(no subject)
Eh I don't know what's wrong with me but its like everything feels fake. Nothing seems real anymore. Its like I am withdrawn from everything and seeing my surroundings in a new light. I can't explain how it feels but its like I am not apart of anything and nothing matters and so on and so on. Am I lying to myself or is just everyone else. One has to wonder what the point is anymore. I think Hobbes was right when he described people as "brutish". His quote about human life just rings through my head constantly. That and Aristotles quote about how man expects to return evil with evil or less he feels his justice is loss. I dont like the kids here at my school. They look nice and friendly, but that is just a mask. For instance, there is one and everytime I say hello in passing just trying to be kind he just ignores me, but in class he is always talking to everyone. I can't even voice my thoughts in class because whenever I try to speak someone interrupts me. At first I thought it was just coincidence but I think it is really because I am an American because the same happens to the other US kids. If we do get a thought in it is quickly ridiculed by some one else. It is really beginning to piss me off. It just feels futile politics in general. The europeans here have excuses for everything but never any answers to problems. They insult America all the time but at least we think of solutions whether right or wrong. I thought I would be happy here but I feel isolated. Granted I am anti-social but back home at least I had a few friends to help forget about my troubles for a bit. I know I have no real problems but I can't but wonder why it is I never remember anything that makes me happy anymore. I can't sleep because all that runs through my head is fucking miserable thing that has happened to me. Is it supposed to be like this? I don't know. I guess it is. I don't think happiness exists. I think that anyone who does is probably in a worse case then me because they are starting to become dilusional believing there is something there that isn't. I think that ignorance is bliss and at times liek this I was wanna smah my head until i become ignorant maybe my life would get better then.