” I hear Tom’s sleep slur voice say follow by the rustling of the comforter.
Breaking from the hug, I turn around to see Tom sitting up in bed with his dreads truly looking like they’ve got a mind of their own.
“I’m here” I say quietly as I move from Father towards the bed where Tom’s arms automatically wrap me close to him. The safety of his embrace immediately causes me to relax.
“Wo bist du hingegangen?” Tom asks me with his eyes still closed, so he doesn’t know anyone else is in the room. He always talks in German when he is tired or partially asleep. Thankfully my German has greatly improved since he moved in.
“Just downstairs, Mother and Father wanted to talk about last night.” I respond softly but he obviously is awake enough to understand what I said because the moment I finish he is sitting up right in bed with his eye open and awake.
“Hello Tom.” I hear Father say from behind me. Looking behind I see the amusement on his features and the upturn of his lips lets me know he isn’t unhappy at all.
“Ha-Hello Herr.” Tom stutters out as he loosens his grip on me but still keeping me close as he rubs a hand over his face to try and wake himself up further. I can see him fight the urge to scratch the back of his head; he does that every time he wakes up.
“It’s good to finally get to meet you.” Father says with a slight laugh coloring his voice, glancing back towards I can see him rocking back and forth on his feet.
“Du as well.” Tom replies and I watch frown grace his face as he realizes his mistake with his speech, “Sorry. I….not so good when I wake up.”
“Do not worry Tom. I understand completely.” Father replies with a laugh and wave of his hand making light of the situation before he moves further into the room to sit at the foot of my bed
‘This should be a fun conversation…..probably not.’
~*~*~*~*~
German-English
ist - is
und - and
Gott - God
Herr - Sir
du - you
Wo bist du hingegangen? - Where did you go?
________
So....what do you guys think?
Should I bring in Bill's dad as a more pivitol character or push him back to the edges of the story?
Please tell me what you think, I love hearing 'em!
TBC.....
Chapter 17