RP Log: Saeki & Bane Part 2 of 2
Date: A month or so ago
Rating: PG
Summary: Saeki goes to the hotel Bane is staying at to tell him it's time to go home and patch things up with his wife. The encounter doesn't go as planned and confessions are made.
Saeki had been fine on their little stroll across the room, too lost in thought and enjoying the odd moment of tenderness they had been sharing but as soon as he found himself off his feet and landing on the plush bed with Bane, he tensed and went wide-eyed once more. He didn’t know what the hell Bane was doing but Saeki was pretty sure lying in a bed together wasn’t going to help things if they wanted to keep to their decision of not being lovers anymore. The words being said in what he figured were meant to comfort were barely heard as the blue-eyed man froze while battling his horny inner demons. Bane had willingly brought them to the bed that had been the star location of several fantasies thought up since entering the room to see his friend in a towel that was soon dropped and now that they were both lying on it and already in each other’s arms, Saeki was having the damnedest time keeping his body as it was and not end up straddling the larger man.
“You are seriously testing my willpower and sanity, Bane,” Saeki warned through teeth clenched tight to keep back the moan of tight pants becoming even tighter in the crotch. Life was decidedly unfair to him that summer, he thought, recalling his lack of sex, the lack of Ryou in the online game he got them into playing and in general thanks to his mom, and the lack of seeing Bane in not-so-innocent ways. But now he was faced with something that could solve two of those complaints and he knew no matter what they may have wanted or how he would act himself, Saeki was sure Bane would stay a loyal husband and not do anything more than hold him like it sounded like he wanted.
“I recall you saying that if you were to cheat again, I’d be the only one you would do it with,” Saeki blurted out, still curious about that talk they had in what felt like code though he had another reason for saying such a thing as he relaxed again and moved in closer to the body he had laid against far too many times. That devious side wanted to know more of what Bane was thinking and if there was any chance he could sway the man into anything at all even though it went against everything he was working toward by acting as the middleman in a marriage he was still currently regretting giving his permission to. He blamed Rivalee for this mess. Why the hell did she agree right when Bane asked her? Couldn’t she have thought on it for a while and turned him down when she saw all the flaws in the plan?
“Join the club; I test mine all the time.” Like damn near every time he invited Saeki over for a family gathering, or when he dragged him out to have a drink at the bar. And if that wasn’t enough, he damn sure tested his willpower and sanity when he thought about how damn hot his best friend was and how he’d look even hotter spread out naked on that bed with him hovering above him, that body bare for his pleasure. Pleasures he’d damn well indulge with roaming hands set to explore every inch of naked flesh and a mouth that wouldn’t stop exploring with heated kisses or sharp little nips here and there.
Groaning, Bane shifted to get more comfortable with the growing hardness he knew he couldn’t hide thanks to his lack of clothes, which was something he probably needed to take care of by getting dressed or at least seeking out the boxers he knew laid somewhere scattered on the bed as Saeki had already started to unpack the items brought just for him. Yet, he wasn’t going to move an inch, until he answered the obvious volley that left a figurative ball in his court. “I didn’t cheat on Riv, Sae.” He felt he had to say, though he wished he didn’t have to. The whole damn mess was miserably unfair, especially since he had been on his best behavior for months, because as he had only stated online; if he was going to cheat it’d be with the sexy as hell Australian snuggling closer to the erection growing between them despite Bane’s silent orders to his body to behave.
“And if I did cheat, it wouldn’t be with some floozy from a bar but with you.” Maybe that would be a good enough confession for his best friend. He could hope anyway.
“I wasn’t accusing you,” Saeki snapped, annoyed that he had failed in his task of feeling Bane out and was instead heard as picking a fight or announcing doubt he didn’t have. Well, he had had doubt for all of two minutes when he called Rivalee that night to find out what had happened but then faith in his friend returned, especially when suspicions of Davide returning once more to Bane’s life were killed off. “I was trying to see where you stood right here and now. I wondered what you would do if I crawled on top of you and kissed you. I wondered what you would do if I gave you a hand job right now.” Why was his mouth running away on him so much that day? All Saeki could think was how lucky he was to have kept the secret of their affair as well as he had for as long as he had though he didn’t think he was quite as loose-lipped around others as he seemed to be around his annoying and dense friend.
Struggling to pull away from the body he had been working his way closer to in order to sit up, Saeki stared down into deep brown eyes he had seen narrowed in anger and soften with affection with everything in between-all of which aimed at him time and time again-and continued, “I wanted to know if your loyalties, devotion, and… love were as shaken as mine.” ‘Love’ didn’t seem to be the right word but he couldn’t think of anything else that fit and hoped his shock over the word stayed concealed though he suspected any look he held now could be written off as crazed or stunned carrying over from his earlier insanity rant.
“I’d probably end up breaking your sister’s heart if you touched me, and get back down here!” he snapped angrily, hand reaching out to make a grab for Saeki’s wrist, intending to pull the peeved Australian back into the curve of his body where Bane thought he belonged at that moment in time. “Here I am trying to steal some time with you and you’re making it incredibly difficult to do so, you git.” He wasn’t mad. In fact, he was far from it by the time his initial outburst was over, leaving brown eyes soulful and hungering as they met those of cerulean blue.
“And, if you want to know if I love you, then ask me, Sae… ask me.”
Saeki had been prepared to follow the motion of the pull on his wrist, compelled to curl up beside his friend and secret lover as he stole a little more time with the man but that statement made him freeze up, again. He was in mid-motion, halfway to lying down but his free hand shot out to brace his body and stop him, hovering over the space of the bed that was almost his as he gawked at Bane. “Ask you what?” He stammered, his fear of that word coming out in full force, startling him as he recalled all the fighting with Ryou and the confused emotions that took him months to sort through. Yet, hadn’t he just spent the last few weeks going through how he felt for his two friends? Hadn’t he already decided Ryou was his first love and someone he couldn’t ever forget or remove from his heart and Bane was something akin to his current love? What was so wrong in knowing that his odd feelings were returned?
What if they weren’t returned?
What if they were returned stronger than his own?
Damnit! He was bigger than some stupid fear he knew had developed in high school based on the belief those falling for him could do better than some wanker that flirted with everyone and couldn’t stay tied down for long. Stamping that fear back down and willing it to just die off completely, Saeki recomposed himself yet again and returned to the space of bed that he had been tossed onto before and resumed his nestling in against Bane as his mouth worked to form the words his mind told it to speak. “I thought I was fine with not knowing but… do you love me, Kaze-Bane?”
“You obviously weren’t fine with not knowing if you were trying to feel me out,” Bane teased softly as Saeki returned to his side. He prolonged the moment in which he would have to admit to his feelings, that moment where there would never be a return from by shifting and wriggling around, until he was fully turned onto his side. Going even further toward taking his own sweet time in getting to that point where his mouth would run away with him, he set about situating not only himself but the man beside him. Bane’s hands slid along slender hips, cupping each within his grasp once he managed to wedge one beneath his friend just for the sole purpose of dragging them closer together, and then he turned his attention to seeking out a hand to hold onto.
Honestly, back when he had come up with the bright idea of finding a wife and mother for his son that everyone involved in Keisuke’s life could approve of, he had not thought he would ever fall in love again, and especially not with Saeki. He was fucked. In fact, he had not only royally screwed Rivalee over with how wayward his heart was being but also the man beside him, because he was cheating Saeki in the end as well. Bane knew he would forever have to cheat him of the displays of affection that would have been Saeki’s due in any other circumstance, but with things as they were now the only way he could show how much he cared was with admitting the truth.
“Yeah, I love you, Sae.” He finally murmured huskily, breath catching with the fear that coiled in his gut. Those were words he was selfish with how much and how often he kept them to himself, hardly ever admitting his feelings for another aloud. Hell, he couldn’t even remember if he had ever told Davide how much he had loved him back then, but he was pretty sure he hadn’t. Want. Need. Lust for. Yeah, those he could easily admit and say without a qualm, because they didn’t matter. Those were things easily assuaged and sated, but love, now that was another story altogether. “As fucked as it is and as unfair as it is to Riv, I love you.”
He hadn't been feeling Bane out for a declaration of love, Saeki almost clarified, but just wanted to know what his thoughts were on the mess they had landed in. It didn't matter what he was aiming for after what Bane had said to get them on the topic they were now on and it really didn't matter once he heard the words that he was certain had just condemned them both. There was a small gnawing of fear in his stomach at being told he was loved like when Ryou had said it to him and just like with Ryou, knowing that made him oddly happy though he held back the smile to keep his face passive and unreadable to the man he so often had troubles reading. He was struggling with so much inner turmoil it was ridiculous and he could think of a few people that would laugh at him having such emotional troubles since he was supposed to be the laidback lover that flirted, got what he wanted, and moved on from the casual relations forged. He wasn't supposed to be trapped in a complicated mess with his sister and Bane while still thinking and worrying about Ryou.
Yet there he was, held close by Bane, knowing Ryou was important to him and would always have that piece of his heart he claimed with that first New Year's kiss, and considering betraying his sister's trust and affection again. They could continue their affair again, couldn't they? They both wanted each other and would continue to be careful since neither wanted to hurt Rivalee who had accused Bane of cheating with a woman and was convinced she was wrong without knowing how close to accurate she really was. Saeki knew he, at least, couldn't continue pretending there weren't any feelings between them and if nothing else came of what he was about to do, he figured one last kiss before they tried to behave again wouldn't hurt.
"You shouldn't have said that, Bane," he warned with a slow predator's grin sliding into place. Nothing more was said before Saeki shifted enough to be at eye level with Bane so he could press mouth against mouth in a kiss he yearned for and needed more than he had realised before the familiar taste and spark hit him. This, he knew, was just one more sin to send him straight to Hell. He was probably close to owning the thrown by now.
Bane would have chosen that thought to argue over if he were aware of it lurking within Saeki’s mind, but since he wasn’t then he could only assure himself that the sin of his response to those lips working over his was just one more to add to the long line that would assure him a place in Hell, if not the whole damn throne as he couldn’t find the willpower to push his friend away. Instead, his groan muffled against the mouth he opened to, allowing Saeki a few blessed moments of complete control, before he wrest it away with a thrust of tongue that parted their lips for the mating dance he began.
“I notice,” Bane growled on a breath, his teeth almost vicious as they clamped down on Saeki’s bottom lip a moment later to worry the soft flesh. “That you didn’t answer in kind.” Not that it mattered, because whether or not Saeki loved him didn’t, not when he knew about Ryou and his hold over the blue-eyed git, and even if it did matter, nothing could be done as there was Rivalee to stand between them still. Yet, one kiss would harm no one. Not him, not Saeki, not Ryou, and not the woman he would return to as he surely would upon the morrow. “And, when have I ever done what I should do?”
Hardly ever, much to the dismay of his mother.
Manners or a hope for more? Saeki couldn't say what the reason was only that his feet worked at kicking his shoes off until they fell to the floor with two soft clunks. With that mission a success he then followed his instinct to straddle Bane, shifting his body until one bare leg lay between his clothed ones as he continued battling for dominance over the kiss though he honestly couldn't care who led in that moment, only that it continued and he could enjoy it for as long as he could after so many months of not having it. Saeki also knew he was stalling in giving his friend the proper answer he so rightly deserved after the confession he had given but still wondered how much more he could push his luck with not having to answer.
Not too long at all, Saeki decided, mind already working its way through the complications yet again. He knew the answer he was supposed to give and the one that would be most welcome and accepted but still his fear of commitment--not that it mattered in this instance what with Bane's marriage and all--and what that one little word of affection brought. There were a lot of replies he could have gone with, like pointing out to Bane how many years it had taken Ryou to get a love confession but that didn't seem too appropriate in bringing up their friend that was now something like a rival in love to Bane. He could have also been honest with his confusion and stated how he thought what he was feeling was love but he lacked a true understanding of such a thing but that didn't feel right either. Since love was the one thing he definitely couldn't bring himself to lie about or lead someone on when they started feeling such things for him, in the end there really was only one right thing to say and Saeki knew without a doubt that this was different than past relationships where his lover went clingy and sentimental on him as there were feelings there and they felt far too similar to what he had for Ryou.
"You ask a lot of your best friend-slash-brother-in-law-slash-secret lover, mate," Saeki teased before a gasp caused by a sharp nip to his lip that he wasn't sure was lust-driven or punishment for his words. "I..." was it a betrayal to his feelings for Ryou to love someone else? That was one of the things that left Saeki confused about deeper relationships and wondered how he ended up where he was when casual flings had always been so much easier. He'd just add that to his list of sins if what he was doing was more wrong than how he already knew.
"I love you, Bane, even when you don't do what you should do... especially now, actually." He smirked against the mouth his tongue delved further into showing just in case Bane forgot in his own moment of confusion that Saeki definitely liked their stolen moment. He was so damned.
They were both so very damned, but most especially Bane. Saeki wasn’t the one that was married, nor was he dating anyone. Okay, maybe that wasn’t quite so true as the blue-eyed git had some sort of arrangement with Ryou that left him free to do as he wished, and while Bane couldn’t understand it (actually, he really didn’t care to understand it), he could certainly respect their decisions. Though, he thought that if Ryou knew of their tryst the raven-haired wildcat would geld them both, not only because he had strong feelings for Saeki but also because the bitchy brat knew Rivalee just as much as Bane did before their marriage, having grown up hanging around the Saeki household whenever he could steal away from home.
Yes, they were damned and he knew it better than most. “Damn,” he groaned against the mouth he plundered in return, shamelessly reaping the rewards of his thievery though guilt sat heavy in his stomach. “I fucked up our lives, mate.” Admitting such a screw up wasn’t easy for the control freak opening up to what he often thought was his only friend.
“We both did,” Saeki sighed against the mouth he would have continued enjoying if it wasn’t for the guilt of the moment catching him as well. He made a few twisting movements to symbolize his desire to be let go and rolled off of Bane onto the bed, lying on his back beside his best friend. Deep blue eyes stared unfocused up at the ceiling as Saeki struggled with desire, love, guilt, and even shame. “I didn’t come here to seduce you, just so you know,” he felt it had to be said before any accusations or even apologies started flying between them though he felt like he was about to apologize for his greed and starting the kiss that could have taken them so much further.
“I actually came to see how you were doing since you haven’t called and I wanted to make sure you were going back to my sister.” He shifted uncomfortably, lifting his weight off the bed so he could pull his messenger bag free, having forgotten the mess he had made on the bed of the items packed for his friend in the heat of the moment. Now, the bag was tossed to another spot on the bed as Saeki willed his body to join his mind in the cool down as he attempted to forget how much he wanted more and to definitely forget the love confessions they had just shared even though hearing Bane say what he did still made him smile.
On a sudden impulse, his head shot to its side as Saeki took in Bane from the up-close side view he had eyes wide with what he wouldn’t call desperation but perhaps need and still the hunger for more of what he had both started and ended, “But I don’t regret kissing you.”
“More me than you,” Bane replied quickly, far too honest with himself to let another take the blame for his screw ups. He grinned, despite the fact that he felt he had nothing to smile for in that moment, a bone deep weariness and melancholy hidden behind the sheepish curl of his lips. “If I knew then what I know now.”
Yet, did he really regret anything he’d done? No, because to say so would be to say he wasn’t looking forward to what the future held with Rivalee and the child that would soon occupy his arms, and maybe that made him the worst sort of man ever. However, he really couldn’t wish away the last year or so, even if his heart had turned traitorous on him deciding to set its sights on Saeki of all things. Suddenly, he met wide eyes with a glance that barely betrayed the hunger their inopportune kiss spawned, one hand making a grab for a pair of boxers dangling over the side of the messenger bag just shoved aside. “I know you didn’t come here to seduce me,” a comment that made him wonder if he would be that easy to seduce. Probably, which shamed Bane all the more as he shifted around and worked his way into the garment that would shield him from those eyes he liked to see hazed with passion and lust. Once he was dressed somewhat appropriately, he found his way back to his previous spot beside Saeki, wasted little time in sneaking strong arms around the slender form next to him, and then settled down with dragging the man closer.
Maybe that kiss never should have happened, and maybe he was the worst sort of player to be married and in love with someone else, but he was still honorable enough to keep what transpired between them this time to an innocent level. Snuggling was about as innocent as it could get for the brown-eyed Australian that could think of a hundred other ways he’d rather spend that time, all of them so x-rated he was almost certain they’d even be banned from porn flicks. “Yeah, I’m going home to Riv,” Bane suddenly forced out, trying to drag his mind away from the gutter it was quickly dropping into. “And I don’t regret it either.”
He really did take his vows to the woman waiting at home for him seriously, despite everything. Saeki had to know that more than any other, and even if no one else thought so he, at least, knew the truth. That had to be enough, because asking for more was impossible.
“If you knew then what you know now,” Saeki echoed, mind still reliving the moment he watched the way Bane had slipped boxers on to cover the length the pink-haired man could easily see himself sucking off even now as they were oddly sweet and cuddling while discussing things that were anything but bedroom talk, “you wouldn’t do anything different.” He hated to say it but there was a ring of truth to his words and Saeki knew it. Bane was surprisingly honourable and after the wench of a woman he married the first go around died and the families began harassing him for him to either hand Keisuke over or find a suitable mother to look after their grandson especially while Bane studied to be a doctor… he would have obeyed. He would have known it was right for his son to have a mother in his life and he would know it would be easier for everyone concerned (and not) that he marry and be in love with a woman and not a man-not his best friend. His best friend’s sister? Much more appropriate.
Not to mention Ryou’s stake on him coming along before Bane and Saeki’s feelings for each other appeared and before Saeki knew he had feelings for the sneaky little fox he rescued in the park that fateful day. Bane and Ryou didn’t get along but they did try when around Saeki, knowing it would make things difficult on him and Saeki could see Bane keeping his mouth shut about his feelings to keep things less complicated. Well, maybe not, Saeki amended as he knew his friend’s stubborn and selfish streaks were as bad as his own. Damnit, it didn’t matter what could have been or how things would have played out if any one thing was done differently since neither of them could play with time and change the past. They were stuck with the mess they were now in with only themselves to blame and a goal to keep no one from knowing what they had done before and wished they could continue doing.
“When you’re finished dressing, I’ll drive you home to your wife,” not that he had any experience, but saying such a thing currently felt like he was having his teeth pulled. He really didn’t want to take Bane home and didn’t want to leave the side he was curled against like so many times before after sex that left him tired and sometimes even weak-though he never admitted that to Bane even with all the teasing. Getting his idiot of a friend to return to reality was the goal he had charged himself with and while it seemed like he was successful, Saeki already plotted on ways to delay the trip and was making plans to get together even on an innocent level like they had been doing the last several months.
He was pathetic and sighed at the state he was in deciding a little joking around was needed to lighten the mood, “maybe I will let you take all the blame. I don’t like the taste of this being at fault thing.”
“You’re probably right.” Bane admitted with a heavy sigh, arm tightening around the slender body nestled close to his as home was once again mentioned. He knew he needed to go back, should go back, was going to go back. However, he wasn’t quite ready to face the mess that awaited him there. Maybe that made him a coward, but Rivalee had been the one to toss him out, and when would he ever get another chance to simply enjoy Saeki’s company without the fear of someone noticing if he looked toward his friend and brother-in-law one second too long for it to be appropriate, or quell beneath the fear they would note the hunger in his eyes for what it was?
“Alright, when I’m finished dressing, but that isn’t going to be until in the morning.” He announced, knowing his greedy selfishness for what it was and sinking beneath the guilt he rightfully deserved to feel. “And feel free to blame me for everything; I’m good at shouldering it, especially when it is my fault.” Bane tried to tease in answer, small grin beginning to grow as he was almost certain Saeki would protest his staying gone another night when he had come with the plan to cart his ass home to the lovely woman waiting for him.
"I should have known you would be stubborn enough to still stay until you were ready," Saeki replied with a hint of annoyance that was merely put on which his smile and his following statement showed, "and we know I'm selfish enough to steal more of your time in any way I deem fit which just so happens to match how we're lying right now." He would get Bane back to his wife, this Saeki didn't doubt anymore thanks to their hashing things out and, oddly, their confessions. They now knew where each other stood and while they couldn't do anything about it publically and perhaps not even privately anymore, just knowing the truth seemed to be enough.
"As I imagine you've been living off of it the last few days, how's the room service?" He wasn't up to further discussing the blame of their situation or being so gloomy and knowing his friend like he did, Saeki knew bringing up food and hinting that he was going to stay a little longer would be the perfect subject change.
“Fucking awful,” Bane complained good naturedly, his grin fast in coming now that he knew he could have just a little longer with his best friend that he thought of as much more, despite the very real possibility of never having more than what they had now. The confession, while far too late in coming and now left them both with an inability to do anything more than accept their situations, seemed to lighten the heaviness in his heart. If nothing else, Saeki knew how he felt about him and would never have to wonder whether he would cheat on his sister.
“I vote we order from somewhere else and stay in.” He would be quite happy to stay just as he was for the rest of that night, and then return home on the morrow free of guilt or anger, because he wasn’t doing anything wrong in spending time with his brother-in-law so innocently. It could have been much worse, after all.
“I’ll have to tell my dad about that,” Saeki commented without much thought to it since his father’s company owned the hotel he had set Bane up in for a few days thinking it would have the best service and needs for his friend. The room, he had noted from his looking around earlier and his own personal uses in the past provided everything a man could need as he hid away sulking but he would have the food looked into and verify the staff had been treating his friend registered under the owner’s son’s name was being treated with the utmost respect.
Right now, he had other things to worry about, or rather, to enjoy. He had an evening to hang out with his best friend and not worry about any sort of interruptions or even wonder what the other man was thinking about him. Their feelings had been aired and as frightening a thought as that was, Saeki also felt a weight lifted as they now had no doubts about where the other stood anymore. “I know a great Italian restaurant that will deliver if you’re up to it. Then again, I’ll suffer through pizza if you would rather be informal in typical guys’ night in style.” He really didn’t mind pizza and Bane would know that as well. It was all about their casual banter that had always been a part of their friendship since day one and tonight was all about relaxing and reaffirming nothing had changed at the same time everything had. He could already predict Bane’s next comment as well. There would be good-natured grumping about the fancy-ass food selection being too prissy and not manly but in an hour or so they would still be eating delicious pasta with dessert waiting in the wings. Bane had always been a surprisingly good friend like that. It was easy to see where his feelings had started being built from now, Saeki mused with a grin.
Rating: PG
Summary: Saeki goes to the hotel Bane is staying at to tell him it's time to go home and patch things up with his wife. The encounter doesn't go as planned and confessions are made.
Saeki had been fine on their little stroll across the room, too lost in thought and enjoying the odd moment of tenderness they had been sharing but as soon as he found himself off his feet and landing on the plush bed with Bane, he tensed and went wide-eyed once more. He didn’t know what the hell Bane was doing but Saeki was pretty sure lying in a bed together wasn’t going to help things if they wanted to keep to their decision of not being lovers anymore. The words being said in what he figured were meant to comfort were barely heard as the blue-eyed man froze while battling his horny inner demons. Bane had willingly brought them to the bed that had been the star location of several fantasies thought up since entering the room to see his friend in a towel that was soon dropped and now that they were both lying on it and already in each other’s arms, Saeki was having the damnedest time keeping his body as it was and not end up straddling the larger man.
“You are seriously testing my willpower and sanity, Bane,” Saeki warned through teeth clenched tight to keep back the moan of tight pants becoming even tighter in the crotch. Life was decidedly unfair to him that summer, he thought, recalling his lack of sex, the lack of Ryou in the online game he got them into playing and in general thanks to his mom, and the lack of seeing Bane in not-so-innocent ways. But now he was faced with something that could solve two of those complaints and he knew no matter what they may have wanted or how he would act himself, Saeki was sure Bane would stay a loyal husband and not do anything more than hold him like it sounded like he wanted.
“I recall you saying that if you were to cheat again, I’d be the only one you would do it with,” Saeki blurted out, still curious about that talk they had in what felt like code though he had another reason for saying such a thing as he relaxed again and moved in closer to the body he had laid against far too many times. That devious side wanted to know more of what Bane was thinking and if there was any chance he could sway the man into anything at all even though it went against everything he was working toward by acting as the middleman in a marriage he was still currently regretting giving his permission to. He blamed Rivalee for this mess. Why the hell did she agree right when Bane asked her? Couldn’t she have thought on it for a while and turned him down when she saw all the flaws in the plan?
“Join the club; I test mine all the time.” Like damn near every time he invited Saeki over for a family gathering, or when he dragged him out to have a drink at the bar. And if that wasn’t enough, he damn sure tested his willpower and sanity when he thought about how damn hot his best friend was and how he’d look even hotter spread out naked on that bed with him hovering above him, that body bare for his pleasure. Pleasures he’d damn well indulge with roaming hands set to explore every inch of naked flesh and a mouth that wouldn’t stop exploring with heated kisses or sharp little nips here and there.
Groaning, Bane shifted to get more comfortable with the growing hardness he knew he couldn’t hide thanks to his lack of clothes, which was something he probably needed to take care of by getting dressed or at least seeking out the boxers he knew laid somewhere scattered on the bed as Saeki had already started to unpack the items brought just for him. Yet, he wasn’t going to move an inch, until he answered the obvious volley that left a figurative ball in his court. “I didn’t cheat on Riv, Sae.” He felt he had to say, though he wished he didn’t have to. The whole damn mess was miserably unfair, especially since he had been on his best behavior for months, because as he had only stated online; if he was going to cheat it’d be with the sexy as hell Australian snuggling closer to the erection growing between them despite Bane’s silent orders to his body to behave.
“And if I did cheat, it wouldn’t be with some floozy from a bar but with you.” Maybe that would be a good enough confession for his best friend. He could hope anyway.
“I wasn’t accusing you,” Saeki snapped, annoyed that he had failed in his task of feeling Bane out and was instead heard as picking a fight or announcing doubt he didn’t have. Well, he had had doubt for all of two minutes when he called Rivalee that night to find out what had happened but then faith in his friend returned, especially when suspicions of Davide returning once more to Bane’s life were killed off. “I was trying to see where you stood right here and now. I wondered what you would do if I crawled on top of you and kissed you. I wondered what you would do if I gave you a hand job right now.” Why was his mouth running away on him so much that day? All Saeki could think was how lucky he was to have kept the secret of their affair as well as he had for as long as he had though he didn’t think he was quite as loose-lipped around others as he seemed to be around his annoying and dense friend.
Struggling to pull away from the body he had been working his way closer to in order to sit up, Saeki stared down into deep brown eyes he had seen narrowed in anger and soften with affection with everything in between-all of which aimed at him time and time again-and continued, “I wanted to know if your loyalties, devotion, and… love were as shaken as mine.” ‘Love’ didn’t seem to be the right word but he couldn’t think of anything else that fit and hoped his shock over the word stayed concealed though he suspected any look he held now could be written off as crazed or stunned carrying over from his earlier insanity rant.
“I’d probably end up breaking your sister’s heart if you touched me, and get back down here!” he snapped angrily, hand reaching out to make a grab for Saeki’s wrist, intending to pull the peeved Australian back into the curve of his body where Bane thought he belonged at that moment in time. “Here I am trying to steal some time with you and you’re making it incredibly difficult to do so, you git.” He wasn’t mad. In fact, he was far from it by the time his initial outburst was over, leaving brown eyes soulful and hungering as they met those of cerulean blue.
“And, if you want to know if I love you, then ask me, Sae… ask me.”
Saeki had been prepared to follow the motion of the pull on his wrist, compelled to curl up beside his friend and secret lover as he stole a little more time with the man but that statement made him freeze up, again. He was in mid-motion, halfway to lying down but his free hand shot out to brace his body and stop him, hovering over the space of the bed that was almost his as he gawked at Bane. “Ask you what?” He stammered, his fear of that word coming out in full force, startling him as he recalled all the fighting with Ryou and the confused emotions that took him months to sort through. Yet, hadn’t he just spent the last few weeks going through how he felt for his two friends? Hadn’t he already decided Ryou was his first love and someone he couldn’t ever forget or remove from his heart and Bane was something akin to his current love? What was so wrong in knowing that his odd feelings were returned?
What if they weren’t returned?
What if they were returned stronger than his own?
Damnit! He was bigger than some stupid fear he knew had developed in high school based on the belief those falling for him could do better than some wanker that flirted with everyone and couldn’t stay tied down for long. Stamping that fear back down and willing it to just die off completely, Saeki recomposed himself yet again and returned to the space of bed that he had been tossed onto before and resumed his nestling in against Bane as his mouth worked to form the words his mind told it to speak. “I thought I was fine with not knowing but… do you love me, Kaze-Bane?”
“You obviously weren’t fine with not knowing if you were trying to feel me out,” Bane teased softly as Saeki returned to his side. He prolonged the moment in which he would have to admit to his feelings, that moment where there would never be a return from by shifting and wriggling around, until he was fully turned onto his side. Going even further toward taking his own sweet time in getting to that point where his mouth would run away with him, he set about situating not only himself but the man beside him. Bane’s hands slid along slender hips, cupping each within his grasp once he managed to wedge one beneath his friend just for the sole purpose of dragging them closer together, and then he turned his attention to seeking out a hand to hold onto.
Honestly, back when he had come up with the bright idea of finding a wife and mother for his son that everyone involved in Keisuke’s life could approve of, he had not thought he would ever fall in love again, and especially not with Saeki. He was fucked. In fact, he had not only royally screwed Rivalee over with how wayward his heart was being but also the man beside him, because he was cheating Saeki in the end as well. Bane knew he would forever have to cheat him of the displays of affection that would have been Saeki’s due in any other circumstance, but with things as they were now the only way he could show how much he cared was with admitting the truth.
“Yeah, I love you, Sae.” He finally murmured huskily, breath catching with the fear that coiled in his gut. Those were words he was selfish with how much and how often he kept them to himself, hardly ever admitting his feelings for another aloud. Hell, he couldn’t even remember if he had ever told Davide how much he had loved him back then, but he was pretty sure he hadn’t. Want. Need. Lust for. Yeah, those he could easily admit and say without a qualm, because they didn’t matter. Those were things easily assuaged and sated, but love, now that was another story altogether. “As fucked as it is and as unfair as it is to Riv, I love you.”
He hadn't been feeling Bane out for a declaration of love, Saeki almost clarified, but just wanted to know what his thoughts were on the mess they had landed in. It didn't matter what he was aiming for after what Bane had said to get them on the topic they were now on and it really didn't matter once he heard the words that he was certain had just condemned them both. There was a small gnawing of fear in his stomach at being told he was loved like when Ryou had said it to him and just like with Ryou, knowing that made him oddly happy though he held back the smile to keep his face passive and unreadable to the man he so often had troubles reading. He was struggling with so much inner turmoil it was ridiculous and he could think of a few people that would laugh at him having such emotional troubles since he was supposed to be the laidback lover that flirted, got what he wanted, and moved on from the casual relations forged. He wasn't supposed to be trapped in a complicated mess with his sister and Bane while still thinking and worrying about Ryou.
Yet there he was, held close by Bane, knowing Ryou was important to him and would always have that piece of his heart he claimed with that first New Year's kiss, and considering betraying his sister's trust and affection again. They could continue their affair again, couldn't they? They both wanted each other and would continue to be careful since neither wanted to hurt Rivalee who had accused Bane of cheating with a woman and was convinced she was wrong without knowing how close to accurate she really was. Saeki knew he, at least, couldn't continue pretending there weren't any feelings between them and if nothing else came of what he was about to do, he figured one last kiss before they tried to behave again wouldn't hurt.
"You shouldn't have said that, Bane," he warned with a slow predator's grin sliding into place. Nothing more was said before Saeki shifted enough to be at eye level with Bane so he could press mouth against mouth in a kiss he yearned for and needed more than he had realised before the familiar taste and spark hit him. This, he knew, was just one more sin to send him straight to Hell. He was probably close to owning the thrown by now.
Bane would have chosen that thought to argue over if he were aware of it lurking within Saeki’s mind, but since he wasn’t then he could only assure himself that the sin of his response to those lips working over his was just one more to add to the long line that would assure him a place in Hell, if not the whole damn throne as he couldn’t find the willpower to push his friend away. Instead, his groan muffled against the mouth he opened to, allowing Saeki a few blessed moments of complete control, before he wrest it away with a thrust of tongue that parted their lips for the mating dance he began.
“I notice,” Bane growled on a breath, his teeth almost vicious as they clamped down on Saeki’s bottom lip a moment later to worry the soft flesh. “That you didn’t answer in kind.” Not that it mattered, because whether or not Saeki loved him didn’t, not when he knew about Ryou and his hold over the blue-eyed git, and even if it did matter, nothing could be done as there was Rivalee to stand between them still. Yet, one kiss would harm no one. Not him, not Saeki, not Ryou, and not the woman he would return to as he surely would upon the morrow. “And, when have I ever done what I should do?”
Hardly ever, much to the dismay of his mother.
Manners or a hope for more? Saeki couldn't say what the reason was only that his feet worked at kicking his shoes off until they fell to the floor with two soft clunks. With that mission a success he then followed his instinct to straddle Bane, shifting his body until one bare leg lay between his clothed ones as he continued battling for dominance over the kiss though he honestly couldn't care who led in that moment, only that it continued and he could enjoy it for as long as he could after so many months of not having it. Saeki also knew he was stalling in giving his friend the proper answer he so rightly deserved after the confession he had given but still wondered how much more he could push his luck with not having to answer.
Not too long at all, Saeki decided, mind already working its way through the complications yet again. He knew the answer he was supposed to give and the one that would be most welcome and accepted but still his fear of commitment--not that it mattered in this instance what with Bane's marriage and all--and what that one little word of affection brought. There were a lot of replies he could have gone with, like pointing out to Bane how many years it had taken Ryou to get a love confession but that didn't seem too appropriate in bringing up their friend that was now something like a rival in love to Bane. He could have also been honest with his confusion and stated how he thought what he was feeling was love but he lacked a true understanding of such a thing but that didn't feel right either. Since love was the one thing he definitely couldn't bring himself to lie about or lead someone on when they started feeling such things for him, in the end there really was only one right thing to say and Saeki knew without a doubt that this was different than past relationships where his lover went clingy and sentimental on him as there were feelings there and they felt far too similar to what he had for Ryou.
"You ask a lot of your best friend-slash-brother-in-law-slash-secret lover, mate," Saeki teased before a gasp caused by a sharp nip to his lip that he wasn't sure was lust-driven or punishment for his words. "I..." was it a betrayal to his feelings for Ryou to love someone else? That was one of the things that left Saeki confused about deeper relationships and wondered how he ended up where he was when casual flings had always been so much easier. He'd just add that to his list of sins if what he was doing was more wrong than how he already knew.
"I love you, Bane, even when you don't do what you should do... especially now, actually." He smirked against the mouth his tongue delved further into showing just in case Bane forgot in his own moment of confusion that Saeki definitely liked their stolen moment. He was so damned.
They were both so very damned, but most especially Bane. Saeki wasn’t the one that was married, nor was he dating anyone. Okay, maybe that wasn’t quite so true as the blue-eyed git had some sort of arrangement with Ryou that left him free to do as he wished, and while Bane couldn’t understand it (actually, he really didn’t care to understand it), he could certainly respect their decisions. Though, he thought that if Ryou knew of their tryst the raven-haired wildcat would geld them both, not only because he had strong feelings for Saeki but also because the bitchy brat knew Rivalee just as much as Bane did before their marriage, having grown up hanging around the Saeki household whenever he could steal away from home.
Yes, they were damned and he knew it better than most. “Damn,” he groaned against the mouth he plundered in return, shamelessly reaping the rewards of his thievery though guilt sat heavy in his stomach. “I fucked up our lives, mate.” Admitting such a screw up wasn’t easy for the control freak opening up to what he often thought was his only friend.
“We both did,” Saeki sighed against the mouth he would have continued enjoying if it wasn’t for the guilt of the moment catching him as well. He made a few twisting movements to symbolize his desire to be let go and rolled off of Bane onto the bed, lying on his back beside his best friend. Deep blue eyes stared unfocused up at the ceiling as Saeki struggled with desire, love, guilt, and even shame. “I didn’t come here to seduce you, just so you know,” he felt it had to be said before any accusations or even apologies started flying between them though he felt like he was about to apologize for his greed and starting the kiss that could have taken them so much further.
“I actually came to see how you were doing since you haven’t called and I wanted to make sure you were going back to my sister.” He shifted uncomfortably, lifting his weight off the bed so he could pull his messenger bag free, having forgotten the mess he had made on the bed of the items packed for his friend in the heat of the moment. Now, the bag was tossed to another spot on the bed as Saeki willed his body to join his mind in the cool down as he attempted to forget how much he wanted more and to definitely forget the love confessions they had just shared even though hearing Bane say what he did still made him smile.
On a sudden impulse, his head shot to its side as Saeki took in Bane from the up-close side view he had eyes wide with what he wouldn’t call desperation but perhaps need and still the hunger for more of what he had both started and ended, “But I don’t regret kissing you.”
“More me than you,” Bane replied quickly, far too honest with himself to let another take the blame for his screw ups. He grinned, despite the fact that he felt he had nothing to smile for in that moment, a bone deep weariness and melancholy hidden behind the sheepish curl of his lips. “If I knew then what I know now.”
Yet, did he really regret anything he’d done? No, because to say so would be to say he wasn’t looking forward to what the future held with Rivalee and the child that would soon occupy his arms, and maybe that made him the worst sort of man ever. However, he really couldn’t wish away the last year or so, even if his heart had turned traitorous on him deciding to set its sights on Saeki of all things. Suddenly, he met wide eyes with a glance that barely betrayed the hunger their inopportune kiss spawned, one hand making a grab for a pair of boxers dangling over the side of the messenger bag just shoved aside. “I know you didn’t come here to seduce me,” a comment that made him wonder if he would be that easy to seduce. Probably, which shamed Bane all the more as he shifted around and worked his way into the garment that would shield him from those eyes he liked to see hazed with passion and lust. Once he was dressed somewhat appropriately, he found his way back to his previous spot beside Saeki, wasted little time in sneaking strong arms around the slender form next to him, and then settled down with dragging the man closer.
Maybe that kiss never should have happened, and maybe he was the worst sort of player to be married and in love with someone else, but he was still honorable enough to keep what transpired between them this time to an innocent level. Snuggling was about as innocent as it could get for the brown-eyed Australian that could think of a hundred other ways he’d rather spend that time, all of them so x-rated he was almost certain they’d even be banned from porn flicks. “Yeah, I’m going home to Riv,” Bane suddenly forced out, trying to drag his mind away from the gutter it was quickly dropping into. “And I don’t regret it either.”
He really did take his vows to the woman waiting at home for him seriously, despite everything. Saeki had to know that more than any other, and even if no one else thought so he, at least, knew the truth. That had to be enough, because asking for more was impossible.
“If you knew then what you know now,” Saeki echoed, mind still reliving the moment he watched the way Bane had slipped boxers on to cover the length the pink-haired man could easily see himself sucking off even now as they were oddly sweet and cuddling while discussing things that were anything but bedroom talk, “you wouldn’t do anything different.” He hated to say it but there was a ring of truth to his words and Saeki knew it. Bane was surprisingly honourable and after the wench of a woman he married the first go around died and the families began harassing him for him to either hand Keisuke over or find a suitable mother to look after their grandson especially while Bane studied to be a doctor… he would have obeyed. He would have known it was right for his son to have a mother in his life and he would know it would be easier for everyone concerned (and not) that he marry and be in love with a woman and not a man-not his best friend. His best friend’s sister? Much more appropriate.
Not to mention Ryou’s stake on him coming along before Bane and Saeki’s feelings for each other appeared and before Saeki knew he had feelings for the sneaky little fox he rescued in the park that fateful day. Bane and Ryou didn’t get along but they did try when around Saeki, knowing it would make things difficult on him and Saeki could see Bane keeping his mouth shut about his feelings to keep things less complicated. Well, maybe not, Saeki amended as he knew his friend’s stubborn and selfish streaks were as bad as his own. Damnit, it didn’t matter what could have been or how things would have played out if any one thing was done differently since neither of them could play with time and change the past. They were stuck with the mess they were now in with only themselves to blame and a goal to keep no one from knowing what they had done before and wished they could continue doing.
“When you’re finished dressing, I’ll drive you home to your wife,” not that he had any experience, but saying such a thing currently felt like he was having his teeth pulled. He really didn’t want to take Bane home and didn’t want to leave the side he was curled against like so many times before after sex that left him tired and sometimes even weak-though he never admitted that to Bane even with all the teasing. Getting his idiot of a friend to return to reality was the goal he had charged himself with and while it seemed like he was successful, Saeki already plotted on ways to delay the trip and was making plans to get together even on an innocent level like they had been doing the last several months.
He was pathetic and sighed at the state he was in deciding a little joking around was needed to lighten the mood, “maybe I will let you take all the blame. I don’t like the taste of this being at fault thing.”
“You’re probably right.” Bane admitted with a heavy sigh, arm tightening around the slender body nestled close to his as home was once again mentioned. He knew he needed to go back, should go back, was going to go back. However, he wasn’t quite ready to face the mess that awaited him there. Maybe that made him a coward, but Rivalee had been the one to toss him out, and when would he ever get another chance to simply enjoy Saeki’s company without the fear of someone noticing if he looked toward his friend and brother-in-law one second too long for it to be appropriate, or quell beneath the fear they would note the hunger in his eyes for what it was?
“Alright, when I’m finished dressing, but that isn’t going to be until in the morning.” He announced, knowing his greedy selfishness for what it was and sinking beneath the guilt he rightfully deserved to feel. “And feel free to blame me for everything; I’m good at shouldering it, especially when it is my fault.” Bane tried to tease in answer, small grin beginning to grow as he was almost certain Saeki would protest his staying gone another night when he had come with the plan to cart his ass home to the lovely woman waiting for him.
"I should have known you would be stubborn enough to still stay until you were ready," Saeki replied with a hint of annoyance that was merely put on which his smile and his following statement showed, "and we know I'm selfish enough to steal more of your time in any way I deem fit which just so happens to match how we're lying right now." He would get Bane back to his wife, this Saeki didn't doubt anymore thanks to their hashing things out and, oddly, their confessions. They now knew where each other stood and while they couldn't do anything about it publically and perhaps not even privately anymore, just knowing the truth seemed to be enough.
"As I imagine you've been living off of it the last few days, how's the room service?" He wasn't up to further discussing the blame of their situation or being so gloomy and knowing his friend like he did, Saeki knew bringing up food and hinting that he was going to stay a little longer would be the perfect subject change.
“Fucking awful,” Bane complained good naturedly, his grin fast in coming now that he knew he could have just a little longer with his best friend that he thought of as much more, despite the very real possibility of never having more than what they had now. The confession, while far too late in coming and now left them both with an inability to do anything more than accept their situations, seemed to lighten the heaviness in his heart. If nothing else, Saeki knew how he felt about him and would never have to wonder whether he would cheat on his sister.
“I vote we order from somewhere else and stay in.” He would be quite happy to stay just as he was for the rest of that night, and then return home on the morrow free of guilt or anger, because he wasn’t doing anything wrong in spending time with his brother-in-law so innocently. It could have been much worse, after all.
“I’ll have to tell my dad about that,” Saeki commented without much thought to it since his father’s company owned the hotel he had set Bane up in for a few days thinking it would have the best service and needs for his friend. The room, he had noted from his looking around earlier and his own personal uses in the past provided everything a man could need as he hid away sulking but he would have the food looked into and verify the staff had been treating his friend registered under the owner’s son’s name was being treated with the utmost respect.
Right now, he had other things to worry about, or rather, to enjoy. He had an evening to hang out with his best friend and not worry about any sort of interruptions or even wonder what the other man was thinking about him. Their feelings had been aired and as frightening a thought as that was, Saeki also felt a weight lifted as they now had no doubts about where the other stood anymore. “I know a great Italian restaurant that will deliver if you’re up to it. Then again, I’ll suffer through pizza if you would rather be informal in typical guys’ night in style.” He really didn’t mind pizza and Bane would know that as well. It was all about their casual banter that had always been a part of their friendship since day one and tonight was all about relaxing and reaffirming nothing had changed at the same time everything had. He could already predict Bane’s next comment as well. There would be good-natured grumping about the fancy-ass food selection being too prissy and not manly but in an hour or so they would still be eating delicious pasta with dessert waiting in the wings. Bane had always been a surprisingly good friend like that. It was easy to see where his feelings had started being built from now, Saeki mused with a grin.